Ok, first of all, here's how to NOT make cheese sauce:


Step 1-Get the recipe from someone who actually knows what they're talking about and not really pay attention while they're giving you tips.

Step 2-look through aformentioned recipe exclaiming "that's ridiculous! What's the point of a cheese sauce that only has half a pack of cheese in it?!?!?"

Step 3-Start to assemble your own version of the ingredients on the recipe, modifying and altering the weights as you see fit.

Step 4-Also, take out any of the recipe items you dont like.

Step 5-Start to cook the sauce, and ignore the recipe directions that say "cook on a low heat" and blast the motherfuker on number 6 the hob.

Step 6-Pour in as much cornflour as the recipe says, start to stir it, get impatient due to lack of ..anything happening, and pour in the rest of the packet.

Step 7-Turn your back for a minute to make some coffee, and then turn back to the stove, get mobbed and attacked by the giant foaming mountain of cornflour paste that came from no-where.

Step 8-After cleaning up the mess, and banishing the cornflour monster back to it's saucepan, proceed to grate an entire pack of Edam cheese into the sauce, knowing you know way better than the person who gave you the recipe, who distinctly said "dont use too much cheese! And dont pour it all in at once!! and use a crumbly cheese like cheddar!!"

Step 9-Stir up this bubbling floury cheesey concoction, waiting for it to turn into a delicate and slightly runny cheese sauce to which you can add mushrooms.

Step 10-Realise it's too thick. Add more water and milk.

Step 11-add more cornflour because the milk and water made it too runny.

Step 12- Add "just a little bit more cheese" because the volume of the sauce has just doubled.

Step 13-realise that nothing is going to happen and that your magical cooking isnt going to suddenly work. Then quietly retreat to a corner to attempt to eat the cheesy,pasty, gooey thing you've created, and look over the recipe and the measurements just to remind yourself what a moron you are.


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Here is, apparently, the best way to make cheese sauce.


Ingredients:

3-4 big spoonfulls of butter.
3-big spoonfulls of cornflour.
Salt (to taste).
black pepper, white pepper and ginger- 1/2 teaspoon.
2 cups of full fat milk.
1 cup of a crumbly mild cheese like cheddar.
5-6 shakes of parmesan.
Handfull of broken wallnuts.







(note, I know the cup measurement thing is confusing. I've got cups that hold about an ounce of high powered coffee,and cups that can hold around 4 pints of tea. In this case, a 'cup' just means an average sized normal cup. Use your own judgement.)



Instructions:

Melt the butter slowly, remove from heat.
Stir in the flour and seasonings, and add the milk. Stir all till well mixed then cook on a low heat, stirring constantly.
Stir till thick and smoooth and then add cheese and stir again till smooth.
Sprinkle in parmesan and walnut halves and stir in well.






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I have alot to learn.





totse, your worst cockups?

Cheese sauce is easy!

Cream + Cheese + Wine

Thats all there is to it!

I've made thousands and thousands of gallons of cheese sauce in my day, it shouldn't be so hard - and you definitely don't need all of that (that silly recipe).

__________________
"Women and rhythm section first!" - sambob@gmail.com

I think we might have different meaning/understanding of sauces?

There's the really runny ones i know,
but I was trying to make a thicker one that would mix in well with pasta.


When you make your sauce with that recipe, is it quite runny?
What do you use to thicken it up if you dont use cornflour?

Sambob is a chef.

And this is one of the moments it shows.

And at the moment on planet Chef flour based sauces (rouxs etc) are out (sometimes for good reason and sometime its just fashion).

Personally I have no problem with flour thickened sauces as long as the flour has been cooked out.

Truth be told i sometimes get a little sick of reduced jus's and glaces.

I use german style rouxs a lot ('mehlschwitz') and i would contend that done right they put the 'homely' in home cooking.


That said, DO try sambobs sauce.

Once you've tasted it you'll know why.

__________________
S.S.o

Yoyo, just FYI the sauce recipe you gave, without the cheese, is simply whats called a béchamel in chef talk. Still a 'must know' recipe and as much as sambob disses it you can bet he could cook one in his sleep, drunk or both.

Its french cuisine 101.

PPS> Yoyo if you ever try substituting marg or even worse 'i can't believe its not shite' for butter then i shall personally make trains and planes to Russia and force you to watch every episode of Fanny Craddock ever made.

__________________
S.S.o

Yoyo, your recipe would be better if you were making a gratin or a baked casserole. If you were just serving it directly over pasta, you wouldn't need the flour.

jakketch, there is NOTHING worse than someone not cooking out or whisking the flour properly. Nothing worse than a chunk of raw flour right in the middle of a meal.

__________________
"That raccoon took our marshmallows!

Get him!"

Yeah that pretty much explains it.

And actually I seriously did fall asleep in a large pot of
What I suggested was the base for many ITALIAN sauces. You keep gallons of that handy and then you add things do it when you re-heat it. It CAN be used in many of the same ways that yoyobek's recipe is meant to be used, but I find it to be the most versatile for the cooking I'm interested in.

