First off, let me explain. There's this girl that I met at the begining of this semester and we got really close.

Last weekend I went to her house (for the first time) we got slightly drunk/tipsy and she slipped her hand under my shirt, one thing led to another and I had my hand down her pants and was about to unzip them when her cousin came home.. which ended most activities for the night.

So I talk to her the day after and ask her if that was a one night thing or if she wanted to continue this. She tells me she doesn't want a relationship right now but she wants to go out. She also wants to "go with the flow"

WTF IS THE DIFFERENCE IT'S FUCKING CONFUSING
and also, what does "going out" mean exactly

the term friends with benifits comes to mind, so does the fact that this might just be the preliminary stages of a relationship

times like these make me think that girls truly don't know what the hell they want

PLZ help totse, I need clarity right now

She just wants it up the pooper.

What is so hard to understand? She wants FUN, not commitment.

Yeah, I never understood the distinction either, and it caused for some confusing/embarrassing moments.

So now, I just assume it's an open relationship until she takes the initiative to make it official.

That way, I can fuck other girls, and even date other girls, if I find one that might be better than her in the meantime.

Their stupid logic and inability to keep things simple has lead me to be much more fickle. I also always generally go for the sex before any commitment, just in case.

I don't want to be stuck with some chick who won't put out for months.

She wants a fuck buddy.

thanks for the responses, i expected to get 0 due to my poor writing skills

especially thanks to Rizzo, those few words helped me out more than the longest paragraphs could have

Open ended relationships..

You should NEVER meet a girl, and start fooling around with her thinking about a relationship. Just think that she'll be a good friend.

Then if things move to a physical level, you're golden. Don't be the one to start the relationship either.. if it moves that way. If they want you exclusively... they'll let you know.


Just enjoy it well it lasts.

Don't be the one to start the relationship either.. if it moves that way. If they want you exclusively... they'll let you know.


Just enjoy it well it lasts.

Man, i know people who have messed around with girls and they missed their chance because the girl was waiting for THEM to ask her out. They got bored and found new men eventually, they took that as a signal that it was an open-ended relationship. I'd say if you want a relationship with someone then at least try.

To the OP:
What Rizzo said was spot on.

maybe she's hung up on labels?

I'm actually dealing with that now. We both know what it is we're doing, but for some reason she doesn't say we're bf/gf, even though anyone who knows us knows we are.

at first, the whole thing confused me and i thought maybe she was embarrassed or something, and that kinda hurt. I still don't know what her whole reasoning is, but i go with it because nothing has changed except "what we're called."

go fig.

edit: for reference, this isn't the same story as the TS, because this isn't physical like that, but maybe this can help shed light on the situation anyway.

She doesn't want to commit (yet). She may just want to be "friends with benefits" OR she may want to test the waters before jumping in. Just go with it, see what happens.

Yea this girl is a ho....fo' sho

What is it with girls who are so afraid to commit?
It's just a label they're scared of. They don't want to get in a 'relationship' so that when the next hottest guy comes along, they don't have to miss out.

Instant gratification versus long term happiness. That's what it comes down to, and generally, humans are usually pathetic enough to pick the former more than half the time. It's really sickening.

That's exactly what she said though, she said "i guess i just don't like giving titles to things"

At first yeah i was weirded out by it and all but now that i've gotten used to it it's pretty great :)(i've never been in a friends with benefits type of thing) and everyone that sees me with her asks me later if she's my girlfriend. I always just say kind of and that we're going out.

We act like girlfriend and boyfriend except when i try to kiss her she turns her cheek. Today we were leaving school and she just gave me a hug she starts leaving i grab her by the arm and ask her for a kiss she says ok and shes just standing there. I lean in and she just stays there... i'm pretty sure if i went for the lips it would have worked out but i stalled for 2-3 seconds so she turned her cheek.

The only thing is that this is when we're out in school or in public but when we're alone at her house we act exactly like a boyfriend/girlfriend would act, kissing included. Which is what I don't get, any explanations??

Whatever I won't complain sometimes she wears her old schoolgirl uniform and says stuff like I didn't do my homework I think I need to be punished... which is pretty fucking hot :P

It sounds like she's into you, wants to go out on dates and such, but she doens't want the constant stress that comes with a relationship. Overall though, it sounds like she can't make up her mind.

