"That's a very nice shirt you're wearing..." ( long stare to follow)

Oy, some background on me.

I just turned 19 last week, and I'm in college ( I have an A.A.). I'm not really interested in girls, unless it's to be friends or so...not saying that a decent relationship would be too bad...

With that said :

I'm re-taking a college math class for the summer, and as such is usually the case, the girls in my class(es) range from pretty, prettier, and drop-dead-gorgeous. I know that most are superficial and conceited, so that's why I leave these chicks alone....(i've other reasons as well). Anyway, the prof steps out to make copies, so everyone starts talking. As I'm working on our assignment I can't help but notice that this one particular girl is giving me one of those long hard stares....something I'm not used to. So I make full eye contact and say "hello". To which she replies with " that's a very nice shirt you're wearing"...then came more staring.

So I'm pretty much thinking...ok is this girl genuinely interested, or what? I didn't think she wanted a lengthy conversation, so I thought it wise to say something short. I respond with " thanks". After-which there was more staring and smiling...and then finally I say " I got it when I was in D.C.". At this point the prof comes in, and we resume our normal routine. During the rest of class, I took a few glances in her direction, and each time, found her giving me this funny look. Was she disappointed, or confused? Or simply pissed that I wasn't more of a genius with words, so as to complement her?

I thought it was considered cheesy when someone compliments you on something, and you, respond with a complement...even if there's nothing really special about the individual (I do get quite a few compliments on that shirt). I mean, she wasn't wearing anything spectacular...but she was pretty. I pretty much didn't know what to say, let alone, how to handle the situation.

Did I screw up? Or am I just making too big a deal of it all?
What would some of you guys have said?

Thanks, and sorry that it's somewhat of a long read.

She was wondering why you didn't pursue things and hoping that you would pursue it.

She'll either make the effort again or not, not is the more likely option. The ball is in your court.

after class, you should have pulled her aside and said something like

Well I didnt want to tell the story while people were around, but I was given this shirt when I saved a bus of orphans from falling off a bridge (if you prefer to be the sensitive type)

OR

I was took this shirt off of a guy named Hank. It took a while to get the bloodstains out. Can you still see them?

Haha, +1 to you good sir!

^^^ Hehehehehe...Hank.

Dude, next time you see her just compliment her on something. Then ask her if she wants to go out sometime.

Easy as that really.

Invite her out for coffee, or to eat a bunch of caramels or something.
I bet she'd like that.
And yes, it is a bit cheesy to compliment a compliment, but everyone likes complimets. Conversation is improv theatre, always reply with a 'yes, and' style response!

Wow is this your first time a girl actually said anything to you?

Fuck it, why even make a long post about it? It's nothing, goddamn I feel bad for people on this planet.

You heard the woman. She speaks nothing but truth.

You are an idiot.

So this girl is genuinely interested in you, SHE takes the first step to broke the ice, compliments you, and you just say "i got it in d.c." and ignore her?

what kind of antisocial psychopat are you?

A return compliment should have been in order. Not very creative but at least it wouldnt have been as awkward.

I agree that my response was, perhaps, a little wrong. But I was kinda caught off guard there. I was trying to figure out her intent, and respond accordingly...and if she was interested, I didn't want to respond with something cheesy. But yes, I should've complemented her...even if only out of courtesy. But you know, in the back of my mind, I was thinking that she was just messing with me just because she could...and I wasn't going to be made a fool of again. I'm not justifying what I said, as I really have no need to, but I could've acted differently so as to bring about a different reaction from the girl. I'll feel her out (fig) tomorrow while in class.

But given the situation, what would some of you more reserved guys would've said?


all in all, lesson learned...

to eat a bunch of caramels

What is that from it sounds really familiar.

The right answer to this question would have been "thanks, but it would probably look a lot better on your bedroom floor". And yes guys, that line DOES work! : )

Now obviously from your social inadequacy you are light years away from an answer like that. I have no fuckin clue what is so special about this shirt, but she DID give you an ice breaker. So to keep a longer convo going you should have said....."thanks, are you a Yankees fan too?." Or Scarface fan. Or New Kids On the Block. Or whatever the fuck it was that made this shirt stand out.

Hopefully, you get the idea....but I strongly doubt it.

The problem or situation in question was...that I didn't know how I should've approached this...but I do now

Why?: Because I couldn't quite assess the motives of the girl

Now perhaps if I were the type to go for any girl or perhaps whatever type that would've come up with some other retort...then I would have known how to react.

