My mom and dad were out of town but came home a day early. They walked in on me spanking it furiously to a Max Hardcore flick. The door opened behind me just as I was spewing all over a paper towel I had spread out on my belly, and a fistful of vaseline . I was like a deer in theheadlights. She had a frozen look of horror on
her face, looking at me, then looking at the TV as Max pulled it out of an oriental girl's ass and stuck it in her mouth. She ran into the bathroom and started vomiting. My dad just shrugged and said "Now you've done it," shook his head and went out into the back yard to check after the dogs.

My mom then came back out with a copy of the will. She said "Look at this," and she crossed my name off with black sharpie. She also said it's best if I move out. Then she looked down at the gooey handprint I just left on her desk. "Right now."

It was probably the most embarrassing and humiliating moment of my life. And it sucks that the death of parents probably won't be the gravy train I was hoping for.

Anyone have any similiar tales?

Lol, and no.

amusing as that was, i'm almost certain it's not true. I'm not sure the undying love of a mother to her son can quite be broken by watching him beat it to dodgy porn

Outta the will and the house for beatin' it?? That is either the saddest story ever or you are a troll! I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say...SORRY BRO!
BTW, how old are you, if you don't mind?

I laugh at your misfortune. No will money for you, sir.

Your family must be an intensely religious fanatic !!!

just the one?

I am 33. This was ten years ago. I wasn't supposed to have porn in the house. I might have been re-instated, I don't know, I haven't asked.

okay you're gonna have to do better than that.

1) you don't get struck off the will and kicked out for beating it no matter how much mummy says not to watch porn, at least in normal society

2) your name is 'jizzlobber'

you sir, are a troll. J'ACCUSE!

Why didn't you LOB JIZZ at them?

LMFAO... cut out of the will for jacking off.

I totally want to believe this, but it's just too hilariously tragic to be true.

I can see this happening if it was child porn or something equally repulsive, but straight up pr0n? Does your mom teach catechism or what?

I am 33. This was ten years ago. I wasn't supposed to have porn in the house. I might have been re-instated, I don't know, I haven't asked.

Well, damn. At 23 I woulda got a ho or a prostitute or something. Geez, I hope you are lying cause I'd kill myself if my parents were that fucked up. Or better yet I'd end up killing them!

I laughed my ass off, bullshit or not.

I don't think Max Hardcore counts as "straight up." He has been on trial fer chrissakes.

"Why didn't you LOB JIZZ at them?"

I got some on her desk. She almost touched it.

exactly....and no i've never been caught.

Hah, sucks for you.

I'm the self-declared master of stealth wanking, in my 5-year career, I've not been caught, once.

Thats saying something, considering my wide range of jack-off locations =P

I'm the self-declared master of stealth wanking, in my 5-year career, I've not been caught, once.
]

In my 8 year career of jacking it in open fields I've not been caught.

sickened:o

You should probably move in with your aunty and uncle.

the troll craft in this thread is lacking..

study the troll scrolls and come back with another tale

ic wat u did thar.

Hah, sucks for you.

I'm the self-declared master of stealth wanking, in my 6-year career, I've not been caught, once.

That's saying something, considering my wide range of jack-off locations =P
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simple just get realllly stoned and like jerk off as fast as you can to porn in the bathroom or your bed c at night and then moan and cum as loud as you can saying yes ohhh yes yeahhh my cock feels soo good im soo stoned.....



^i myself did that one time nobody in my house heard they were awake and i had like had an out of body orgasime it felt so good i wish i could feel it again but in a tight pussy. and thats my two pennys.

Quite apart from the fact you are an obvious troll, the only reason I can think of for your mum to act like that is that the movie actually starred her.

I mean, would you kiss her ever again after watching her suck a dick that had just been in her arse? Best thing would be to move out.

Your dad just knew this day would come, and he seemed resigned to the fact she would act like that.

That'll teach him to pimp her out like that.

The sad part is probably that porn movie was video proof of your inception.....

lol

(PS - mental image for you - you know your mum licked the desk clean after you left.....)

LOL ^^^^ im finding that so fucking funny right now hahahaha LOOL

i dont know what else to say...but...you win...

i laughed so fucking hard...i dont hcare if it is true or not.

Ur parents have thier will at hand at all times? not in the saftey depoist box or anything?

My roommates all knew damn well not to open my door without knocking after the first few times. Most people will try to hide the porn and put their cock away. My method is different: I stop stroking (while leaving my hand in place), make eye contact, and give them a "What are you doing here?" look while they rush to close the door, apologizing profusely while I laugh at them and keep jerkin it.

Point is to make the person who comes in feel embarrassed, not you, it's their fault after all. It is really hard to resist the urge to cover up when you hear that door open, but if you have no shame it can be accomplished.

It took a bit more before they realized that me saying "yeah, what" didn't mean "yeah, what? You can come in."

It eventually turned into "hey <my name>" "yeah, what? come in." "can I come in" "yes, you CAN come in."

if your mom kills herself for you beating your meat, she loves u way to fuckin much. its natural everyone fucking does it. why the fuck would sum1 go to that extent. good story tho

lulz, no I haven't ever been caught beating off. But once I came close to being caught fucking my GF by her parents. Luckily her room is on the ground floor and I could sneak out the window when we heard the car pull up.

Pics or it didn't happen.