Ridiculously, fucking, long, and can be percieved as whiny.
If you just want to skip the justification, and the backstory...just go to the bottom.

Ok, I am 17 1/2 in America.

I had a priveleged but torn family, this was due to drugs and alcohol. I grew up resenting drugs and alcohol, until I came to the (possibly false) realization that it was not the liqour that made my mother abusive, or the drugs that made my father terrifying. It was themselves.

I blamed them, and I hated and that hate festered. That happened in reserve, a trait me and my brother were instilled with by my grandfather. I never could voice my anger and frustration because...I didn't know how, and I was taught not to. To deal with your own problems.

My father went into rehab several years ago. And emerged several MONTHS later. This seemed an inordinately short time to my 15 year old self. When he returned my mother and father nearly divorced. And actually, I prayed that they would. No more fighting, yelling, anger, hate, and drugs.

Out of what I percieve to be monetary needs (on her part), they settled their differences, and normalacy value (on his part). My mother has never worked. Ever. My father worked in a tentative and important field, and his recovery program stipulated he have a stable enviroment to live in.

I grew to trust my father, he forced my mother to stop drinking, and he moved back in.

Time passed, I changed schools because of failing grades, and a pathetic foray into methamphetamine.

My grades improved, I am a junior, with straight A's this past semester, and play several instruments in several orchestras, was a star center for my basketball team. My life seemed better.

Come Halloween, I was out enjoying teenage hedonism, in reserve of course, and I got home, and woke up the next morning to hear my mother shrieking and making noise at my father about something or another. (not me)

I realized. I hate her fucking guts. I despise every inch of her.

Let me describe this women:
She is corpulent, she has mounds of flesh and a gut that makes Howard Taft look like Angelina Jolie. She is physically repulsive. She eats like a pig, with no reserve. She walks on a treadmill 10 minutes a day and cries about how fat she is.

She is pathetic.
She was a drunk for my almost my entire life, physically and emotionally abusive (she would get drunk and force us to watch Swan Lake, The Nutcracker and Madonna's 'last concert' on VHS for hours, weekly) refused to let me see friends or have girlfriends, berated me about school and college (she never attended), refused to let me get my license. She tore my life apart and I was embarassed to be in public with her.

I hate her. and that is what this thread is about.

I ceased speaking to her on Halloween, and have not since. for nearly 6 months I have avoided her. My life improved. I dated, got good grades, made new friends. But she pressed herself on me. Always, I couldn't get my license so I couldn't drive to school. She drove me. And it was unbearable. She once grabbed hold of my ear and screamed at me about NOTHING. I put her in an armbar and walked 10 miles home.

She stole the key to the lock I placed on my room, and searched it when I was gone, and when I took it from her, removed my door. A propped up matress now keeps what I once considered a sanctuary from the world secure.

She threw away homework I had on my floor, including an important final project. Had my teacher been any less understanding having met her, I would have failed AP Lit.

I hate her. We have had physical altercations SHE forced me into.

Through this, my dad was neither supportive, nor judgemental. He sat silent. I just wanted to be left alone by my mother. And he understood, and we agreed, that for now it was the best thing.

I saw a counselor a couple of weeks ago, who told me she was shocked at the resolve, reserve, and articulate loathing I displayed. She offered no solution, but to steer clear from her.


------shorter------

I despise my mother, with every fiber of my being. She was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to me.

She still drives me to school, I'm 171/2, and they refuse to let me get a liscence.
I do not speak to her, as I have not for 6 months, I listen to a CD or Mp3 Player and do not speak or look at her. I spit on the floor and walk away if she constantly comes after me, but I will no longer play into physical confrontation.
Except now my father, who is a very control person, who likes to make practical jokes, some of which, are borderline cruel.
Yesterday, he rented or bought a Ford Crown Vic I don't know yet. A decomissioned police car, with a plexiglass screen.
He had made a passing joke, weeks ago that that would solve my problem for now, but spoke never of it until HE AND MY MOTHER led me out the door to the new car. I took it in stride. But I was angry. Very angry.

I am very tall, like I said I play center for basketball. There was not three inches of leg space between the plexiglass screen and the seat of that car. The seatbelts were tattered and the rear view mirror fell off. All the ride, chanting to each other, somehow audibly about leaving me at a detention center. It was not a pleasant ride. I remained silent.

He pulls up to school in front of a cluster of my friends and a teacher whom I and her students are very close with (i've known her a year, and she is the closest thing to a real mother i've had).

The windows and locks, obviously dont work from the outside.
He unlocks my door and parades me to my classroom. MY FATHER. A man I did not trust, but I respected him for his work, and his commitment to ceasing drug use.
He betrays me, and joins a women he threatened to kill many times in some peverse cabal to humilate me.

WHY?
I went to him that night. I asked to speak with him politely about the morning. He refused. THAT FAT CUNT, waltzes into the room and starts acting as a mouthpiece. I hate her, I try to tune her out. It pervades. He refuses to speak with me, to apologize, to do anything but lie in bed. He says, 'maybe later'.

I am enraged.

I feel betrayed and lost, I do not speak to friends about my family problems, because it is embarassing and I have always been a leader, with reserve and resolve, that they look to and respect.

I feel so lost, I've never been this way before.

TOTSE, S&A. Please, counsel or advice. What can I do?

You're 17, almost 18. Wait it till your 18. Move out. Never look back.

