In all honesty, this is a serious thread. I'm trying to figure out why I cheat on her, and why I continue to.


Background info:

We've been dating almost 2 years now, its all magic between us when were together. I love her (although some of you may say different since I have been unfaithful), I really feel close to her when we're together and its like nothing else, I really do love her.

Anyways last year I cheated on her with a girl, did the whole "omg i'll never do that again!" thing in my head - yet it happened again. And after tonight, i've now cheated on her with 3 different girls, one a few times, and the other two just once.

I have a feeling alot of you will come down on me for this, which is expected and deserved, but lets get past that. I want to figure out WHY I do it, And why I KEEP doing it. I want it to stop. And the answer "you don't deserve her, break up with her and solve it blah blah" just isent going to cut it. I want to find out why I do it, and fix it.

Heres a little info about me to go on, its weird but maybe it'll help you guys try and figure out my problem if you want.

I jack off. As almost any guy does, but heres the kicker. When I jerk off I can pretty much only jerk off if im looking at a girl I KNOW. Porn doesn't get me off, I hardly look at it. I only jerk off to girls I know. I grow almost attached to their pictures, and wack wack wack.

My girlfriend and I's sex life was amazing, been going down hill for awhile - not on her behalf, but I feel bored almost. I constantly think of other women when I fuck her and pretended shes them. Her physically is not a problem at all, shes much more sexually appealing than the girls I jerk off to, and that i've slept with in the past.

Guys I need some serious input here, I really want to stop doing this shit but it seems as when I get horny a demon takes over me, and when I jerk one out and cum he goes away - sometimes i'm not that lucky and don't jerk off but stay horny, find a girl to fuck, fuck her and then the demon goes away. I really don't fucking get this and its doing alot of emotional damage to me - and if my gf ever found out her as well. I believe I truly do love her, but I have some issues to sort out and i'm really not sure how.

Could you guys try and help me out here? I feel like i'm going in circles.

Thanks for listening,

Doc

Ever seen a little kid that always gets what they want?

Toys as an example, you see a little brat kid that gets whatever they demand, so they get a new toy or something. But what happens when they get to used to getting what they want? They lose interest in the given toy and will chase after another one, maybe one that is even better than the last. And if the child continues to get away with it, thats when the cycle starts. The 'good ole toy' will never be enough.

Sure, the kid can play with it every now and again, get some further pleasure out of the toy, but in the end there will always be another toy out there which is much better than the first.

This is how your attitude seems to be with girls, you have your girlfriend, but lately she just hasn't been cutting it; so you're persuing the next best 'toy' or girl in your case. You're beginning to get bored with your original toy, so you want something bigger, faster, more buttons, more noise.... But the reason you keep doing this is simply because you can get away with it.

Does your girlfriend know that you have cheated on her? If she does and allows this to happen, there is a real problem there. You need to realise rejection can and will face you at some stage. Until then, you have to realise that you're being like that spoilled (spoilt? Never known what word it is) bitch kid getting whatever the hell they demand.

You have that burning desire for something better or something new, in the back of your head. And because you continue to get away with this, this is why you keep cheating.

Anyway, that is my emotional analysis of your situation. Hope you had fun.

Thanks, I appreciate your observation and theory on this.

Any tips/helpful advice on how to STOP?

Does she know that you have cheated on her?

No, and i'd like to keep it that way.

Thats exactly where you're going wrong then, its because you keep getting away with it. She needs to find out, you need to be able to distinguish when enough is enough. You have to realise that you can't keep getting away with this.

what are my other options?

Cut off your dick. Problem solved!

You have to tell her. She'll find out anyway, you've cheated on her with girls you know and you'll probably do it again. Someone will mention something eventually and she'll hear about it; it's much, much worse for her to hear about it from a friend than from you (although it's not good either way). You need to tell her so you can talk about it and work out why. Be completely honest with her (show her this thread if you want), get it all out. Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, and you can't solve any issues about her without her even knowing they're issues.

Because your a piece of shit.

what you said is exactly the same for me.

The easiest and most obvious awnser is because you're an asshole.

With that being said, the real awnser is because you're a guy, and because you're young. How many girls have you been with before you started dating her?

Some guys think they're too good or noble to let themselves be young and reckless, and let themselves get tied down into serious relationships before they're ready. But everyone has to let themselves be young first, and get it out of your system. Trust me, up until I was 21, I was hell bent on saving myself for the one, and I didnt date much. I wanted that fairy tale romance bullshit, and you know what? I found it. It didnt work though, because I wasnt ready for that sort of thing.

I know there are a lot of guys that will argue this and try and brag about how they have higher standards and they arent man-whores, but we all are deep down. It's just a question of how long you deny it. Some guys get married young, remain faithful for 40 years, then come to resent their wives for it, and STILL end up cheating later on in life.

What it really comes down to, is that you're just not ready for a serious relationship.

Using Milton's way of thinking, have a fling with another girl, to the point where you are having sex with this other girl everyday whilst you neglect the girl you love. Whilst pumping this other girl you're thinking how much you like your girlfriend.

You're gonna feel like shit afterwards.

