Those who know my story, cool. Those who don't, meh, it's pretty long and boring. That aside, it's been a good few months since the broke up. The real deal sealer was getting on Lithium and Olanzapine for bipolar. It really evened out the moods, it made me productive, but gave me the shortest fuse ever.

If she said something stupid, contradictory, or just something that confused me I'd grab my hair, and go "What? What the fuck? FUCK? FUCK! ...the fuck is wrong with you?"

:) I was always looking for an out, but I was too weak as a person. Who knew all it would take was anger issues? Hurra.

Any way, I never knew how much a person can be a bad influence. I thought people were making it up. She wanted me to behave, but she would trigger the responses that she was trying to protect me from. Yet she still refused to leave my life. It took me a long time to realize that's not love. Love is selfless, not selfish. Sure she never wanted me to do drugs, but she caused my desire. I OD'd trying to escape the misery she caused. She's been gone for a fair while, and I'm sober, I dont drink, smoke, do anything (except mushies, mushies are gods gift to his children). I found religion. I have my first fulltime job, ever. Even though I've had 11+ jobs.


Totse, all this time, was right. She was bad for me. I don't even want any responses to this, nor expect them. I just hope that some of the people who told me to get away from her see this, because frankly, I owe you guys a lot.

Plus there is this hot, nice, shy, but totally into me, nerdy girl that works at the local video games store.

I'm starting to think the narcisistic, hot, bitchy, clubber girl who's never worked a day in her life, uses mummy and daddy's credit card, and has a conceited, superficial attitude are a bad idea. "Bad idea" should translate into "needing to die". ..fuck. FUCK.

Catch.

Plus there is this hot, nice, shy, but totally into me, nerdy girl that works at the local video games store.

She sounds hot. But please dont fuck her up how your ex fucked you up.



Oh.. religion?

She sounds hot. But please dont fuck her up how your ex fucked you up.



Oh.. religion?

In all honesty, perusing a girl at this point would be unfair on her, because I don't believe in getting into a relationship till there is 0 feeling for the ex. I don't want to be with her, but that doesn't mean I don't still have an underlying love for her. Love isn't a flame that just extinguishes instantly. It slowly burns out.

But seriously, how cool would it be to have a girl where you both sit in bed and use your laptops to wirelessly lan with each other. I'll treat the next girl like a princess. People say not to put females on a pedestal, that's bullshit. Don't put females in general on a pedestal. Treat them like any other human being. But treat the girl you're with like she she shits gold bricks.

Religion, that is my business :).

Sorry for the long response. Shleepy time. Tomorrow is mothers day eve, and all the nice sons and daughters will want to buy things. Night.

I hate the men that let their girlfriends hide them away from society. I hate their guts. I hate their brain. I hate their girlfriends, too. Wheres your buddy you've hung out with since you were little? Pumping his braindead girlfriend 24/7!

Glad to hear it; good luck. Have fun.

Avoid picking up a cleaner fish.

Heyyyyyy

I mean yayyyyyy

Religion, that is my business :).


Your a priest?

I think you have learned a valuable lesson about women...

I see this shit everyday.

People are chaotic. As chaotic as everything else in the universe, a man or woman has the potential to be a serial killer or a priest. Given that realization, how could you expect some fantasy of always being with someone to ever last?

It's all the talking and shit, sitting there, 2 human being with all their energy talking about stuff. TALKING but not doing. Eventually the relationship is built on words, which aren't even really LIFE, and people get frustrated. Because here you are, with all of this energy sitting in you, rotting in you. The schools do it to you, the jobs do it to you, and even the women do it to you. They force you to conform to some fantasy until you realize time and time again you dont even need it.

People may see me as bitter, but a lot of people I see in relationships (not all) are usually people so depressed with themselves they hate to be alone. When you are forced to be alone and have no choice, you must adapt and this gives you a new perspective on "relationship". So by the time you come back to the world of people and have your pick of the ladies you realize... yeah, she's cute, so is she, I might like her, but really, tomorrow I might not! Tomorrow I might want to be all alone and she'll find someone else to fuck if I keep wanting that alone time! So what she'll do to ensure this togetherness is to keep calling me, keep the attachment going.... then sex becomes not a play, then people get married, and become miserable and dont even have sex anymore. Because they wasted their energy.



