I kinda expected this sort of reply as it is the kind we got from our friends. Keep in mind I said we agreed to try and that there are rules that we will follow (example: it can be called off at any time for any reason and we would work together on any problems if they came up). Also we haven't done anything yet other than flirt.

Since me and my wife have already brought up these issues and talked them out, we are taking it slow just in case either one of us wanted to change our minds before hand. Though in light of so many dissapproving responses as well as the reactions of our friends i may want to call off the openness. It may be better in the long run if we decide to have any kids.

Wow.

Boy am I glad to hear the majority do not condone open marriages.

You must not love your wife very much.

i love my wife very much and it is hard to explain why i would possibly allow her to sex with another man other than that i am willing to do anything to make her happy. Even if it means possibly allowing another man to touch her in the same ways that i would.

Please refer to my last response " i may want to call off the openness". We have not done anything so far, i wanted to see what everyone thought. I appreciate the replies and plan on showing them to my wife. I'm sure we will have plenty to talk about tomorrow. I'll post an update later.

Cuckolded penis-less fool.

Cuckhold.

Also, Your wife must not love YOU very much, since she already has studs lined up.

I think there will always be a loser in games like these, I wouldn't ever think they would be worth playing.

As soon as she's gonna find someone better than you, she's out of there... If you really love her, you'd stop this nonsense.

I understand that it can be tempting to have the best of both the single life and the married life, but I don't think it could ever go hand in hand.

If you marry, then you dedicate to your one and only.

If I loved a girl enough to marry her, man....I would NOT let her get away with this. And that's what it is. She's convincing you to do something you really don't want to do. You're telling us you're content with some asshole kissing your girl, touching her, fucking her, then leaving. You're content with someone using the girl you love the most. If she wants to have sex with other people, theres two possibilities. Either you're not satisfying her, or she doesn't love you. Or both. If she wasn't satisfied (sexually) she'd cheat. If she wants to have an "open marriage", she just plain doesn't love you.

I hope you get a venereal disease you pussy.

Why get married if you want to fuck other people.

It will end in someone getting hurt.

I'm going to disagree with most everyone else and go against the grain here. Myself personally, I couldn't and wouldn't get involved in this. So much so that if my wife was willing (which she isn't) to bring a woman into our bedroom for a 3some, I would say no. Even though that is my ultimate sexual fantasy, I just wouldn't want to share her.

But that is MY marriage, and no one has the right to examine or judge how you and your wife go about your business. My bet is, if we examined everyone else's marriage on these boards with close scrutiny we could all find something that we find "weird", or at the very least decide it isn't for us. Maybe its the way they spend money, what kind of car they drive, what they do for vacations...etc. To each his own.

The simple fact is, sex is just ONE aspect of marriage....and no 2 people and especially couples have the same mindset in what works for them vs everyone else out there. Some folks think french kissing in front of children is inappropriate......others its no big deal. Others are content with sex twice a month, whereas if other couples if they aren't doing the nasty 3 or 4 times a week there is big trouble. Many are happy with 5 minutes of missionary, while others need to be swinging from chandeliers with every sex toy imaginable and a Peter North video playing on the High Def TV. The point is there is NO "right" or "wrong" way for people to conduct themselves sexually....whether its in or out of a marriage.

Only you know the relationship you have with your wife and how well you can trust each other. I would think if your marriage is stable in every other aspect and you have great communication skills (and ESPECIALLY listen to each other) than this could work for you. You are a big boy and you know all the potential problems that could happen with this. Again its only for you and her to analyze whether this is doable.

As for your friends opinions...fuck em! Personally, I don't know why you are divulging all this info to them in the first place. Do you give them a play by play on all the other facets of your sex life with her? Maybe you do, and again that is just a different way of conducting yourself that I myself don't engage in....except for very vague references at times in the context of a normal conversation. Could the reason be that you ARE including them in this is perhaps you ARE having doubts, and you just need either reassurance or a third party to pull in the reigns? I don't know, I just don't get why you are putting so much merit and value into the opinions of your friends in regard to your marriage. Would you care and/or consult them on all the other decisions in life? Buying a new car? Moving into a new house? Having kids? Like I said, fuck them......its YOUR sex life, not theirs. And if you were to pry into their bedroom behavior I'm sure there would be DOZENS of things they do that you don't necessarily agree with either.

