My girlfriend, lately, has been severely on my case about doing coke. She thinks that it's making me unstable and affecting our relationship. I don't think it is, personally. Now, she's done it with me twice, and before we were dating (again), she didn't care what i snorted, smoked, popped, or shot into my body. I reallly don't want to quit, but her friends are pushing her to give me an ultimatum to choose her or the drugs. They're also convincing her that this will not end well. I don't want to quit--I don't want to let someone else make my decisions, and i'm sick of her treating me like i'm someone who needs taking care of. Can anyone give me any advice?

I don't know if you know this, but the ultimatum exists before the relationship does, it's a matter of when it peaks its head. Eventually, your significant other is going to want to be numero uno in your life...for some, it can take weeks, some months, some years, some decades...but at that point, they're going to want you to choose them over fucking yourself into a nice cocaine high, and just about everything else. It's how a relationship develops...they start off as a piece of ass, turn into a bit of a fuck-buddy scenario, then real feelings develop, bonds form, you start to do nice things for them just to show appreciation, you make commitments, you become committed, you hitch or have a commitment ceremony, you put them above yourself (and hopefully, they place you above them). Now, if there's not all that substance to back up the choice to put her before yourself, then fuck her. She's asking you to altruistically do something for her as if she deserves it; if you don't have the history, the bond, the commitment, and the love, then changing for her is going to lead to resentment.

So, I think you're making the right choice...but there is no relationship in you're entire life that isn't going to present the ultimatum of getting yourself further along in life or losing the person, it's just a matter of when that comes along.

I've been in the same situation. Sit down and explain that she's more important, that if it starts to harm the relationship you'll stop, and that you'll be careful and responsible about your drug use. Ask her what she doesn't like about it and try and reassure her. Try and be understanding and affectionate. You need to use good timing to bring this kind of conversation about. Dont do it right after she finishes btiching at you.

Unfortunately, most of society expects drug use to cause problems within a relationship so most people will point out drug use as causing almost any problem if you give them half a chance. The ultimatum thing is a bitch, and her friends are assholes. For some reason friends love to tell their friends to treat their boyfriend\girlfriend like shit. After your done talking to her abotu it and everything is settled then never talk about drugs again. Dont use around her either. Dont hide it, but for god sakes dont ever bring it up unless you fucking need to.

Anyway thats about all I can tell you. If it comes to an ultimatum, I'd tell her to go fuck herself...you might think differently though and I can't really give adaquate advice on that matter. The problem with ultimatums is they are empowering. Then again you probably already know this. Good luck, I hope your able to handle the situation better than I did.

How often do you do coke? If you keep it to parties/weekends I don't think your girlfriend should have a problem with it. But if you're doing it every day, it's going to affect you whether you realise it or not. It's easy to rationalise your drug use in your own mind, but to others you're just a coked up brat...

Ultimatums are what powerless people do. If she says out right me or blow say "If you have me make that choice you are setting up your self to lose.

it might be affecting you/the relationshipand you don't realise it, but she does? are you neglecting her due to the increasing frequency of your nose'gasms?
she could be worried it's damaging you, or she could be pissed that you spend more time with coke than her.

if you prefer coke to her, dump her, if not, well, quit? talk?

I personally NEVER take well to ultimatums. If a girl gives me a choice between her and something else, i will chose against her EVERY TIME just to prove a point.

Im assuming that if you can afford a coke habit and a girlfriend, that youre a big enough boy to make your own decisions. Would you let her work on your car? Or try to fix your computer? No. So why the fuck would you let her try to "fix your life"?

I may disagree with your coke habit as well (for different reasons) but its not her choice to make, or her place to step in.

qft. Alot of people find it easy to say that something isnt hurting thier life if they're the ones doing it, and acting out only makes it seem worse. Just be fucking rational instead of acting like a little kid.

Compromise, agree not to snort more than once a week/ twice a month if she's willling to stop hassling you about it.

See, that's the fucked up thing. I only do it once a week, maybe twice if they're some tight parties. That's it. And we have talked. And talked. And talked. And gotten nowhere. But, I've decided to stop until summer. Chances are, she'll do something to piss me off and I'll get some blow, though.

That's soooo dumb. If you were doing it all the time I could understand why your girlfriend would care, but you're not doing it enough that it can really be affecting your relationship...I suggest you get out now, your girlfriend is just being controlling. My ex used to get on my case for smoking weed like a few times a month! We fought about it all the time. I pretty much stopped smoking weed for him, but I resented him for trying to control my life. So yeah, I wouldn't put up with this ultimatum bullshit.

It sounds like you two arent really...... Compatible?
If you would chose drugs over her, you shouldnt be with her,
and if she is willing to threaten to leave you, she shouldnt be with you either.

I guess I'm a control freak too then. My wife can do anything she wants, but would ever find out that she was doing drugs, it would be over. No ultimatums, just over.

My experience is that once you've started, most people (BY FAR) never stop. In the beginning it's just now and then, at parties etc., in the end it takes over and destroys life. I've seen it happen to close friends who refused to listen, and every time it turned out in the end that the "goody two-shoes" (me) was right. Just stay the hell away from all that shit.

My advice would be: You said that you've talked and talked and talked some more - I'm impressed that she's so persistent HELPING you with this. Listen to your girlfriend - she just might want you to stop because she cares for you and don't want to see you in the gutter a few year from now with a serious addiction and dept you can't ever get out of. Just give it some SERIOUS thought, straighten up your life, learn that you can indeed enjoy life without doing coke, love your girlfriend and do what both right AND best for you.

