Alright, my girlfriend is the sweetest person I know and I love her to death, but her self esteem could use some improvement. She's always telling me how she thinks that she's fat, and I keep telling her that she's not, she's beautiful, but she still thinks otherwise. She's a fairly strict vegan and still doesn't eat much. We've been going out for a couple weeks now, and she is still careful not to let her shirt move up so her skin is showing, and gets uncomfortable when I let my hand slip, even though she's fine with pretty much anything with clothing over it. It's not the sexual limits that's bothering me, though, I want her to be comfortable with the way she looks and eat what she wants, she's not a vegan because of animal cruelty or anything, she says she's a vegan for dietary reasons, which I think isn't even more healthy than a regular diet, just a reason to eat less. Anyone have some advice as far as how to go about helping her out?

Your bitch is broken. As long as you're still under warranty(I.E. not married) you should be able to trade her in fairly easily.

tell her how GREAT she looks in a lot of her outfits, even if its hideous attire.

tell her ALL THE TIME how beautiful she is, how much you want her, blah blah blah

Doesnt work. She starts to tune you out, and suddenly she doesnt believe it when you say things like that anymore. Even when she actually is. Self esteem is a womans issue, good luck fixing it for her.

Yeah, you're screwed

allright senorita haars what you must do,
take your girl to a weight watchers meeting, but this isnt for the reason you think,
when you're there have her look around and you'll see some BIGGG mothafuckers, i'm talkin circus tent wearin lardasses

when she walks outta thar she will think she's anorexic

tell her you absolutely hate fat chicks... and then if she was fat, why would you be dating her?

Tell her to stop insulting the woman you love.

ok here's what you need to do: tell her that you dont think she's fat but if she really doesnt feel good about herself then you want to help her become really healthy because you care about her and you would much rather work hard to have her healthy than watch her kill herself.

tell her to eat more. She can eat chicken, turkey, and fish as meat because these are lean meats. Tell her that its bad to eat pork and beef.

Hunger is the body's way of saying "fucking feed me you piece of shit," so if she doesn't feed herself, her metabolism is going to slow down causing her to become fatter.

What else can she eat more of? FRUIT. Buy her lots of fruit. She'll have no problem eating it and it will speed up her metabolism. She should be eating every 3-5 hours. Vegetables, although not tasting as good, are also good.

Also, tell her if she really wants to be more healthy and feel better, she should drink more water. about 7 glasses a day should be good. Not gallons because she will die of over-hydration.

Ok but its not all diet. If you want to help her be healthy and if you really love her, you'll help her do the physical activity part. I'll email you some info through ur profile....get back to me....I know this might sound weird coming from someone on totse, but if I can change someone's life for the better and prevent them from having an eating disorder and dying, I'll do whatever is in my power to help.

edit: can't email you since you've blocked that option...you can email me at gamingfaction@gmail.com though

I can't express how much I appreciate you stepping out the woman I love. However, as misleading as my initial post may seem, it isn't THAT serioius. I'm not worried that she'll kill herself from malnutrition, I just want her to be happy. She is fairly phisically active as well, another thing I foolishly left out. She makes sure to run five miles about 3-5 times a week and stays pretty consistant. If you still feel like emailing me, my email is bcnc22@gmail.com, I just forgot to enable that option in my profile. Thanks again.

Genuine help now that is a little bit unsettling ...

i tell my gf to eat all the time and she doesn't. shes really skinny but thinks shes fat. she doesn't eat so she has an iron deficiancy and it gives her bruises all over her legs. it worries me a lot that she doesnt eat but i keep on trying to get her to eat. she only eats 1 small meal a day =[

Ditch her and move on, that's one of those girl things you just can't change.

Whenever girls do that I ignore them and then act like because of their low self esteem, I've lost interest. That usually makes them shut up about it.

Show her any even fatter girl?

Remember most people who have low self-esteem have earned it.

yeah, still got the receipt?

buy her a big chocolate cake that say "you're not fat."

Does she listen to logic?
Get her on a scale, measure her height, and figure out her BMI. Then compare that to what is underweight, overweight and normal. Then, print out a ton of shit off the internet about how it's bad to be underweight.

