Well, usually my girlfriend comes over and we have sex, most days of the week. However, this entire weekend shes been playing netball at a carnival, and can't come to my house.

I'm REALLY horny.. and Masturbation isn't doing it for me.

Is there any household items i can use to simulate sex?

Dude, seriously, I know you want to get off, but seriously, a couple days isn't gonna kill you. 'bate all you want, but don't go bringing foreign object near your wang. Otherwise years from now you'll regret it. You'll be thinking "Was I really that pathetic that I used a (insert object here) for sex?"

If it's that bad, tell me how it goes when you two break up.

...Or when she gets pregnant.

I've heard a highlighter would do the job.

You must be able to go for a few days, buy a fake pussy? Use some lube?

1) Wrap a towel around a toilet roll tube.

2) Put a rubber glove into the toilet roll tube fingers first and stretch the opening around the towel.

3) Lube it up and have fun.

Alternatively, go get a pound of liver and put it into a jar...I hear that's an old favourite of weirdos who want to fuck household items.