Really, I am. I push people away for no reason then blame them for it.

Yesterday, I was having a crappy night. My parents were being assholes and waving my brothers honours award in my face (I'm sorry that I didn't take a bloody 12 year vacation from school then decide to take the easiest fucking thing, and completely give up my social life, really) and just all around making me feel like I fail at life. (this post is going to be very pathetic and self-loathing, but i'm not in a happy place right now.)

Then my boyfriend mentioned that he ran into an old friend of mine, who said I should call them (my old group of friends) sometime and hang out. WHAT THE FUCK. First of all, these people ditched me. Stopped calling me, stopped answering my phone calls, and started completely avoiding me. After going through hell about losing my closest friends (I've realized they're complete assholes now and I don't need that negativity in my life) this happens. And I guess I've just been really stressed lately with school, and work, and some pretty serious health problems, so I completely snapped.

Took it all out on my boyfriend of course. I didn't really go off too bad, but I spent the entire night, and most of today, crying and writing. This morning I got a midterm mark back, which I worked my ass off for, but wrote with a really bad migraine so I knew I'd fuck up a little, but I REALLY fucked it up, and my b/f (who did FUCK ALL and studied using MY notes) did amazing. In my fragile, lunatic psycho female state, this tremendously bothered me and I've not been talking to him ever since.

I'd like to emphasize, however, that I'm not mad at him about that, I just think I'm projecting my tremendous anger and resentment towards my ex-friends onto him.

What the hell is wrong with me? Can stress really cause people to be so goddamn neurotic? Because it feels like I can't control my emotions right now, and that's never happened before. I mean, I'm being psychotic about every little thing. I can't control it. I can't censor what I say at all, it seems I just react to anything anyone says with the most hurtful thing I can say back. It's so weird. I hate it, and I can't stop it.

Edit: Sorry if this just seems like a rant. It can be moved to B&M if necessary.



[This message has been edited by Demoiselle (edited 03-23-2007).]

just chill out =P

its as easy as that, smoke a bowl, listen to music' go someone scenic and just "be" for a while

*peace sign*

Feel better soon, Lil' D.

Well, I don't know about ewes...sorry you? I knwo that a lot of times I feel that chronic muscle cramping related to wonky bones & joints seem to make me act weird. I think it works through the spine being part & parcel of the brain & there being a feedback loop between brain & body.

I find that as I watch myself talk & act weird it often seems that neck or back muscles ache seem to sit side by side in my consciousness with my words/actions...

Here's a little thing that helps me sometimes. Bend over while standing & grasp your calves & pull until your back comes into line. You shouldn't have to strain too hard & if you're gentle you're not likely to kill or cripple yer poor, wee self.

Stop being such a shit before he dumps you.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



Stop being such a shit before he dumps you.



He really should.

Put on lots of weight so he hates you. Eat & eat & eat & eat.

You know you want to.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

I push people away for no reason then blame them for it.

Don't worry, God does the same thing.

Chill.

I'm the same way.

When I have alot of shit going on in my life, like I do right now, I go off incredibly easily.

Especially at my partner. I expect too much from him, sometimes unrealistic things, and get incredibly aggitated when he doesn't meet my standards (you might just think this is a huge bitch thing, but I don't set standards for other people that I don't expect myself to meet). It's rough when it happens, but I have a really undertanding partner, so I'm lucky I guess.

I know people will probably tell you to just chill out, and I also know that can seem like a really hard thing to do. You have to train yourself to keep calm, and some of the time it's no easy feat.

All I can say is that it's normal, and it will pass. Alternativly, we're both more chemically predisposed towards neurocism(I don't actually think that's a word), and you'll just have to hope your boyfriend understanding.

If I can ask you a personal question, does your body 'feel angry' when you get frustrated?

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:



He really should.



Or you could explain to him what you just told us. If he hasn't left you yet it's because there's some considerable attachment to you.

quote:Originally posted by bloodenangel:



If I can ask you a personal question, does your body 'feel angry' when you get frustrated?

I'm not sure what that means. I've had a migraine for 5 days, does that count? And no, I'm not exaggerating. It's been getting better, it's now subsided for the most part, but yes, 5 days. And NOTHING helps.

Ooh, and I do that "impossible standards" thing too. They're either not met, or they're exceeded, and when they're exceeded it bothers me also. And I only apply them to people very close to me. I'm working on it though. I've gotta start forgiving my own faults before I can forgive someone else's though.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

Or you could explain to him what you just told us. If he hasn't left you yet it's because there's some considerable attachment to you.

