ok, i'll make this as short and sweet as i can.

my girl of almost 5 months loves the way i treat her. She has said it herself and all her friends are jealous, because they see me as a perfect gentleman. I always get the door (car doors included), always pay, show up with flowers or whatever for no reason, etc.

I don't act like this to kiss up or in hopes of getting laid or anything, it's just the way i was raised. I like treating her like a princess or whatever, it's fun.

however, today she said that it was kind of a turn-off that i'm not really aggressive (in a sexual way). We haven't had sex, and today she said it was kind of because of me. I explained that I just don't want to cross any boundaries or offend.

she answered, "I have no boundaries."

i was kinda like, "whoa" in my head.

i just don't know if i can be aggressive in that way, aka going for a boob grab or something. something my parents taught me is that rule of, "don't do anything with a girl that you wouldn't want a guy to do to your sister."

that is pretty much embedded in me. any advice to help with "just going for it"?

I've been in your situation mate. It's confusing at first, believe me, but you'll get there in the end.

By aggressive, she doesn't mean "Grab mah tits you wanka!"
She means be a little more assertive...Like "Actually I disagree with that. I think you're wrong" or "Bullshit! We are NOT going to go shopping, we're going to the pub instead. Don't like it, go alone!"
A little more arguing your points and making up afterwards.

That's what it translated to with the girl who thought I should be more aggressive.

It's all well and good being the perfect gentleman but girls want a bit of adventure. A bit of a chase.

I've found that by giving your significant other more a challenge or a slightly bumpy road, things go better. God knows that's how it works with my missus! She has to be argued with every so often!

Hope that helps ya buddy.

/\ yeah , i am a very sexually aggressive person myself though so heres how to be like me... get really baked, i mean to the point where you don't care about the world anymore.... its pretty much my way of life period... i know im a useless stoner with nothing to show for life... but i dont care anymore

might have a point there, but i think she definitely was being more in reference to physical. i'm always assertive and myself, and this frequently upsets her, though i never actually mean to. we're often seen as "foils" for each other, as she's kind of high-strung (not very though) and i'm really really laid back. this might have something to do with it.

I'm like you. I enjoy having manners and treating the girl I'm with like royalty. But there is a fine line between being a gentlemen and just being her "bitch" so to say.

They key is to not lose your independence. Be yourself, but be nice too. There's an equilibirum you need to find between the two.

As for the physical aspects of it. She wants you to lead. I know it's probably something you're not use to... and there's gonna be a fair share of awkward situations, but there's nothing else you can do.

You've been together for 5 months. You should feel comfortable around her by now. Just take some consolement in the fact that if you mess up... You can probably talk your way out of it, or laugh it off. When you're around her, go on your impulses more.

Become random. If she's talking to her friends, snag her away for a kiss. If she's playfull, then become playfull. Don't be afraid to hurt her, if she's hurting she'll tell you. What she means is she can read you like a book. If I had a girlfriend like that, It'd depress me too.

You parents grew up in a different era. You know what's right and wrong... But that doesn't matter. What matters is making your girlfriend happy, even if you break some of the embedded chivalry in yourself.

Think about it, I assure you if it doesn't work, you can just blame her for wanting more out of you.

assertive

That's the word I was looking for. She just wants you to have some balls and be more spontaneous. Woman always like the bad boys.

any tips on achieving some of the goals suggested here? I have some ideas, but changing part of the way i act won't be excruciatingly easy for me.

Instead of just thinking about her, consider yourself in the equation.

...Treat her like she's below you sometimes.

BE MORE PHYSICAL

It's that simple. If you don't, she'll find someone else. She's your girlfriend, you should know what she likes.

A slap on the arse could be good, like *Smack* "What an arse, darlin'!"

Or some grabbing her, pulling her into you and kissing her hard. Not chewing her face you understand but put some of the firey passion of christ into that kiss!

Shit like that...Get yourself all worked up and release it physically!

It's all good advice above.

All I can add is to start being a bit more assertive, a little bit more cruder around her and her friends, and basically have fun.

For example, tell her she's taking you out to dinner tonight for a change. Tell her you like it when she wears a short skirt. Slightly hit on a few of her friends when your out in a group.