And to answer "how do you thicken it up?", well thats a loaded question. If I was just serving it over pasta, I would make it thicker by using more butter instead of oil, and just adding more cheese. In fact I would almost always just add more cheese! But you could thicken it with flour of course, just make sure all the flour is cooked out.

jackketch is totally right though concerning how the popularity of sauces change. Even the ever present demiglases (brown sauce + fortified red wine + beef stock) is in decline at the moment.

But hell if you just want to serve it over pasta, you can seriously just melt butter in a saucepan, fill it up with cream, and then stir in your cheese of choice until it thickens up - and I swear it will be good!

Now personally I would use wine, chicken base, flour, sun dried tomatoes, parsley, basil, etc etc...

__________________
"Women and rhythm section first!" - sambob@gmail.com

Right that's it.

*chloroforms sambob, flings a bag over his head, locks him in the basement*

You will cook for me on order and at my whim!







I dont really get 'fashion' in regards to food. If it tastes good, then..



I'll deffinately try your version of the sauce, allthough I am going to have to take the wine out of that recipe.My liver hates me.



I still dont understand the almost violent dislike of thick flour filled sauces in this thread.

Sure, it can be gross if you dont get rid of all the clumps of flour but that's easy to combat if you have a decent whisk.

I re-made the sauce, listening to the instructions this time, and it was pretty good.
No fine cuisine, probably not served in a top of the line resteraunt, but pretty good with mushrooms.


But thanks for the advice, sambob. I will deffinately try it when I get the ingredients next.


A few things though, doesent alcohol explode/burn/do something scary when you heat it?


Also, it's something I'm doing wrong I know, but when I heat up cream it goes...fetid.

Okay a few things!!
1) I'll cook for you any time, breakfast in bed, rub your feet, back massage, seranade you with a guitar + voice and/or play Kenny G style soprano sax for you, mix drinks including perfect Grey Goose + Vya + Blue cheese stuffed queen olive martinis, give free guitar lessons, act as chauffeur, and either tell you the meaning of life or give you incredible head (this is your choice, personally I always go with the latter but thats just my taste!).

Thats just the kind of thing I like to do - doing nice things for people, entertaining, etc etc.,

... you just have to get me on a plane and its on! :P

2) In regards to 'fashion', they're just trends. Peoples tastes change over time of course, but in the short term... chefs make their menus based on what they feel people will like. Chefs watch other chef's menus as they develop, and if they see something more 'spectacular' or interesting than what the have, they adjust and copy. Also the top restaurants in the world are copied by competition, and they are copied by their competition, and it goes on and on. It works the same way as it does in the fashion industry. At the beginning of the year Giorgio Armani, or Gucci, or Ralph Lauren create some designs, then Armani Excange or Polo get cheaper versions, then the popular teen likes like Abercrombie & Fitch or The Gap looks at those stores and copies them, and so on and so on until even clothes at Walmart and Target have similiar fashions, unique colors of that season, etc etc.

Also with food availabilit in terms of what ingredients are best that year is a factor. Like some years, the weather results in poor tomatoes throughout the summe, or some years there is a lack of good mushrooms in abundance, and so on. For example 2005 was a GREAT year or bordeauxs. One of the best years in recent memory for sure. As we get further into 2007 and eventually into mid-late 2008 when the 2005 bordeauxs really start to become drinkable), you will see the top chefs using more of them in cooking when they decide on their menus. This trend will trickle down until even big chain restaurants are using more red wine in their recipes. Of course, as it 'trickles' down, restaurants will go from Mouton-Rothschild red bordeaux to Yellow Tail merlot (YUCK), but thats how trends work.

Right now a trend in sauces, is to not use the traditional, heavy, thick roux and reduction based French sauces. I couldn't even say why, but I've noticed it, and I'm not even cooking in a restaurant anymore!

3) Alcohol, especially low ABV spirits like wine and beer (welsh rarebits baby!!) are quite easy to cook with. Anything can be improved with a little wine - just a little though if you're just adding it for flavor, red wines especially can really ruin a recipe if you add just a DROP too much! But for a sauce with a lot of wine, just heat it slowly and make sure it gets hot enough to burn the alcohol away. Of course all of these sauces are meant to be cooked to a boil so that shouldn't be a problem.

At high heats many strong spirits (80% abv or even fortified wines sometimes or barleywines and meads) will flame up, but no for long. Its very impressive looking but it is't going to like... turn your entire dish into carbon. :P

4) Cream is easy to heat as well, just heat it SLOWLY.

And most importantly, I think this will help you in all of your cooking

RELAX.
Take a deep breath.
Don't let excessive language in the recipes directions confuse you, familiarize yourself with the recipe but don't let it overwhelm you.

One thing that helps me is to read the out loud and VISUALIZE the things in the recipe (especially the directions) while you read it. This way you won't have to go desparately searching for more mixing bowls, seasonings, vinegar, chicken stock, WHATEVER - in the MIDDLE of the cooking process.

Prepraration is that important!


Btw I make sauce so good it makes me horny, GOOOD wine + cream + cheese sauces are SO FUCKING GOOD.

*starts humping his laptop*

__________________
"Women and rhythm section first!" - sambob@gmail.com

Please excuse me, I have to go and write
"I must not fall in lust on the internet"
about a million times.

Will write coherently later on.