Its not in the gutter, its comfortably mixing with sewer sludge..

I'm talking about my own self esteem.

As I've said before (though I dont expect many to remember, I spend more time lurking than posting) I'm in high school, female, virgin and single.

I just dont get it, why I cant feel good about myself. I can feel happy, so I dont think its clinical depression.

I'm 5'8.5", and now down to 156 lbs compared to about 172 a month ago, and while my heart sings every time the scale goes down, I feel bigger than ever. When I look in the mirror, nothing has changed, though my pants are now too big and my measuring tape shows lower numbers on all measurements.

Its gotten to the point where I dont want to try to look good, wear nice things, because I'm afraid someone will compliment me. I'm afraid I'll beleive them but they dont actually mean it.

I could go on, and on and on, but you can get the just of it..

Whats wrong with me? what can I do to make it better?
I dont want to die, and this is the first time in years I can say that. I enjoy life, I just dont enjoy being me..

I don't know, it may just be cause we're girls and we're insecure with ourselves. In saying that, I'm really sick of all the "Just be confident" replies/posts/threads I've read today. I'm currently in some kind of a hole at the moment myself.

I get dressed up, do my make up and talk to my friends everyday. Then I say "fuck it" and end up staying home and eating chips, it's getting worse lately because I haven't worked out in a week and that makes me scared because I'm superficial.

I've been feeling really bad about myself lately and that always leads me to do something stupid, like chopping off my hair. I hate being me aswell sometimes, I go to a superficial school and I get ridiculed if I'm underweight or overweight, which is how the anorexic rumours started.

We're girls, we can say we're happy with being ourselves all we want, guyz could give us all the attention in the world, we could be told there's nothing wrong with us......but somehow, we just. don't. believe. it.

And those that say they're 100% happy with themselves are lying. The only thing we can do is ignore it and keep trying. :(

/emo.

<3

i dont think anything seems wrong just from your height an weight. my ex was about that same size and i couldnt have been happier with her.
just stop worrying so much about what people think. i know its alot easier said than done but you will be alot happier.

I was in a very similar situation to you when I was in school. I was kind of happy enough with my situation most of the time, but just dreadfully unhappy with myself, and couldnt really understand why. Low self esteem can really suck all the joy out of life. And I agree, there's no use people just telling you to "be confident" and stuff, it just doesnt help.

Your weight sounds absolutely fine to me for your height, but again, I know you won't believe it coming from anybody else. I've lost a fair bit of weight recently, and my friends and boyfriend have commented on it (my parents keep hassling me about whether I'm eating enough etc), but when I look in the mirror, I still see the same blob as I used to. I've always found it extremely difficult to accept compliments too, but I think all you can do is force yourself to be gracious, and remember they probably wouldnt be saying it if they didnt think it!

God, I wish there was something I could suggest that would make you feel better. But to be honest, I'm not sure there is. If it helps, I think its maybe something that kind of improves with age. I dont know how old you are now. I definitely feel better about myself aged 20 than I ever did when I was a teenager, not because I think I've changed drastically, but just because I'm more accepting of who I am and care less about what others think. I know thats such a cliche, but I've seen it in most of my friends as well as we've grown up. Sorry, I know this isn't exactly helpful advice, but I just wanted to tell you that I sympathise, and in my experience, it does get better.

I've said it before and i'll say it again: Women are incapable of looking in a mirror and seeing the truth.

Its probably evolutionary/genetic but the female brain doesn't handle reflections very well.

What you see in the mirror isn't what any boy who see's you sees

BASTA!

And yes I am being serious, sort of.

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU KNOW IT MEANS NOTHING TO US!?

<3

Hah. I believe everybody goes through a time of thick insecurity. Especially females. There's nothing you really can do.

I'm in the same posistion, although I have good reasoning to be. My friends constantly call me a fat ass, which isn't true, I'm about your size. They're all brilliant, so they make me feel like a dumbass, they are about 3 years older than me, but I still hate not being on their level. My friends make me feel horrible about myself.

