I just want to take a moment to share my rage and frustration with totse. You all can read it and laugh, call me a loser, whatever makes you happy. Point is, I'm not; I'm actually a pretty sociable, attractive, friendly guy. Anyway.
I spent close to three hundred dollars on Prom last night. Why did I want to go to prom? Two reasons. One, I'm a senior in high school, and I just wanted the experience, since this is the one and only chance I'll ever get. Two, I liked a girl, and I had asked her to prom, and she said yes.

The overall experience was pretty fun. I enjoyed seeing all my friends dressed up and spiffy and all that. I had fun dancing. What I didn't have fun with, however, was the fact that I managed to fuck it all up with yet another girl I like. It seems as if I can't have feelings for girls under any circumstances without having it end badly. Yeah, it's just another girl. But when you add up all the other 'just another girls' I've managed to fuck it up with, it's overwhelmingly depressing. I just want to know what I'm doing wrong so I can stop doing it and start enjoying things like this.

I'm really blaming myself for the frustration, and I think it's mainly because it's my fault for not making it clear beforehand how I felt about her. I guess she assumed we were going as friends, but I don't know what was in her head. I wasn't planning on having it be that way, however. I got a lot of mixed signals from her. Not just last night, but ever since I asked her. At first I thought I had a pretty good chance of not fucking it up. We talked frequently, hung out occasionally, etc. Naturally I'm not a very flirty person. I didn't really make any move on her because of that, I guess.
I'll admit that when it comes to making it known to a girl I like her I'm pretty damn lost. I can usually read signals, and I just figure girls would do the same. I don't think it's necessary to flat out say, hey, I like you. Maybe I send bad signals. Maybe I'm not reading them right. I don't know. But after a night full of dancing with her (yeah, the dirty kind, too), I would've thought she would be a little warmer than she was towards me, and that really threw me off, because I really didn't know what to do. It was at this point, the confusion, when I really started doubting myself, and it just went downhill from there, exactly like just about every single other time I've ever liked a girl in my life.

I like to think of my ability to see through shallow people and know who they really are as a gift, but the more I ponder it, I almost tend to think it's a curse instead. I could be so happy, with so many fake friends, and hooking up with so many hot dumb bitches I wouldn't know what to be doing with myself. I know have the looks, the charisma, etc. to do it. But stupid people just disappoint me to the point where I really just choose on my own not to associate with them. Sure, I've been to a bunch of parties, drank, hooked up with random hot girls, but it just wasn't satisfying to me at all. For those of you who do it and are having the time of your lives, consider yourself extremely lucky to be enjoying your stupid lives. Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous at all. Maybe I would trade one night of frustration with one drunk night with stupid people, but I couldn't live with myself doing it every single weekend. I would think so lowly of myself that I wouldn't be able to continue. Apparently I'm much more difficult to please than most, and it's literally destroying me, because I can't find anything that makes me happy any more.

After the dance, she and I and two of my friends went to her friend's house, whom only she knew. We had planned on drinking and enjoying the night. I was totally up for the adventure, meeting new people. But by that time I had been getting so many mixed signals I didn't know what the fuck I was doing any more and I had lost much, if not all, of my game. Her friends were nice. But I gave it an hour and threw in the towel. I was so upset at myself that there was no way I could save it. I drove home with my friends while my date stayed with her friends, and I couldn't give less of a fuck right now what she did. I was so damn pissed off at the whole situation that I wanted to beat the living shit out of somebody, anybody.

I just want to find someone, something that makes me happy in life. I'm going to be moving away in a few months to a different region of the country for college, where I don't know a single soul, and I think it's going to be the best thing that will have happened to me thus far. I want to start over.

Flames, comments, anything is appreciated.

be spontaneous, dont think about everything u say before u say it. Go with the flow of yourself. You generally get what u expect, if u think ul fuck it up again u will, it shouldnt really cross your mind anyway.

It doesnt matter how many girls youve messed it up with, its how many more chances you have to stop screwin it up, and when ur a sexy son of a bitch the chances are infinite.

I feel you bro. Dont worry things will get better with time. Just think about it, in a couple of months you'll be looking back on this whole situation and laughting about it. Great things will follow ahead of you in life. Everyone goes through this certain phase at some point in their life.

