Does anyone else think this, or is it just me?

For the entire time I've been being 'intimate' (sex and otherwise) with girls, I've never liked the idea that there might have been someone before me. I unno whether it's just the idea of them being in there before me, or something, but when I think about it it makes me almost disgusted at the idea of being with that person. I don't care if I don't think about it or don't know, but when I do it's almost like they're dirty somehow. It's not the girls themselves, just the idea that they've been with someone else.

I know that they're high standards and unrealistic and everything, and I also know that I don't really care when it comes down to it, because I have still gone out with and been with people who I know have had past boyfriends and such.

But it's just been brought to my mind recently because of this (http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=1998824), and I've been thinking that if she did go out with other people and then decide she wanted to come back, I'd take her back without a second thought, but knowing she'd been with other people, it would make the physical side of it so much harder.

So does anyone have b-grade counciling services to offer?

I know the feeling. I used to have it. However I realised that the likelihood that I would find a virgin to spend the rest of my life with is unlikely. Life isn't how it is in the Bible or whatever. I realised that I had to enjoy myself and life and not take things to seriously, including whether the girl I'm seeing has been 'defiled' before. Think of it in terms of "well someone else may have been there, but now I'm here" or something like that.

Because my friend we all think like that at one point in our lives .

When you look at it life is a big of fucked up bowl of mishaps and accidents. We people are just like atoms careering and bouncing through life completely unaware .

Its that you want her to do something for you . And thats why you feel its harder as you ,conciously or subconsciously want her to do something to improve you. Think about it why would you be upset if she was with other people ? .

Its simple you want her for yourself and as its for yourself you exercise what us humans indulge ourselves in and that is looking after number one. We all secretly want to keep the best to ourselves. So because she isn't completely yours she isn't completely perfect for you if you understand me.

You have to flip this situation on its head .Perhaps it is you having a very profound impact on her life . Perhaps she needs you . And through all the accidental atom like bouncing you can leave a few improvement dents in her.

Just be glad that you have helped her or given her an experience that no-one else could have.

I used to think like that a long time ago. It never bothered me, but it still crossed my mind.

You just have to get over yourself.

It's not getting over myself, because I know that when it comes down to it then I would deal with it and would be okay with it, and I know that through experience. It's just a hard feeling to have. And if I let her be for 6 months or however long she feels she has to take to experience 'other relationships' to make sure she wants to be with me, that that does mean that she's going to be fucking other guys, and it's hard to sit at home and know that.

So yeah, that's why I was thinking it. Not because I can't get over it, just because it would be good to find something that made sense and made it an easier idea to live with until 6 months in the future.

Inverted seemed to make sense until he started talking about flipping it on it's head... But yeah...

You feel too important. You're not.

It's true man. I'm willing to bet you feel this way after having been there with other girls yourself.

It's true man. I'm willing to bet you feel this way after having been there with other girls yourself.

think of it this way, its ALL mental, just in your head, whether someone else has been there or not. its happened and doesnt really affect the present moment. Its not like the guy is still there while ur doing her. If in doubt just "pretend" no-one else has been there.

Unless there's another guy there at the moment, it's not an issue.

Sex does not make someone dirty or used.

I used to feel kind of like this, but my situation was slightly different from the norm.

It still makes me uneasy, but it is one of those things that you have to just deal with. At the end of the day when my girlfriend says she loves me more than anybody/anything in the world, anybody else she has been with in the past barely matters.

Dude, it bothers you because you're thinking of it that way. You are the demons in your own head. You cannot change the past, learn to accept it.

Yeah it's easier said than done, but I've done it and if you don't try you'll stay miserable. Once you learn how to free yourself from things like jealousy you FEEL better. Just let it go, that's what it takes.

The way I see it:

1) Get a virgin who knows nothing and is a chore.

2) get a slag who is fun.


Take your pic.

The world isn't really that black and white.

Disgust? No. Sometimes I think about it and it makes me a little bit 'neh' (no better way to phrase that), but I know it shouldn't. It doesn't take away from anything and doesn't change anything.

This is why I never ask about past experiences. That way, it tends not to cross my mind as much.

I also never go for girls that are within my immediate circle of friends (well... at least not anymore), or especially any girl that I know for a fact has already been with any guy I know.

Fuck, that's so gross, I could never do that.

I don't share my history, and I don't expect her to share hers (unless she asks, but I will not ask out of reciprocation).

yeah when i was 13

it prob bothers every guy at some point in his life. like others said, you just have to deal with it.

one thing u might wanna consider is to not talk about previous relationships in the next relationship your in

No.

Grow up.

i had to get over that one right quick.. for the kind of standards i have its pretty much an impossibility that any chick id want is a virgin.. id have to get pretty lucky.. thats life.. and i still dont get laid. forget about that shit and just know that youve been there too, its a place people like to be. dont let it waste your time or cause you anxiety cuz you cant do shit about it.

u know i just had a tot revelation about this..

maybe us guys don't like the idea because if a woman has had sex before being with us, she's got something to compare you to. and naturally we're all competitive, so we get tense about the possibility of our fucking abilities being compared to her previous lover's abilities

QFT

That's definitely part of the problem...atleast for me anyway

I'm in it for me, not her. If she doesn't like my fast and to-the-point style of sex... Hell if I care?

yeah i wouldnt really give a shit about that either.. my revelation is that you cant generalize about shit..

theres stuff you can do something about and stuff you cant.. this is something you cant so its useless to worry about. youd owe it to yourself to get over it. if you like sex anyway.

My first girlfriend was a virgin too.

But after that, I really have no room to judge.

I actually don't mind hearing about the exes. Hell, I've heard some damn funny sex stories about the ex boyfriends. Doesn't bother me. You know why? Because she's with me now. As long as I'm not being compared unfavorably, it's all good.