Long version:

Okay so my boyfriend has a really shitty job. Well the actual job is okay (manager at a pet store) but what's shitty about it is that the company is totally taking advantage of him. When he was promoted he got put on salary, but with the hours he works (50/week) it actually ends up being less money, he gets no overtime (and I'm pretty sure that's illegal), and he has way more responsibility and stress.

He could go out and get a low stress cashier job that pays more and is way less stressful, but for some reason he refuses. His ultimate goal is to become a plumber, and he has a friend who can get him a job (as a plumber) in a second, all he has to do is get his license. He says he's going to book his appointment for a road test this Wednesday, but I'll believe it when I see it. He's had his learners for 5 years now.

So basically I think he's being very irresponsible and it makes me really angry. And as a result, I get on his case alot about getting a new job. But this is just making him mad too. I've come to realise that it's his life and he has to get his own shit together, that it's not up to me. But I'm finding it really to just sit back and let him langish at this fucking job.

He wants to stay at his shitty job until his debts are paid (he crashed my car and owes my 'rents like two grand now), buy a truck and then start plumbing. I think that's ridiculous because he'll pay off his debts and get a car way faster if he starts plumbing now because he'll make so much more money. But he also says that he's only 21 so there's no need to rush things because it's not going to make a difference in the long run. Which I will admit does make sense, but at the same time he has so much support right now (and a plumbing job waiting for him!) so why wait?

I know that I have to stop nagging him. But is there anyway to push him gently? And do I even have a right to be angry? It just makes me so mad to see him being taken advantage of and him not even caring!

Short version:

Boyfriend has a shitty job and I want him to get a better one. How can I stop nagging him and push him in a gentle way?

Oh, and I also should mention that this isn't about money (for me anyway). I'm concerned for my boyfriend because he's in debt.

You push him by being quiet and saying nothing more. He knows your feelings on the subject so now let it drop.

Anything else is counter productive.

I'll go down to the pet store and get him fired.

Maybe then he'll want to be a plumber instead of cashier. :p

Plumbing is an awesome trade for him, much better than anything related to paint.

Since he agree'd to salary, they don't have to pay overtime. That's the whole concept of being on salary; he gets paid the same, regardless of the hours.

Chances are, he's afraid to jump into something new while still oweing debts; which is worse because he has to care about the debt, it's owed to people he lives with and cares about. Plumbing may seen like it's an uncertain source of income. It's usually easier to stay with a familiar job like management.

PET STORE?!?!


Oh.Oh my god. NoOooo dont push him out of it!
With a job like that..wow. It's more about the job than the money in a job like that.

You could do what I do with my boyfriend and his current job, ie, make the most of it and take every advantage you can.
My boyfriend works in camera shops so I get free films, cheap albums and frames, and he develops my prints for free when the boss isnt around.

I say you go in there every day and sit around with piles of baby animals on your lap. YES!!

He could always get a job at my firm.

No, no he couldn't. I lied to you.

Okay, thanks guys. You're right, I need to shut up and just make the best of things. Yoyo, I do go play with the kitties quite often, lol.

Now how can make up for nagging him so much? I was thinking a massage with a happy ending as soon as he gets home from work today...

I would like to agree with Jackketch, but at the same time...it absolutely drives me nuts when I see people getting pushed around and screwed over.

I suggest surprising him with a t-shirt that says "Plumber".

Then drop hints throughout the night about how sexy you find plumbers and just how much you like plumber-butt.

Move onto hiding plumbing business cards all through the apartment.

After that, you can leave notes on the bathroom mirror and fridge reminding him of the number and address of the plumber.

Then you can change the answering machine messege to "Hi, you've reached the Plumber and Chels, leave a messege".

To top it off, get all your friends to start refering to him as "the plumber" rather than by name.

I think that's enough for the first week. :p

Nagging and ranting is fine, but there are some things that can't be pushed. In particular, when they need some serious thought or are personal. (Please, don't do any of those things, for the love of God, just no.)

what kind of fucking retard has dreams and hopes of becoming a fuckin plumber????????

Yeah my ultimate goal in life is to deal with peoples poo.... Fuckin loser!