Lobo

I like to think of my ability to see through shallow people and know who they really are as a gift, but the more I ponder it, I almost tend to think it's a curse instead. I could be so happy, with so many fake friends, and hooking up with so many hot dumb bitches I wouldn't know what to be doing with myself. I know have the looks, the charisma, etc. to do it. But stupid people just disappoint me to the point where I really just choose on my own not to associate with them. Sure, I've been to a bunch of parties, drank, hooked up with random hot girls, but it just wasn't satisfying to me at all. For those of you who do it and are having the time of your lives, consider yourself extremely lucky to be enjoying your stupid lives. Don't get me wrong. I'm not jealous at all. Maybe I would trade one night of frustration with one drunk night with stupid people, but I couldn't live with myself doing it every single weekend. I would think so lowly of myself that I wouldn't be able to continue. Apparently I'm much more difficult to please than most, and it's literally destroying me, because I can't find anything that makes me happy any more.




i'm the same way you are. i see my best friends going on to clubs hooking up with girls and cheating on their girls and other things of the like. and like you said i'm not jealous in the slightest. i'm mean i have had a few girl friends and a couple fuck buddies and yes i enjoy sex alot. but i would rather have something meaningful.

prom isnt whats its cracked up to be. i didnt go my senior year cause i dumped my girl right before and i had the chance to go to my cabin the same night with this girl from my job (fun night). anyway the next year (after i graduated) i got asked by this girl i had a thing for. she bought me a stuffed animal wrote a sweet letter and went all out on asking me. so i figured hey she likes me. but 2 hours before i was to pick her up. she calls me saying something about this real sweet girl that just broke up with her boyfriend. and she want to tag along in our group (a group of 20) so i was like no big deal. we got to the actual building for prom and she ditches me the whole night to go dance with that girl. so i was at prom with kids i didnt even go to school with. i knew a few of them cause they were 1-2 years below me. but mostly i hung out with kids my own age.

long story short girls play games, you will never get around that.

back on topic.

moving will do you so much good. you get the chance to be yourself. and really be the person you want to be. you will love it so much

Thanks for all the positive responses guys. I was totally not expecting that from totse, haha. Well I had a great day today with my friends just having fun. We went on a river expedition and it was awesome, and it really gave me time to think about what happened and just get over it. I really love my friends and I don't know what I would do without them.

So the girl called me not too long ago and we had a quick chat. Basically, she said she was sorry if she led me on, and that she really just didn't want to be in any kind of relationship at the moment. I think she's telling the truth because she's completely overwhelmed with the last four weeks of school, ballet, and everything. She's totally into ballet and it pretty much consumes her life. Plus she just got out of a really long relationship and she just wants some free time, which is all understandable. It makes me feel better knowing I didn't do anything wrong, I guess.

On the other hand, however, it's just extremely frustrating that this same exact scenario happens to me over and over again. It's like I am intentionally seeking out girls who don't want a relationship with me.. or that's what seems to be the case. I'll admit that getting into a relationship, however serious, is not the greatest idea as a senior in high school with a month left. But you can't control who you like. This girl is just really fun to be around, she's very different from the norm which scores big points in my book. And we mutually agreed that we're totally cool with each other now as just friends. I really hope it stays like that because she's just a really great person to be around. I'm going to get over it because I've had to do it in the past so many times that it almost just seems routine now, as depressing as that sounds. But shit happens.

I guess this is a question only the girls can answer. She told me she didn't want a serious relationship, and she has a bunch of legit reasons, so I'm not accusing her of bullshitting or anything. But girls, when you say this to a guy, do you usually mean it like it is? Or do you just not want a relationship with them in particular? Because if that's the case, I really would like to know why.

I would've been perfectly content with just having a little fun though. I mean I don't know what kind of vibe I was giving off but apparently she took it as something I didn't mean it to be, and I just kept getting really cold signals from her. It just bugs me that this guy I'm friends with, the type who is perfectly happy hooking up with a bunch of random bitches all the time and not thinking twice of it, hooked up with her at a concert we were both at not too long ago while they were both shitfaced. So he gets the fun, even if it's one night, and I get nothing? On prom? I really just don't understand. Perfect stereotypical dick getting the girl and the nice guy getting screwed. You don't need to be drunk for random no-strings-attached hook ups, do you? Yeah, it makes it easier, but it's not necessary, right? Don't get me wrong, I love drinking, but still. Why should everybody be intoxicated just to have fun? Even if she didn't want a relationship, why is it such a big deal? Did she just not want to lead me on any more or what?