Dude settle down it's not as big a deal as you think. You don't need to tell her, because she doesn't want to know. You two love each other. I don't feel cheating is nessesarily a horrible thing if you love your girlfriend and there's no other girl you want to be with besides her. A relationship isn't based on sex, it's based on love. If you love your girlfriend but you ocassionally have sex with other girls it doesn't make your relationship with her less meaningless.
I'm actually coming down off adderall right now so my story may not make much sense and I'll probably get my ass chewed off in later posts, but that's my view.
And if that doesn't suite you then try going to the bathroom when you about to cheat on your girlfriend and beating one out of ya. That will lessen your sex drive and make you less likely to have those sexual urges.
Again like I said, This may all be jibber jabber I'm typing, but I thought I'd take the time to try and give you some support befor I crash. Cheating doesn't make you a horrible person, killing babies makes you a horrible person.

You love your girlfriend more than anything in the world, yet you are doing something (repeatedly) which would hurt her beyond belief if she found out.

The only answer, as others have said, is you're an asshole. If you cared about her enough, you'd put aside your fetish bullshit and fucking STOP.

Consider yourself lucky to have a girl who loves you. Treat her like a queen and hope that your ass doesn't get busted.

You probably just need to learn to resist your sexual urges. It seems to me like that's all there is to it. It takes some work to make yourself resist something that you want, and can easily have, like Mindless Xyzzyean said.

I don't think telling her is the answer, for some reason. Which is strange, because I'd usually say it's the right thing to do. I can't really say why I don't think it is in your situation, other than because you want to try to change (most people will say they want to change to their partner, but since you're saying it to a bunch of people you don't know, you must be telling the truth.)

Anyway, just work on your willpower. You don't WANT to cheat, yet you do, because you don't have the self control to deny yourself of the things your dick is telling you that you want. To put it simply, STOP THINKING WITH YOUR DICK! YOUR DICK WILL GET YOU INTO TROUBLE! :p

Try fasting or something, maybe. When the hunger really kicks in, deny yourself of food. It may help you learn to control your urges. I'm talking out of my ass here, as I've never heard of this doing any good for that, but it wouldn't hurt to try I suppose. If anything, making a real effort to stop could help you stick with it. You could also try not masturbating for like... Two weeks or so. That would make more sense than fasting, and for you, it seems like it would be harder to do.

Good luck, man. Just keep in mind that the ONLY way to really change is to focus all of your efforts on it. You love the girl, so do what it takes to stay with her.

With that being said, the real awnser is because you're a guy, and because you're young.

Being male is no excuse at all. You can't justify acting like an asshole with "yeah, well, I'm a guy". He doesn't sound ready for a serious relationship, but it's not because of anything beyond not being ready for it.

Very convenient that your "all guys are like this deep down" conclusion just happens to tally with your behaviour.

You've taken positive steps. Good luck man.

I'm here if you need some support.

i too know of this "demon"

just control yourself...?

First off, I'd like to say that I've had experience in this, and my relationship with my girlfriend ended in tatters.

Mistake 1) I cheated on her. I let my fucking hormones get the best of me, I banged this stupid girl, and I regretted it.
Mistake 2) I told her. I should have tried to fix the problem on my own, keep her in the bliss, but I felt guilty, and I felt it was the right thing to do.

So, she knew I cheate on her. She cried her heart out, I felt so bad, and told me to leave. A few days later she decided she wanted to stay with me, but it wasn't the same. I had lost her trust and respect. A month later she broke up with me for obvious reasons.

I have the same exact problem as you, when I'm horny I can't help myself, and if its there I'll bang it. I've found that if I know I'm going to be in a situation where I could easily get some pussy, then I better wack off before I go into that situation, because once you get that shit out, you don't want it as easily.

Best advice I can give you is, don't tell her, for God sakes, and try to work this problem out on your own. I wish you luck, I know what a wonderful thing love can be, and I lost it. I've tried liking other girls but I can't just 'like' a girl like I used to before I met Megan and fell in love with her.

Best of luck fellow man.

It's times like these I'm glad I don't have a ridiculous sex drive. Damn, that's just fucked up.
I'd rather jerk it once or twice a week than have to deal with that.

So to add something, look at this as a test for yourself and your girl. You know that you're supposed to feel guilty and bad for what you did, but you don't. You need to find a way to make yourself feel like what you did was truly wrong until you feel horrible enough never to do it again. It seems that the only way out of it is to tell her. You will hurt her, it will hurt you to hurt her, but it seems as if there is no other way you can stop this. The more time you take to do it, the bigger the problem is going to get, so you might well do it ASAP. It's going to suck, but you made the bad decision, and now you have to suffer the consequences.

Either that, or don't tell her, enjoy your relationship until it ends in heartbreak, anger and tears over what a horrible person you are. So either way, you're fucked, but not as much if you choose option 1.

Thanks alot Euda, you helped me out alot today. I won't forget that.

Being male is no excuse at all. You can't justify acting like an asshole with "yeah, well, I'm a guy". He doesn't sound ready for a serious relationship, but it's not because of anything beyond not being ready for it.

Very convenient that your "all guys are like this deep down" conclusion just happens to tally with your behaviour.

Did you not read my post? I didnt lose my virginity until I was 21, and two years later, she's still the only girl I've slept with. Depsite the fact that I'm a bartender and I get my choice of pussy on a nightly basis. Regardless, it's still something that guys need to get out of their system.

If you are going to try and deal with it, not tell her and fix yourself up just make sure you dont bring any std's home with you when you make your silly mistakes. If shes a nice girl she doesnt deserve to get some nasty suprise because of you.

I hope you work your problems out, I really cant comment on the main question to this thread because i dont have a penis and really dont understand this extremely bad urge you speak of... but hey good luck.