Its long. Dont read if you have a good opinion of me.

It was hella fun. And expensive. Good lord in heaven it was expensive as shit. Yet, Im glad to have wasted soo much dough on the experience.

So my step brother (my best friend) comes over and Im eating shit on totse as usual and I realize that he brought his two friends as well. Thats when I suddenly saw "STRIP CLUB" in bold pink letters in my head. So I ate some dinner, got dressed, and called up my other best friend, Joey who Ive known for years and is older and more smooth with these kinds of things.

So we head to one joint but the bouncer tells us its 21 and up (while were 18, 18, 18, 18, and 20 respectively). So we get back into my mustang and head to a place called "Bare Necessity".

Needless to say it left us with "Bare"ly any cash. So we get in looking like dorks as we are all nervous and the dude ID's us complaining about how redundant it is waiting for us to take out our ID's one at a time. We settle down around a few tables and enjoy the spectacle. So girl after girl, song after song and we find ourselves pretty comfortable and my bro starts getting lap dances for himself and his friends (25 bucks each, goddamn).

All sorts of music is playing and all sorts of different kind of girls dance. And the nigt wears on. After each girl dances she gets down and passes by us (after the third time we learned to have our one dollar bills ready). One girl shakes her ass like it possessed (hallelujah) while another is practically an acrobat.

Most of my friend's have had lapdances by now and my bro keeps encouraging me. So I see the girl dancing now and she is smoooooking hot. Emo-ish haircut, smooth curves, tall, cream skin, very nice breasts, pierced and tattooed. She also dances soooo awesomely, like all she was doing was having fun :D

So I talk to her as she passes by and I learn she likes video games and she laughs about sega genesis and xbox games for the love of god. Needless to say I have a boner already. So I ask her for a lap dance.

She is sooooo good. As a virgin this sort of experience was ridiculously nice. As she grinded on me every inch of her smelled of animal perfection. I, respectfully, laid my hands on the chair but after she whispered "its ok, I dont bite....heehee, unless you want me too" my hands had fun exploring eveything they could. . We were moaning and groaning as she grinded me and her weight, heat, breath, and movement called to the depths of my being. I couldnt be much happier (unless it got heavier but hey, its a lap dance after all).

So she very slowly got up after a while and kissed me. I was so goddamn blissful I forgot I had to pay her. She laughed awkwardly and told me she wouldnt want the money but she was being watched by the manager and such. I laughed and told her it was allright. I also told her she was beautiful. She was all coolness and smiles. Im a sucka I know.

I then went "Oh shit!" as I noticed all my friends were gone. I (accurately) figured they were bleeding money, So she says to me "Hey, I'll give you a ride but Im off a six". In the morning that is. It was only 12 something. I said thanks alot, we came close and kissed and I made my way out.

SO then I see my friends and we laugh and high five each other detailing our lap dances. Then I came home and posted on totse.

Jesus christ did you read all of this? Kudos to you :)

Sounds greasey

Actually I should go to one of those sounds kick ass.

Seems like when ever I do something my first time someone else does it as well on this site anyways I turned 18 in november and just went to one this month. I was to drunk to know what was going on plus they charged me 8 dollars for a mt dew. But the plus is the strippers where high class ones and they got totaly nude they do this cause they dont serve alchohol

I stopped when I read "mustang"


plus 1 for white trashiness

Dude Im half cuban and half puerto rican. Its not like the general lee or anything. Its a 2002. Good car, pulls through for me.

Good on you man, youre dating a stripper.

Or a stripper is dating you.

Did that make sense?

lol Im not dating anyone. What happened happened. No more, no less. I didnt get her number or anything (though I would have liked to) :(

Her name was Violet :)

lol Im not dating anyone. What happened happened. No more, no less. I didnt get her number or anything (though I would have liked to) :(

Her name was Violet :)

I imagine she did all that so you'd pay her more

I agree.

Anyhow, Truth: You need to go back again, and see the same girl. Be a man and ask for her number this time! :D


Breeden: Isn't "high class strippers" an oxymoron though? :P

She was doing her job buddy.