My general prespective of people is negative, so I just use that to make myself feel better than them, or the people at my school, so it throws off a confident "I don't give a fuck" vibe, and they all respect me. It's horrible, I know, but it's the only thing I've figured to do because I'm so insecure. If I could drop a few pounds I'd love it, but my will power fails me.

This makes me sad. If you don't mind me saying, your friends don't sound all that nice... perhaps you should branch off and try to hang out with some different people. Friends should be trying to boost your self confidence, not destroy whatevers left! Its all very well hardening your attitude towards people temporarily, but I think it'll just end up leaving you bitter about them.

I think you're right, most people probably do go through a phase of acute insecurity, and just need to realise that it probably will eventually get better!

This makes me sad. If you don't mind me saying, your friends don't sound all that nice... perhaps you should branch off and try to hang out with some different people. Friends should be trying to boost your self confidence, not destroy whatevers left! Its all very well hardening your attitude towards people temporarily, but I think it'll just end up leaving you bitter about them.

I think you're right, most people probably do go through a phase of acute insecurity, and just need to realise that it probably will eventually get better!

I'm aware that my friends are shitty but in all honesty, I don't really mind it. I enjoy their cruel sense of humor and they're there for me when I really do need them. My relationship with them is complicated.

I'm also aware that my attitude towards people is ignorant and not too efficient but I don't really have to worry about myself next year, I'll be in a school with all of my friends.

I'm insecure, sure. But I don't pity myself. :)

I'm aware that my friends are shitty but in all honesty, I don't really mind it. I enjoy their cruel sense of humor and they're there for me when I really do need them. My relationship with them is complicated.

I'm also aware that my attitude towards people is ignorant and not too efficient but I don't really have to worry about myself next year, I'll be in a school with all of my friends.

I'm insecure, sure. But I don't pity myself. :)

Thats fair enough! I've got some similar friends with that kind of sense of humour, constantly taking the piss, and its normally all in good fun. Sometimes people just don't know where the line is, you know? But yeah, sounds as if you can probably give as good as you get, so it's all good!

Jack does have it right... I know, some days I can look in the mirror and think myself pretty, other days I look in the mirror and adamantly refuse to venture back outside the bathroom.

but its always the same thing in the mirror, is it not?

I suppose I fear rejection to an extreme degree. I've spent most of my life, all of my life that I can remember, being the object of other kid's jokes. I wasnt the girl they'd punch and run away, I was the girl they'd knock into the snow, stand on her back, and make dinosaur noises (my nickname in elementary school was barney) while the teachers watched from a distance.

So now, when a guy teases me.. I just go back to that. It could never be true when they're telling me I'm sexy, why would any guy just come right out and say that in front of a bunch of other guys?

Just to laugh when I blush, I think.

I once tried to talk to the guy who does most of the teasing. He'd asked me (loudly, in front of the whole class) if I wanted to go out on a date with him, and at the time I'd only been able to give him the "deer-in-headlights" look and of course turn a lovely red. When I talked to him alone, he got quite quiet and told me he had a girlfriend already.

It didnt really help....

a few years ago I was quite overweight and decided that i would lose it. I figured this would help my self-esteem, my love-life, and pretty much overall improve my life. I did it, it was really hard and honestly, it didn't make me any happier.

People that had ignored me at my high school started paying me attention, I had plenty of guys and even some of my friends seemed happier with me. I couldn't believe the shallowness of the people at school and even some of my friends. Nothing ever worked out with guys because i thought they were only with me because of my 'new look'.

Now I've realized that no amount of changing your outward appearance is going to solve your problems. Confidence comes from loving and accepting yourself as you are, from knowing your strengths and really believing that you are beautiful. It was a long lesson to learn but it's a good place to be. That kind of inner confidence can be really sexy. You won't believe that anyone will love you if you don't love yourself first.