Deleted.

At one stage I was becoming very suicidal... Then I became addicted to vallium for a while then I went and spent a week in the bush living in a tent by this river for 2 weeks to get myself together. My wife (finance at the time) said I was a changed person when I came back and I was no longer depressed.

What you're probably experiencing is acute depression. From very in depth experience, just go and see your doctor. He will probably prescribe anti-depressants and probably organizes some counseling sessions. Just let them do what they have to do, take whatever they give you and do what they ask you to... I put up a fight and it almost cost me my life... These people know what they are talking about.

I've only ever travelled the medication route, and if you find the right drug for you, it can do wonders. Go see your doctor, there's nothing to be ashamed of, and he can help you decide whether antidepressants or counselling (or both) would be best for you...

At the risk of sounding as if i'm trivializing things why not first just go out and get laid?

Amazing how often that sorts out your perspective.

I know how you feel, I have been feeling like this on and off for a while now. I feel like I am going no where in life and that it is just plain boring. I want to go see someone but keep resisting for some odd reason. I really do hope you feel better.

Yeah, because ten, almost eleven years ago, when I was eight years old and all this began, all I needed was to go out and get laid. No offence, but I honestly don't think getting laid will sort this out. I've had it off and on all my life and it's gotten to the point where I have come very close to going through with killing myself, which I would prefer to being put on drugs and feeling dead inside.

Well you're not 8 anymore. And to be frank having experienced all too often the tender mercies of NHS mental health provision I can't recommend either drugs or 'therapy' (although if you can bear the the side effects Prozac does seem to help some people I've known).

the counselling could really help if you find a decent person, which i s a rare thing. im currently seeing my eighth shrink, and it does help. i dont know about the medication, as i am blatently refusing to take it despite everyone suggestions.
just go see your gp, they can give alot better advice, or refer you to someone who can.

Try counseling first, honestly. You don't want to go through medication unless you absolutely need it. Or you can use medications and combine it with counseling until you don't need it anymore. Yeah "going out and getting laid, or being a man, getting over it" is the kind of advice that makes me want to get a rifle and go to the clock tower. That might help if you have something small like typical shyness, but if you've had this for your entire life it's a very excruciating slow process and it's nice to have someone to guide you through it.

At one stage I was becoming very suicidal... Then I became addicted to vallium for a while then I went and spent a week in the bush living in a tent by this river for 2 weeks to get myself together. My wife (finance at the time) said I was a changed person when I came back and I was no longer depressed.

I was addicted to valium too. It wa horrible, but enlightening at the same time..now I am having counselling

I really can't stress how important I think it is that you do start making the decisions about getting some help. Going to your GP is tough, I know, but I think you'll find once you've been it'll be a huge weight off your mind, and you'll feel positive that you did something about it. I had counselling for a few months before I even went to my GP, and I have to say that although I was very skeptical and cynical about it, it really did help in the long run. It was a lot harder work than I expected, and sometimes very emotional, which is hard when you're with a total stranger. My university offers a free professional counselling service for students and staff, maybe your school / Uni offers something similar? If not you will be able to get referred by your GP.

They way people react to antidepressants can really vary. From my experience, and from what my counsellor said, most people that go on them find them to be helpful, and wonder why they didnt go on them sooner! The initial side affects can be annoying (for the first week or two), (for me, nausea, loss of appetite, anxiety). Once adjusted to them though, the only real side affect I've noticed is a general apathy... they can make you feel a bit numb. The low moods are reduced, but also the highs, which is really frustrating. Like I said, this is personal experience, and I'm sure it varies for other people lots. I've had a relatively positive experience with them.

You said you don't want your mum to find out any counselling / meds. Mind if I ask why this is? Obviously I know nothing of your relationship with your parents. I see no reason why they'd really have to find out about any treatment you decide to have if you don't want them to. Have you managed to talk to any family members / friends about all this? For me, that was by far the hardest part, I felt embarassed and almost like I'd let everybody down. But once you can recognise that depression is an illness, not a personality flaw, and you can talk to someone close to you about it, it makes it a lot easier to get help and support.

I'm no doctor, but I hope my experiences can be helpful to you in some way.

So what if I book an apointment and then when I get there I feel fine, what if he thinks I'm lying and doesn't take me seriously? Or just puts me on pills straight away without giving the option of seeing a counselor?

