Fuck her sister.

Fuck her sister.

- while your girfriend is tied to a chair watching.......

- while your girfriend is tied to a chair watching.......

That was a team effort. I'm glad we got along enough to do that.

That was a team effort. I'm glad we got along enough to do that.

Guys, there's alot of love in this thread.

That was a team effort. I'm glad we got along enough to do that.

Uh - Ok...

Guys, there's alot of love in this thread.

There is a lot of love, wanna make out?

Oooh, I've been reading some stuff on pickup artists lately.
Ask her to give you a massage, then say: "You're doing it all wrong, lay down and let me show you how it's done."
Start massaging her calves, and tell her that she's been carrying a lot of weight on her legs, and they seem tense. Take off her pants, and tell her that they're "getting in the way". Begin to move up her legs, and massage her buttocks. By then, you should be able to proceed, and remove her underwear. You figure out the rest.

and tell her that she's been carrying a lot of weight on her legs

This is where it might go wrong.

There's a potential catalyst for breakup in that one sentence, indeed.

I get her drunk.

1. Kiss her neck
2. Kiss her ears (if they're into that sort of thing)
3. Suck on her nipples (they love that)
4. Kiss her stomach, tease her by moving down to her underwear line, then come back up.

If she ain't drippin by then... Poor some water over her.

Hire around ten japanese men to jackoff onto her face. Works everytime for me.



Just make sure it's a suprise.

Rub my cock on her clit through her underwear, proper her up onto all fours (her favorite position) then put my dick between her legs. Push gently through her underwear, start fingering her, flip her over, eat her out. Keep eating her out till she basically can't take the suspense any more, then put my self in her and raaaaam away.

how can you not know? learn some psychology and find out

good fucking ideas here, i would fuck her sister but shes fat! so that aint happening. i like the one where i kiss between her belly button and her panties thats a good one! totse always comes thru =D

i hold a gun to her head and TELL her shes horny

Get in an argument with her, nothing too serious, just something that will get her heated up about it a bit, and don't let her win, but don't beat her. Works for me and angry sex is awesome.

Tease her, alot. Till she cant take it no more n pushes your face into her cooch.

This is where it might go wrong.

my thought exactly. that's relationship suicide right there, whether you meant it in a bad way or not.

just stick with tense.

It's not "you carry a lot of weight on your legs" you dumb fuck, it's "you carry a lot of STRESS in you legs." Jesus Christ, reading about picking up women will never work for some people.

Shoot her in the face with a 12 gauge shotgun, i promise you, that'll work!

how can you not know what she likes?

...Awsome mental image.

Lightly licking her lips, sucking on her lips gently, lightly licking her neck with the occasional bite, same with the ears. Move on down to a nipple while rubbing the other with one hand, massaging her ass with the other. Come up every couple minutes to kiss her some more...kiss my way down her stomach while massaging her hips, butt, and back of her legs. Lick her clit (flat tongue, motherfuckers! Trace out the alphabet and 0-9 'til she comes) while massaging her calves, thighs, hips, and ass. After that, go up for some more kissing while I enter...start slow, tell her exactly what I'm going to do, build up speed and force...flip her over WHILE pumping inside her, press her head down on the pillow, but not too hard...grab an ass cheek and smack it every minute or two, never hard enough to make her scream from pain, though (unless she requests I hit her harder)...and that about covers it. Go back to any step in the series and proceed from there for multiple goings.

That's the purely sexual part of romance though...there's also the day long foreplay of subtle suggestions, being excellent in all your ways, and timing for various comments and actions.

Once you know what you're doing, there's no regulation of yourself required...you can catch just about any woman if you emanate pure sexuality without coming off as a creep.

How do you NOT know how to excite a woman ?

Put your dick in her.

Once you know what you're doing, there's no regulation of yourself required...you can catch just about any woman if you emanate pure sexuality without coming off as a creep.

Very true words. Other than what has been said here.. do searches! in the forums here.. and on google!


t3h 1ntran3t kn0w5 4ll!

Read through this read and great ideas all. But there is only one sure fire way to find out what new things will get your girl horny and I, being the nicest mother fucker here cuz I am the only one offering, will test these theories on your girlfriend for everyone. What I will need before agreeing to this fully....

1 or 2 maybe 100 fully nude shots of her
A complete sexual history
A full medical work-up
A signed release form absolving me of any wrong-doing

Based on her appearance, I may even incur the cost of coming to her, other wise the bill falls to you my friend. I will test these ideas and document them by video, for scientific purposes, and then send them to all posters of this thread. Then we will study the effects these ideas had on her and finally, we can tell you with 100 percent (a 50 percent margin of error may call for retesting and introduction of other will participants) accuracy what makes her horny. Plus, free of charge, I will retest her every month to guarantee her sexual appetite has not changed, or as new ideas are submitted.

Yes, yes, I am selfless and think only of others.

There is a lot of love, wanna make out?

Why does this remind me of John Lennon?
Peace.

roofies work, shell say shes horny by laying motionless, works everytime, if not dryjam 2 fingers up her ass, and if it doesnt work, youll at least have a good time doing it

Funny cause..this will work on my girl..hehehe.

A two fingered poke to the vagin' should do the trick, proceed to rub clit with thumb.

QFT... classic

CHLOROFORM gets MY girl cranking!

e works for me

Find out what her fantasies are, and describe one to her while laying on the bed beside her. Get her to close her eyes while you tell her. The story should last 15-20 minutes.

If your any good, while you are describing something around her breasts, you'll be able to start rubbing gently. While your describing something near her pussy - well, you get the picture.

The mind is a powerful thing - if you learn how to fuck with a girls mind, youve got it made. Read a couple of books about hypnotism - they'll teach you how to calm her right down, and enter a very receptive state. All that shit about counting from 10 to 1, and imagining you are in a garden works a charm.

When you've done it a few times, it's scarey. And it's not all about sex either - you can make her feel all sorts of weird things. It's funny when you watch their feet flinch when you describe how they just put them in some cold water, or watch them salivate while describing some exotic fruit.

Cheers, Chump

hahahaha
you enjoy watchin your bird salivate.
lol you goin out with a fuckin down syndrome kid?

Hey - Even tards need some lovin......

Seriously, not everything I do for my girl is about sex. Sometimes it is fun to play with her emotions and feelings a bit. It generally leads to sex though.....

Go for loads of foreplay, like kissing her all the way down to her panty line, then coming back up, or kissing all around the edge of her panties, then back again.

Then be all 'ask me to fuck you'

and she'll be all like

'fuck me!'

and then you can go
'Not to-day! I gotta be someplace!' like Bobby Peru in Wild at Heart.

Then fuck her anyway.

........She'll go nuts for it I swear... Once she gets over the initial, sexy confusion...

Ha, well after I watched 40 Days and 40 Nights, and couldn't stop thinking about that flower scene, I decided to try it with the girl I was hooking up with at the time. Case in point, it makes them really hot to be touched with an object other than your hands... and blown on. Damn that led to some good sex.

lick the nipples, a little teeth action, works amazingly for me

but you seem stupid, so you'll probably fuck up and bite her nipple off


slow, don't go for it, tantalize her and sex follows

You want a couple of naked pics of me?

That'll do it for her.

how do you get your girl really HORNY!
"Just do what I do, children...get 'em good 'n drunk!
--Chef, South Park.

Pull money out of my wallet...Seductively.

Wow, this thread is a fucking gold mine for the lulz.

- and the lulz don't come easy for me, so that says alot.

Quoted for truth. This thread has indeed been rather lulzworthy.

I really, really want to try that some day.
Hats off to you.