I can put a picture of me and her up if you guys want, just to show that she really is very nice looking, but that doesnt have much bearing on this, since its not a self image problem.

TL/DR version - My girlfriend is carrying lots of emotional baggage from her dad saying she ruined his life, almost causing her mom a divorce from her 2nd husband, and being picked on by most of her elementary school 'friends'. (this picking on included really cruel jokes intended to embarass her and so on). I want her to let go of these because they cause her to get moody when things remind her of these times. What kinds of things can i do to help her with this? So far i have just been reassuring her when she worries about things, and telling her not to blame herself, but i really feel like i should do more, since im really the only person she opens up to.

Long version -

Im not really sure where to start, so ill start at the beginning.

Ive been going out with my gf for 8 months. As a child, her dad cheated on her mom, and then after their divorce, her dad has blamed her for ruining his life, and has persisted to do this still (shes 17 now).

Now my girlfriend is so beautiful, and i love to tell her so, but she feels very insecure because, while she was in elementary school, all the pretty popular girls who got all the boys would pretend to be her friends and she would help them with their homework and everything, because she is very smart. Now these 'friends' would invite her to parties, but pretend not to know her when she got there, and she has felt very out of place at parties and the like. Another example of something that happened, for her grade 8 graduation, the boy she liked asked her to the dance, and she was so excited, and then he told all his friends it was a joke and he was going to stand her up at the dance. These are only a couple examples of things that the 'popular' people would treat her, just because she was the 'smart girl'. And i know this to be fairly accurate, because her mom even agreed and told me thats pretty much how it went.

And now, her mom and her stepdad are having trouble in their marriage because Jenna (my girl) and her stepdad dont get along, and divorce was brought up, and she feels responsible for breaking up two marriages, and is feeling very inferior. Her mom didn't end up divorcing, but she IS moving in with her grandma.

Now i love this girl more than anything else, but is there such thing as emotional scarring? and would it be caused by things like this? How can i help her to forget these incidents, and just move on?

Now, because her dad did what he did, she has very big trust issues, and she has only opened up to her mom, and me. And she really doesnt get along with teenage girls (the pretty, 'get all the boys', 'party girl' types) and she gets disgusted whenever she sees them do the stupid things they always do. And she feels responsible for ruining her moms marriage, twice, and she blames herself for so many things that are not even her fault, and i feel so bad for her.

My family has been telling me i 'mollycoddle' her too much, and that everytime she has a mood swing, i shouldnt take her aside and talk to her about it, i should just let her sort her own things out.

I really feel like I should be part of the solution to this, because I feel awful about this. She did nothing to deserve any of the blame or mean treatment that she has been getting for her whole life.

Lately, she has been getting ready to move out, and is feeling really bad for her stepsister, and she blames herself for so much. All i have really been doing is reassuring her not to worry, and just telling her that even though it might seem like it, none of what happened is her fault. I love this girl dearly, and I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and I just want her to be happy, and i dont think she will be very happy for very long if she keeps this emotional baggage with her.

What sort of things could i do besides telling her not to worry or anything like that? She knows how much i love her, and I always tell her shes beautiful, because to me, she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She says how i do such a good job at making her happy, and I love making her happy, but she gets in these moods so much, and i hate it. She really seems to have trouble letting go of these things.

I could keep rambling, but ill keep it about this long, thanks for your time reading it:)

You can't change people.
They can only change themselves, and frequently that doesn't happen.

Up to a certain degree no one can change who they are. You can change superfical things, like appearance and your interaction with people(sort of acting), but you can't change how you react inside to things. YOu can build up walls to protect your self and continue to live, but it still hurts.

What I'm saying is that your girl is almost always going to blame herself for everything, becuase it's been deeply ingrained in her mind. You only hope is too cope with it. And to love as she is.

Though you can see if she change how she expresses her feelings. Instead of mood swings she works out or does yoga, some way or relieving stress. If I remeber correctly chicks like her have a tendancy for self-mutilation. So I don't knwo what I'm saying really. Just deal with as you've done before.

I do love her as she is, but I know if she could just let go of these things, she would be so much happier, and there is nothing im not willing to do for her. As i might have mentioned, she doesnt open up to people, so counselling is not an option, and i really feel this is something i would like to at least attempt to change, because she knows she shouldnt worry about it, but she does anyways. She is going to try to let the whole incident with her father go when she gets her name legally changed, it will kind of give her a good starting point to start making changes, and she agreed that this might help, and i really care about her, and i will back her with anything she wants to try, and im just wondering if anyone here knew any ways to let go of bad memories that wont go away.