Then he would be in serious contravention of Good Practice. As you are legally an adult I would expect him to take you very seriously, prescribe you a mild dose of prozac or similar (more to see if it helps than in hope of a cure) and book you in to see a counsellor....which should happen by about Xmas (depending on where you live, bit of a post code lottery).

He should also, I would think, put you in for a blood test (some physical conditions can cause these things too).

Any GP should take you seriously...unless you happen to be with my old one aka 'The Purple People Eater' who would have simply told you to drink unpasteurised goats milk (yes he ran a goat farm) and pull your socks up!

Thanks for the reply, MrKite. I really have no one to talk to about this in person, but my mother and I don't feel up to telling her, it'd just be too hard. Plus there's things about me she doesn't know that I'm convinced she would stop loving me for if she found out, I feel like she doesn't really care about me, if you understand, it's kind of hard to explain. I'm worried the doctor wont take me seriously too, because there are people who have been through more than me and sometimes I feel fine while others like shit. Last summer, I felt depressed for literally a month, other times it's two weeks or a week and then disappears for awhile and other times it just comes on and off throughout the day. This morning I felt find but right now I just feel like doing nothing but topping myself. So what if I book an apointment and then when I get there I feel fine, what if he thinks I'm lying and doesn't take me seriously? Or just puts me on pills straight away without giving the option of seeing a counselor?

Much of what your saying reminds me of how I felt a few months ago. It wasn't until I'd had a couple of months of counselling and had started on Prozac that I could actually really admit to myself that I was clinically depressed. Everything in my life is fine really; I'm in Uni studying a course I should find interesting, have some good friends, get on with my folks, a lovely boyfriend, and I thought I was just being a whiney little bitch when I felt so bad.

One thing I've really learnt about depression, mostly by talking to people in a similar situation to me, is that you WON'T necessarily feel like crap all the time. I always found that the terrible lows would often be followed by highs, which could last a few hours, days, or even a week. And it was during these times that the self doubt would kick in, and I wouldn't be able to believe there was anything really wrong. In a way, thats what counselling helped me the most with. When I first went, I was expecting to be told to maybe take some of the classes they offer (they do like, low mood management, self esteem classes and the like) and maybe get a couple of sessions with a counsellor. Despite turning up feeling ok, I was offered the longest course they can give (though its a fairly limited service.) In some ways, that totally freaked me out, but I also found it really validating in a way.

As with the Doctor, they take this kind of thing extremely seriously, especially if they learn that you're thinking of harming yourself (I wasn't) - thats one of the main things they'll probably try to find out if you go to them. My GP said it would be unusual to put someone straight on meds, (plus I was really against the idea), so he told me to go away for a couple of weeks, have a think, see how things went, and go back if nothing changed. Which I did, resulting in my giving the meds a try. At the end of the day, its entirely your decision what course of action you choose with it, and theyll be likely to talk through all the options with you.

I'm sorry that you don't feel like you can talk to anybody. I can sympathise, it is extremely hard to do. Perhaps once you start some kind of treatment you'll find it easier? I know you don't know me at all, but feel free to message me or whatever if you feel the need to. Just as one of the (many) people out there who have been in a similar situation.
Take care.

I'm going to have to hide this from my parents though, which will be hard, because I really don't want them knowing.

hhhhm und you vunder vhy you haff vees problemz already, ja?

:P

I'm really glad you're thinking about seeing your GP this week. They'll be able to point you in the right direction. Best of luck.

For those who are interested I have posted in the mod's forum asking Root if we may finally have a forum for headcases/ 'paths/ 'noids/feminists etc.

While such threads as this one are welcome, and have always been allowed, here I do feel a dedicated forum for all forms of mental abberrations would be better.

Medication medication medication

But KNOW the medication in and fucking out and decide for yourself.

Personally I suggest a healthy, fat bong rip every two hours.

oh yeah and taking full responsibility for yourself and a nice bit of mental honesty/new perspective is grand

also 15 mgs IV of God. :p

omg aren't you afraid of being shunned by your local scientologist community if you take drugs!!??

but seriously man i sympathize with you, as i'm living with bi polar. if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to email me kurt3189@hotmail.com, and anyway you're one of my totse idols that i look up to so don't think you won't be missed.

totse idols?

god damnit what is this world coming to

https://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=1992217