I'm bored so I figuered this would be a fun idea,

list your drunken sexual encounters (in detail) that are worthy of shame

here's the criteria:
-you must have been in some way intoxicated (preferably heavily)
-it must somehow involve a sex (hand job, sex, bj, zj, whatever...)
-it should be sad/pathetic (fat chicks/ugly guys, ladies, your stories are welcome too)

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Here's one of my 2 most hilarious stories,

After deciding Jagermiester was my best friend late one night last summer, I began talking with an older girl. She was maybe 5 years older and cute (at the time). To my despair she passed out after few more drinks while sitting beside me on the couch. It was about 2 in the morning and I was about ready to collapse, so I took another shot, leaned back, and passed out.

4 hours passed with me passed out, I then was woken up by someone's heavy breathing. I found myself laying against an unattractive, slightly obese girl who was apparantly still passed out. But I had my zipper undone and happened to be laying with my face in her chest. I started to move when I felt her leg move, under my crotch. I then saw her foot move back to "me" and start moving back and forth.

It was at this point I realized I passed out with a fat chick who was and had been giving me, yes, a footjob...

*here's the sad part*

still slightly drunk, I leaned back into her chest and let her continue...




MORAL - don't bring ugly girls & low standards to a party with booze.

Which would make perfect sense considering that he said that it was ONE of his two stories?

I tried to sleep with this chick 3 nights in a row. Each night she said she would, then passed out. The 4th night i told her to fuck off i was gonna stay home and drink by myself while watching porn and not letting her bitch ass blue ball me.

I have better stories, but im too lazy to type them out.

I went out on Tuesday night with some friends (failed to utilize the black eye etc to good effect might I mention). But I got so drunk, the only chat up line I wanted to use was

I'm Vince Clortho, I am the keymaster!

Oh as for the sex thing.. well I'd say half the times I've had sex, I'm so drunk and excitable I blow my load in record time.

Oh as for the sex thing.. well I'd say half the times I've had sex, I'm so drunk and excitable I blow my load in record time.

You're like a kindred spirit...

well its not really that good but i was wasted and was getting this chicks thong/panties/whatever off and i started laughing super hard and couldnt stop. i remembered a story my friend told me at lunch, the chick was mad as hell, she didnt talk to me the rest of the way home (i had my license revoked, gayest shit ever). but when i woke up in the morning we had sex so it was alright.

Once an obese woman grabbed my genitals. I was in shock for ages. By the time I finally boiled over into a murderous rage, she had waddled away.

Hmmm... there was that time that I hooked up with a ginger, but that didn't go past making out so that doesn't count (even though that was the lowest I've ever been).

Besides that I haven't really had many shameful hook-ups. There was that time that my ex-girlfriend gave me a blowjob on my mate's bed, during a night of drinking... who am I kidding? That was fucking awesome I exploded all over his bed.

Oh wait, I remembered something pretty shameful from when I was 13:

We were camping out at school camp and we had to do this long night walk thing, where you basically can't see shit. Well, me and a mate were walking along and we end up walking with these girls. We chat for a while and get all friendly like, and all that jazz. When we get back to camp, this chubby chick we were walking with (who's pretty fat now) started getting close to me as we sat around the fire. Well, one thing led to another and she ended up giving be a handjob in her tent.

The next day she asked me out and I said no.

The next day she asked me out and I said no.


Props, exactly the kind of story I was looking for

I really have one that I'd consider "pathetic", but I just think it's awesome. Couldn't fuck because I had too much weed/alcohol/soma/amps and everytime I closed my eyes I saw newspapers. You can't fuck if you're reading the paper. From the future.

I started having sex with my girlfriends panties...

I didn't know they were still on.

OK, so mine doesn't involve sex thankfully.

So anyway, I'm 18 (I look older though) and I was at my mates 21st.
So anyway, we were all fucking around having a few drinks as you do at a 21st, some people went into the bathroom to snort Ritalin and passed out, me and a couple of mates were sitting on some couches talking with some of my mates mates, one was pissed but still making sense, she was fairly hot and I was guessing she was around 20 or so, not a bad catch:) . She was getting fairly cosey with me, sitting on my knee, holding me when she was going to fall over, the normal drunken flirting.

So anyway, she said she was going out to get some fresh air, I was going to join her but decided not to as I was going to take the time to go for a piss, but as soon as she left the room her mate lent over and told said to me "Oi cunt watch it, she's only fifteen !"
I didn't believe her so she grabbed this chicks bag and showed me her ID, she was only fifteen .
So I went for my piss, had a think, spewed up a bit and went back out.