Strippers are like female lawyers....they lie their asses off until they get paid....then they lie even more.

You got a nice lap dance and be glad you didn't catch anything.

Sounds really nice!!!! I've never gone to a strip club before because I think it is just stupid wasting your money on those women. I have friends that frequent strip clubs but I rather not hang out with them due to the fact that they use to go to the same place as my girlfriend works at.

haha yes, perhaps. It was just hella enjoyable though. No big deal.

And yeah, I reccomend the experience to anyone. Its just a bit o' fun.

I imagine she did all that so you'd pay her more

Yep, and the OP just proved he's an easily manipulated sap.

Dude Im half cuban and half puerto rican. Its not like the general lee or anything. Its a 2002. Good car, pulls through for me.

The General Lee was a '69 Charger

Well you don't go to a strip club to save money...

Strippers are souless, and the booze is expensive, so unless its a party, I'm not going, your more likely to hook up in a dance club.

My trainer was a bouncer at a couple of joints though, he tells me all this stuff about how the bartenders and girls enjoy hustling and think of most of the guys in there are just greasy losers...but around here the clubs aren't exactly shiny.

Her name was Violet :)

LOL, that is not her real name. Her real name is probably "Jane" or something boring like that.

LOL, that is not her real name. Her real name is probably "Jane" or something boring like that.

Yep. And odds are she doesn't know the difference between a megabite and a hard drive.

Hey OP what part of Miami are you in? I think i've been to Bare Necessity before, but also I've been to alot of shithole strip clubs down by Homestead and Florida City.

Sounds like you had fun.

Meeting girls is the way to go though.

i had a similar experience in a strip club.

then i thought "this isnt something to be proud of"
so i got a girlfriend and started getting laid

Half of you come off the kind of people that go watch a magician perform and then yell at him that he's a fake. Of course it's all a fucking lie but that's the whole fucking point, you don't pay 25 bucks to get rubbed a bit

stripper code says the girl must pretend to be interested in the same things you are. they must always act like you are special. that will not only make you feel more comfortable, but keep you wanting to come back.

strippers arent people. they dont care about you, and you shouldnt care about them.

LOL, that is not her real name. Her real name is probably "Jane" or something boring like that.

Haha, yes of course man but the last guy who posted it had it right. I agree completely with what pretty much everyone here has said. Just one of those experiences. I mean, I gotta admit, it was fun as hell though.

However, lets be real. Would I for the sake of practicality ever want to date a stripper? Hell no. That much should be obvious to any common sense fellow out there. I mean, I was hard as all hell and ready to fuck (as shy a guy as I am) yet seeing my ex girlfriend (a very classy, very intelligent, very wonderful person) and simply speaking with her sometimes produces an even more powerful effect on my cock.

So what do I say? Just a bit o'fun :)

er...and by "the last guy" I meant Pilsu. I cant say I agree with the general consensus that strippers are not on the level of human beings. Theyre just people trying to make some money in the world like me. Only they get paid waaay better than I do. And theyre hot. For the most part.

strippers arent people. they dont care about you, and you shouldnt care about them.

Considering their clientele, it's a fair bet even faking interest is special

Hey man, I'm in coral gables. I live on douglas road and Bare Necessity is right on US-1 so its a pretty straightforward trip. Damn, its pretty cool a fellow totsean lives around here.

If she let you touch, she was only angling for a higher tip.

You're 18. You're a virgin. When she saw you, her eyes popped dollar signs, and she did what it took to seal the deal.

Strip clubs are vial tools, probably invented by the Jews, to strip you of your money. Because, hey, when you're piss drunk on cheap vodka and a bitch is rubbing her snatch in your face, a $40 dance and a $20 tip doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

Fuck I hate strip clubs.

