i need help becoming an arrogant bastard........

ridicule everything

be sarcastic in response to any question posed to you

show disdain for anything that is remotely obvious

Drink often, very often. Eventually you will just lose all regard for the consequences of your actions, if you don't get hospitalized for a dead liver first.

Hang out in art museums.

My dad and I go there in the summer to mock the pretentious assholes. Quite a fun passtime if you're in a major city.

Start by convincing YOURSELF that you're the best in all possible measures. You can start by picking a fight with someone smaller and weaker than you or by playing Trivial Pursuit with a retarded kid or some senile old bastard.

Cool. Now that you're ego is getting a little bloated it's time to power-thrust that ego right in everyone's face and hype yourself up. You can do this by constantly reminding people of your achievements in life in creative ways such as telling a story with the sole intention of bringing a point to attention; ie. "I heard the best joke today... right after I stepped off the first place podium at the greatness competition this Brazilian model took a break from giving me a blowjob and said... etc etc."

You get the idea.

Make sure that nobody ever questions your awesomeness. If they do you have to lay down the law and threaten to totally fight them for serious once your ankle injury heals up.

You have no chance, you're part of the proletariat, you're a failure at life.

Alternatively, educate yourself in a broad and shallow way on whatever it is your friends do. Drugs, music, whatever.

Remember, things are only really cool if you're the only one who's heard of them. Always play "pretentious" music when you're at home, post-rock and jazz works really well, as well as doom metal and old-school black metal. Go on and on about the music.

Invest in a few pieces of obnoxiously expensive clothing, a really nice coat and hat for instance. Walk with a cane, and fix your goddamn posture.

Alternatively to that, don't be a pretentious, shallowly educated little bitch, or someone who actually has knowledge about what you're espousing about will give you a metaphorical hammer to the face.

If one wants help, we are the best. There is nobody as good-looking, charming, charismatic, intelligent, wealthy and coordinated as us. We set the bench mark for all criteria. We are knowledgeable in every field having been educated at the finest establishment in the country. We are looking forward to this year's season with much anticipation....

We could go on but is there any need?

Every time you open your mouth make sure to start with a word like 'well' or 'actually' (actually to be pronounced Ecktually).

Perfect how to roll your eyes in the most dramatic way possible. Also learn to use your eyebrows to express your emotions more. Cock an eyebrow at everything.

Always wear double-breasted suits (Everyone hates the sight of a double-breasted suit)

Smoke a pipe.

You can smirk but never smile unless you're about to rip someone's argument apart. If so make sure they see you smiling.

Never start a conversation, you're too good for that.

Read absolutely anything and everything you can. You want to own as many people as possible in arguments (especially at parties) in front of as many people as you can as often as you can.

I'll probably think of more.

We are amused.

Pluralis Magistatis for the win.

Never ever look like the weaker in ANY situation unless it's going to gain you massive sympathy points, get you laid, make you not sound like a complete asshole, etc. Example:

Why don't you have a car?
My mother has cancer and I sold my car so I could afford her treatments
(Even if it's true, it's completely unrelated to you being too broke to have a car)

Always be better at ANYTHING, ANYONE EVER mentions. Lie anytime you have to (Even if you don't just make everything sound unhumanly amazing). Actually just lie any chance you're given. Brag about everything, truth or lie. Exaggerate all numbers in your benefit. Examples:

Exaggeration: I've had 70 sex partners
Truth: You've had 4, one was a hooker.

Exaggeration: I've got 10 inches
Truth: 5 1/2, hard

Never EVER say the words "I don't know". Just make up an answer to the questions and roll with it.

Don't let other people talk- they'll get in the way of you hearing your own beautiful voice.

Put everyone down as much as you can. Do it in the name of honesty and intelligence. People will fall for it.

When in puble never speak quietly. Yell everything you say as if the person you're talking to is across a busy street druing rush hour and a train is passing somewhere nearby. Do flips, dance, rave if you have to- anything to get more attention. (Soime people will think you are cool and spontaneous)

Suck up to other pretentious assholes.

Play sports- not for fun, just to beat people. And work out too, you need the better body. In fact as practice just stare at yourself in the mirror for hours. If you walk by something shiny, gaze into it for a minute. Tell yourself you're sexy.

This is a no fail way to become a jerk and will only be convincing with practice.
(If you couldn't tell, I knew someone JUST LIKE THIS- couldn't fucking stand him)

Good Luck

always tell someone to google it first
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q...=Google+Search

arty pretentious or arrogant bastard?

either way, convince yourself you're superior and look at people in just the way that makes them feel oh-so small and useless. even if you are wrong, you're right. even if you're ugly as sin, you're hot shit.
belittle everyone, be sarcastic, make comments, ignore people, butt in, shove, eat with your mouth open, forget manners.

Whatever situation you go in to, make sure you feel like you already got nothing to lose anymore.

You're doing this to pick up the chicks, am I right?



I hope you don't do this, for humanity. We don't need more loud mouth poser assholes. Be yourself mate.