But I'm not. I've had my share of quick relationships, and I believe I know the type of girls that I would like to avoid for a while. I'm not looking to simply score. With that in mind, I'm going for a serious, steady relationship, or none at all. Now who is to say that this girl didn't want the same thing? Who's to say that she wasn't genuinely interested to begin with? No one can say...all we can do is assume. Which is what I did. Based on her look, mannerisms, and speech, I assumed that she wasn't really all that interested. I did not however totally reject the possibility of her being interested though. So to satisfy the possibility of her simply messing around, OR in case she was interested, I saw fit to answer as I did. And after seeing her reaction, I realized that I was wrong. I pretty much had a 50/50 shot anyway.

The correct response/course of action is apparent But of course, hindsight is always perfect. It would seem as though I goofed. I know that.

Hopefully I've cleared things up. I try not to act unless I can predict the outcome, be it positive or not. in this case, I didn't know quite how to approach the situation, given the immediately apparent attitude of the girl. What was I going to do? Try to strike up a conversation only to have her totally blow me off? If I can avoid such an outcome, then why shouldn't I? Most would.



Now obviously from your social inadequacy you are light years away from an answer like that.

It isn't social inadequacy that puts me light years away from an answer like that...it's freakin' choice. Besides, there are other ways...

um a pic of the shirt might explain everything. . .

Sure.

[img=http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/5875/photo2ux8.th.jpg] (http://img171.imageshack.us/my.php?image=photo2ux8.jpg)

[img=http://img454.imageshack.us/img454/5100/photo3ab0.th.jpg] (http://img454.imageshack.us/my.php?image=photo3ab0.jpg)

[img=http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/1350/photo4ad9.th.jpg] (http://img505.imageshack.us/my.php?image=photo4ad9.jpg)

With the exception of shoes and a belt, that's what I was wearing that day.

you didn't fuck up too bad


being like, ya its nice, wanna fuck woulda been a bit awkward

talk to her tomorrow and be like, hey you wanna go_______


edit
Sure.

[img=http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/5875/photo2ux8.th.jpg] (http://img171.imageshack.us/my.php?image=photo2ux8.jpg)

[img=http://img454.imageshack.us/img454/5100/photo3ab0.th.jpg] (http://img454.imageshack.us/my.php?image=photo3ab0.jpg)

[img=http://img505.imageshack.us/img505/1350/photo4ad9.th.jpg] (http://img505.imageshack.us/my.php?image=photo4ad9.jpg)

With the exception of shoes and a belt, that's what I was wearing that day.


that is a nice shirt, could have just been she is nice

I like that shirt.

-Hello
-that's a very nice shirt you're wearing
-thanks. I got it in DC
-...
-Nice rack by the way
-oh, thanks! My mom gave them to me.
-Cool, you're really hot. Do you want to give me head after class.
-Well, yeah. You can fuck my ass too if you like.
-Sounds good, can I bring a few friends and go family style on you?
-Yeah, cool. I have my camcorder, sounds like an afternoon to remember!

You did right...don't act too interested right off, even if you are. If you act too interested girls lose interest...if you want to pursue her, you have to make her think she's the one getting you, not you getting her...if you know what I mean.
Just play it cool. Next time you see her in class make small talk...do that for a few days...and if you know of any parties or anything going on you should casually throw in "hey, I'm going to a party this weekend, you should come out." if she says no, no big deal. dont sweat it...just keep making small talk over the days until you find another in, or something to do with her.
just dont act too interested.

^ If you have to play games like that, she's not worth it.

Listen, nobody here has even asked you if you want to pursue this. Do you? This girl has shown interest in you, real, proper interest. Now it's up to you to decide if you want to pursue this any further, yes or no.

Once you've made your decision, you're smart enough to know what to do.

" I got it when I was in D.C.".

I have now pinpointed where you screwed up.

From the sounds of it, you were very casual. When a girl compliments you, at least say Thanks. Smiling at her helps a lot too. Complimenting her in turn also works, but make sure it's genuine. Girls know when you say "Nice shoes", and you didn't even look at them. I got caught out on that one once.

And very nice shirt. I got one similar.

This is where you say "Thanks (smile at her) i think it would suit you, wanna try it on after school?"

With the exception of shoes and a belt, that's what I was wearing that day.

I see what went wrong.

Try bringing some pants to class next time, will ya

The problem or situation in question was...that I didn't know how I should've approached this...but I do now

Why?: Because I couldn't quite assess the motives of the girl

Now perhaps if I were the type to go for any girl or perhaps whatever type that would've come up with some other retort...then I would have known how to react.

But I'm not. I've had my share of quick relationships, and I believe I know the type of girls that I would like to avoid for a while. I'm not looking to simply score. With that in mind, I'm going for a serious, steady relationship, or none at all. Now who is to say that this girl didn't want the same thing? Who's to say that she wasn't genuinely interested to begin with? No one can say...all we can do is assume. Which is what I did. Based on her look, mannerisms, and speech, I assumed that she wasn't really all that interested. I did not however totally reject the possibility of her being interested though. So to satisfy the possibility of her simply messing around, OR in case she was interested, I saw fit to answer as I did. And after seeing her reaction, I realized that I was wrong. I pretty much had a 50/50 shot anyway.

