I had a party.

One of my very good friends attended. She is quite hot.

We both got drunk. Her medication (for the flu) made her drunker.

She kissed me several times ( "That was our first kiss, are you going to remember it?" "Uh, yar."). I was drunk and horny, but still retained some limited common sense; I reminded her that she had a boyfriend, etc, etc. Made her follow me out into a paddock to talk about random shit, ended up kissing again and running away from other people trying to take photos, her with her legs wrapped around my waist. Despite this obviously enjoyable distraction, I reminded her that we were such good friends because we were so comfortable around each other. We walked back to to teh partay five metres apart, hands on heads.

Hour later, end up messing around with other friends trying to throw water at us, locked in a room, curtains drawn. She kisses me again. I end up lying on her, her legs spread, kissing her. We stop, talk about how shit we are at this whole self control thing, end up lying in each others arms for half an hour.

This ended up under control.

The problems began after lights out.

We were in a double bed, me on the outside, her in the middle and some random chick on the other side. I was lying there, holding her. She started to try and put her hand down my pants, which I prevented, reminding her that "we can't". "Why not?", and after fending her off a few times I capitulated and ending up back kissing her and fondling her, etc, etc.

Continues until we are about to "do it/slip it in", when I realise; WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING. This is my best friend. She has a boyfriend. We are drunk. Anything that happens will surely be something we both regret.

Hence, no sex for me.

Herein lies the problem, or problems;
A) Huge guilt; best friend, boyfriend, etc, etc.
B) Huge regret; possibly fucked relationship (haven't talked to her yet).
- and -
C) Still no sex due to A and B.

She has to say something to her boyfriend before anyone else does. I don't care that I will take the hit; I don't know him.

I am worried about her relationship with him and mine with her.

Discuss.

ouch, not much to do but try and talk to her.
I had a really good friend and we started messing around a little, never any sex but it ruined our friendship. :(
Dont get me wrong, friends with benefits are great but I think I would have prefered he was my friend.

First off major props for doing the right thing. Its always soul destroying to turn down willing cunny and half the virgin teenage boys here are probably making voodoo dolls of you as we speak or sitting there sobbing 'why not me, Lord...whhhhyyy ???'

Second you MUST talk to her,soon, and don't wait for the 'right' moment. As soon as you and she are alone just simply say 'You know we didn't actually fuck,right?'.

Chances are that she simply can't remember for sure and is getting all twisted inside, wondering she if did cheat etc.

I asked her how much she remembered (via the great equaliser and ruiner of conversational skills, MSN Messenger), and she couldn't remember how far we went, only that we kissed, and the comment she made about "our first kiss".

This is a girl I really like a coupla years ago, and matured into a proper friendship.

I love her as a best friend, and want her to be happy.

I really don't want to mess ANY relationships up.

As a sideline; does anyone believe in that old story "the truth comes out when you're drunk"..?

Because that adds something rather interesting to the whole situation.

Alcohol is commonly used as an excuse to do what you're too afraid to while sober...so yes, there is truth to it.

A lot of women say stuff happened 'because they were drunk'.

BULLSHIT.

The woman got drunk because she wanted stuff to happen, and needed an excuse to justify it to herself.

That's an insightful examination there mate.

I just realised I need to add to the back story to help reconstruct what happened.

I admit, I asked her to come to this party in the mild hope that something would happen. In my defence, I didn't really expect anything to happen.

We're -very - physical friends in the way that we show affection; she comes up to me and sits on my lap, hugs me every morning, lies her head on my shoulder, all that touchy crap. OK, so I enjoy it, and when she rubs the inside of my leg for no reason ( I normally stop her just because I feel uncomfortable because she does it in front of mutual friends and people who know she has a boyfriend) there isn't anything sexual in it. Recently she has taken to saying stuff like "hey sexy", and saying "I love you", merely for the shock value.

Nevertheless.

That's where my hope of something happening comes from. We've always been that way; just very comfortable touching each other, physically comfortable with the other's touch.

But.

She told me she loved me. While we were entwined in each other.

The complication increases.

Yeah, well done for the self-control.

However, what I'm not sure on here is if you actually I want to have a sexual relationship with this girl. Assume that she didn't have a boyfriend, would you have gone all the way?

If yes, then you need her to decide what she'll do in relation to her boyfriend and you. And don't let the notion of sex complicate it.

Edit: Ah, you posted while I was. She said she loves you... hmm... I'm no Dr. Phil, but it seems like she might e implying something there. Still, you need her to take the action of making herself single.

I want a relationship, sure. And sex would be an added bonus.
But not at the expense of a friendship.

I am to cowardly to risk what I have/had with her on the chance that she may not feel the same way. No matter how sweet our first kiss, I don't want to lose her as a friend.

EDIT: I sound like a chick, haha. You get that I suppose.

That all depends on what kind of friendship you have now, and what kind of potential relationship you might have in the future.

It's hard, and you'll have to make a decision on it eventually, whether it be to keep it as it is, or brave a new and (not so) different world.

Oh, and one other thought. If you decide not to go with the relationship possibility, then you'll have to remove yourself from any situation whereby your friendship could be compromised.

No matter how sweet our first kiss, I don't want to lose her as a friend.

So say to her "No matter how sweet our first kiss, I don't want to lose you as a friend."

dude this is the truest shit ever spoken. i had this ex-girlfriend that would never put out unless she was drunk (even though she wanted cock all the time and when sober we would get to the point where we are makin out on a bed and takin clothes off then she'll just get up and stop and be a lil teasy bitch).

but you get that bitch drunk and shell be all over you. and the reason is so obvious, she just wants the backdrop excuse of "oh well i was drunk". pisses me off.

