hey guys, first off long story made short
im going to prom w/ a girl who's been closer to me than family for years- a purely platonic relationship

the situation- inevitably, im going to asked to dance...im making a trip across two states to do this for her (her date bailed on her, and she'd feel terrible if she ended up not going...plus she's worth it to me) and i dont wanna end up not doing jack shit or sitting in a corner, or whatever you'd like to think of it as being.

the problem - when im in a situation im not fully comfortable with, or around people im not familiar w/, im really self concious, and my self confidence plummets (aka, i wont dance)

one of this girls friends (a good dancer) has offered to teach me how to dance real well, so maybe ill get some confidence in front of everyone (like isaid, unless im really comfortable w/ the poeple, i cant do much of anything except look foolish)...unfortunatly, chances are that this wont do much good (im hoping it will though)

my question to you, ToTSE, is: how do i build up my selfconfidence to the point where i can overcome this fear of looking like a damn fool...if worst comes to worst ill have a few drinks (they dont cal it liquid courage for nothing, i suppose) but i'drather not resort to that


sorry for this being somewhat long, but you could say im pretty desperate...

thanks,
-Zev

Who needs self confidence when you got booze?

I have nothing useful to add other than "good luck". My ass was firmly planted in a seat during graduation with my (now ex) girlfriend, and I'll probably regret it for a long time

...

I think FON might be on the money with a little booze. As far as I know there's no quick fix for undesirable personality traits.

Plan to have sex with her after the dance. That will give you motivation.

Oh, and those dancing lessons? Yeah, practice those until they are like INSTINCTS. If you are nervous you will be able to fall back onto your training, instead of going into a panic.

Drink, ask, receive.

The alternative is sitting in your room thinking of a million and one reasons why prom is stupid. Which it is, but it's an experience you have got to have, only losers miss out.

Since you say that you've got to travel across two states to meet her, I'm guessing that you don't know anybody at her school, or at most only a few friends. You need to just realise that they are most likely concerned about their own appearance than yours, and even if you make a total ass of yourself you won't have to see these people ever again. All that really matters is the fact that you and your date will enjoy yourselves, so do whatever seems like fun to you. Everybody who gets up in front of a crowd to sing or dance has to say to themselves "Hey, I don't give a fuck if I bomb it and do something stupid, I'm going to do it!"

Think of the absolute worst thing that could happen. Could you handle it? Now think of something even worse happening; imagine what it would be like if everything went wrong. Would it be horrible enough to maim or kill you? At worst you'll have one hillarious story to tell your drinking buddies for years to come.

Have fun.

if you need a confidence boost go to a random town dressed in only a jockstrap and walk down the high street shouting obsenitities. Remember no one will no you and you will never see them again so give a shit if they look at you funny. If this doesnt boost your confidence then....It worked for me and I will now do anything

yeah dude, i agree with them ^ . It's not that bad, you're never going to see these bastards again. Being a school dance all the sluts and manwhores around will be worried about what they look like themselves. and if something were to happen, who gives a fuck, 99% of them are completely fucking retarded like every high schooler in every school. Don't worry, learn the dance moves, and do practice, it'll help your confidence.

If you're traveling across 2 states for it, then make sure you enjoy it. It would be pointless to go that far and then be worried about what those faggots are thinking. Just get out there and have fun man. Funny thing is I am having that same problem, though my prom is at my school, being a senior I figured i should go, and now the problem is the dancing, but I don't worry about it, I'll go to have fun.

Hope everything works out for you man, we're rooting for you.

"just imagine them all in their underwear" or the old adage goes ...

You're doing this for a friend right? So just make sure she's having fun, and anything else that happens make sure you beat the crap out of anyone who dares to interfere with the fun (including her exboyfriend ... actually, especially her exboyfriend)

The way to self confidence is unique, but I've found that it helps to have no shame. It seems that you're afraid of judgement, and the method to beat that is through showing that you don't care.

If you prep the mental game by thinking "I'm going to have a good time tonight", there's a good chance that it will happen.

It's all mind over matter. Plus, shame free is the way to be.