The correct response/course of action is apparent But of course, hindsight is always perfect. It would seem as though I goofed. I know that.

Hopefully I've cleared things up. I try not to act unless I can predict the outcome, be it positive or not. in this case, I didn't know quite how to approach the situation, given the immediately apparent attitude of the girl. What was I going to do? Try to strike up a conversation only to have her totally blow me off? If I can avoid such an outcome, then why shouldn't I? Most would.




It isn't social inadequacy that puts me light years away from an answer like that...it's freakin' choice. Besides, there are other ways...

Someday I'm gonna learn! Here I am in another thread, where someone socially awkward is asking for advice/opinions and I decided to respond. Instead of taking mine and everyone else's advice for what it is, the OP is just further entrenching themselves DEFENDING why they are socially awkward and justifying their mistakes. Fuck it, I'll try yet again....onward through the fog.......

Nobody is saying that you should only be trying to score. (And in case you didn't know it, my "on the bedroom floor" crack was meant more as a joke, which I did follow up with a serious answer). What you REALLY need to reassess here is your whole mindset of "I won't act unless the outcome is predictable". Dude, that is called L-I-F-E. Its the whole point of the journey, exploring and experiencing the mysteries that await you the next month/week/day/hour from now.

If you are that serious and take such a hardline approach to relationships (much less life in general) you WILL live a very drab existence. Hell, I'd be willing to bet a month's salary you will grow up to be an accountant as your career. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but that is one of the FEW undertakings that has such a finite predictable outcome. 2+2=4, and there is no "gray" area or unexpected surprises. You seem to have some fear of the unknown, and for whatever reason need to have all your ducks in a row in order to "act". Can't you see how obsessive/compulsive that is? Have you ever gone to therapy for this?

The fact is, it is EXTREMELY rare when someone meets another person and as they are shaking your hand they say....."hello there, my name is ________ and I'd love to have you as a friend". Or......"I wanna make hot love to you tonight and never speak to you again tomorrow". Or....."I'm only here at your party to leech off the free booze". The point is, you NEVER know what someone's motives and intents are and the ONLY way you can truly discover a person's essence is just by being yourself and letting the chips fall where they may. You may make the claim in the post above that these are "choices" you are making in acting the way that you are......but the reality is, if you were SO certain about those "choices" you wouldn't be originating threads openly asking if your techniques are appropriate or effective.

On a side note to all of this....what the hell is up with that comforter/bedspread in your pics? Please don't tell me all those frilly little flowers is what is on YOUR bed. That looks beyond hideous and should be on your grandma's bed.

You should have at least said thanks and returned the compliment.

Someday I'm gonna learn! Here I am in another thread, where someone socially awkward is asking for advice/opinions and I decided to respond. Instead of taking mine and everyone else's advice for what it is, the OP is just further entrenching themselves DEFENDING why they are socially awkward and justifying their mistakes. Fuck it, I'll try yet again....onward through the fog.......

Nobody is saying that you should only be trying to score. (And in case you didn't know it, my "on the bedroom floor" crack was meant more as a joke, which I did follow up with a serious answer). What you REALLY need to reassess here is your whole mindset of "I won't act unless the outcome is predictable". Dude, that is called L-I-F-E. Its the whole point of the journey, exploring and experiencing the mysteries that await you the next month/week/day/hour from now.

If you are that serious and take such a hardline approach to relationships (much less life in general) you WILL live a very drab existence. Hell, I'd be willing to bet a month's salary you will grow up to be an accountant as your career. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but that is one of the FEW undertakings that has such a finite predictable outcome. 2+2=4, and there is no "gray" area or unexpected surprises. You seem to have some fear of the unknown, and for whatever reason need to have all your ducks in a row in order to "act". Can't you see how obsessive/compulsive that is? Have you ever gone to therapy for this?

The fact is, it is EXTREMELY rare when someone meets another person and as they are shaking your hand they say....."hello there, my name is ________ and I'd love to have you as a friend". Or......"I wanna make hot love to you tonight and never speak to you again tomorrow". Or....."I'm only here at your party to leech off the free booze". The point is, you NEVER know what someone's motives and intents are and the ONLY way you can truly discover a person's essence is just by being yourself and letting the chips fall where they may. You may make the claim in the post above that these are "choices" you are making in acting the way that you are......but the reality is, if you were SO certain about those "choices" you wouldn't be originating threads openly asking if your techniques are appropriate or effective.