When your alone, start kissing her, then back off a bit. Start cuddling and kissing, then back off a bit. Make her work for the each step up.

If you do it right, she'll go crazy.....

alright, i think i've got some good advice for starting out now.

thank you all very much.

if anyone else has ideas, please don't hesitate to share. all i want to do is make her happy.

More advice: Give everyone in the thread rep.

...kidding...

(seriously)

Also, if you're truely comfortable with her...

Try asking her to help. Tell her to give you examples. Get her to voice what she wants... Maybe you can get something in return. It's not fair if she expects you to do everything.

But, then again, that would only work if you two have become very close.

More advice: Give everyone in the thread rep.

...kidding...

(seriously)

Also, if you're truely comfortable with her...

Try asking her to help. Tell her to give you examples. Get her to voice what she wants... Maybe you can get something in return. It's not fair if she expects you to do everything.

But, then again, that would only work if you two have become very close.

i'd say we are very close. we're both very comfortable around each other. the "L-word" drops quite frequently.

haha, i forgot we have rep now with these new boards.

i'd say we are very close. we're both very comfortable around each other. the "L-word" drops quite frequently.

haha, i forgot we have rep now with these new boards.

Well, since you're that close, then your communication between each other should be great.

If you really... really have trouble with this, ask for help.

But, keep in mind your actions will lose some of the effect if she needs to basically lead you through them. Overall, you'd be better off doing this on your own.

Just keep in mind that if your first few attempts don't succeed, you could always go to her...

Being a gentleman's good, but if that's all you are, you're one-sided. Rise above it, and see being gentlemanly as it is: a tool to get you kudos, to then exert your own influence, and change your world how you see fit.

It's the whole mindset. You've gotta enjoy yourself. She's all yours. You're not really using her and you'll both enjoy it. There really aren't any boundaries in the bedroom. Just get after it and do what ever you've let your mind slip off to before. Get up close and personal, ease in to it. It'll be second nature really quick. You'll be takin' over the situation once you get in to it.

I used to be all gentlemenly and never get mine. Now I'm always thinkin.. daamn I could've been fuckin' that.

This guy is giving you bad advice. I think maybe he misunderstood what you're asking.

What your girlfriend wants is for you to show her that she makes you crazy with lust. One thing I like about my husband is he's ALWAYS horny...I mean I'll act playfully exasperated, but I really like it, you know? He's constantly groping me and rubbing up against me. Like we'll be at the store or something and he's covertly rubbing his penis up against my butt. The other day he convinced me to have sex on the couch while our daughter was awake! We just covered up with a blanket and told her to go play in her room. Luckily she didn't come down and catch us!

Anyway, I think that's what she means.

This guy is giving you bad advice. I think maybe he misunderstood what you're asking.

What your girlfriend wants is for you to show her that she makes you crazy with lust. One thing I like about my husband is he's ALWAYS horny...I mean I'll act playfully exasperated, but I really like it, you know? He's constantly groping me and rubbing up against me. Like we'll be at the store or something and he's covertly rubbing his penis up against my butt. The other day he convinced me to have sex on the couch while our daughter was awake! We just covered up with a blanket and told her to go play in her room. Luckily she didn't come down and catch us!

Anyway, I think that's what she means.

I really think they should make a law requiring you to get a license before you're allowed to have children.

if its not your style, dont do it. be yourself.... then again in THIS case, its a case of getting or not getting sex. In which case i dont know cus im not the aggressive type either...yet ¬¬

I really think they should make a law requiring you to get a license before you're allowed to have children.

Who in the hell are you to say if she is good mother or not? It's not like she locked the kid in the room.

Who in the hell are you to say if she is good mother or not? It's not like she locked the kid in the room.

First off.

I made a joke.

Secondly.

Would you like to walk in on your parents banging on the living room couch... The couch you spend countless hours on... The couch you, your friends, your eventual girlfriend/boyfriend will once sit on.

...If you answer "Yes." then I think it's time to admit you have a problem.

Lastly.

Looking at this from a Social Services point of view would not go well.

Now, I did intend it as a joke... and by god I would of probably done the same thing. Next time, just take the "lulz" and continue.

Really, must you ruin my fun?