I was on the couch sitting down talking and she came back from outside, she sat down on my feet and was talking to me, then she put her hand between my legs and started groping my balls through my pants, that's when I freaked out, she was hot and all, but she was only fifteen so I gently moved her hand away, a couple of times and then she got the idea.

The next day when we went to clean up, my friend (whos party it was) told me that when she went outside she actually came and grabbed some condoms from her.


So anyway, that's my drunken night that I regret that I would of regretted even more if I had gone through with it.

Oh man i got alot of these(Because i don't have contacts, i am on a ridiculous waiting list for laser eye from the govt, and i will loose my glasses if i wear them out, oh ya i am really far sighted) Now you mix that with booze i can't see my hand in front of my face sometimes.

The best one i had is actually happening over the past couple days. I slept with this girl, now she is cute and a great lay. "In the morning she wakes up and goes oh no my roommate" I ask her what about her roommate.

Then she begins to tell me about its her roommates goal to fuck me before the end of the semester. Now i figure how can this work to my advantage. So i tell her its fine she is still passed out and she had no idea. Then we get dressed and tries to get me to meet her roommate that night. (I thought i didn't know the roommate.) Well she calls me and tells me to come over, when i walk in its my friends old abused cocksucker. It took all my discipline not to laugh my ass off. Eventually i had to "say I'm going to take a piss," and go laugh my ass off.

Now this girl is the trifecta: fat, ugly, and annoying. Eventually the girl tiff (One i fucked, and wished to do again) gets me drunk off my ass. Next thing i know i wake up in the fat girls bed with no recollection of what happened to me and her naked next to me.

Now I am pissed off that it happened. I go yell at tiff, and she gives me this bullshit.

Well to cut it short i am thinking of a way to get a threesome going. There both dead set against it, but i am confident in my abilities. Plus they talk about how great of a fuck i was(Only the fat one cause tiff doesn't want to tell her i fucked her. She actually agreed the first time fat girl mentioned and had to cut back really quick)

Now before you judge me, threesomes are great. I would do them more often if I could. So I'll bite the bullet again if i could get a threesome out of it.

My worst was at a party when i was extremely drunk and fingering this chick who was not only pretty ugly but also a couple of years younger than me. Anyways i started eating her out and fingering her when i noticed my fingers were covered in blood, most disgusting thing i've ever experienced. I have other stories but none that top that one, mostly just gettign with fat/ugly people.

...when i noticed my fingers were covered in blood

Happened to me too.

I started having sex with my girlfriends panties...

I didn't know they were still on.

This too.



A few years ago I was sorta crazy. I was on a mad speed comedown and hadn't slept for days, and around 8am I decided that I had felt shit for long enough and it was time to start drinking. I woke up a mate and we started into a litre of vodka. We ended up drinking 2 litres and 12 beer between us during the morning, and deaded to Sainsburys to get more. On the way I met the most beautiful girl I had ever met. Her and her mate walked along with us on the way to get the booze, and her and I immediately started flirting and touching each other and all that shit. We got the booze and they said they had to be somewhere but they'd meet me outside a nightclub near where we met them at 8pm. This was only midday or so, and we went back and started drinking again. By the time 8pm came around, I had forgot all about them and my mate reminded me about ten past, and I half ran/half staggered down to meet her. There she was, all dolled up and lookin' fine. We went into the club and had a few drinks, soon after we headed out.

I remember the fresh air as soon as I came out of the club.

Next thing I remember, I wake up in an unfamiliar room. It was cold, the walls were bare and a horrible cream colour which looks more like smoke stained white, and there was a bar light on the roof. I looked beside me and saw the girl I had met... only now she didn't look so attractive. She wasn't overly fat. However, she was COVERED in acne, had missing teeth and what teeth she had were stained, one of her tits was quite nice and the other was hanging about twice as far down, and I can only assume she gave her hairdresser AIDS as whatever mess had been made of her hair wasn't natural.

Yeah, but it got worse. I carefully climbed out of the bed, so not to wake her. Found most of my clothes around the room and quietly headed for the door... locked. No key. I went for the window. Screwed shut. I shit myself, almost literally, and stood in the corner of the room wondering what to do when the door swung open with someone shouting "Time to ge..." before seeing me and standing, gobsmacked.

It turned out I was in some kind of womans hostel, but a high security one. All the downstairs windows were covered in bars and you had to be buzzed in and out of the place.

