So while making out with my girlfriend recently (on top of her) she said "Remember I love Jesus."

So I grabbed a wind-up Jesus action figure from the windowsill, put it between us and rolled over.

But in all seriousness, it's really bugging me. She was brought up as a Jehovah's witness and renounced it two years ago.

But it seems there's a lot of sexual repression brainwashing that's stuck with her , throw in a lousy first time and it seems her panties are coated with a thick layer of steel.

Two avenues of discussion;

What are some techiques to make a woman with these kind of feelings being to think of sex comfortably? Where does a man start? Is it even worth trying

secondly; What is your opinion on ending a relationship soully based on sexual incompatability. Do you think it's selfish, right on, being idealistic or realistic.

Los los los!



[This message has been edited by CatharticWeek (edited 03-23-2007).]

Get her really, really, really hot and heavy with the places you're allowed to touch... keep it going for a while and then say 'I'm so fucking attracted to you right now. If you don't want to go any further we should stop this completely. You're turning me on too much'. Then stop... turn on the lights, watch tv or something. You're basically taking away all her enjoyment and arousal for what she's willing to do, in a second.

Wait about 15 minutes. Build her up again to that point. Test if you can go further. If not, steal it away again. You're basically invalidating her and fucking with her emotions, but she'll likely give it up by the third take away.

^Genius.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

So while making out with my girlfriend recently (on top of her) she said "Remember I love Jesus."

Ugh.

DTB.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



Two avenues of discussion;

What are some techiques to make a woman with these kind of feelings being to think of sex comfortably? Where does a man start? Is it even worth trying

Wait a minute. Is she uncomfortable about about sex, or uncomfortable about sex outside of marriage? [I know nothing about JW's]

How extensively have you discussed things with her. Things of a religious nature, spiritual nature, or otherwise?

As far as if it's even worth trying...if you have to ask...I'd say don't...you're not "there" yet. [if you know what I mean]



quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



secondly; What is your opinion on ending a relationship soully based on sexual incompatability. Do you think it's selfish, right on, being idealistic or realistic.



I think if you want to end it, then end it...for whatever reason that seems right to you. Ending things is often selfish...isn't it? Sometimes, one might end a relationship out of love for the other person....knowing (or at least believing) that it is in the best interest of that person for you to go away. But, most of the time it's based on something more self-ish...than self-less.

And my say on the second part is that you cannot have a truly complete relationship without sexual compatibility. Sorry, that's just the way it is. We're humans, not magical ethereal fairies.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



So I grabbed a wind-up Jesus action figure from the windowsill

Ok... seriously? What does it do when you wind it up?

Anyways, odds are if she has a serious mental roadblock against sex, there's no easy way to get past it and it could take weeks, months, years, or just never happen.

I'd probably break up with her, but hey, that's me.

quote:Originally posted by TheMessiahComplex:

Ok... seriously? What does it do when you wind it up?



It has 'raise his arms to the heavens wind up power' (http://www.vortexgifts.com/catalog/images/Jesus-ActionL.jpg).

Pretty cool.

But yeah fuck, I'm stumped.

I'll see how it goes as nothing else is really happening for me and I quite like the girl.

Maybe another month and if there's no progress (I haven't even felt up her top yet), I'll present an ultimatum and/or leave.

Do NOT present her with an ultimatum. That is unfair on her and you. Even if she gives in, it'll 1.be like fucking a log and 2.you'll do her real mental damage.

It IS possible to get in the knickers of a very devout girl...

its called MARRIAGE!

oh dear, not what you wanted to hear?

Well yes, there are other ways. Indeed the art of bedding a christian might well be considered the highest attainment of the true sexual predator. However it isn't easy...not if you want her to enjoy it and stay sane.

First off you really need to know (tell us) what her current faith is (what church does she attend).

There is nothing more annoying than your partner trying to change you. Like it or lump it, but don't try to mould her.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

And my say on the second part is that you cannot have a truly complete relationship without sexual compatibility. Sorry, that's just the way it is. We're humans, not magical ethereal fairies.

We've had this discussion before.

Sexual compatibilty =a working penis + a working vagina!

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

We've had this discussion before.