Believe it or not, they actually make money as soon as they step into the house!


Edit: A lot of money too.

it absolutely drives me nuts when I see people getting pushed around

And thus the solution is to push them around and make them do what you want.

Yeah.

rob his work and make it look like he was a part of it so that he gets fired. then use the money you stole to pay off his debt. then he'll have to go job hunting anyway, but it wont really matter at that point if he gets a better job or not, but this way he'll already be out there so he might land a good one anyway, and if he does then the extra money will just be that, extra money. its the perfect plan.

Believe it or not, they actually make money as soon as they step into the house!


Edit: A lot of money too.

I didnt know they made alot of money but still, fuck dealing with peoples shit!

I didnt know they made alot of money but still, fuck dealing with peoples shit!

My buddy is making $63/hr right now working as a plumber. It's not so bad. He does side-jobs for $50 an hour, cash.

From what I here, the newbs have to deal with the poo. Once you're past that point, it's all good. New poo-free bulidings need plumbing too, ya know. And like people have been saying, plumbers make good money. It's the highest paying trade. I knew a plumber in Scotland and he was loaded. I don't know any other plumbers, but I know quite a few guys my age in trades and lots of them have already bought houses!

Try not to be judgemental when you really know nothing about what you're talking about.

Electricians have the strongest union and an amazing pension.

HVAC (heating ventilation and cooling) guys make amazing money and are always in high demand. Most people don't understand how these things work, even within the trades.

Concrete guys are in huge demand and it's decent money.

Demo is for trained-monkeys, but there's good money in it as you move up the ladder. Especially if you're willing to open your own business.

Plumbing makes wicked money and almost nobody is willing to do their own plumbing anymore.

General Contracting, or Project Management, is amazing money to babysit the other trades and do oddjobs, all you need to know is how to read blueprints. (This is what I'm involved in currently.)

Steel guys are in a disgustingly high demand. They really really need them in the city. There are jobs all over the place that are being shut down because they can't get steel.

Flooring work is amazing money, but it's bad for your back. There is lots and lots of work for it. The largest company for flooring in North America is headquartered here. I know the owners and their family; it would be a cool thing to do.

Framing is good work and good money, but seasonal. Same with putting on siding.

Bricklayers are needed, but I've never known a bricklayer that wasn't a dick.

Painting is needed all over the place and there's good money to it, but you're going to be braindead if you do it.

Door and hardware installation is wicked money and good exercise.

Industrial Cleaning companies are in high demand and anybody that can push a vacuum or broom can make it in the business. They make amazing money for the level of effort. New businesses of this type need to open in the city.

Drywall is good work and there's always money in it, but it's dusty and lots of people can't handle that.

Roofing is good work, but cold and dangerous in the winter.

Stucco guys get good money and do plenty of business.

Finishing Carpentry is booming and there's always good work, but it takes a keen eye.

Welders are in huge demand and are making lots of money. Everybody with their ticket is taking on a couple apprentices.

And there are still more trades and opportunities within the city.

I will hopefully be taking up electrical engineering within the next couple of months.

He is only 21...and there's no race that I'm aware of. Plus, it's not like you get to take your life's earnings with you when you die. :)

Just chill out? He knows where he wants to go...he'll go when it's right for him. It could be next week, maybe next month, next year...maybe a few years...but when it clicks in his head that it is time, he'll do it.

It's difficult, within the economy of this place. There is so much money to be made that it can be frustrating for people when you don't go after it.

Being realistic about this sort of thing, if you're making less than 20-25$ an hour, you should be finding a new job.

I guess I'm not really helping here. Sorry.

I just like hearing that people are interested in the trades, rather than the foolish stereotypes.

Euda, is there any demand for Electricians in Canada? When I'm registered here I'd like to work in Canada long enough to get my citizenship so I can fufill my lifes ambition: to become a mountie.

Euda, is there any demand for Electricians in Canada?

There is a demand for every last trade, including Electricians. There are lots of Aussies working here in the trades.

Our country decided they wanted a generation of university graduates instead of a labour force. It wasn't until I graduated highschool that the government realized that they were pushing people away from the trades.

