So I finally "grew some balls" and asked out this one girl. I met her about 1 month ago. As 'friends' we kissed and cuddled before. I am going on a date with her tomorrow and thing is I know that affection will be expected and as some of you may know this is my first attempt at a relationship and I can't/do not know how to insitgate.

I mean should i gently run my hand through her hair and lightly position her head and go in for the kiss. What about hugging? We are going to eat and then watch a film and spend some time together. She was the one who first started being affectionate towards me. And yeah I know this sounds pathetic. But I can't fuck up tomorrow.

just hold her hand, play around with her a bit, dont molest her or anything, if she gives off bad vibes youve gone to far

Do what feels right.

Damn... true but its all easier said than done. I mean I guess I should be comfortable and she doesn't mind being with someone without any experience. She asked me what took me so long to ask her.

I may go to far here..but:

Go off instinct. You are biologically designed to fuck, as is she. Know this and you'll be good. When you have a strong feeling like to do X is right, do it. Hesitation is like masturbation, blah blah in the end you're only screwing yourself (don't remember the whole shindig).

But also keep this in mind. Girls are deathly afraid of the following:
Looking like a slut
Losing their social status and friends
Getting fucked and not ever hearing of the guy again

So you have to do all in your power to prevent her from having any feeling of those things happening. Soooo if you are hearing mixed signals, she all of a sudden goes cold or something know that this does not mean she has lost attraction for you. She hasn't at all, in fact it may even be strengthend since she is resisting you making her want you more. All she is doing is making sure she doesn't do anything stupid and end up having those three fears listed above come true.

Whatever you do, exude confidence in it. That doesn't neccesarily mean cockiness and disregard for her. But don't allow her to sense you are timidly going forward waiting for her to meet you. Sluts make a lot of strong first moves, she might not want to risk it.

I suggest you use push-pull theory in everything too, more so in the beginning. That means dangling a string infront of a cat. The cat will go crazy until it gets that string. But if you just give it that string, it will walk away. Girls are same way, and so are you actually. They use it against us, so let us use it against them.

A great example of this is kissing. After stroking her hair or whatever, whatever is natural and instinctual and flows between you. Move in for a kiss, but hold your lips back, maybe lightly graze your lips against hers. Pull head back and look in her eyes, giving off a "I know you are dying to kiss me right now". Then turn away. She'll turn you back...lol

Another theory you should work with, is the behavior reward system. Females are the subordinate gender. It's what is universal in all species. They are smaller, weaker, they are the ones who are penetrated. They want to be led. Which means they do not provide food, they feed from it. How does this translate? Well, say you are deep in some loving affection giving. You start to feel her getting uncomfortable and pulling away for whatever eason. YOU pull away first. Stop all contact. Don't even hold hands or anything. Do this completely neutrally, this is not punishment. She'll soon realize that she has made things very uncomfortable by resisting you. She'll realize that comfort is a reward for giving into you.

I suggest to you, from the very beginning of when you guys see eachother touch her. Everywhere, non sexual. You say hi and touch her on her shoulder/arm or something. The more touching the better. This will do a number of things for you right off the bat. This will most importantly break down the barriers of physical contact with eachother early, and get you two physiologically used to touching eachother. You'll find it a lot easier.

I can tell, especially since she was the initial giver of affection, that she is attracted to whoever you are and whatever you do. So be yourself, it seems to be working.

Mufasa09 that was some brilliant advice. I particularly like how you said to not let her fully have me by lightly kissing her and leave her wanting more. I guess you are right because I haven't scared her away or anything and we have been hanging out for about a month now. So it seems like I DON'T come across as a psychopath. :)

the biggest thing you need to change is..."i can't screw this up" you will fuck this up if you keep that mentality. Also, you have a larger chance as coming across as needy should this be in the back of your mind...and needy isnt an attractive quality. Instead remember while this girl may be great she isnt the only girl that you can/will date. The whole "the one" mentality will fuck with you in more ways than 1.

Point taken. I do not expect her to be 'the one' but she is my first which is probably why I am frustrated that I will disappoint.

yeah, im not saying thats unrealistic...i felt the same way first time around too. But in retrospect it's a lot better both realize and show that you want to date her rather than need.