Either way, I'm going to take this for what it is and keep moving on, enjoying the company of my friends, looking forward to starting new in August.

....you skipped afterprom parties for a 5 person gathering?

That's not what this is about.
She was pretty intent on going to see her friends.
Besides, I didn't know of any where I would have been able to stomach the people there.

But girls, when you say this to a guy, do you usually mean it like it is?



Yes, emphasis on usually. But, if the right boy came around, then I would want a relationship. Meaning, you're dateable, but not her Prince Charming.

This girl seems to have legit reasons to mean it, so I would bet that she's telling the truth. You're a dateable guy that came around at the wrong time.

Yeah. I tend to just keep doing that. >.<

Any other opinions?

First of all, get over yourself.

Secondly, this isn't entirely your fault. The bitch seemed to have lead you on. I can also tell that you actually have more of a problem reading people than you think; (ex: you thought that dirty dancing meant ANYTHING to her... chicks will dance like that with almost anyone. It means absolutely nothing to them).

Thirdly, you need to try and learn to enjoy living a "stupid life", as you so bluntly put it. If you can't even do that, then you will remain the pretentious person you come off as in this thread.

Essentially: Just chill out.

(Oh, and about repeatedly screwing up with every "just another girl", I can at least relate to you on that one, and I'm sure a lot of people can. But if you realize the mistakes you're making, then you should be able to make some progress).

I know how you feel on this one (not with the girl because i dont have problems with them) but feeling completely frustrated with where you are in life.

Im at a school i hate, taking classes (and failing them) that i hate, around large numbers of douchebags i hate, and have only found a few people that i want as friends- something which ive never had a problem with before. I just want to get the fuck out of this town. Find a new city to start over in. It sucks to be stuck in your life when you constantly cant stand what is happening around you.

My best advice to you is to go away to college somewhere and hope it works out better for you than it did for me. Hell, after next year im doing the same thing again.

First of all, get over yourself.
What?

Secondly, this isn't entirely your fault. The bitch seemed to have lead you on. I can also tell that you actually have more of a problem reading people than you think; (ex: you thought that dirty dancing meant ANYTHING to her... chicks will dance like that with almost anyone. It means absolutely nothing to them).
I know that. I said it to show that we weren't distant or anything.

Thirdly, you need to try and learn to enjoy living a "stupid life", as you so bluntly put it. If you can't even do that, then you will remain the pretentious person you come off as in this thread.

Essentially: Just chill out.
I'm trying. It's very hard to be someone you aren't, though.

(Oh, and about repeatedly screwing up with every "just another girl", I can at least relate to you on that one, and I'm sure a lot of people can. But if you realize the mistakes you're making, then you should be able to make some progress).
That's why I made this thread. I wanted to see if others could pick up on what mistakes I made that I might have missed myself, and they did, and I'm glad. So thanks for being an honest prick. :p

Now that I know how she feels and why she doesn't want a relationship and that it's not my fault, I guess the only question I have left is why she didn't want to at least have some fun at the end of the night. My guess is that she figured I liked her as more than a friend, and didn't want to lead me on any more because she thought it would make it awkward between us. But that would have only happened if we didn't talk about it afterward. I don't know. Does that seem like a reasonable explanation?

So why'd you leave her house exactly? I think I missed something.

And about everyone being stupid losers. I totally empathize with you on that. I've heard graduate school alleviates this problem. I've got a few more semesters to go. Just spend time and treasure the friendships that are there and don't overlook people just because they don't understand relativity and you'll make it through. I have 3 close friends I'll actually call to talk to.

What?

Sorry, it's just your talk about being unable to associate with the "stupid people" that kinda got to me. I associate with people from all walks of life, not caring if their interests are exactly congruent with mine. They can be into shallow things, in fact, so am I at times. If we pick and choose so much, we're going to run out of options.


I know that. I said it to show that we weren't distant or anything.

My point was that most chicks will go as far as even kissing you and it won't mean a damn thing to them.

I'm trying. It's very hard to be someone you aren't, though.

