His name is Bradley. Or James. Or Andrew. Or any other name you could think of for that matter. Hes a pleasant bloke. You know the type already. He's a stock character in a storybook of love, sex, drugs and education. He suffers from chronic nice-guy syndrome and for some its incurable. He's your girlfriends best friend. Your fuck buddies best buddy.

How do you tell him to sort it out without being offensive. He's not getting in the way or anything, I just don't wanna see him go down that road.

Without being pompous, here's the story. There's a guy I know, not really well, but I know him enough. His best friend is a girl and from what I can tell he's in love with her. This girl likes me and If anything happens, well, I don't wanna hurt him. He's a nice-guy. I wanna tell him in a polite way that he's gotta sort it out if he wants to get laid before he's thirty. I'm afraid I'll come across as a "up my own arse" prick.

sort what out? go down what road? i might be able to give input if you wouldnt try to make this a frikken narrative and make sense out of this, i dont see the problem in what you typed, hes your gf's best friend and hes a nice guy... whats the deal?

Dude, I've tried. usually Doesn't work. Talk about it around him in vague non-about him terms. Then if his ears prick up and he gets real into it, tell him more.

Most people just shut off when you try to spread the good word.

i was that guy, but finally a good friend of mine, told me and i quote "stop being a bitch". i told him to fuck off. but it kinda stuck in my head. yeah i still can be the nice guy at times i can still be my best friends girls best friend, but i can also go out and meet women, and have the confidence with everything in my life.

just so we are clear, it wasnt a magical change, it happened over time and slowly i understood why i was always in the "friend zone" but now i can avoid it.

Updated. Sorry for trying the narrative thing, I've been experimenting with my rhetoric recently.

i can imagine wantin to sort that out myself. id probably just be blunt about it:

"dude, I am fucking that girl thats your best friend. I hope this isnt goint to create any problems."

he probably doesnt want to hear it the way it is..

then take it from there, however that works out.

i wouldnt expect them to stop hangin out, i would just want the "roles" understood. id be good about covering the angles too.. if he told me he had issues, id say take those up with her.. then id tell the girl if that kid gets you to cheat on me with him and i find out ill kick the crap out of him (but since im a nice guy too id probably say if you find out you love him, or some bullshit, tell me before you make a move and ill be peaceful about it.).. its kind of like taking their possible intentions hostage, but you getta get respect insurance haha.

however that shit might not be needed if its implicit that you are involved like emotionally and whatnot, or some other really attached way.. id just give the kid the idea tho so he chooses his own actions with that in mind..

If you can avoid being in the friend zone, and still tell the girls who drool for you to fuck off without regret, then you are a God of yourself.

Because

every nice guy can be an asshole
and
every asshole can be a nice guy.

It's potential. It's what we, essentially, are: free, to be anything we want. It's the mind and the past habits that entangle us up in these "roles"

This is why I love lucid dreaming so much. Because people in this world can't take it if you don't identify with some stupid role. They'll let you laugh, only if it's not at them. You could say an asshole is the one who laughs at everything and doesnt care, nice guy is the one who holds it all in because he knows theyll hate him... but someone wise knows their potential, and therefore doesnt even need to do anything to be happy. Then youre just whatever they call you, and whatever they call you passes by like clouds, because now you have no face.

If you look at the world with open eyes people will always, ALWAYS try to make you fucking close them, put you in a box. Ask you what you think, who you are, who you believe, hey look over here, hey distraction distraction don't be who you truly are, be THIS. You can never be NOTHING, have to be something, but that's exactly what we are: nothing except what we make ourselves.

Your friend is caught up in habits, so are you and everyone in the world. You can't control him.

If I were you, I'd tell her, and your friend to fuck off, to avoid the emotional bullshit, then go find a woman on your own, if you're man enough. Personally I really can't stand girlfriend and friend mixes, it always fucks up, especially seeing as how I live in a small city, and everyone fucks everyone, then lies about it. I always get that sick feeling in my gut when this issue comes around, a girl liking me, a friend liking her. I always wanna just tell them both to fuck off, the pussy aint worth it.

i dont think he said he and this guy were friends, just a best friend to his girl. i diddnt read it well enough myself cuz apparently i missed how he figured he was in love with his girlfriend.. in that case if you really are a "nice guy" tell him anyway. touching base with people is basic respect.. and i think other parts of my first post may still work..

good post "fuck".. on a side note i dont think im very susceptible to the sorts of things youre talking about.. funny, i think thats why people dont tend to like me, its because they cant make of me what they want, i wont let them. (edit) this aint to say "hey look how strong and cool i am".. i am this way, and i think people dont want to open up to me cuz of it, because theyll have no control..

Maybe this would be a good opportunity for him to learn about the harsh realities of the world.

End of the day mate, even if he is that guy you just can't help but like, he has to learn that women won't go for him just for being really really nice.

Get with this girl, let him get upset and then you can tell him the lesson learned: If you want her, you gotta ask. Also be a little more assertive...Not "nasty" or "an arsehole", just assertive.

I had to learn it from my brother...I used to be a nice guy when I was younger then when he started getting all the women, it pissed me off but I learned that being assertive worked better than hoping a girl would like me being nice to them.