...then again... you've already started on the coke, you've already decided that it's your girlfriend who's all wrong. You're never gonna listen to anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear, are you? :(

Stop Doing Coke...what The Fuck?

...then again... you've already started on the coke, you've already decided that it's your girlfriend who's all wrong. You're never gonna listen to anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear, are you?

exactly

Dude, she has every right to be pissed at you about the coke, but no right to present an ultimatum. If she doesn't like it, all she should say is "I don't like the fact that you do coke. I can't be with you anymore." Not "it's me or the coke, BITCH!"

Personally I wouldn't put up with even the most casual coke habit. Or heroin, crack, meth, and anything along those lines. No, no, any intoxicant. If you have to go out every weekend and get fucked up, and you can't have fun otherwise, that's just not good.

Oh yeah, and dude, stop doing coke. Though it may seem like nothing has changed, it probably has. It always does.

As your girlfriend, she shouldn't be presenting you with demands and ultimatums.

As her boyfriend, you should be more willing to take her wishes and concerns into account and to do things for her.

you don't not wanna give up cause you don't want her controlllin your life, you don't want it cause you CAN"T DO WITHOUT THE DAMN COKE. If you could, this would be no issue if you loved her.

Just admit your a junky, dump your gf, and find the junky gf you deserve


*this message was brought to you by a fellow drug user*

if u and this girl really care about each other u should both agree that your relationship is more important than drugs and both quit.
btw, ur both fucking retards for doing coke anyway.

I guess I'm a control freak too then. My wife can do anything she wants, but would ever find out that she was doing drugs, it would be over. No ultimatums, just over.

Nice to see this poster takes his wedding vows so seriously. Guess "for better or worse" wasn't in your's huh? Yet another example of the disposable marriage mindset that is dragging society down even further in the toilet. Yup, your a HELLUVA hubby there bud! But I digress......


Ya mind getting some input from someone that isn't a "goody goody" and hasn't been brainwashed thinking any involvement with drugs is going to ruin your life for ever? First off, I agree with most of the other posters in regard to how ultimatums are NEVER a good thing. Its opening the door to a whole set of control issues, and if you DID alter a part of your behavior just to make her feel more comfortable....then you would be setting the precedent for similar tactics in the future. Today its coke, tomorrow it might be your driving, or a band you listen to, or anything else she doesn't like.

From what I read, it seems to me its the friend suggesting she have this ultimatum, instead of her idea....so there is still hope. Here is the problem though if you do dump her and hope to find another girlfriend and still want to continue to do coke. 1) Coke freaks a lot of people out, and it will be hard to find someone understanding and get that you do not have a problem. 2) The fact is, there are very few people that are functional such as yourself if they are involved in coke. Personally I believe you don't have a problem, because I was there myself. Back in the day I used to deal coke, and was doing about 2 grams a day, every day. But when the coke ran out, I didn't go crazy, have withdrawals or was willing to steal from grandma like the Just Say No campaign wants people to believe. You and I both know you can still dabble with whatever and STILL be a productive citizen. Anyone telling you otherwise is just talking out of their ass.

The only thing I would do at this point is seriously ask yourself a set of questions and see how many "yes" answers you come up with.

Does your coke use have any effect on the time you spend with her?

Are you moody or agitated because of the coke, getting into fights with her that you may not have if you were sober or not coming down off of the coke?

Are you neglecting taking care of her (spending money) because that money is being spent on coke?

Does your coke use effect your work and/or school? Are you late, calling off, or just not doing your job because of the coke?

Are any of your other relationships with friends or relatives changing because of your coke use?

Basically, to sum it all up......is coke just PART of your life, or is it EFFECTING your life? If you answered no to all these questions, then obviously you do NOT have a problem and everyone should just kiss your ass and mind their own business.

The fact is, there are MANY functional cocaine users in all walks of life. Doctors, lawyers, cops, judges, politicians....etc ad nauseum. Yeah sure, some of them DO go off the deep end and ruin their lives over a stupid bag of powder. But it seems to me you are NOT one of them and have your shit together. If you have to keep "proving" to your girl day after day that is the truth, then she isn't the girl for you. But don't let these anti-drug idiots start making you think just because you are doing something THEY don't approve of, that you have some kind of "problem". Trust me, everyone has their vices and if they were to post every nuance of their life....I'm sure we'd find some issues just as bad if not worse, and there is a good chance whether its eating, shopping, gambling....that is IS effecting their life negatively much more so than your little weekend cocaine fun.

Look, girls come and go. Drugs are there forever. They don't bitch at you when you don't pay them any attention (well, most ;)), and some of them are 100% better than sex, make sex even better when combined with them - and make one night stand sex easy as fuck to come by, so ditch the girlfriend, and start slamming dope.

Best advice or what?

P.S. Coke sucks, get a better drug to ruin your life with. I like heroin, but you seem to be a stimulant guy (probably explains why you're so dumb, go slam meth instead).

P.S.S. Just do it behind her back, moron.

I've decided to stop... for now, anyways. She means more to me than coke, and I don't want her pissed at me for something like this. But I must say, it's tenuous. Mainly because three of the people I buy/do drugs with want to fuck me... which is part of the reason my girl doesn't want me doing them.

Please scroll up and read my first edited post. I had to add some stuff because my computer was going haywire on me. I support you in any decision you make, but don't think you should let anyone have this kind of control over you.