So say to her "No matter how sweet our first kiss, I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Flowery Renaissance-esque speech aside, that might actually work.

I 'talked' to her on MSN, and asked her if we were going to be OK. She said we were, and the morning after, after waking up and wandering around for a while we went back to bed and lay together. I think we are going to be fine.

I have a bit of a confession.

She had a crush on one of my mates a couple of years ago, and kissed him a couple of times. When I said 'I can't do it", she left for a drink. I nearly went to sleep. She went and got into bed with him. Apparently they didn't do anything, and I want to believe her.

But my constant paranoia and over thinking of every situation created an environment where it might just be possible that something did happen.

I feel like shit.

I would have tapped that shit, nigga. You are more of a man than I.

Teh bumpzorz.

Any more input would be appreciated.

For everyone who cares.

All friends that know something (that we kissed, and she kissed my other mate and got into bed with him) think that she is to blame, and is a bit of a dog for doing what she did.

Apparently I am "a saint" compared to the other guy.
I know that's bullshit.


All I can do is defend her.

Respect mate. That's all I can say, except you deserve her friendship, and as much more as you want.

Hey, finally...a decent bloke. Its good to know that there are still people out there like yourself, you kept your self control in practice, even if things got a little out of hand; you did the right thing. If you had of let it all happen, so many things could have gone wrong. :)

*tips hat*

You know what; positive comments from random strangers on the net make me feel better than they should.

So she cheated on her bf? If you have a relationship she will do the same to you. Once a cheater always a cheater, enjoy your new slut friend make sure you don't kiss her though don't know what has been in her mouth ;)

That's what I was told about your sister.

major props for doing the right thing.

qft, at least you had some amount of self-control.

First off major props for doing the right thing.

wondering she if did cheat etc.

Are you FUCKING CRAZY?

This guy did everything except stopping short of actually fucking this chick and you are applauding him for not actually 'cheating'. Jesus Christ, I have seen guys drawn and quatrtered (yes, by you jack) for holding hands with a chick who already "has a boyfriend"!

Just where then, my dear friend/mod, do you draw the line?

If I just make out, get naked with your wife, is it not 'cheating' if I don't actually stick my penis into her vagina? Maybe if I do, but don't actually ejaculate inside her? Perhaps if I do, but do not impregnate her, is that still not 'cheating'?

c'mon jack... please tell all of us simple minded &ytotseans where is that line drawn. Why do some of us become condemned for having even 'thoughts' about a person who is 'taken' by another [boyfriend, engaged, or even married] and yet some poor asshole who does everything but fuck a buddy's chick is somehow honored for having the intestinal fortitute to not actually consumating the deed?

Just to set the record straight: I neither condone nor condemn what the OP did, or did not do. My beef is with the apparant double standard that seems to prevail here. Not with respect to gender, but rather with the point of view of both the OP and his responses.

This guy, with respect to the majority of other posts on this forum, clearly, plainly, openly, and admittedly was having not just a physical, but emotional as well, affair with a person who he full well knew was 'involved' with another person.

And we applaud him for not taking that affair to its ultimate goal???

Shame on us. Shame on us all. Not for our lack of condemnation, but for our lack of stability and our lack of continuity.

That is all.

Apparently I had sex with a dog whilst drunk and there were around 15 witnesses. I still don't believe them due to the lack of photo evidence.

Are you FUCKING CRAZY?

.... [/unnecessarily long rant]

Wow... you must have a lot of time on your hands.

phmeworp, there was (as far as I can tell) no 'malice aforethought . He didn't got there with the intent on 'hitting' on a 'taken' girl.
Drunken shit just happens, we've all been there.

Yes he should have perhaps handled things differently but in the final instance he did right.

When she's thrusting her cunny in your face it takes a lot of self control to walk away. And he'll probably spend the rest of his life wondering...

A whole different situation to the 'she has a boyfriend but i KNOW she wants me' type of thread we get here.

I only just read this; only got as far as phmeworp's post.

Thanks jack, that sums up the situation as i see it.

I've dealt with her kind before.

GET. OUT. NOW.

While you still have your soul. You said that night she got into bed with another guy? You know why? Because she's a (hot) girl, not used to being turned down, and you rejected her. So she got all spiteful and got into bed with another guy. To quote you: "I feel like shit" - You know those gut feelings we get? They're usually right. She messed around with that guy as well.

Congratulations, you've got your self a top class slut there. I say top class because she's the uber 1337 ninja type, the type that can totally disguise what they actually are. They make people perceive them as the "generally good girl who very rare unknowingly fucks up" - She knows exactly what she's doing. Plotting, scheming bitches.

Most girls are cool, but this one, she's not. She causes exceedingly large amounts of drama. Why touch you in inappropriate ways, in public, in front of mutual friends?

I bet her 3 favorite things are: the cock, cock sauce, and drama.

I want a relationship, sure. And sex would be an added bonus.
But not at the expense of a friendship.




you can still have friendships after relationships. the best relationships are often when they go from being freinds... to being more.

I feel like I could add something here. I HAD a best friend who was good looking. And still is. I'd never ever heard or seen her do anything wrong while I was with my gf. And we were having the whole "truth when drunk" thing because we'd said we like each other when we were wasted.

Anyway nothing happened but she too got increasingly flirty saying things like "when you breaking up with your girlfriend so I can sex you up" etc. And indeed one night when we were drunk she made a move and we kissed.

Subsequently me and my girlfriend split up and I almost got with this "best" friend of mine. But in the end we didn't and damn I'm glad, she's turned out to be quite a bitch. And to me it sounds like you've not seen your friends bad side yet. Not saying its the same situation but it sounds incredibly similar.