So I am taking my girlfriend to the abortion clinic tomorrow...Sounds so nasty saying it that way but hey....

The story goes we were doing it, the condom had split and, even though I didn't shoot she got pregnant (proof to the kiddies out there that pre cum CAN make a girl pregnant). Guess we're part of that 1-2% now!

So she missed her period, we went to a clinic for them to check it out. They confirmed it and she called another clinic for an appointment to get it sorted because they didn't do it there.

So tomorrow is the day and she's having the pill treatment (non invasive method or something). She has read the pamphlets and has told me tonight that there is going to be a load of blood and a lot of pain. Kinda like a period but ten fold.

What I would like to know from women who have had this treatment or guys who have been the situation before, are there any ways I can lessen her discomfort at all and make her feel better while she's going through it?
It was my mistake (the way I see it even though she disagrees) and I don't want her to feel any more pain or discomfort than can be avoided.

Any help or advise you can offer would be great and highly appreciated.

Thanks.

Guys assess situations, and offer advice and possible solutions, then move on. It's in our nature.

Girls don't like that - they need someone to "be there for them", and listen to them, and hold them or whatever.

So my advice is:

Listen to what she wants, let her know your there for her, offer an opinion only if asked, don't try to take her mind off it, but don't keep talking about it. Realise it is more about her than either you or both of you as a couple.

Basically be guided by her. Mabey take her somewhere nice, and sit and talk for a while. If she likes chocolate, bring some.

We've had a couple of scares, but no abortions. I think it's up to the individual girl how she takes it, so any advise may or may n ot be applicable to you both.

I've never had an abortion, so I don't really know what to say.

But can't you ask the doctors for any advice on looking after her and making her more comfortable?
Suppose that's all you can really do, get her a hot water bottle, they're pretty cool. Would she be allowed to take a painkiller? Or could it interfere with something?

Chumpion, I agree wholeheartedly with the chocolate thing...Is there any female problem that stuff can't fix?! But yeah, it is different for every woman. I'll be listening. I was just wondering if anybody had some tips on possible ways to make the trip go easier.

And Duck, I will be asking the doctor tomorrow. I think she can take painkillers but again I will be asking about that.

Thanks to you both for the advice.

Chocolate, a hug, and "Tell me about your day" - now thats the best pickup routine in the world with a girl you already know.

Good luck dude - I don't envy you, but honestly, you'll be in and out before you realise whats going on - it's the days after you'll need to be concerned about.

Yeah I'm not too scared about the whol thing but I just want to make sure she's okay. It's a pain in the bollocks loving a girl!

Dunno what I'd do without ehr though.

Cheers Chump'! ;)

Hey good luck psycho8b. Respect to you for caring for her.
I know aborion is a sad happening, but I know you've both made the decision that's right for you.

Take lots of chocolate and sweets on the trip.

Is she going to be awake during the..induced miscarriage, it sounds like?
That sounds pretty bad.. but if you can be there with her it would be great.

Distractions are vital. Movies, music,
OOh, buy her a STASH of those tacky womens magazines, or trashy gossip magazines, or whatever she has a dirty love of but rarely indulges in.

When I went to london for an operation my boyfriend managed to find me a bunch of russian and chinese newspapers, which was amazing. I couldnt understand much but getting absorbed into them was a great distraction.
And afterwards he took me out and bought me a bucket of the greeeeeeeeesiest fried chicken ever. It felt almost guilt free as I'd had to starve for 20 hours before the op.



I know possesions and items and food wont make the pain go away, but they're more about distraction in this case. The less she's thinking about what's happening, the less it will hurt.


In theory.

Nothing you do can physically remove the pain of the abortion, nor can you make her feel better morally or spiritually about what she is doing- other than just being there for her. Just listen to what she has to say, and try and be there for her. Dont let her feel like you're abandoning her at a time like this.

And good luck.

She'll be asleep for the operation.
When she wakes up she may or may not be in some pain. But it's like bad period pain. When I woke up in recovery I was in phenominal amounts of pain, or what felt like it anyway because I'd never actually experienced period pain before. Period pain is contractions, it's her body trying to expel something.
Her reaction will depend on her whole take on it. When I was in recovery the girl in the bed next to me cried and cried and cried (imo, I think her mother made her get it done). But your girlfriend might be fine.
She'll have to rest for a couple of days, the anesthetic might make her feel sick, I know the first thing I did when I woke up was vomit everywhere.
She won't be able to have sex for at least two weeks, my recomendation would be more (she can't stick anything in there, due to the risk of infection, so she won't be able to have baths andd things either).
But everyone's reaction is different to an abortion, she may be fine, she may need alot of support. I know my boyfriend had a worse reaction to it than I did. Just be prepared for alot of mood swings. Abortion clinics do offer counseling. But nothings ever compares to the support of someone who loves you.

Get her chocolate with a vikodin center.

Idk, put the kid up fer adoption

Fucking abort it. Then give her booze/drugs/bondage. (assuming such things are legal in ur area) edit: they'll give her drugs no doubt, so nvm.