Well at least you're trying. Sometimes I have to bend my personality a bit to adapt. I just chose along time ago not to be stubborn and to be more open to other people's ways and ideas.

That's why I made this thread. I wanted to see if others could pick up on what mistakes I made that I might have missed myself, and they did, and I'm glad.

I tried to point out any that I noticed, but really, you might need to do a bit of self-analysis.

Obviously, you won't (nor the rest of totse) be able to discover every single fault or course of action that may have lead to her doing what she did, but you might be able to come close at least.

If it were as easy as simply describing the situation and having an all-inclusive list of ways to fix or prevent the situation in the future, then the world would be a much easier place to live in. :p

So thanks for being an honest prick. :p

No problem. :)

So why'd you leave her house exactly? I think I missed something.
I left the house for a few reasons. One, I was very tired. Two, I felt a little awkward being there with her and a bunch of her guy friends I'd never met just sitting around. Three, I was so frustrated from trying to read her all night that I just didn't want to bother with it any more and figured that if nothing had happened yet, nothing was going to come. I was mainly angry at myself, even though I knew there was nothing I could have done differently except for not get frustrated and just try to have fun. But it wouldn't have been possible because of my frustrated mindset. Does that make sense?

I had fun at the dance regardless. It's just that my expectations as to what was going to happen between us for the remainder of the evening were completely shattered, and it just really got to me.

And about everyone being stupid losers. I totally empathize with you on that. I've heard graduate school alleviates this problem. I've got a few more semesters to go. Just spend time and treasure the friendships that are there and don't overlook people just because they don't understand relativity and you'll make it through. I have 3 close friends I'll actually call to talk to.
I hope that'll be the case for me when I move away.

Gadzooks, I didn't mean to say I hate stupid people. I don't like to associate with people who don't act how they really feel, who try to be who they aren't. I just wish people were truthful and not as fake as they are. My friend who I talked to for a long time on Sunday is a perfect example of someone with whom I would normally not have anything in common. However, he's just a really cool guy, he's fun to hang out with, and he's there for me when I need a friend. Maybe he doesn't care to know how every part of my car works like I do, but he doesn't have to for me to enjoy his company, because he's a damn good friend.

The ideal reaction from you would just be to relax, not worry about it, and enjoy your night. You can change your mindset, it takes practice, but once you learn how to do it, you'll be happier.

Usually I can do that, but it was just everything all at once that came as one huge realization and it was just overwhelming, and I didn't want to be there any more. Nothing could've made me feel better.

Perfect stereotypical dick getting the girl and the nice guy getting screwed.

you just totally answered yourself there. and all you other faggots who use the "nice guys finish last" the fucking qoute is true. i get all the girls in the world. do u kno why? cuz i act myself and add some aggression. you have to show them u want it man. i dont really have to explain myself any more cuz me and jojabr are buddies in real life. i tell you all the time J, just fuckin be urself man.

I think I've finally got it.
For some stupid fucking reason, I've always had it in my head that if I'm nice to a girl I like, eventually everything will happen like I want it to because she will just magically become interested in me and yay.
It sounds retarded, but that's kind of the process I subconsciously go through. Sometimes, I just want some ass, so I go for it, and I get it, and it works, and I'm happy. No emotions. Problem is, I've yet to have this happen without alcohol involved.

I talked to a female friend of mine with whom this happened a little while ago. We were sitting on my couch in my basement, and we drank a little bit. I wasn't really emotionally attracted to her, but she has a nice body, so I figured, whatever. And I went for it and it turned out great. I just talked to her about it actually, and she made me realize that this is what I have to do to get anywhere. She said it was the hottest hook up she's ever had just because it was so spontaneous and assertive.

It's just that when I like the girl, once I've fallen for her so to speak, I always think way too much into it and fuck it up trying to figure out what she's thinking all the time, ironically in an effort not to fuck it up. So essentially, by liking a girl, I put myself into a position where it's impossible to get what I want using my current mindset. I have to convince myself that even if I like a girl, I still need to go for it and make a move even if I don't have any idea how she's going to react. And to do that I need to set it up right from the start.

So I guess what she's trying to say is she doesn't want to be in a relationship now, but wouldn't say no to spontaneous fun.
Who would?
I've fucked it up for the last time and it's not going to happen again.