Now that you've gone through all this, you know what NOT to do to your future family. Good luck.

6 months is not a long time, though admittedly, when I was your age I thought it was. You've learnt some pretty nasty lessons earlier than most. You're probably a stronger person for it. There will come a day you're not angry anymore. You'll just pity her. You should probably start making preparations for leaving home, it's good to plan ahead. Good luck.

I'm not sure where you're from, but in some countries you can move out when you're 16. In others it's 18 unless you have irreconcilable differences, in which case it's 16. Usually at most school's there is someone who can tell you, normally a careers adviser or something like that.

If it is 18 however, then I suggest getting a part-time job (if you don't have one already). And saving, cos moving out ain't cheap. It will give you resolve to not give in, something to work for.

And until you do move out, continue to avoid contact with her.

You should do fine in the world, if you've managed to deal with so much crap.

God damn. In your place I'd be tempted to slip tranquilizers into her booze.

:( PLEASE move out. And go back to that psychologist. I think you qualify as "emotionally traumatized and abused."

^^Deffinately. You sound like a brat, but your parents are pushing it, and it does sound alot like abuse.


In the mean time, save up what money you can (and hide it out of the house where she wont find it), and when you're legally old enough so they cant force you to come back, move the fuck out.


If you hate someone, you shouldnt live under their roof.

Do you have any grandparens you could stay with?

I'll admit I didn't read the whole goddamn thing but I read enough to tell you that it's going to be okay- since you're 17 and a half. It's not like you're stuck in this at 14 or 15 years old, where you still have at least 2 years left.

So your parents were abusive. But they could have been worse. You have to suck it up and tough it out for now. You're a good person, with lots of potential, who just happened to be stuck in some unfortunate cirumcumstances. It's not your fault, but you know you're not going to end up like your parents, just keep that in mind.

You can go to college in a year or less, or you can get emancipated.

And one more thing- don't forget that although your parents are messed up and have maybe messed you up, you cannot live your life dwelling on that fact. Blame them, but don't go on and on and on, and end up repeating their mistakes. Your parents act the way they do because they were messed up by their own parents, and never got the treatment to get over it. So don't do that.

And also, you don't always have to be the strong one. Your friends are there for your support and care. If you need help, and your friends are really your friends, they will help you through this. No one said that reticence was back in vogue again. Don't keep it all bottled up until you lose it completely.

I sound like fucking Dr. Phil.

You're unusually articulate for your age -for anyone's age these days, which is sad but the subject for another thread- and you recognize that you're in a shitty situation.

Stick it out just a little longer, buddy. You can get the fuck out of there in a year or two, the best thing you can do is place yourself in a hardened emotional shell and bare the attack until you can free yourself. And you can free yourself.

Appreciate the replies. Just stick it out, eh.
It is so goddamn hard to live in the same house with them. Everything emotional in me says to burn every bridge I see and then urinate on them. Everything else says, shut the fuck up, put on your mask and do your job; smiling through one's teeth is wearisome.

Only grandfolks I got are in Jersey, thousands of miles away; and I'm very fond of my school and everyone in it. Its the most successful place I've studied at-despite my choler I shouldn't mess with a winning formula.

I want to go back east to the big cities, guess I better gear for more scholarships. What are they giving out for priveleged white Jews these days?

Thanks guys.

My situation was sort of like yours when I was growing up, but instead of alcohol my mother was drunk on Jesus and my dad never did drugs. My parents used to constantly do things on purpose to hurt me, though and I hated them with every fiber of my being when I lived there. I finally got away from them when I was 17 1/2 (just like you) and for a long time I was still affected by their abuse.

All I can tell you is GET OUT now before something really bad happens. Your parents sound even crazier than mine and that's saying a lot. Just run away and never look back.

Drunk on Jesus, good God Xiao.


Running away...I've thought about it, but my relatives, live very far away. I might spare myself 6-7 months of severe hardship. And I might learn even more independence and discipline, but I could also severely hamper my success.

Will my parents pay for my college? Its possible, as is anything, but my brother wasn't granted that break, and he was on much, much better terms with them.

One way or another, I need to finish my HS education, but it is also very likely I will need to work, or ask my far relatives to help sponser my higher or vocational education.

Don't rely on your parents to pay for post-secondary education, because they're fucking assholes. You can never, EVER trust a fucking asshole to help you out with anything, because that would require them to stop being fucking assholes for at least a limited period of time. That's the main distinction between a fucking asshole and a mere asshole, FYI. Regular assholes will have your back if you prove yourself to them in some way beforehand.

If you have to grovel at the feet of relatives, then do it. Do whatever you have to to make it out of there and into the world. Ever wonder why fucking assholes always seem to have an edge, some way of getting ahead of us mere mortals? It's because they'll do whatever it takes to get there, if they can cheat and steal their way to a CEO position then they'll do it without a second thought.

Welcome to the Limit.

On the case of rides to school, hit up a friend or something to give you a lift. If they know the situation, they'll help you out, and if they don't, just offer them some cash for the gas and it'll probably be fine with them.

DON'T rely on your parents for college money. I made that mistake and it was terrible...I mean I had moved out and they STILL tried to control my every move and thought! It all culminated in me driving my car off of a bridge in an attempt to commit suicide, dropping out of college and spending the next six months in a mental institution. Luckily, after I got out of the loony bin I met my husband and we ran away and got married.