i don't need advice on anything about the actual moving, i've got that covered, just on how to tell my family?

after much deliberation, i've decided to wait until my dad has one of his "OMGFGD I HATE YOU SO MUCH PLZ LEAVE SO EVERYONE CAN BE HAPPY" phases, reject his offer of getting set up with relatives and just go off then.

telling them before hand probably wouldn't work, as they'd freak out and have me under lock and key. hide my passport and such, have the nieghbours watch the house, not leave me alone in the house etctctc and my dad would flippp.
so telling them uh, after or as i'm going is my only option. i was thinking of going sometime this coming week when everyone will be out, leaving a letter(cliché, whatever) and calling on the night to explain a little. i don't know whether to go for the soft approach, go on about needng space and stress all sad and calm. or to be more "K i'm going and i'm never coming back kkk byyyyyyeee". i guess the latter is pretty shitty.


so, i'm sixteen, and would be "safe", still attending school+work so no court would send me home and forcing me home would be abduction. i don't get on with the rest of my family, we don't interract very often and the hating on aimée outbursts are pretty regular- whenever my dad is mad or sulking, which can be anything from two to twenty times a month (some of you have probably heard me whine about much of an alcoholic nut case he isss). he's currently like that right now, kind of why i'm seriously thinking about this.


i would reeeeally like some input from jakketch, xiao mei, anyone with kids or who's done the same themselves.

ohhh, i just realised i haven't capitalised at all :[ sorry

Where do you plan to live? What are you going to do for money?

Tell them afterwards. Deffinately afterwards.
If you announce to them you're leaving as you are leaving, they'll do anything they can to make you stay and talk you out of going.
That may or may not be a good thing, but you'll feel like a total weakling if they talk you into staying.


..Or yeah. They'll just lock you in the basement. You said your dad was violent, right? If you tell him to his face you're going he might well flip out.

Oo good luck.

papers were signed yesterday for where i'd be living, place near my current work with friend + boyfriend.
i have a job, plenty of savings, am waiting on responses from interviews, in a few months i'll be entitled to ema & the like.

i told you i had this covered! the telling parents is the only thing left to do.


yoyobek, but do i leave a letter? call? act angry or sad?

as yoyobek said, tell them afterwards.

if you tell them before/as you leave you will end up being watched 24/7 to make sure you dont go

good luck with it all


EDIT:
it would be best to call them but try not to be too angry at them, by all means be angry at what they did that caused you to move out but be sad that it has made you come to the decision to leave them.

Uncannily enough my eldest is in the process off leaving home as we speak....having already lost the $80 I gave him for food for the holidays (I still have control of his money until he moves out officially).

Sorry but there is NO way I'd want my 16 year old daughter moving out , unless she had married.

papers were signed yesterday for where i'd be living, place near my current work with friend + boyfriend.
i have a job, plenty of savings, am waiting on responses from interviews, in a few months i'll be entitled to ema & the like.

i told you i had this covered! the telling parents is the only thing left to do.


yoyobek, but do i leave a letter? call? act angry or sad?

Only you can really decide how you want to approach the matter.
Anger may well make you feel like crap, once you're gone, and on your own in a quiet empty house and you realise your parents arent there, the guilt will creep in.


I personally would thank them alot for all they'd done and assure them I still loved them.. but that everything was just far too super stressfull ect ect ect.


If you've sighned papers, that sounds pretty serious.

Are you sure about this? For your friends sake also, once you've moved in with them, if you back out they may lose the whole place.

papers were signed yesterday for where i'd be living, place near my current work with friend + boyfriend.
i have a job, plenty of savings, am waiting on responses from interviews, in a few months i'll be entitled to ema & the like.

i told you i had this covered! the telling parents is the only thing left to do.


yoyobek, but do i leave a letter? call? act angry or sad?
Well that told me lol! :p

Good luck.

Iso, I wasn't aware that minors could complete/sign rent contracts and don't you NEED your parents permission to move out?

Could be that Blair has changed that law too but it used to be the case that unless there was a court order (which basically either gave you into the care of someone else or declared you a legal adult) you can't move out without your parents permission until you are no longer a child, ie 18. Or like i said they had given you permission to marry at 16.

If you haven't already you might want to check on the law, unless you want your parents sending the police to bring you home.

No as long as she is safe and has somewhere to stay, even if the cops were called and found her, unless she gives her consent they're not aloud to even tell her parents where she is.

Don't know about the contract signing though.

nooo, i am not a lease holder, i can't be until i'm 18. i am just signed to say i will be a resident. they could afford the whole rent and bills without me quite easily, as it's pree cheap and they earn a decent enough wage.

you can leave home at 16, you should have your parents permission, but they can't report me as missing as i'll have contact with them and i will still be attending school so the police won't give two shits. they could go to court to bring me home, but it's highly unlikely the courts would be willing to get involved at all.


saying things are stressy is probably right, because they are. i have gcses coming up, and it's kind of hard to revise on your bed in a 4msqr box when all you can hear is your fat, friendless sister laughing at the tv or she is mooning you/trying to attack you/eating everything etctct

You're kidding yourself if you think your just going to leave without your parents permission.

You're a "runaway". Even IF you go to school. The police will probably find you before you have the choice to go to school or not. Unless you get emancipated, your parents have legal reign over you until you're 18 years old.

How much savings, do you have? Do own your own car? What are you going to do about health insurance? As someone who is under 18, your signature means SHIT. You won't be able to register for school next year, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE R MOVIES yet.

I'll tell you: Go for it. You need to learn a lesson. But you're delusional if you really think you're not going to end up at your parent's house again.

