I'm not an overly emotional dude. I'm usually apathetic to the degree where nothing bothers me; for fuck's sake my mom's been dying from a terminal disease for the last 2 years and I'm emotional, at least conciously affected. Maybe that's why I'm apathetic. W/e.

My main problem is my close friend of 4 years. A chick. She been through problems of her lately, but it's better than it used to be and well. Our friendship has been sorta strained the last few weeks becuase of my actions, the stress of my home life was getting to me but that's not an excuse for what I did. I sort of got pretty violent but nothing physical against her. End result. I busted my hand on a brick wall. And I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks. But that's not what's bothering me, we've gone through weeks of no contact.

It's jsut that I ran into her one day, said "sup" right in front of her face, and she didn't make eye contact and just stepped around me. At first I was like, did she not notice me or did she have something to do. But it happened again later on that day and she made eye contact but still side stpped. Most of the time I'm pretty calm so I just shurgged it off and didn't pursue her. But later on I started thinking, I'm a pretty insecure dude when it comes to people I care about contstantly worrying if I did something wroung. And Then I just snapped, and smashed my already busted hand through my neighbor's fence. So Here I am bleeding pissed off at what was frist my friend, for giving me the silent treatment, then angry at myself when I realize it's all my fault, then just boiling over about everything, my strained homelife, my general health and whatnot. So I head off to the gym and take out my agression on myself through a pretty nasty workout. I'm anemic and I tire easy but I overcome that mentally. Well I went to far a blacked out in the middle of a power clean(lifting a loaded barbell above your head). And Now I have a bruised ass, head and cracked collarbone.

So yeah that was a week ago. I still haven't contacted my friend, cause I don't know what to do, and I'm just giving her space. And I've been falling apart mentaly, worrying about my health, and my mothers, and my finacial situation. If I could afford it, I'd be drunk, but I can't afford the whiskey and I can't go around drunk for fear of boing something worse. So I'm smoking cigs outside in my boxers (to sorta lessen to smell of smoke, don't want my family to knwo i'm smoking) and trying not to break down. I'm just falling apart.

I don't know what the fuck to do man. And I'm trying to appear normal, but I keep on tearing up all damn day. I'm pissed off and sad. And the only thing I think Ic an fix is my friendship, that's been keeping me going for the last few years. And the prospect of losing that friend is just devastating.. Fuck. I don't know what I'm asking for.

I just need to get this out.

The wierd thing about this is that my friend likes to write fanfics and she's getting me to proofread hers at the moment, it's exactly the same as you're situation Talk about freaky...

I think you just need to take a few steps back and relax. These things have a way of magnifying themselves to the point where something insignificant becomes overstressed and people let it consume their thoughts.

You need to sort yourself out first, before you worry about the things happening around you. Hope that helps. :)

yea i suggest not contacting her until you can control your anger, but make an attempt, whats it going to hurt?

Chicks don't usually dig people that are unstable. I agree with what was said above, you need to chill. I don't like it when chicks take their stress out on me, so I keep my own problems to myself.