Good luck!

i wouldn't like that, i guess i'm quite traditional. i suppose i think of it that if you choose to spend the rest of your life with someone, why should you want anything else?
maybe for some people, but not my cup of tea

my friend was telling me about a program last night on people where there was three in the relationship. mostly it was like someone on the middle and the two either side weren't sexual. it sounded every so odd and confusing. one guy had two girlfriends, but they were all as a three though. crazycrazy

Let me explain our relationship first then i will tell you our rules.

Me and my wife have been married for three years and together for four. We both are very honest with each other and are willing to talk about anything, no matter how mundane it may seem. We get along better than any other couple that i know. Never had an arguement, probably because we talk about everything, and if we can't agree then we agree to disagree. Both are very happy with the way things are now but are open to experimenting with new things and ideas to find things that we like. Hence this thread.

Since we are not going to just rush in and have sex with everything in sight we did set some ground to follow. Here they are. Keep in mind these apply both ways.

As mentioned before this can be called off for any reason at any time. We believe this is most important of all.

The other person must know the situation as well. They must understand that it is they're choice as well.

We have to be in agreement at all times about who and when.

We will ask the other person about a recent STD check and always practice safe sex. Also to prevent any pregnancies on either side, birth control is a must.

We are never to bring the other person into our home life. I don't have to know him, just who he is.

No more than one other person at a time ( no threesomes or multiple lovers). Just the one or move on to someone else. In other words, it's not that we want to just fuck as many people as we can.

The people we would choose would be someone who we've known or have gotten to know and care about and mutually would like to take that relationship to another level.

Also we do not have to share any details about any sexual encounters if we don't want to. However we will answer any question that the other may want to ask at the time or later on.

This pretty much covers the rules that we have set so far and if there is anything that should come up we would discuss it.

A last note though. We have not done anything yet and nothing is set in stone. We are still deciding on whether or not this is really something we want to do.

Your choice I guess man, but you're probably going to regret it in one way or another.

DaGuru seems to be the only one here who isn't completely closed minded.

Just because a polyamorous does not appeal to you, it doesn't mean it is "bad".

Some people view sex like any other recreational activity, they do not have any emotional/possesiveness attached to it

I wouldn't want to be fucking someone who was fucking someone else, the idea bothers me but if it doesnt bother 2 people in a healthy relationship, who cares what they want their sex life to be like, as long as they aren't hurting anyone.

curious_bystander, it sounds like you have a fairly healthy relationship, you seem to have great communication with your wife, i hope your marriage continues to be happy, i regret that people will look at your relationship as a "wrong/loveless" one.

Not all open relationships work, but I've been in one, and I can say they're interesting.
I think it's stupid that people see it as measuring up how much you really love each other. If you don't have any jealous feelings or mistrust, it can work really well.
I can see why in a marriage it could be perceived as weird and risky, but the most important thing is what it means to the TWO PEOPLE INVOLVED. Whether or not anyone else thinks it constitutes a real marriage is kinda irrelevant.
You love each other, you work it out.

And it's really hard to speak up on totse about things like swinging/open relationships, and even things like interracial relationships sometimes.. people find it hard to accept that someone is doing something a different way.

Hey, I don't like teh buttsecks, but I don't look down on anyone who likes it shoved in their second love canal.
:o

Just because a polyamorous does not appeal to you, it doesn't mean it is "bad".


No, it's not bad. But 9 times out of 10 it ends horribly.

It's simply a path you do not want to go down.

And I've said it before, and I'll say it again: being open-minded doesn't mean you're going to like what you see.

And it's really hard to speak up on totse about things like swinging/open relationships, and even things like interracial relationships sometimes.. people find it hard to accept that someone is doing something a different way.

Hey, I don't like teh buttsecks, but I don't look down on anyone who likes it shoved in their second love canal.
:o

No, I think its more that even here on totse that people still want to believe that marriage as a concept necessarily entails fidelity.

I mentioned many times that my first real non-imaginary girlfriend slept with over 40 men in the year or so we were together. I didn't have a problem with it then and under the same circumstances I wouldn't have a problem with it now.

You're young, pretty and single...you can swing all you want dear,from the ceiling if you wish, without fear of condemnation from totse in general....preferably with full write ups and pix here:P

I would never agree on doing something like this, but it's your choice. You'll probably regret this in the future.