Not to flame, but I can guarantee your savings aren't shit.

As long as you leave a note saying that you chose to leave, and that you are safe, and ring home every so often, police cant do shit, or dont want to as its a waste of resources. God knows they need all the money they can get to fight the real crime in the world, like kids hanging around in a parking lot doing fuck all, or some teenagers smoking a bit of ganja out in the middle of a field nowhere near public.

Fucking useless police. Why dont they try to stop serious crime, instead of trying to bust teenagers all the time?

There all a bunch of wankers.

Mojo, she's in the UK. That means health insurance is provided automatically by the state and she can't drive a car til she's 17 anyway. Also Blair aka "The Smiling Spawn Of Satan" has given teenagers a lot of freedoms, for example an underage girl can now get an abortion without doctors informing the parents (although if the same girl needs her appendix removed then the parents still have to sign..go figure).

I'm not sure on the law regarded teens moving out which is why I said she really needs to check up first.

i have checked up on the law, i know how it goes, i'm not that stupid.
making contact with home means i'm not a missing person. and being safe/going to school means the police won't get involved.

why the crap would i need a car anyway? public transport costs me £23.25 a month. i'd spend double that on petrol.
i have a little over £5k, about $10,000 and my current job is just enough to get by, a new job would make it much easier.

i said i had everything else worked out, and i actually do (y)



and sorry jackketch, you don't even need your parents to sign for nhs type things anymore! i was in hospital in december and my dad wasn't allowed any say in the decisions, it was all up to me, even the registra told us.

This is a confusing situation.

Should a person who is evidently unhappy at her parents home be forced to stay in it?
Should she be forced to leave a safe environment she's chosen to live in to be placed back in the care of people she actively chose to leave?

The answer to both questions should be 'NO!' ,but knowing society, knowing humans, knowing the moronic faceless way how everything works, they'll probably do all they can to shove her back into her parents grasp.


Good luck, Isobutane..

they won't, it's reeeeally unlikely
i've read up on that law more times than you've um, had guinea pigs
thankyou for the luckkk :]

First of all I'd like to say good luck, it sounds like you've really thought this through. I really hope everything works out, keep us updated.

As for telling your parents, I agree with what's already been said. Leave without them knowing, and tell them afterwards. The more peaceful you are when you're talking to them about it though, the easier everything will be later on, IMO. If you get angry at them they'll think you're leaving because of an emotional outburst or something like that. It's probably best for everybody if all the people involved stay calm about it.

Well, as calm as possible. Which is much easier said than done, I'm sure. All you can do is keep calm yourself, and hope your parents do somewhat the same.

Again, good luck!

Here's the deal. If you leave home, you will be financially responsible for yourself. You will have to pay for rent, food, and all the other things you got for free at home. Having to do so will make you poor as hell, and poverty is a difficult trap to get yourself into. Ask any poor person, you need money to get out of poverty. Education costs money, and if you live at home, you can start saving and take out fewer loans, which will put you in less debt after graduation. Less debt after graduation = shorter time until you start making money.

Stay in school, and live for free if possible. Living with relatives may be a good bet. Or just suck it up and deal with your parents. Every 16 year old girl hates her parents. Deal with it. Its only two more years anyways.

I don't think the people trying to talk her out of it know the 'Butane. She knows what she wants. I'd trust her more with this decision than my 21 year old girlfriend.

As I said on the mespack, I think you should strike a good balance, because too much of either way (too early or too late) will result in total flip out.

You at least need to tell them face-to-face, maybe with your boyfriend+friend present if you think your dad might flip. I mean, legally of course you don't have to, but I think it will at least make your parents feel a little bit better.

The note+call idea is good, too. But still. Video-call?

I wish you good luck only on formality, because I have full confidence that you're doing this right. Only one more thing to do. How you do it, really, is up to you.

It's a shame they have no laws for this, isn't it. Some sort of guide...

Well I left home when I was 17 and my parents FREAKED. Now my situation was different than what you are doing, because I had gotten married and I live in the USA...That's really good that you have like $10,000 saved, BTW. You sound really level headed and responsible, so I'm sure everything will work out well for you.:)

My family never got over the fact that I "ran away" and the sad truth of it is your family may never get over it either. It was the best decision I ever made, though...I was miserable living with my original family.

Just keep doing what you think is best, because you seem to be giving yourself good advice.

Sounds like you know what your doing with the actual moving, and I trust you have thought it allt hrough rationally, thus I personally dont think you are condemned to failure if you move.

The method I would use would involve having a house to bunk out at (possibly the house you are moving into) if shit hits the fan. You may not wish to do this, you may rather sort it out with them nomatter how long it takes, but i fyou do do it the way I would, here are three points I beleive would be useful:

For telling your parents, I would confront them calmly and not just out of the blue. Sit down and say 'I have to talk to you about something'. Have a note you can drop while you walk out, if things go wrong.

If your dad is violently inclined, have friend who is level headed in a fix around, and make it a male, unless you know a fucking manly girl. You may not want to have the friend inside next to you, maybe waiting just outside the door or something, or your parents may start thinking you are being stolen away by that friend in your hormone-induced-insanity. Choose the friend wisely.

Also, nomatter how stupid this sounds, a getaway vehicle may be appropriate, depnding on how you judge your dads chances of 'sploding. Have your papers and the like in the vehicle before hand, and if your dad explodes you can get out with your friend before he locks you in and a fight erupts, which ends in you crying in your room, your dad taking your papers and the like, and everyone in a worse position than where they started.

I dont know your parents, so offcourse I may be being far too harsh on their likely reactions, or far too lenient.