When I first turned 18, I was in Atlantic City and went to this dive of a strip club. Had two dances. First one was uneventful, because I was so nervous and shit. Second one was with a girl who was obviously stoned out of her mind (and wouldn't shut up about how funny "That 70's Show" was), and had my same first name (which was a little weird at first). However, a drunk, horny 18 year old is not a bastion of fiscal responsibility, and I ended up blowing close to $100 that night. But worse, I had just recently gotten my eyebrow pierced, and the second dancer, the stoner with my name, got fucking stripper dust in my piercing, and it got all infected. I ended up having to lose the piercing, as it quickly migrated out. So that little dance also ended up costing me another $40 and an eyebrow scar in collateral costs!

Same deal the next time I went to a strip club a few months later, but I only had one dance, and blew $60 on a really coked out old whore that looked passable in my alcohol riddled, blacklight blinded mind, but who I now realize wasn't worth the $10 cover.

On another note, I do not understand why strip clubs insist on having blacklights. When I'm walking into the dance area, I do not want to see all of the white splotches on the carpet and chairs.

Fuck, I hate strip clubs.

Considering their clientele, it's a fair bet even faking interest is special

they fake interest with all clients, thats how they make money

they are STRIPPERS. they dont care who you are, what you like or what you do. They just want your money.

they fake interest with all clients, thats how they make money

they are STRIPPERS. they dont care who you are, what you like or what you do. They just want your money.
If she actually didn't accept payment, you could say that she had a genuine interest. However, you won't know and you can assume that she doesn't because she took your money.

Strip clubs are kind of like amusement parks. You go every now and then with your friends to have a good time and try some rollercoasters. The food and drink is overpriced and you might want to get a souvineer depending if you want people to know if you were there.

they fake interest with all clients, thats how they make money

Let me rephrase that, faking interest feels special to the client since in all probability, they're the kind of people not even the supermarket cashier smiles at

"Hey, I'll give you a ride but Im off a six". In the morning that is. It was only 12 something.


what are you crazy a hot stripper offered to give you a ride home and you said no thanks??, i dont care what your excuse is, you dont deserve a dick, she is a stripper for damn sakes. i bet you could of gotten her to at least give you dome.

no charge on someones first time is very common. at least here in montreal, that is. this is strip club capital of the world. we even have topless restaurants.

strippers arent people. they dont care about you, and you shouldnt care about them.

Try dating one of them and surely u'll see how motherfucking true your statement is.

shit, when I got my first lapdance, i was a naieve 15 year old virgin.

It was on a trip to Amsterdam with my dad. He paid her and he was sitting next to me ordering beers off of the topless lady at the bar, and chatting to a soldier from Alabama who was AWOL.
10 euros for a dance, my hands got a bit carried away, got the biggest god-damn boner ever and all that jazz..but then came the other part.

I had to pay her by putting the 10 euros in her fanny, using only my mouth

now cue the audience of my dad, a soldier on AWOL who is supposed to be in Iraq and an old perverted English bloke all looking at me, cheering me on whilst a stripper did a line of coke to the left of me

it was crazy..and my dad was like "right, wanna leave and go to the next one?"

i just replied with "nope, i have a raging hard on and i need to cool off, why?"

..but i ended up getting another dance :D

Strip clubs are vile tools, probably invented by the Jews, to strip you of your money.

As I spit my drink out.

I have a strong desire for a lap dance now.

Imagine you get serious with her and have kids.



























"dad, how did you and mom meet?"

*looks from side to side*

*raises hand*

*looks from side to side*

*raises hand*

*shoots with Desert Eagle*

She's mine!

*shoots with Desert Eagle*

She's mine!

Mon Dieu!

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i197/wakkosmakka/1176525605711.jpg

Mon Dieu!

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i197/wakkosmakka/1176525605711.jpg

http://www.orlyowl.com/upload/files/YA-RLY.jpg

YA RLY

"dad, how did you and mom meet?"

"So your mother was rubbing her snatch in my face as I was shoving twenties in her panties and then our eyes met. Love at first sight kid, so romantic Hugh Grant would puke"

Either that or bullshit the kid about having bumped into her in a supermarket or something