You really wanna sit there, with all of this potential you have, and talk to a girl all day? I got tired of it I guess, now I just want to do what Im here for: to fuck them, and that's it. If they dont want it, Im not going to blink, or lose a moment of sleep over it. I hate talking, I hate thinking and talking of fantasies Id like to do, I do it or I dont, to think of doing is POISON to me. Thats just it, the freedom of being single is I am free for them to play with but they always want more more more until they have you in their grip. It's why I never chase them, and it always confuses them. I refuse to be that slave they have ideas of me being, ever. It's bullshit, its a waste of time and energy. Never their fault though, always the conditioning of the past.

Im sure theyll snap out of it one day, and when they do, hey, Ill always be here, but that doesnt mean every fucking day!

This is why I keep talking about tantric sex/preserving energy. Because I hate the misery that comes with relationship, and you need to find the beauty, in YOURSELF before relying on others... then you are truly free, I think.

I also want to say this: You never see a couple water skiing together and fighting, or going swimming, playing, fucking, biking, anything that is life.... and fighting. You NEVER see it, you see them using their energy to have fun and enjoy breathing.

The only time you see the misery is in the thinking, the talking, and the arguing. It's in the talking we lose the present moment and all of our potential, and this country LOVES to ruin people and fool them into thinking this is a great way of life. We have completely lost touch with our natural being and this is the real problem that plagues everything, including every single fight in a relationship. We should be doing, or not doing. Thinking and talking, to me are really wastes of time and I only do that when Im required. I'd rather live now than live talking about how I'd like to live one day ;)

"I love being with you" is not loving being with her. There are no words with love or sex.

It's a deep split between the body and mind and you have to really pay attention every moment to see it, it's so subtle yet so deep the reason for all of this misery....

Fuck, you need to stop bringing that lame shit up. Your "startling revelation" doesn't merit being repeated every five minutes.

You're bitter because women won't put out and then you justify fucking them and leaving them five minutes later (well, wanting to) because it's "natural" and/or "spiritual." Give me a break. This "split between the body/mind" shit is getting old too. No one's stopping you from fucking a slut and then never talking to her again, but not everyone likes that, and it doesn't make them brainwashed for not believing the shit you say.

Fuck Bitches.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. :)

And about time!!!

Some of us enjoy his posts greatly.

arquin: bloody glad to hear it! although with the whole anger problems I can still tell there's some room for self-improvement, which is always nice.

I think you need to shut up.

Arquin can be an ass, but atleast he's an interesting one who can be pretty cool at times.

I wasn't talking about him, you dumb bitch.

If I was a toddler, I'd let you fondle the shit out of me.

My best buddy, the one who'd come clubbing with me and we'd get into all types of shenanigans, go fishing, water skiing, snowboarding etc?

He's absolutely positively whipped. He got a gf, and he needs to ask permission to go to the movies. Then if I call him out on it he says he's just asking her incase she wants to come. But then I get it out of him that he'd cancel if she didn't want to watch it. He doesn't go clubbing, go out, anything at all with out his girlfriend. But hey, what ever makes him happy.

I really used to look up to him, now I think even though he's rich, good looking, and doing incredibly well in a respected uni course, at the end of the day, he has no dick. That puts me above him.

On a side note: thanks yoyobek, and to demoiselle, u r t3h coolz. And demoiselle is the hawts (I want to bone you..)

On an even more side note (?): I know I said I was traveling Europe and a few other countries, but things got in the way and I had to cancel. That and it was unrealistic. I've applied for a Canadian work visa. I'm going to Calgary. November or December, for 12 months. Working at a ski resort. I will visit you guys. We'll get drunk and pick up some fine Canadian girls. I hear there's an abundance of them over there. That or I'll get raped in the ass, for meeting totse people in real life. What ever.