The woman in the corridor was old and tough looking, like one of the old hells angels grannys who you wouldn't take on with a gun for fear she'd catch the bullet in her false teeth. I asked her where I was and how I got out. She pointed down the hallway, still obviously dumbfounded as to how I got there. I ran down the hall, down the stairs, pulled at a door violently while it proudly stood, not budging, before a loud buzzing noise announced my freedom.

It turned out I was a long way from home, I had no wallet and the worst hangover I had ever experienced, but fuck was I glad to be out of that place. Luckily I still had my mobile, and rang a mate to come collect me. Turns out the girl I was with was never beautiful... I still get reminded of her to this day.

Happened to me too.


Few, i'm glad i'm not the only one. And unlucky about the hostel thing.

I'm starting to think drinking is a bad idea. Oh and the bloody fingers thing has happened to me as well.

I blacked out, I finally have the whole story together though...it feels nice. closure is a nice feeling:) And nooo I didnt have sex or anything like that.

poor docta! i've never had any "pathetic drunken sexual encounters" really. i nodded off during some post-session sex somehow, and was woken by the ravaging of my nether regions, naturally, i freaked and attacked his head with my thighs :]
i had a spate of blurting out the price of flowers and rubbish about cakes during foreplay; i was drunk, stressed and way too involved in my job at the time. i didn't even realise i was doing it :/ florist tourettes?

Speaking of blackouts I think its time to relay my all-time most pathetic DSE (drunken sexual encounter).





It was a nice October evening when I went to a friend of a friend's college for a big party. We were drinking our champange (Miller High-Life) and playing a game of Thumper. The hours flew by and my BAC steadily rose, and rose, and rose.

Sometime around ten a few guys and I decided it would be an excellent idea to go meet a dealer for some pot at, where else, the nearby playground. After a run-in with campus police and some delicate bullshitting we returned with the smokeables.

After ingesting more booze I took my gram and a half and figured I'd save it for another time. Stashing it in my pocket, I turned to one friend who had come with me. He said he was leaving but that I could take his liquor. In the words of Borat: "Great Success!" I was now armed with a pony bottle of jack d, a bottle of Jagermeister, some tequila, and a full bottle of Goldschläger.

Now without my friends, I was in the presensce of only liqour and strangers. With alcohol as my ally, I preceded to openly talk with anyone drunk enough to feign comprehension of my slurred speech. It was at this moment a goddess walked through the door.

Two girls entered, a cute lanky girl, dressed in track clothes, and her. She was five, nine and athletic looking. The goodess wore a t-shirt with a skanky phrase and one of those fuzzy winter caps that you see stereotypical canadians wearing.

Me and the girl hit it off, drinking shot after shot of screaming nazi's (Goldschläger and jager). She left for the bathroom and I figured a good idea would be to empty my pot into the 1/8th bottle of Goldschläger and then consume it as quickly as possible.

I did this.

Feeling sick and missing my girl I stumbled to the bathroom. I stumbled into the room and saw a couple hunched over one of the 2 toilets, a man holding his girlfriend. My vision of beauty was hunched against the shower for stability making her way to a huge bottle of hawaiian punch jungle juice by the sink.

I got tunnel vision and as my body slumped.

I blacked out.


The following morning I awoke in an unfamiliar room. I was missing my jacket curled into a ball, freezing on the floor in someone's bedroom. I had strategically fallen beside a large ferret cage that smelled strongly of dogshit. My shirt was covered in hawaiian punch, Oh, and I had pissed myself.

I stumbled out of this room and back into the main area of this, now-wrecked, communal apartment I had been partying at. Drunken bodies were strewen across the floor, stepping between them I tried to peice together what had happened. I walked to bathroom.

There I found Hawaiian punch pooled in the middle of the floor and my missing jacket. To my horror blood was sprayed on the door to the room, around the sink, on the floor, and along the shower curtain. I walked to the mirror to see a gash in my forehead and fingernail marks over my chest and back, all bleeding. Stumbling out to the main room

*EDIT laptop started dieing on me yesterday so I just hit post to save what I had written, I'll finish and repost later*

Speaking of blackouts I think its time to relay my all-time most pathetic DSE (drunken sexual encounter).





It was a nice October evening when I went to a friend of a friend's college for a big party. We were drinking our champange (Miller High-Life) and playing a game of Thumper. The hours flew by and my BAC steadily rose, and rose, and rose.