^^^ We are aborting it, genius.

She doesn't want kids any more than I do.

Thanks to everyone for your help...It's really appreciated. I don't know what the Hell to expect so having some pointers and some past experiences from other people has given me some stuff to think on.

With my views on abortion I wasn't going to reply in this thread but some of the advice you've been given is worrying.

THE SIMPLE TRUTH is that whenever a 'baby' is removed from the womb be it by giving birth, miscarriage or abortion there is a risk of what is commonly called a depression and in the worst cases a psychosis.

I'm told its due in part in the sudden change to the hormone table.

Chances are she'll be fine but you MUST watch out for signs of her not being so. These tend to be the same as for the 'baby blues'. Weepyness, apathy, watching 'unemployed peoples tv' yet not really watching, staring at a point in the distance or the wall, y'know?

IF she EVER starts to hear things that you know for sure aren't real then you need to get her to a doc asap.

I won't wish you 'good luck' for obvious reasons but i hope you both get through it ok and if you love her, for gods sake, keep a close eye on her afterwards.

In my experience pretty much every girl who gets an abortion does absolutely fine. Some of them might cry, but that's mostly from fear and not grief and that's usually just the young ones. Pretty much every one of the girls I talked to before and after said they felt relieved and not really sad or anything.

One piece of advice I want to give you: The abortion pill isn't as effective as a surgical abortion and it also causes a lot more pain to the woman. Also, if it doesn't completely expell the fetus, she'll just have to get a surgical one anyway. At planned Parenthood we almost always recommended surgical abortion over the abortion pill, so...I just wanted to tell you that.

A lot of times I would call the girls the next day after the proceedure to see how they were doing and I would have to say that 95% were experiencing practically no pain and the other 5% were just in moderate discomfort. She'll be fine.:)

I've known a few personally where they did have pyschological problems afterwards. Strangely enough (and why I mentioned it to P8b) it tends to have been those who were comfortable or happy to abort. Like I said its not so much a moral/guilt thing more just basic body chemistry.

And it seems to be worse the later the abortion takes place (which makes sense).
Its also the same advice i give every expectant happy-to-be father I meet.

There is a lot of propaganda spewed by both sides in this debate when it comes to the supposed after effects of abortion. From personal experience I'd guessimate that of every 100 women 98+% are fine mentally afterwards. Unfortunately for the others IT can be horrible and extreme, leadng even to commital . We do everyone involved a disservice if we pretend otherwise.

ps.just realised my 98+% ties in with your 'pretty much' doesn't it?

btw P8b, if she does suddenly decide to back out and you're both stuck what to do then there's always space for a basket on my doorstep, capish? (and yes I am deadly serious).

Guys assess situations, and offer advice and possible solutions, then move on. It's in our nature.

Girls don't like that - they need someone to "be there for them", and listen to them, and hold them or whatever.



If doctors were going to poking around your insides you'd want someone to be there for you too. Offering solutions can be useful, but you have to be able to do both to be fully human. I hate this fake division between 'practical solutions' and 'emotional support.' One without the other is pretty useless.

But psycho_8b, you seem to have the balance exactly right. I think you're doing all you can. I guess, just remember that she might still be really upset for a while, and nothing you can DO will change that, so don't get frustrated, just keep on with what you're doing.

It's definitely true that some women freak out after an abortion, but to be honest those same women would've probably freaked out if they'd had the baby too. I mean abortion is definitely an unpleasant topic and experience for anyone to go through...But people just have to weigh the pros and cons and come up with an informed decision.

It's definitely true that some women freak out after an abortion, but to be honest those same women would've probably freaked out if they'd had the baby too.

QFT!

Exactly, my point wasn't about whether abortion is right or wrong, just the way women's bodies/minds can work.

Unfortunately it can be really difficult to see the line between 'upset', 'UPSET' and 'Depression'.

I know...

yup, chocolate, hot cocoa, trashy gossip magazines and a cuddle in bed :)

Jesus, you're as bad with kids as I am with guinea pigs! :)

10 going on 14 now..





yup, chocolate, hot cocoa, trashy gossip magazines and a cuddle in bed.:)

YES!!!!!!!!



*kidnaps remadE*

You will please leave your soapbox at home in this thread. I do.

There is a thread here where you can express your views on abortion to your heart's content.

Thanks for all the feedback, guys.

Well we went there today and she had a blood test and whatnot.

Gotta go back on Thursday and Saturday to do the final steps. Thank God I'm off work both times so I can be there with her. That's the most important thing to me: Letting her know that I'm by her side every step of the way.

As for the upset thing, physiologically speaking, it's quite possible what with all the hormonal imbalnces and stuff. But on a mental level, she's relieved this is happening. She knows that at the moment a child isn't a feasible option for us. She's got the same feelings as me on the subject, being that we don't have the time, money or home to bring a child into the world and give him/her the life they deserve.
We bot hate the people who have children out of happstenance/convenience and make an innocent life miserable.