This has been changed and people are now being funnel'd towards the trades.

Am I the only person who's gonna say it?

Sicky, your boyfriend is a moron. Anyone who would rather work in a pet store and is too goddamn lazy to get their license instead of going into a trade right now and making ridiculous fuckloads of money has got to be stupid.

Alright, I talked to my dad, he can get a job at one of our family firms in Ontario.

Just kidding, my dad died when I was eight. My family is ridiculous, we'd never have a firm. Although he does kind of seem like a peice of shit loser, agreeing with Demoiselle on this one, have you tried beating him with a toaster?

There's no way to cause him to gain inertia without nagging, I would simply tell himt to remain a loser. The best thing to do is to support him regardless of what he wants to do, I know this is the psychology of dealing with little kids but it seems appropriate.

My situation is slightly different than yours BUT I will still tell you what I did.

My husband was recently up for renewing his commission in the air force. For like a year before his renewal date he talked all of the time about how he was going to not re-enlist in the military and that he was going to get a different job. I was fine with this...But then he never looked for another job! So about 3 months before his separation date I started being all like, "So when are you going to re-enlist?" Anyway, he turned into a HUGE prick and a real baby and I swear I was seriously considering divorcing him once and for all, because I couldn't STAND how much of a loser he had become!

Anyway, he ended up re-enlisting after much stress and difficulty and then he had the nerve to blame me! He was a total asshole to me for like a MONTH until finally I told him a truthful thing or two about how I felt about our relationship and him in general.

Now he has gone back to being his old sweet self and best of all he's starting to look into other jobs so he won't have to re-enlist AGAIN.

My point in all of this is that sometimes you just have to be calm and frank and tell the truth...Even if that truth is going to piss him off. I think that's what shook up my husband...He got all hysterical and screamed at me and I just looked at him the way I look at my daughter when she throws a tantrum. I just really didn't even care at that point and my indifference gave me unimaginable power.:P

My point in all of this is that sometimes you just have to be calm and frank and tell the truth...Even if that truth is going to piss him off. I think that's what shook up my husband...He got all hysterical and screamed at me and I just looked at him the way I look at my daughter when she throws a tantrum. I just really didn't even care at that point and my indifference gave me unimaginable power.:P

If that's the lesson you learnt from that I can only imagine how unhappy your marriage will get.

Man I'm glad I'm single.

I was thinking a massage with a happy ending as soon as he gets home from work today...

OOH OOH, I'll take one!!! Pick me! Pick me!

I used to do some plumbing work, on the black market (ie cash in hand) and its easy money.

In London plumbers were is such short supply and in such high demand that even junior lawyers were retraining as plumbers cos they could earn more!

If that's the lesson you learnt from that I can only imagine how unhappy your marriage will get.

Man I'm glad I'm single.

Being married is very different than dating.

I didn't LIKE upsetting him and telling him the hard truths, but it had to be done! Just like he tells me when I've dropped the ball and am blissfully unaware.

And I was joking about the "unimaginable power" part, in case you missed the ":P" I put at the end.

Gosh, squirrelfriend? With the staffing shortage, couldn't he ask to go back to his old job or...even go to another pet store? I'd be suprised if there weren't openings at every other one in town.

Or he could talk to his bosses about the pay. Bosses are going out of their way to keep staff. If they don't talk to him in as polite a way as he talks to them....byyyyyye! Thus he keeps the long hours but gets paid for them or he gets 40hrs & the same in pay.

Heck, I wonder if the zoo is hiring at better money?

The zoo is hiring and doing some major construction. They also got a cool anteater. Their tails are as long as their body.

What state do you live in?

Just a wee update:

He put his notice in at the pet store! He's going to try and get a job at the Y (which I think would be pretty sweet, even if it doesn't pay that much) and if that doesn't happen then he's going to get a construction job. I'm so happy. :)

So your nagging finally paid off eh? This causes great inner turmoil for me.

Ha ha, yeah!

But I still don't think it was right for me to nag him so much, and I'm not going to use this as validation to nag him in the future.

Once a nagger, always a nagger...