I'm a resident of the United States and I want to own a monkey really bad. I'll call him Slappy and we'll go on crazy monkey adventures. He'll be my sidekick. This isn't a troll post, I'm genuinely inquiring about the legality of this. Also, will I have to take him outside on a leash to shit and stuff? Can I train him to use the toilet?

edit: I realize the term "monkey" is too broad. I meant a chimpanzee.

I think you need some sort of permit. Read this.

I knew this guy who had a monkey. It climbed up a telephone pole and got F-R-I-E-D.

Monkey's are not good pets. They should not be kept as pets. To do so is cruel and inhumane.

I'd like to see a monkey knife fight. Like get two monkeys, tape a knife in each ones paw....then handcuff their other hands to eachother....good times for everyone. except the losing monkey.

I wanna steal one form the zoo. They have a few spider monkeys i thinkt here called. There really small. They are on this little island with a 5 foot mote(sp?) around it, I guess there to scared of the water so they wont run away.

This is, by far, the worse thread I have ever seen. Not the original content, just the fact that only the first reply was serious, the rest being awful anecdotes and moronic ideas.

Having said that, unless the Simpsons are lying to me, you can get a monkey if you're disabled.

Dude, you can't like own a monkey or a property dude.
srsly!

Yes you can own some species of monkeys in the united states, the most common and probably the cutest little things I've ever seen as pets would be the Capuchin monkey. A pic of a capuchin found here: http://www.kidszoo.org/images/animals/Capuchin.jpg
I'm not too sure about chimpanzees though. You might have to have a special license for it because it will get a lot larger than a capuchin.

__________________
(~'.')~ ~('.'~) ~( -.- )~

Chimpanzees are apes, not monkeys.