I really don’t understand myself sometimes. I feel like I’m innately hypocritical, like my personality is conflicting with itself sometimes. I’m an intensely social person, to the point where I basically need to be in the company of others to enjoy myself. I do have some hobbies but it’s all very limited. Going out, conversation, seeing friends – that’s my hobby.

But I also love my space. People annoy me to the point of insanity and I often find myself alienated in large groups of people. I’m not a shy person, but in a crowd of people I’m not familiar with I tend to just slip into the background. I’m a bad drunk, often depressed or angry, although not always the case.

School seemed to be a good balance. I saw mate’s everyday, but had a break when I needed it. I didn’t have to fill my weekend up to the point of losing sleep because I knew I could see people the next Monday. I also had a girlfriend for a lot of the time, who kept me company.

Now I’m an apprentice electrician. Good money - got a car but it takes up my week. Some of the people I associate with do not work or study at all and it infuriates me that I have to get up for 2am starts on a Monday while they are continual going out every night of the week.

But it seems like I work so hard, to come home to an empty house with no-one to talk to. Then I get to the weekend, get drunk, and have fun and it starts over. Feeling empty, hollow and depressed – sure I’m surrounded by people but it’s fake. I go out with them, get drunk, come home and it ends there. I have no-one to call the next night when I’m stuck home. Recently one of my best mates ever moved interstate and the only friends I have left do nothing but go to clubs and gamble.

I can’t fucking stand clubbing. I loathe it. I have more fun on the bus ride then actually clubbing. Standing around, listening to bad music and drinking can be done at home, I’d rather go to a bar or something where I can at least have a conversation with a girl but for some reason being in the dark getting groped by anorexic women who look like death in anything other then a strobe light is the place to be. I feel out of place and uncomfortable and usually end up sitting outside playing pac man on my phone.

I don’t even have any trouble talking to girls or other blokes, I just hate the environment.

My other group of friends all have girlfriends and work / study full-time. That means I never see them. And frankly lately I’ve been jealous.

So now I’m sitting here, no-one to talk to, nothing to do. Looking forward to waking up at 5am tomorrow wishing I was back at high school. I have no way to meet new people and loathe going out with the ones I know. I’m lonely, I’m on the verge of seeing a shrink because I don’t have even anyone to vent to.


sigh, its bedtime anyway. another week to grind.

*sigh* (http://www.clicks.co.za/clicks/contentimages/articleimages/BabyCrying_lrg.jpg)

*Leaves thread* (http://www.cccc.org/img/pension_door.gif)

That was really good.

I'm at a different stage in life. I'm close to being done with high school and I already feel what you're feeling. I hate fake people, I despise clubbing. I just want someone to be there for me, some real, genuine friends who care.
I don't have much to say other than I wish you luck. You won't be stuck in this forever.

Not to be a jerk, but this is bitch and moan really, unless you have a focus to discuss, like how can you get out of your rut.

I can't answer that really though, but at least you're self-aware, which is a start.

i'm the same way. i love hanging with my buddies but to an extent. i need time to myself or i'll go crazy. i used to be into clubbing and all that i had fun. but now it doesnt seem like something that interests me. and maybe i'm pushing people away but i just had my 20th birthday. and i had a small get together with some old friends from highschool. but it just seems like everyone has a hidden agenda.

i mean my best friend, he's like a brother to me. didnt even get me a card. but i got one from his mom (my other mom) but neither did my other best friend who for her birthday i got a hook-up on a real louie purse and matching backpack for her. didnt even get me a card either.

its like these are the people i care about most and they couldnt even take 5 minutes out of their life to put a smile on my face.

i'm a big believer that its the little things that matter the most. at least to me. i know a little gift or gesture that has meaning, means more to me than a expensive gift or something like that, that was just thrown together

and i know that my drug addiction plays apart in all of this someway, but i'm not even going to open that can of worms right now

I like an even balance. I like being around people... sometimes. Actually, theres only a few people I like being around, the rest annoy me.

A mild (or moderate or even severe) case of genuine clinical depression might be one answer you're looking for. Not to say "just pop a pill" but just a little somethin' somethin' to get over the hump.

Seriously though, just treat depression like a cold. Go to the doc. Mention you feel down and low energy. It's not like you're committing to anything long-term or like there's something *wrong* with that.

Works for me anyway.

Yes, I did the whole bar/club/pacman thing too.

-Dust

Invest in a girlfriend. It seems like you need someone to be there for you when you get home, etc. Either a girlfriend or a good friend as a roommate. Roommates can be great, or they can be a burned. If your apartment is big enough that you can have your space (to watch porn or whatever) then yes, a roommate might be a good idea. Or even having a girlfriend move in with you, so you can just hold each other while you watch a movie. For me, that provides all the comfort and socialness(sp??) I need for the entire day.

WOW!!! your post sounds exactly like my life. o_O

I'm hitting 20 in a few months but i've felt that way for over a year now. Always coming home to nothing and noone. Now my best friends leaving to go be with her boyfriend. I thought about the whole dating thing but it really isn't my thing so i got a kitty cat. Sounds pathetic but he does alot for me. It's makes coming home to my apartment more welcoming.

What if the cat died? How would you feel then? Would you still be happy? Would that mean you have never been happy?

You need a change of pace.

Find new friends - pick up a new hobby. Go out and find likeminded people.