If that does't work, tell her she's too skinny and if she doesn't start eating more, you'll break up with her. Of course, thats not an ideal plan. It has many flaws.

Advise... pfft. You're fucked. Start calling her fatty, maybe the emotional stress will make her eat a chocolate cake.

Be aware that these are all obvious signs of an eating disorder.

You can call her ability to trust you into question if you're a trustworthy person. She has to trust that you'll be honest and that you take pleasure in her appearance.

Good luck.

Be aware that these are all obvious signs of an eating disorder.



This was my first thought too.

Who ever said weight watchers, bad idea. Body dismorphia. You might be a size 6 and everything says youre a size 6, but thats because the labels are wrong. Youre really fat and hideous. Everyone who says other wise is patronising you. Sound like her? You'll have to be subtle in telling her how great she looks, but htat will pass eventually. As for veganism, especially in women it can cause low iron really easy whuch means she'll start collapsing. Id watch out for that in the short term.

Just rub a big mac on her lips when shes sleeping

Quoted For Truth.


Just rub a big mac on her lips when shes sleeping

Quoted For Lulz.

unless she changes soon or you have endless patients, she's going to drive you up the wall. things like this have been a case of "one step forward, two steps back" for me recently and my boyfriend is at his wit's end right now. don't pressurise her with compliments, but don't dismiss the problem completely. you need a balance, i don't know what that balance is, it's up to you to find out. if you really think she's worth pursuing then you're going to need to dig deep to help her out. firstly, she needs to be willing to open up to you.

Where's the pix? :[

i tell my gf to eat all the time and she doesn't. shes really skinny but thinks shes fat. she doesn't eat so she has an iron deficiancy and it gives her bruises all over her legs. it worries me a lot that she doesnt eat but i keep on trying to get her to eat. she only eats 1 small meal a day =[

this pisses me off so bad.....people dont do their homework and realize that they can still eat food.

ask her to at least eat fruit or protein bars...u can also always go in for counseling....I think if you really show that your concerned for her safety then she'll have to realize that shes being stupid....if all else fails tell her that your on the verge of breaking up with her because she doesnt eat and you can't have a serious relationship with someone who is going to die.

You can't fix an eating disorder for someone. Only they can fix it for themselves because the problem is with their own lack of control in their life not their weight. So if the problem becomes serious, suggest she gets counseling for her insecurities, otherwise it isn't something you should feel responsible for fixing. This is coming from someone who did at one point have an eating disorder.

I appreciate the feedback.. I really don't think that she's to the point where it's considered an eating disorder. She's only been a vegan since our spring break, and she's eaten non-vegan things.. namely pizza and chocolate. I think my presense the past few weeks has helped her self esteem, but she still thinks that she's fat, which is my main concern here: I don't want her to think she's something that she's not. Even though she claims not to be hungry a lot, she is still depriving herself of necessary nutrients for no reason. This I think will improve over a matter of time. She trusts me more than anything, and I don't question that, she's not one of those stuck up pretty-girls whose only concern is herself, which is one of the reasons I love her so much.
So my main goal is to figure out how to approach this in a sucessful manner. She doesn't make herself puke or starve herself for days on end, so I'm not too worried about medical issues at the moment, like I said, I'm sure they'll improve over a short time. I just want her to be happy with herself and comfortable with the way she looks, she has every reason to be.

I was with a girl like that for months. Still keep contact with her, she's the same but a bit thinner now. You can't change people like that.

My friend it will be a constant and hard fought battle. My ex was a wonderful girl in every way and I still worry about the way she eats... though I think shes getting better. The best thing you can do is to be honest and talk with her. Love her, talk to her, show her you care, always non-aggressively voice your concerns if you feel the time is right, show that you sincerely believe she is beautiful. Its not easy man. Maybe suggest counseling if its bad.

Its a constant battle my friend that you have to simply continuously fight for the sake of the one you care about.

:( ....Isobutane....

I would seriously just not tolerate it. Tell her to stop whining about these things to you. If she comes up to you and says she's fat, don't tell her "omg no ur not you're beautiful and pretty", tell her "Shut up".

