Over the top expectations can ruin good things

i feel pretty much the same way. there is this girl and i really do love her. i have these feelings for her that i have never experienced in my life. even though all my drug use. (except a few times on E, which was indescribable). i have liked girls before and felt physical attraction on many occasions, but i never had such attachment to one person in my whole life, i never felt so deeply for someone. yeah it might be because of some chemical reaction or whatever, but i like to believe (whether its true or not) that this feeling is more than just anyother chemical reaction.

love is the single most intense feeling i have ever felt. it makes me do crazy things and feel ways i never thought i would. love is true ecstasy imo.

yeah when you look at humans in a biological sense it becomes somewhat depressing because ALOT of our behavior is just... programming. However, we do have that magical cognitive ability that defines as non-animals and offers us the ability to find some meaning in the shit we do. As far as attraction/romantic love goes...yes, its a biological institution. We're attracted to the oppisite sex to both reproduce and in a long term relationship protect the mother and her offspring...sounds really animalistic, and somewhat depressing.


However, the light at the end of the tunnel exists in the fact that there are different types of love, take the love you have for a brother, parent, good friend. Thats the legimate stuff you make a concious decision to make. Your caring for that person is in my view at least a more legitimate love than romantic love.

New work on human neurology says that romantic feelings only last for around 1-3 years in the best of long term relationships and then you get to the attachment phase. Thats the legitimate love that you see in the elderly couple in the mall that are basically joined at the hip. That kindof love is the real love. Attraction is nice, but its a biological institution...dont put too much meaning behind it.

what about the love between same sex couples? i think that offers a legitimate challenge to this whole biological drive theory. they are not attracted to each other in the hopes of reproducing and carrying on a bloodline.
also, its a cliche (although there is some truth to it) that an outside observer will not be able to perceive the love between two other people (though there are signs such as physical intimacy). it is something to be experienced, and you will not know that it is real until you have experienced it. maybe it is a bunch of bullshit, but even if its some kind of construct, we are more than mere animals (though we should not try to deny our animalistic tendencies). even in a less institutionalized form (by institutionalized i mean marriage) you will still see people come together for long amounts of time and care for one another to the point of self-sacrifice.

Of course it is. Having a biological explanation for something in no way makes it lose its meaning. Having evolved to love doesn't mean that love is somehow invalidated; I'd like to point out that you don't just fall in love with every person (of the opposite sex) you see. You still need a special bond beyond the instinctual: compatible personalities... personalities unique and far from just composed of instincts.

Being in love at the moment, I can say that these feelings are completely, 100% existent.

Nah, love is bullshit. Love is an idealistic idea made up by people who still believe women hang around men for any reason other than money, power, etc.

[/emo]

Love is real and it takes two to make it real.

It sometimes takes a momentary suspension of disbelief; especially for the more cynical and jaded.

Not from my knowledge, but logically yes, it can be real.

They might have that realistic awareness that only one bloodline will be carried on per child, but many do seek sperm/egg doners to give them a family to share together. Or, they might adopt.

So, I would say there is still a biological drive with same sex couples.

still, there are many couples (homo or hetero) that choose not to have children, yet they stay together for a long time. why is that?

also, the people that call it bullshit need to look outside themselves, in my opinion. at least look out a window.

Thanks for all the great responses in the thread people. I'm really glad to get this kind of turnout in my first thread in S&A.

When he says love, he means the idolized Disney kind. You know, happily ever after supernatural shit, not the real kind

Actually, I was talking about the real kind. I've never been in love and never experienced anything close to it. I guess I'll have to wait huh?

Maybe it's just my age, but I hear so many people trying to sort this out. Any way you look at it, can't it be good?

What is amazing is when you watch your child as he/she grows up. You can see yourself, the father, your brothers/sisters, nieces and/or nephews, your mother and father (etc.)....all expressed, at one time or another, through that child...as well as see that child as they become their own person.

I think that is what family gives you. A connection that goes deeper than yourself. If you don't have that aspect of family then I think you lose some of that connection beyond yourself.

But you can relate all those things to instinct. Mating, courtship, child rearing. Emotions can be viewed as just another survival or self preservation tool. What I don't think most people realize is that emotions were developed through evolution. We have them for a reason.



love is the single most intense feeling i have ever felt. it makes me do crazy things and feel ways i never thought i would. love is true ecstasy imo.

I envy you.


yeah when you look at humans in a biological sense it becomes somewhat depressing because ALOT of our behavior is just... programming. However, we do have that magical cognitive ability that defines as non-animals and offers us the ability to find some meaning in the shit we do. As far as attraction/romantic love goes...yes, its a biological institution. We're attracted to the oppisite sex to both reproduce and in a long term relationship protect the mother and her offspring...sounds really animalistic, and somewhat depressing.


However, the light at the end of the tunnel exists in the fact that there are different types of love, take the love you have for a brother, parent, good friend. Thats the legimate stuff you make a concious decision to make. Your caring for that person is in my view at least a more legitimate love than romantic love.

New work on human neurology says that romantic feelings only last for around 1-3 years in the best of long term relationships and then you get to the attachment phase. Thats the legitimate love that you see in the elderly couple in the mall that are basically joined at the hip. That kindof love is the real love. Attraction is nice, but its a biological institution...dont put too much meaning behind it.

So you're saying to just enjoy being human and not question my instincts/emotions?


Of course it is. Having a biological explanation for something in no way makes it lose its meaning. Having evolved to love doesn't mean that love is somehow invalidated; I'd like to point out that you don't just fall in love with every person (of the opposite sex) you see. You still need a special bond beyond the instinctual: compatible personalities... personalities unique and far from just composed of instincts.