Sometime around ten a few guys and I decided it would be an excellent idea to go meet a dealer for some pot at, where else, the nearby playground. After a run-in with campus police and some delicate bullshitting we returned with the smokeables.

After ingesting more booze I took my gram and a half and figured I'd save it for another time. Stashing it in my pocket, I turned to one friend who had come with me. He said he was leaving but that I could take his liquor. In the words of Borat: "Great Success!" I was now armed with a pony bottle of jack d, a bottle of Jagermeister, some tequila, and a full bottle of Goldschläger.

Now without my friends, I was in the presensce of only liqour and strangers. With alcohol as my ally, I preceded to openly talk with anyone drunk enough to feign comprehension of my slurred speech. It was at this moment a goddess walked through the door.

Two girls entered, a cute lanky girl, dressed in track clothes, and her. She was five, nine and athletic looking. The goodess wore a t-shirt with a skanky phrase and one of those fuzzy winter caps that you see stereotypical canadians wearing.

Me and the girl hit it off, drinking shot after shot of screaming nazi's (Goldschläger and jager). She left for the bathroom and I figured a good idea would be to empty my pot into the 1/8th bottle of Goldschläger and then consume it as quickly as possible.

I did this.

Feeling sick and missing my girl I stumbled to the bathroom. I stumbled into the room and saw a couple hunched over one of the 2 toilets, a man holding his girlfriend. My vision of beauty was hunched against the shower for stability making her way to a huge bottle of hawaiian punch jungle juice by the sink.

I got tunnel vision and as my body slumped.

I blacked out.


The following morning I awoke in an unfamiliar room. I was missing my jacket curled into a ball, freezing on the floor in someone's bedroom. I had strategically fallen beside a large ferret cage that smelled strongly of dogshit. My shirt was covered in hawaiian punch, Oh, and I had pissed myself.

I stumbled out of this room and back into the main area of this, now-wrecked, communal apartment I had been partying at. Drunken bodies were strewen across the floor, stepping between them I tried to peice together what had happened. I walked to bathroom.

There I found Hawaiian punch pooled in the middle of the floor and my missing jacket. To my horror blood was sprayed on the door to the room, around the sink, on the floor, and along the shower curtain. I walked to the mirror to see a gash in my forehead and fingernail marks over my chest and back, all bleeding. Stumbling out to the main room I was greeting

WHERE'S THE ENDING!?

I don't think I've had any huge disasters. It sucks if a guy gets whiskey dick, but thems the breaks.

Oh, I think I got caught once though. My friend and I were doing coke and drinking all night and we both got really horny so we ended up messing around. But I can barely remember because I was too messed up. One second we were fucking and the next thing I remember was his parents getting mad and kicking us out. I'm pretty sure it was because of the drugs though, not the sex. But like I said, I can barely remember...

I was at my uni bar where a friend of mine was trying to break his slump by harpooning a whale. We were both very, very drunk. The whale was unfortunately rather keen on me and despite his best efforts was trying to get me to share her drink etc. I was just politely not noticing her advances, until my friend took me aside and bet me $250 that he'd get her first. This made me competitive. Five minutes later I walked up, looked her in the eye and grabbed a handful of cooch. Five minutes after that we're doing it doggy style in the bushes on campus... It was bad. I woke up in the morning with lipstick on my penis (It is deeply scary to see your cock covered in red blotches) and one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. I didn't go back to that bar for a while. The worst of it is that she wasn't just twice my size, she was a ginger.

On a side note, two of my friends have slept with her since, including the one who bet me.

I had sex with my girlfriends chubby best friend on accident... I will elaborate if anyone cares.

I was hooking up with this cute brunette chick at my friend's birthday and we ended up falling asleep on the couch because I figured I'd rather wait till morning so's I don't get the whiskey dick. I was pretty smashed.

So I wake up in the morning, stumble over the lifeless bodies, made coffee, walked back to the couch, and hooked up with this girl who had woken up as well. So I begin to unzip my shit and let out my junk. Then my friend turns on the lights and yells "What the fuck?!?!?" Turns out I was working on taking his girlfriend's pants off. Three very surprised people, I must admit. I woke up in such a fucking wreck that I walked over to the wrong couch (he has three) and hooked up with the wrong chick. It was dark, and if he hadn't been awak I would have already been in full penetration by the time anyone would have noticed. Also, the girl I was hooking up with just hours before was nowhere to be found. Some people were missing so we just figured she left early. But sometimes when we reminisce I can't help but feeling that I might have been making out with his girl all night on a drunk.