So if I do like was previously stated and I touch her, non-sexually, when we meet tomorrow and then we go out to eat some Chinese. Would a female expect you to put your arm around her or start being more touchy... I mean after we leave the restaurant?

yeah the best advice i can give you the first time around is not to try to please her either. Shes agreed to date you so she obviously has some interest in you. it doesnt really matter what she expects to be honest. typically, the best approach for this if you want to follow a check list is for you to take her hand sometime during the night when youre walking. if youre sitting next to her you could put your arm around her, sometimes kindof stupid however...try not to be akwardly fast or cheesily smooth just more of a natural thing youll get a feeling of when to do it most of the time. and finally theres the closer, the kiss. most people like to end the date with it but it can fit in anytime youre close to her.

its most important that you lose the expectations...all of these things seem hard and unnatural but in reality theyre pretty normal. and if you mess up be prepared to laugh at yourself and it shouldnt be that large of a deal. good luck. remember she should be the one trying to impress you not vice versa.

Right.....about the KISS. Is it completely out of style to ask if I may kiss her? Or should I have the whole look into her eyes and get non-verbal consent thing going?

asking is such a mood killer, just try to get yourself in a position where your face is close to her's...or you could just tell her "i'm going to kiss you". but not talking at all is perferable.

don't listen to this

aor you could just tell her "i'm going to kiss you"

or this, just go with the flow, don't feel like you have to kiss her all the time, this thought will just prey on your mind.

never feel like you 'should' be doing something, do what feels right.

Chinese can be particularly messy, so I'd avoid trying to put your arm around her or something, especially if atleast one of you two are using chop sticks :P. But, like stated before once you break the physical contact barrier, you will be easily able to distinguish body language with affection. Dont bother trying to do everything in the first date, just go with whatever happens.

Concentrate on just spending time with her,

Just, have fun man... Thats what everything is all about, having fun. Dont worry about anything else, other than how you and her are feeling. Everything else i just an added extra.




FFS School can get rooted.

don't listen to this

ahahhahahaha do you find needy a turn on? Moreover if he makes this date the end all be all hes going to get just a touch nervous you think? nervousness really doesnt help does it? so what shouldnt be listened to?

i suck ass at affectiony shit, just make sure she knows that you have trouble showing affection. when i get into a relationship i always make sure she knows that. it makes things alot easier.

Yeah she already kinda knows that. Oh and what about pet names or something of the sort? I mean she already calls me babe....i have no problem with being called that but should I call her by her name all the time or something else... and how would I find that something else?

Any women that I use pet names with, I usually like to use a different one all the time. Darlin', gorgeous, babe, etc.

Did you go with her yet?

Naw not yet we pushed it back to Thursday because both of our parents were complaining we would be back late on a school night. So now we can really stay out late. But I would have to say that our relationship is getting stronger. We can talk about anything and she even called me when I was visiting my old magnet highschool to see how I was (we are in an advanced early college program) it was usually me checking up on her. It didn't even come off awkward when I called her gorgeous.

So far everything seems to be fine. I am still worried about touching her. Its not that I am afraid but I mean touching her more meaningfully/sexually. But kinda like throopguy21 said she knows I am not that good at expressing myself like that. If anyone has any other tips or personal stories they would be greatly appreciated.

The key is using the push-pull thing I was talking about. This will get her hotter and hotter for you.

So when push comes to shove, instead of you making moves and waiting for her approval (AKA awkward), she'll be wanting it so bad that she will invite it thankfully, so everything will flow.

It will not be as bad as your fearing it will be. She will not be a dead fish and you will not be working hard trying to revive her. It will be a mutual thing, as she wants to touch you just as much as you want to touch her. She is merely waiting for you to lead.

But going all the way back to the very first, and most important thing I said in this thread. Use your instincts. For whatever reason, you will know that she wants you, as will she know you want her. You will have the feeling, and you should act on it. Let your primitive instincts take over. Sometimes us humans are too smart for our own damn good.

If you don't let hesitation, and over-analyzing take over, and let things flow, it will all work out. And it's really cool to hear, you guys seem to be real good for eachother. Good luck.