Being in love at the moment, I can say that these feelings are completely, 100% existent.

Good point. I guess I'll have to wait until I fall in love to be able to understand it. And congrats on landing Leejah ; ).


Love is real and it takes two to make it real.

It sometimes takes a momentary suspension of disbelief; especially for the more cynical and jaded.


I can see that. So I guess my problem is a can't see the forest for the tree's kinda thing.

Good point. I guess I'll have to wait until I fall in love to be able to understand it. And congrats on landing Leejah ; ).
:D Thankye! I hope you find a special someone as well.

As Jesus said, "God is Love."

Love is real, but loving one person is not love. If you love someone, you LOVE.

I love a lot of people. <3

I fall in love with just about every girl I meet. :p

The biological basis of love...that's been explained.

It's probably no secret that I'm really big on spirituality (which to my understanding, is the functioning of the mind and body, whereas biology is the structure and ability of the mind and body). So I'll try to give a view-point on it from a spiritual stance that I hope makes sense.

I pose that love is a synergistic relationship between chaos and order. It's the ability to be tormented and pleasured at the same time; from one's flaws comes that which can be appreciated and valued: humanity. Through experiencing another's chaotic being via dating, sex, arguments, partying, and so on, you gather valuable experience that can be utilized to be bring an ordered and lasting relationship with a person.**

The biological aspect is limited: the same stimulus creates less and less of a chemical reaction. The long-lasting bond that we call 'love' is a matter of whether your spiritual beings are capable of the synergy I speak of before the chemical high runs down.

Expanding on that notion, there is a scenario in which one individual functions with great empathy and can fully understand their partner. While their studied bond is well and mature, their partner may not function with as much empathy, or even empathy towards particular flaws.

This above situation leads to a broken heart*, and will often draw major doubt into the minds of the burned individuals as to whether the 'dream' of love is based on anything real.

If love were purely chemical at this point, the emotion felt would only be sadness, due to a loss. In reality though, both sorrow and pain are felt: sorrow, due to the biological aspect of losing a comforting high, or even a steady day-to-day relationship; pain, typically expressed in a secondary 'lost' emotion and often accompanied by a tertiary 'guilt' emotion, arises because the burned individual misjudged their own qualities and qualifiers as a human being and have entered into a mindset where they doubt their worth to self and others. (layman's terms: The person thought the couple was 'right' together and they weren't)

Love is a risky endeavor, but if that synergy is in place by the time the lust settles down, you have something we like to call 'love'...which, intriguingly, can be utilized to set that fire of lust burnin' bright.

** The biological predecessor is an ABSOLUTE necessity to synergy even being possible. If it is not there, *obsession* and *indifference* are the two possible outcomes.

* Broken heart, being defined as the combined emotions of wrath, sorrow, and pain.

Hope this was informative!

Love IS NOT THE ROMANTIC WESTERNIZED SOCIAL CONTRACT YOU'RE USED TO. There is no prince charming, there is no princess you kiss and live happily ever after. There's no such thing as happily ever after, if you can't learn to give happines and joy to yourself(and I don't mean masturbation), you will never be able to give those feelings to another. Real love starts with YOU first, love is harmony, like when you pluck the strings of a guitar, when the melodies harmonize you feel good. Likewise with life, when you harmonize with your surroundings you will feel good. You should seek to harmonize with your enviroment including the people in it, and you should not let anyone's version of reality including my own, to stop you.

I envy you.

One day you will experience love. even if you dont want it. i truely feel like i dont want to love this girl, but i can make myself not love her. i will love her forever because of what she means to me and i know nothing will change that no matter how much i dont want to feel these feelings.

This thread makes me depressed. :(

why???

why???

Because when you think about it 'love' is nothing more than a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain designed for the purpose of reproduction between two people.

(P.S: I can't type very well today)

Because when you think about it 'love' is nothing more than a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain designed for the purpose of reproduction between two people.

(P.S: I can't type very well today)

kinda but not imo. if you really think about it EVERYTHING is just a chemical reaction, everything on everyday of your life. but dont see it that way. i feel "attraction" to people i would love to mate with, but real love is deep, love is something you dont experience with everyone you mate with. love is speacial and i wouldnt listen to anyone who tried to tell me different. but thats just me

Can't argue with that--in a sense, all emotions and thoughts are just a matter of neurochemistry, neuropeptides and all that.

In another sense, love is a choice.

In still another sense, as the Huna principle puts it, "To love is to be happy with." Universal unconditional love is to be as God, loving all of creation just , well, just because it is there.

In general, though, what most folks call love is sexual attraction, co-dependency, and/or limerance.

I do like how you define spirituality.

I'm glad for that, any comment on the substance of the post, though?

Because when you think about it 'love' is nothing more than a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain designed for the purpose of reproduction between two people.

As Twisted_Ferret said (+rep for him), the fact that it has a biological base doesn't make it any less meaningful. Everything is 'a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain'. Every experience, thought, idea and interaction you've ever had is just your neurochemical response to stimuli. Every drug you've ever taken (and every drug you haven't) operates under the same principles. It doesn't make it less real when applied to love, it makes it real. And of all those infinite ways in which you can experience the results of 'a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain', in my experience love is by far the most incredible of those, and the one that makes you feel the most amazing, that truly gives you a sense of something bigger than yourself. A sentiment that's seemingly shared by pretty much anybody who's ever truly been in love.

So for those who think love is just a bunch of chemical reaction, would it be possible to somehow capture those chemicals, remove them from the body, and then, I don't know, place them into another body?