Sexual compatibilty =a working penis + a working vagina!



Haha, true. But there are varying degrees of working.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



First off you really need to know (tell us) what her current faith is (what church does she attend).



The only reason I still have faith is because she renounced her upbringing as a Witness two years ago.

She describes herself as agnostic now and as far as I know she hasn't visited a church for years.

As for not trying to change your partner; I think there's a moderate line to walk here. Not to bolt straight away and not to try and change the world. In this day and age pre-marital sex isn't exactly a taboo or awful thing to try to introduce to someone you otherwise get along fabulously with.

[This message has been edited by CatharticWeek (edited 03-23-2007).]

If she's agnostic, what the fuck does loving Jesus have to get with getting down?

What, does he come down from the clouds and rail her in her sleep when you two aren't together or something?

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Haha, true. But there are varying degrees of working.

true..true *thinks prostate*

But actually I have thought some on this since last we argued and to be honest I think that all 'sexual compatibility' really is (beyond the physical mechanics) is 'love'

Too 'esoteric and fairy like' for you?

Ok then even simpler

Sexual compatibility is the ability to laugh with each other in bed

Forget all the Fem-Nazi mythology about 'sexual compatibility'.

Sex is far to serious a thing to be taken too seriously

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

The only reason I still have faith is because she renounced her upbringing as a Witness two years ago.

She describes herself as agnostic now and as far as I know she hasn't visited a church for years.

As for not trying to change your partner; I think there's a moderate line to walk here. Not to bolt straight away and not to try and change the world. In this day and age pre-marital sex isn't exactly a taboo or awful thing to try to introduce to someone you otherwise get along fabulously with.



No she isn't an agnostic...not sexually anyway. I'll lay money on that.

Never forget the first rule 'give me a child til the age of 7...'

Which is the favourite saying of the jesuits..who know a thing or two about fanaticism...

Does she masturbate? (serious question).

^ Hells yeah. I'm saying if she's uptight as she sounds, it's not gonna work.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:



What, does he come down from the clouds and rail her in her sleep when you two aren't together or something?

Strange you should say that. (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum18/HTML/004321.html)

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Does she masturbate? (serious question).

I've never asked her and although I'd imagine her answer would be no, I'd imagine she would but to what degree she's lying to herself about it, I don't know.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

The only reason I still have faith is because she renounced her upbringing as a Witness two years ago.

She describes herself as agnostic now and as far as I know she hasn't visited a church for years.

Two years ago is not a very long time.

Agnostic is the stance that fence-sitters often take. As I see it, it's really neither here nor there.

If you care enough about her to have sex, then you should care enough about her to take the time to discuss things in depth.

Something that I've noticed that men do is that they often want to lead a discussion, but in this case you need to make sure she is leading it, so do some real good listening to what she says. It will reveal her state of confusion right now. Two years is not a very long time.

CW, seriously if she masturbates and can discuss that with you then there is a good chance she'll 'come across' with some time and coaching.

IF she doesn't or you feel you don't want to ask her then ask her this:

"Hon, I was just chatting to an ex-theologian online and i said my girlfriend is an ex-JW. He and I got talking and he told me something I can't really get my head around.

Apparently about 20 years ago in mexico a married JW had sex another woman in an elevator, and his wife found out and wanted to leave him. The JW elders ruled she had no grounds to seek a divorce because the sex had been solely anal and therefore wasn't adultery'

Obviously you need to say this in your own words, and make clear that you haven't been discussing HER just JW's and sexual attitudes in general.

See what she thinks...get a real good discussion going, find out as much as you can about her 'feelings'.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



See what she thinks...get a real good discussion going, find out as much as you can about her 'feelings'.

Jack is right on with that. When one is in the process of restructuring those things they think and believe it can take a while before things begin to become reconciled with the "feeling" aspect of something. That runs deeper than thought and is harder to get in touch with.

Lost Cause mentioned something in a post of hers:

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

It's like I can't balance out what I know logically and how I feel.

Is this the female condition?

Cheers,

Lost

I think that is a genderless statement, really. Everyone goes through that in regard to a lot of things.

So, she might think one way and yet feel another while she is undergoing these changes inside.