On a side note to all of this....what the hell is up with that comforter/bedspread in your pics? Please don't tell me all those frilly little flowers is what is on YOUR bed. That looks beyond hideous and should be on your grandma's bed.


*sigh yes yes, I understand what you're saying. I just don't see myself as being quite so socially awkward, but perhaps I am. I do not fear the unknown quite so much as I do venturing into said territory and screwing up big time. But life's full of mistakes right? Anyways, please don't mistake my defensiveness for ungratefulness (thanks for your time/patience). I was never so certain about any choices. And I was really only wanting opinions on what others might have said...not necessarily whether or not my techniques were effective (because they obviously weren't)....I saw a 50/50 shot, and being halfway right doesn't cut it as being all that certain (for me at least). Perhaps my asshole of a dad and his fucked up ways plays a role in it all, but I take credit for allowing it to show through( I suppose I should go to therapy for the shit he put me and my sisters through). Yeah, up 'till now, my life has sucked, and you could say it's was because of my behavior. Although I got more than I asked for, I'm still glad to have gotten any responses at all. And sorry for being so damned stubborn.

And that's a mattress with a floral design. My grandma gave it to me when I was like 12 or so. I'm 6'2'' now and it's still not too small.

haha It's funny that you should mention the whole accountant as a career thing...my major is mathematics with a focus on statistics and computer-science.

LOL that is efficiency.

*sigh yes yes, I understand what you're saying. I just don't see myself as being quite so socially awkward, but perhaps I am. I do not fear the unknown quite so much as I do venturing into said territory and screwing up big time. But life's full of mistakes right? Anyways, please don't mistake my defensiveness for ungratefulness (thanks for your time/patience). I was never so certain about any choices. And I was really only wanting opinions on what others might have said...not necessarily whether or not my techniques were effective (because they obviously weren't)....I saw a 50/50 shot, and being halfway right doesn't cut it as being all that certain (for me at least). Perhaps my asshole of a dad and his fucked up ways plays a role in it all, but I take credit for allowing it to show through( I suppose I should go to therapy for the shit he put me and my sisters through). Yeah, up 'till now, my life has sucked, and you could say it's was because of my behavior. Although I got more than I asked for, I'm still glad to have gotten any responses at all. And sorry for being so damned stubborn.

And that's a mattress with a floral design. My grandma gave it to me when I was like 12 or so. I'm 6'2'' now and it's still not too small.

haha It's funny that you should mention the whole accountant as a career thing...my major is mathematics with a focus on statistics and computer-science.

I'm glad you got what I was trying to say in my second post and realize I'm not flaming you. And now that you explained about your father, it is more understandable why you are so leary about other people's reactions and expectations of you. Chances are if you were raised by a domineering, judgemental prick.....then yes your psyche is going to be scarred and you do have a lot to overcome in regard to not worrying about other people's feelings about you.

I wish I had better advice for you other than "don't worry about what other people think", but there isn't much more to it than that. Just try to realize that you are an adult now and aren't under your dad's thumb in every aspect of your life. Just be yourself and quit putting so much thought into it.......FEEL it, and go with your gut. Are some people going to think your behaviors, mannerisms, and idealogies are weird and not for them? Of course SOME will! But there will be a whole host of folks that WILL enjoy you for who/what you are, and it doesn't matter what the people that you don't associate with will think.

In the scenario you described with the chick and the shirt, there is a whole shitload of agendas that could be going through her mind. Maybe she has a crush. Maybe you have a big dick and saw your package through your pants. Maybe she realizes you are smart and just wants to copy exam answers. Maybe she was dared by girlfriends to make some time with you just for kicks. Maybe you met your future wife. Who the hell knows? But no matter what HER intent is (or the eventual outcome of any friendship/relationship with her) it does NOT define YOU as a person. Even if the next 20 encounters with different women end badly, that doesn't mean that try #21 is going to fail as well. It could all just be a lack of chemistry between you and the other people. If you meet them and you come to the conclusion you don't want to associate with them because of whatever faults, is that an indication that THEY aren't good people or not right for anyone else? Of course not.

As for hitting your possible career intents, that doesn't surprise me too much. I read people very well, even if its just a few paragraphs on a message board. The reality is someone with your analytical thinking skills (and the accompanying desire to have all bases covered) is perfect for that kind of work. You are what you are, and don't be ashamed of that. Whereas people that are more outgoing and nonchalant not caring about other people's opinions make great car saleman, there are too many hidden "X" factors in that line of work for you. Again, the world needs great accountants and if you are good it can be quite profitable while hobnobbing with some filthy rich people and reaping the rewards of those associations.

And oh yeah......free mattress or not, cover that damn thing up with something will ya? You bring a chick home and she sees that, it MAY leave a weird feeling in her head and she may run not walk out of there.