It's not that horrible but the initial shock was pretty intense.

=CK=

well, last year in laos...

I got drunk. everybody drinks, but the beer was cheap, strong (twice the strength and quality of budweiser- 10% alcohol and a decent head)(fuck budweiser) and since i don't drink often, I'd had a few too many (about 8, I think) when it was time for me to go back to thailand (I'd been in vientienne getting visa shit done). I head back to the border, waltz through like I own the place (nobody stops me), get on the bus to go to the other side of the river, and then when I get there I realize that I haven't gotten some stamp that's mandatory for going back. so I'm in line behind what at first I think is quite a hot chick (nice tight body, good ass, small tits but hey, this is thailand, and more than a mouth full is a waste anyway) and the visa officer is giving me a line of shit trying to get a bribe so that I can get the stamp he has to give me anyway. the hot chick comes up, and I realize she's a few years older- being an american, I think she's maybe in her thirties, and a complete MILF. I'm drunk, my speech is slightly slurred, my thai (which I spoke somewhat well at that point) is going to shit on me, but somehow, she thinks I'm cute enough to help out. I finally get through the fucking office after bribing the guy something like 200 baht (5 bucks), and the MILF decides that I'm cute, need help, and that she's the one to give it to me. so I wind up in her car for the next hour, going back to kon kaen to try to meet up with my cousin there, and call him, and it turns out he's in bangkok and can't help me for shit. so I'm like "fuck, what do I do now?" and the MILF says "well, I'm going to go see some friends off at the bus station, why don't you come with?"

so I go with her, have a decent lunch, begin sobering up a bit (I'm still highly buzzed at this point), and then, lunch over, she says "I need to drive back to my home, why don't you come with me?" which sounds great {side note: due to the high sexual energy and criminal proclivity of many thai men, it's considered not only rude but downright stupid to let any woman, no matter how fat and ugly, to go any long distance on her own}, and being the gentleman I am, I decide to tag along and make sure she's safe.

did I mention she had puppies? she had two puppies, maybe a few weeks old, right after the point where they open their eyes. we put them in the back seat.

after about an hour of driving, me talking in still broken thai, her talking in broken english, we start playing with the puppies- coyly, at first. shit like "oh, here, he's so cute, hold him for a second" and then putting the puppy in each other's laps. I'm getting interested, she's getting interested, and finally the puppies get tired and we just put them in the back seat and keep our hands on each other's laps.

anyway, long story short, I sobered up about halfway through the night- in time for the action, but after the lights were out- in time to give it to her good and hard. when I woke up the next day, I immediately panicked, thinking "oh shit, I slept with some slut and now she's stolen all my shit", only to see her still sleeping there, her head on my arm- giving me a good view of it. she later told me (on the ride to the bus station) that she was 47, a college professor, and had no kids and was divorced. she was also decent in bed, but very uwilling to experiment (seriously, missionary only, no oral, I couldn't even touch her pussy with my hand).

yeah, that was my visa run to laos. be careful when you drink lao beer.

I can't handle that shit...

My embarassing story....I ended up at some dudes house, with some chick, in some part of town. She was all keen to have sex, so I get the dommie on and we start going at it....Like 20 seconds in shes like, wait, I gotta tell you something....I look down and the fucking girl was on her rags.

I got up, washed my dick, she gave me fucking head afterwards. Then I left feeling disgusted.

I can't handle that shit...

My embarassing story....I ended up at some dudes house, with some chick, in some part of town. She was all keen to have sex, so I get the dommie on and we start going at it....Like 20 seconds in shes like, wait, I gotta tell you something....I look down and the fucking girl was on her rags.

I got up, washed my dick, she gave me fucking head afterwards. Then I left feeling disgusted.

Do girls not wear tampons anymore/Are they really that drunk?

I would never be drunk enough to let a guy go near anywhere down there if i had my period. Never. Actually....... when I think about it, I don't think I've ever gone out with my period.. hurts :(

But either way.. those girls have like hygenic issues or something

I wish I had a drunken sex story... but I have a drunken almost sex story... I was at a frat party and I made out with the same guy like all night and some of my friends tried to get me away from him because I was really drunk... then he said he wanted to go back to his dorm so I weirdly walked with him (which, looking back, was really far away) and then I was there he kept trying to take off my pants and then my friends called and they were looking for me so I escaped! like actually he was persistent and then we bus home drunk

I don't remember what he looks like. My friends showed me a picture later because they took a pic of us making out but I don't remember. I wouldn't have cared about hooking up but 1) I had a girlfriend 2) I don't think he had a condom 3) don't want a slut reputation 4) I went out with a guy forever and didn't fuck him, I'm not fucking a random

this one time i didnt have sex and then it happened again. Im on a roll

one time, at a youth (religious, lol) conference, everybody got drunk and I was slightly drunk, anyway this girl came onto me, and we ended up fucking, (i did most of the fucking, she practically past out in the end), (we used a condom, so it wasnt really me exploiting her,).