Whether it's severe enough to be a disorder or not, it's clear to me telling her how good she looks when she complains doesn't EVER SEEM TO HELP, it only accomplishes two things;

1. encourages her to insult herself more around you
2. may make her feel that you only say it to make her feel better.

But, I'm not completely heartless, by all means tell her she's beautiful and how cute she looks and all the rest, but DON'T do it when she's insulting herself. I think you should let her know how you see her in your eyes but don't reward her bad behaviour.

...I have a feeling alot of people will hate me for this post. oh well.

Constantly telling her that you think she looks great might not be very successful. She's aware that you have feelings for her and will think that whatever you say is biased because of this. However, perhaps if you said something like 'my friend saw you and told me you looked [insert compliment]' she might take you more seriously.

Brag about being really good at a lot of sports, and let her beat you at them.

I hate to be a bitch but I don't think you can really change her opinion of herself. I used to have horribley low self-esteem, and even when I was dating whenever my boyfriend told me i looked great, or I looked thin, and so on, I couldn't even have cared less.
then again I had an eating disorder then(it was about 4 years ago,it's funny how light of a situation I like to make it now, I didn't even think I had one until I realized being 98lbs is sort of disgusting)
and honestly your girlfriends vegan for "dietary" reasons, sounds like bullshit to me, she basically sounds like she's on her way to or already is anorexic.
there isn't much you can do for her, until she's ready to listen and believe you.

Whatever you do, don't listen to this bitch. There is a reason her opening sentence says, "I hate to be a bitch BUT". Lol...

As for your advice from me. First of all, it is good that you are re-enforcing a positive self-image, but that isn't enough.

She doesn't see what you see when you look at her, she sees what her mind's eye is telling her. That means, you have to break her down, and rebuild her. This is a lot of effort, and is this bitch worth it? I don't know, but you might.

So if you answered yes, start trying to involve her in activities. Things that you know, build self-esteem. If you reply to this I'll tell you some things, otherwise I will take it as you saying, "No" to the earlier question.

I don't see how patronising here will help, unless she's 4 years old and can't pick up on it (and this being totse I'm not ruling that possibility out)

http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/categories/Fat+People/

Whatever you do, don't listen to this bitch. There is a reason her opening sentence says, "I hate to be a bitch BUT". Lol...

As for your advice from me. First of all, it is good that you are re-enforcing a positive self-image, but that isn't enough.

She doesn't see what you see when you look at her, she sees what her mind's eye is telling her. That means, you have to break her down, and rebuild her. This is a lot of effort, and is this bitch worth it? I don't know, but you might.

So if you answered yes, start trying to involve her in activities. Things that you know, build self-esteem. If you reply to this I'll tell you some things, otherwise I will take it as you saying, "No" to the earlier question.




Im just saying that this girls "self-esteem" issues seem to go deeper than just "I look bloated today", where she may be valueing her self-worth based on her weight. One person wont be able to change her opinion of herself. May I just add that you
NEVER tell her that she looks skinny or that she has lost weight, infact dont comment on her weight EVER. Just tell her she looks nice or that her shirt brings out the color of her eyes.
when I was dating someone a few years back whenever he commented on how "thin" i was or how "fit" I looked, it made something in me totally get off on the idea that he though i was little, and petite, and I fought to lose more weight for it to be noticed, I don't know if she's that severe, but only one wrong phrase can trigger it. I ended up wasting away to barely anything, and ruined the relationship I had with him and most of my friends, and totally ruined my peace of mind.

just say one nice complement (not regarding weight) and if she doesnt take the complement well dont force it onto her.
bad idea="You really are so little, why dont you eat something baby"
good idea= "I think your laugh is adoreable, I just want to make you keep smiling"

Im just saying that this girls "self-esteem" issues seem to go deeper than just "I look bloated today", where she may be valueing her self-worth based on her weight. One person wont be able to change her opinion of herself. May I just add that you
NEVER tell her that she looks skinny or that she has lost weight, infact dont comment on her weight EVER. Just tell her she looks nice or that her shirt brings out the color of her eyes.
when I was dating someone a few years back whenever he commented on how "thin" i was or how "fit" I looked, it made something in me totally get off on the idea that he though i was little, and petite, and I fought to lose more weight for it to be noticed, I don't know if she's that severe, but only one wrong phrase can trigger it. I ended up wasting away to barely anything, and ruined the relationship I had with him and most of my friends, and totally ruined my peace of mind.

just say one nice complement (not regarding weight) and if she doesnt take the complement well dont force it onto her.
bad idea="You really are so little, why dont you eat something baby"
good idea= "I think your laugh is adoreable, I just want to make you keep smiling"

I said "re-enforce positive self-image". Where the fuck did I say to tell her she looked skinny? How can I even take you serously when your name is fucking LOlA? Lol.

