I've been out drinking on an empty stomach and I've decided to pour my guts out to get an alternate view to my situation, I don't know where this thread is going but I just felt like typing this out and seeing the reponse.


this is not one of those fucking emo cunt threads and I am not some middle class spoiled prick who thinks his dad is a dick because he buys him a mercedes instead of a lamborghini. Think what you like about me, but I am not like that.

I have never been close to my dad. Ever since I can think he has always been distanced from me and never shown real affection. When I was a young kid he seemed to show absolutely no interest in me except when I did something wrong then he would get angry and start being really nasty. Just to give you a profile of my dad: He is German and has mild tourettes his mother (my grandmother) treated him badly, she thought he was making his twitches up because this was still the time when children who wrote with their left hand were forced to write with their right hand. His father was a really working class guy who had to work really hard to support the family so as a result my dad didn't get to spend much time with him because he was always working in the car factory. He became a cook and did an apprenticeship to become a chef. He moved around a lot was married twice and had a child in each marrigae but got divorced from both of them and met my mother. My mother is one of the warmest kindest people I know ans is genuinly good person.

I was born after about 4-5 years of marriage and one child born before who diead at 4 days of age because of kidny and heart failure and died in my dads arms apparently.

My dad is a pretty simplistic guy who is happy watching 8 hours of T.V a day and drinking a lot while doing so he has no hobbys or does anything particularly interesting.

Now my relationship has always been bad to him since I can think, I've always had the feeling he doesn't care about me unless it comes to something that affects him negatively. He has never once in my life told me he loves me and I'm 18. He has never given me the feeling that he values me as a person. He is a bully but not the kind of guy who forces people to do what he wants consciously, if something doesn't go his way or what he wants he is like a little child and makes a huge fucking fuss about it and starts getting aggressive until he gets what he wants. Which at 51 is quite sad to be completely honest.........

He is always so damn aggressive, even if your having a normal conversation and you question something or you don't understand something the first time in a completely innocent way he starts becoming really sarcastic and obnoxiously horrible.

He starts HUGE arguements over the tiniest things that seem completely insignificant for example an argument about me not putting a nail clipper back where it belongs eventually escalated into him saying he wondered why even bothered having a son! :o

The thing is he and I get on occasionally for a week or two until he fucking erupts over something insignificant.

when I was 16 I went to the doctor really scared about the way I was feeling and was diagnosed as bi-polar and I started seeing a counsellor and he thinks that I have displaced hatred for my dad and re-direct it at myself.

I don't think that's true to be honest it's too simplistic because I have gotten to the point where I really don't care about having a relationship with my dad, I used to feel really sad saying that which made me realise I did care but now it doesn't move me at all, it's like having a conversation about the weather.

I used to try so hard to do what he wanted and to try so hard to understand him because my mother tried to explain it to me: she says his mother never showed him love and therefore he doesn't know how to show love and that you have too look to small signs e.g if you mention you like something and he buys it when out shopping that's his indirect way of saying he loves you.....but that is fucked up isn't it?

I didn't get much love or appreciation from my dad but I'm not fucked up like that, he can't just use that as an excuse for being such a dick all the time.

But for the last year or so our average amount of conversation has been about 4-5 conversations a week and I really couldn't care less.

I don't know where this is going but I thought this would be place to post this seeing as if I put it in GS I would only get answers like OMFG EMO!!11! LOL

Just wondering what your analysis of my sistuation is and feel free to aks any questions and I will answer them truthfully.

If I were you, I'd try and make yourself happy first, and then go to work on your dad and show him what he can do. Happiness has to come from within, if you are feeling happy because of love or because you just won lotto, it's still a euphoria, it's not real. Find happiness, it's there, and just use that to try and make other people happy.

This seems more appropriate for Sex & Affection, so I'm going to move it there.