She just wants a friend right now but it could easily move into a relationship if everthing happens right. It all depends on what you want, if you just want some fun then you can have some fun but if you want a real relationship you could have that too.

Just wait and see what happens and dont take things too fast or take things for granted either.

If only girls thought like that too.

Me and my girlfriend had almost the exact same situation as you say, except i was the one who didn't wanna commit. We were fuck buddies for almost 5 months before we finally made anything official, and its now our one year anniversary coming up in July. So, just see where it goes dude, thats what i did, and i couldn't be happier.

Thanks for the great replies ladies and gents it really helped :)

it really helped :)

Wanna elaborate?

Well it didn't help the relationship all that much but it helped me on a personnal/emotional level.

At first I was freaking out and panicking *don't even know why, guess I just wasn't used to it* but reading some of the advice posted by you people with experience calmed my nerves. This was all new to me I'm still pretty young.

You guys got me to "go with the flow" and just ride the wave, and now it feels like she's becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of us being girlfriend/boyfriend.

OK I take it back it helped the relationship too :)

A relationship is make believe, like children playing games like hide and seek, and making up the rules.

There are 2 sides to sexual desire, one, for those mature and wise enough to handle it, is for play, the other is for reproduction.

If you are "commited" to someone, you are channelling your sexual energy in such a way as to be closed to others and open to one. You are also, in your own mind creating an attachment that will inevitably have to be severed one day. Now, no matter what you think of a relationship, it is only as real as your mind makes it. Your sexual desires for other women will remain, because truthfully, as humans, we are free to have sex with anyone and do anything we want.

So you can make believe all you want that there's a relationship or anything more than sexual natural instinct there for as long as you want. The reason people are so confused about each other's sex drive these days is because we do not even know what to believe of a "relationship", sex, marriage or what we want, who we are, what we are here for. And when she cheats on you, just as real as you have built up these fantasies in your mind that you and her will only have desires for each other, just as painful it will be when the walls come crashing down.

You have to look beyond your own sexual desire to understand it. You must look beyond your own mind to understand it. By her saying she doesnt want a relationship and just wants to go with the flow, you should realize that shes very mature about it and is more in tune with her feelings than mind. Relationship is something we have been taught, something foreign that has been implanted into our minds. Sexual desire is more real, natural and I would urge you to explore it with her, and leave language aside.

That's why sex can be so blissful, because at the most sexual point there is no such thing as mind, relationship or anything besides the moment.

Obviously she wants random seks + no relationship. Going out != a relationship.

You have to look beyond your own sexual desire to understand it. You must look beyond your own mind to understand it. By her saying she doesnt want a relationship and just wants to go with the flow, you should realize that shes very mature about it and is more in tune with her feelings than mind. Relationship is something we have been taught, something foreign that has been implanted into our minds. Sexual desire is more real, natural and I would urge you to explore it with her, and leave language aside.

Interesting way to view it. I'll have to think about this some more.

Yea this girl is a ho....fo' sho

What? No, she wants fun. What the hell is wrong with that?

Very very insightful, but I don't fully understand the point you're trying to get across, even though I get the general idea.
This might be either due to the fact that

A- My fertile mind is still gathering information and have not had enough experience to fully grasp what you're saying
or
B- You use alot of subjective words and complicated phrase formulation and it confused me...

Well maybe it's a bit of both (this is in no way an attack against you or your post)

So all in all, what you're saying is I should completely get the idea of "relationships" out of my mind because it is a fabrication of the modern era/society and that I should just take advantage of the situation at hand; instead of acting based on logic and mind to act more upon my animalistic nature and upon my feelings?

Something along those lines =/?

Well I just wanted to add (yeah i'm bumping my thread..) that now she's started calling me babe/otherwordswiththesamemeaning in public and shes not as opposed to me holding her hand/touching her when we're in school.

Any input? Or should I just let this thread die.

It sounds like it's headed in the right direction. You did things right, apparently. Are you happy? If you're happy with what you've got, then our work here is done.

Happy isn't saying enough

Thanks alot guys you really helped :)

I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for, good luck with that.
:)

agreed.