Whatever you do, don't listen to this bitch. There is a reason her opening sentence says, "I hate to be a bitch BUT". Lol...

As for your advice from me. First of all, it is good that you are re-enforcing a positive self-image, but that isn't enough.

She doesn't see what you see when you look at her, she sees what her mind's eye is telling her. That means, you have to break her down, and rebuild her. This is a lot of effort, and is this bitch worth it? I don't know, but you might.

So if you answered yes, start trying to involve her in activities. Things that you know, build self-esteem. If you reply to this I'll tell you some things, otherwise I will take it as you saying, "No" to the earlier question.

True.

Whatever you do, don't listen to this bitch. There is a reason her opening sentence says, "I hate to be a bitch BUT". Lol...

As for your advice from me. First of all, it is good that you are re-enforcing a positive self-image, but that isn't enough.

She doesn't see what you see when you look at her, she sees what her mind's eye is telling her. That means, you have to break her down, and rebuild her. This is a lot of effort, and is this bitch worth it? I don't know, but you might.

So if you answered yes, start trying to involve her in activities. Things that you know, build self-esteem. If you reply to this I'll tell you some things, otherwise I will take it as you saying, "No" to the earlier question.
Again, thanks for all the suggestions, even the ones I know don't pertain to the situation. CarbonB, your post seems to address my situation acccurately, and some of these activities you have in mind might interest me.. she's definitely worth it to me.

Then tell me what it is you do? Do you have a lot free time? Spendable cash? There are tons of things that you can do. The reason she doesn't take your compliments to heart is because you haven't known her that long. I think you said you had only been dating like three weeks right?

So if you do care about it, sincerely get to know her. So when you do say something to her, she is going to cherish it. She will take it almost as if god was telling her the same thing. I expect this to a while. Depending on her, and how fast she wants to give you a lot of trust is probably more based on how you do in the next couple months.

Be assertive, but not an asshole.

Well, she hasn't had much experience with guys, she's not a popular girl in school. I think I'm the first one she's actually considered getting serious with. Before we were going out a month or two ago, I brought her flowers after a musical she played music for, and she was flattered... no guy had done something like that for her before. I pay a lot of attention to her, which she loves. She's always worried that she's too "clingy" and thinks she gets annoying, but I'm the one who has asked her out so many times and so often, and I think she knows by now that I'm far from thinking she's annoying in any way. As for spare time, I have a lot of it, and so does she now that we only have a couple days left of school. And money... well, I'm a high school student with no job, but I'm willing to spend what I do earn on something that could improve her self image, although money can't buy those kinds of things, but can help. I talk to her sincerely a lot, and I'm sure that I'm clear with what I say.. like "You know when I called you beautiful? I hope you know that I really meant it", she loved that. Any more questions/suggestions?

In that case, go on a picnic in a nearby park or something. Shouldn't cost much to prepare some sandwiches, chips, and some drinks, and go have a nice picnic and eat and talk. Things where you can allow her to open up to you. So she can feel like you won't attack her for being different.

If it is cold where you stay though, then get some movies and some hot chocolate or something. Rent a movie that is going to trigger her emotions, which shouldn't be hard since she is a girl, and then something that is going to allow you to talk afterwards, and lead the conversation into any prearranged topic you want. That is probably what I would try and do, to start things off. Setting up situations that allows you to be alone and to talk openly with no pressure.

Is she fat?

NO! Your all wrong she is just saying she is fat so that you tell her she is not and you tell her she is beautiful so she feels good. It's psychology at it's best.

Lol

(5char)

I don't see how patronising here will help, unless she's 4 years old and can't pick up on it (and this being totse I'm not ruling that possibility out)

Precisely.