This is hard to explain..

It all goes back to one day I was sitting in my form room at school looking out the window trying to get some last minute revision done, When I saw an ambulance going into the school next door... The Pikey School.

This is the school where people brought knifes.. the teachers where the underdogs, fights would develop from anything. In reflection - It was just a school, But it always appeared as some form of hell hole.

Now I can remember getting this weird feeling seeing the ambulance drive away... A curiousity, A anxiety or even a depression? Why did that happen? Who was in there? Did they really deserve whatever happened to them?

I can remember getting on the coach that day and hearing it was a first year breaking the ribs of a third year... (Owned..). Once again, This feeling came back...

Then yesterday, When I was hanging around with a group of chavs one of them was showing fights on her phone. It hit me again. This time it was 2 nigger girls, about 14/16 fighting.

It just looked mad... Seeing someone get thrown into a tree, hit repeatedly then bottled. Then to see her stumble away and collapse... What really made her deserve that? What happened? Why? Is she alright? I felt depressed and angry... But also I had an adrenaline rush. "Never, Ever, Shall anyone do that to me..." All of a sudden I wanted to train, just to make sure it never happens..

Whats wrong with me? I've never had a fight, I had some pussy put a key into my arm but thats it. Other then that, my approach has always been "Fighting is a last resort..." - i.e Run the fuck away. I've been threatened loads of times and attacked once.

That happened in school, I was a year 8 and he was a year 11.. and he went mental at me for throwing a snowball in his face. But.. I wasn't hurt, So he was pissed even more for looking a bigger dickhead then before.

Why would I get this feelings why others can view these videos and simply scream "owned" and burst out laughing?

Because they have no compassion / empathy ... I don't know. Most people just don't give a shit.

I usualy feel the same way you do... I can actually relate to this:

Don't worry, you have the right outlook on the whole scenario.

And if you want to train, I couldn't advise it more. You're exactly the type of person that should know to kick someones ass, since you won't abuse it.

Why should one feel sympathy for people who wont stand up for themselves. Why should I help them when they cant help themselves?

I'm one of those people with no sympathy. While I dont laugh when someone gets a beat down, I dont feel bad either.

I only feel bad when I see someone get targeted and assaulted or abused. If it's a mutual fight, I give all respect to the winner for proving his mettle.

http://www.psfights.com/
http://www.brickfist.com/

Watch these videos. To make it different, reward yourself whenever you watch one. Compliment yourself for watching it, eat a candy bar, play your favorite video game, whatever. Condition yourself to associate fighting with rewards. Desensitization through repetition is important too. I check these websites for updates every morning, and I can say that the brutality doesn't bother me much these days.

Do the same process if you decide to start training.

Same. (bloody 5 character shit)

That's good man, you can feel for those people, it means you have a good soul.

People from lower socio-economic backgrounds/those who grew up in rough areas or the uneducated always resort to violence to solve problems, it's how they grew up.

But yeah, if someone doesn't deserve it or it's an unfair fight I feel the same as you do, but a fair fight or where someone is asking for it is ok with me.

You care about other people too much.

If you don't care about the rights and freedoms of other people and their causes, why should other people care about YOUR rights and freedoms and causes?

Dividing society in to groups to fight amongst themselves is a good plan for any government trying to reduce the freedoms in society.

I don't think people really care about freedom as a whole (which decay and change over time anyway, no matter what you do).

People always divide society up into us and them for their own reasons.

Anyway, you go to a rough school, you learn to watch your words and you learn meaningful and meaningless violence. I know I did. You also learn the value of weapons.