Another time, my (then friend, now girlfriend) got drunk somwhere then showed up at school, we actually fucked in the toilets, we fucked for like 20 minutes and nobody noticed, she actually came twice, (i think its cos I'm good, or she could have been faking it)

Do girls not wear tampons anymore/Are they really that drunk?

I would never be drunk enough to let a guy go near anywhere down there if i had my period. Never. Actually....... when I think about it, I don't think I've ever gone out with my period.. hurts :(

But either way.. those girls have like hygenic issues or something



Think nasty slut attention whore.

I only met her for the first time that night :/

When I start drinking everybody else stops. It's like I give off some sort of anti-booze field...

Seriously every girl I get with refuses to drink when they're with me, then once I'm out the picture they turn into piss heads.

Meh.

For pathetic, read "potentially highly destructive relationship-wise".

http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=1993337

I lost my virginity so pissed I cant remember it/who/where
I stole my best mates (now ex girlfriend) took her virginity then gave her back (she was shit and fat)
I get pissed have one night stands on a regular basis and cant remember a thing
The weirdest one: I woke up in bed with a (reasonably attractive) girl 40 miles from home on an island with no idea how I got there, where I was, who the hell she was and I had no money. The strange thing is the last thing I remember is sitting on totse with a beer. Oh and I had also lost my boxers and shirt, I really liked that shirt:(
I had sex with a girl on top of a sand dune the other night I didnt even bother asking her name or talking to her. Also it was shit, sex on the beach really is having a wank with sand paper. After 20mins it started to hurt so I gave up and got in a fight with a load of emos and goths.
I always give girls a fake number.They arnt so much pathetic as they are just crazy drunken encounters.

Think nasty slut attention whore.

I only met her for the first time that night :/

That was probably my ex.

They arnt so much pathetic as they are just crazy drunken encounters.

Nah I think they're pretty pathetic:D

God damn I loved these stories.

I wish I had a couple of these man =[.

Nah I think they're pretty pathetic:D

Ok then they were more pathetic than drunk!:D

i once messed around with one of my best friends. weve messed around acouple times acctually. we are awesome friends still, and we just talk as if it never happened. well thats what we used to do. now we are just cool with it.

the downside is, is that sheisnt the most attractive of girls.

Years ago my friend had this huge party, and my then girlfriend was there. I was so drunk I couldn't walk and she started getting frisky with me. I've never had a problem getting hard while doing alcohol or drugs, so it was game on. We start making out and I get the spins....knowing I'm about to vomit. I said to her "hold on"....reached over and grabbed a nearby grocery bag and let loose a hefty puke. I go back to sucking her tits or whatever I was doing and she didn't care in the least. Finally I start banging her and the spins hit me again. IN THE MIDDLE OF STILL FUCKING HER, I lean over and puke again in the shopping bag. A little while later I finish off and after rolling off of her, I puke again.

THANK GOD FOR THAT BAG! : )

My buddy and I were at a club dancing with these two chicks, one hot, one fat, and not. We were having this kind of mental duel over who got the hot one, since they were both into both of us, me and my buddy knowing exactly what was going on, with no words. It wasnt so much jealousy or rivalry as it was a bit of sport.

After a while, I sized them both up, realised I was drunk and had no standards, leant over to my buddy and said "Goddammit. I don't even care. I'm going to hook the fat bitch." and leant in and started making out with her. She was a terrible kisser, and I bailed after 2 minutes.

Worst.

Another time I was at a party dancing with this girl and we (both drunk) both went in for the kiss at the same time and missed, and fell over. We were like 14 though.

Goddammit. I don't even care. I'm going to hook the fat bitch." and leant in and started making out with her. She was a terrible kisser, and I bailed after 2 minutes.


I had the exact same experience in a club, except the fucking bitch seemd to have some kind of super tongue. We estimate it to have been around 6inches long due to the fact that she poked my fucking tonsils with it!:(

How much later!?

we must have the ending!