I could use advice or not;

The Greek goddess that haunted me for two years walked away downtrodden today, dissappointed by fate. Today was our last day of college together, i'm gone forever, she has another year. She expected me to bend over for her, because why? she thinks that all that she achieved gives her special privilages? No, i'm not like that. I told her I wanted her and I asked her out and still she didn't give an inch, she just played those stupid games of cat and mouse, pretending indifference to make the guy wanton, expecting me to court her and court her. I've done that before and it disgusts me now. It all ends up for nothing. She may have thought that if it was meant to be than I would transcend all of my reservations because I liked her that much. I'm sorry, I do/did like her that much but nothing is worth experiencing what I experienced again. Not even a greek pixie, not even a japanese porceleined perfection pixie, could make me do that. It would have been good. Even though I am homeless and both of her parents are university professors in charge of million dollar research projects. haha... that is also partly why I refrained.
But anyways, two years, you need to appreciate this, two years of flirtation, eye contact, body language, want, repressed sexual tensions. And it ended with her holding out, walking away down the hall at the end of class, with such body language that it screamed "I am hopeless" shoulders shrugged, legs wobbly, arms drooped, how could she do it to herself? She must not have wanted me badly enough, I fucked up by being such a freak and resistant towards the relationship, and her upbringing of never swaying or giving in, the kind that at times borders heartlessess (which is how her parents achieved their status) it's ingrained in her, her pride. Me too, but thats just because I am living my dream.
She really was the only girl at college I wanted. Life is such a fucked up dream... we would have been perfect. I don't get it, life is determined by self determination and when things appear hopeless fate intervenes. We both were at our limits of giving in, and yet no fate, the roads just end before they meet, forever unfinished? Fate, this dream. Can it really leave it like that? It seems so out of place. Reality favors order and beauty and symmetry, and that is very unsymmetrical and just unnatural feeling. I don't get it. It just feels wrong, destiny wise, us not coming together. I am fine with it, I chose it, but still something feels wrong, like we were supposed to come together, if only for a short time.

I need some spiritual advice on this not relationship advice, this is different than that. Something is telling me something is wrong, and its not my cock, (not only my cock)...

She had complete control of your mind because she forced you to think about her.

Difficult this was to read.

Though from what I can understand, get out of there fast.

She wanted you to court her but you decided not to? Of course she'd walk away disappointed. Maybe you should let go for your pride for a little and sacrifice something, if she means that much to you.

mmm, Greek Goddess.

Hail Eris!

:)

It makes me happy to see that discordians haven't faded off the face of the earth. I didn't read that chunky block of text. If blocks of texts were made fun of, that block of text would get called fatty mc fat fat.

Good job for not bending to her will. If you did you would regret it later with even more pain. Get your mind off her by traveling or doing something interesting this summer.
The worlds an interesting place there's bound to be someone out there that is more appealing.