I will attempt to do that when I'm able to talk to him again. And he is attatched, god knows why. I'm quite the handful...

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

This morning I got a midterm mark back, which I worked my ass off for, but wrote with a really bad migraine so I knew I'd fuck up a little, but I REALLY fucked it up, and my b/f (who did FUCK ALL and studied using MY notes) did amazing.

Assuming you're American, I've always hated that about our college education system. The whole semester seems to be based on three tests - is that really a good way to determine how well people are doing? Especially when there are no make-up tests or sick days.

If you're not American or still in high school, it may be different, but I feel your pain. Hopefully everything works out, sometimes you gotta play through all that pain.

I think we all take out or negative emotions on those we care most about.

quote:Originally posted by bloodenangel:

does your body 'feel angry' when you get frustrated?

Of course

Just let the hate out or it'll warp your mind

You used to tell me my ex was bad for me, well she was.

But you may not have realised it but you're sooooo similar. Think hard about this question: Are you bad for your boyfriend?

Demoiselle, you need to relax. Chill. Easier said than done, I know. But get slightly intoxicated. Smoke a bit of bud, and apologize to your boyfriend. It's not his fault he's smarter than you (seriously, that's all it is. He used the same notes as you, yet did AMAZINGLY you said. A migrane is bad, but it could not change your end result THAT much). He's done nothing wrong. What was I saying? Oh, right. Get high, drink a bit, then see him. A little intoxication will get rid of your psychoness.

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

1. Stop being angry at your boyfriend.

2. Start finding ways to relax.

3. Take more drugs.

4. Stop being a bitch to your boyfriend (needed emphasising).

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

You used to tell me my ex was bad for me, well she was.

But you may not have realised it but you're sooooo similar. Think hard about this question: Are you bad for your boyfriend?

Demoiselle, you need to relax. Chill. Easier said than done, I know. But get slightly intoxicated. Smoke a bit of bud, and apologize to your boyfriend. It's not his fault he's smarter than you (seriously, that's all it is. He used the same notes as you, yet did AMAZINGLY you said. A migrane is bad, but it could not change your end result THAT much). He's done nothing wrong. What was I saying? Oh, right. Get high, drink a bit, then see him. A little intoxication will get rid of your psychoness.

I have no idea where I'm going with this.

1. Stop being angry at your boyfriend.

2. Start finding ways to relax.

3. Take more drugs.

4. Stop being a bitch to your boyfriend (needed emphasising).

I'm TRYING to not be a bitch. Really, I really am. And intelligence is relative. I can't conjugate a mathematical formula worth shit, or understand chemistry... but I'm awesome with anything english/social/philosophy related. Meh. That's not the issue though.

Things are better today. I crawled out of my self-pity hole a little.

And no drugs! None that I haven't been prescribed anyway.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

but I'm awesome with anything english/social/philosophy related. Meh. That's not the issue though.

Your mid-term results say otherwise!

.::Suicide is always an answer::.

numb your life with alcohol?



but really, just talk it all out with your "boyfriend" if he still is, and you should feel better

let out all your grievences! DO IT

quote:Originally posted by Opiumfarmosaurus:

Your mid-term results say otherwise!

PSYCHOLOGY IS NOT A REAL SUBJECT. It just borrows factors from other real sciences (bio, chem) and pretends it is.

We're still together. For some reason he always forgives me when I fuck up, even when he shouldn't. Very strange.



[This message has been edited by Demoiselle (edited 03-23-2007).]

As a guy, this really is incomprehensible to me.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:



He really should.



I wouldn't say that..

Just don't cheat on him whenever he tries to look after you and picks up your shit.

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

I wouldn't say that..

Just don't cheat on him whenever he tries to look after you and picks up your shit.

Why would I cheat on him?

Don't worry, you aren't psycho.

Just female.

Couldn't resist.

Chill out. Stop being jealous. And notice that social status helps, but grades and knowledge are what puts you above others. I could go more into this, but I've learned one thing: People are worthless.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Can stress really cause people to be so goddamn neurotic?

Yes. The only thing you can do is chill out. Try not to put so much importance on silly little things. I also suggest you smoke some cannabis and maybe take a long walk in a park or something, just take time to think about things. That's what I do anyway.



Why are drugs a no-no for you? I believe that in a situation like this they could really help you. Just don't drink too much, it does nothing except prolong your phases of self-pity.

Try not to worry so much about things.

Do you have a...'Rabbit'?

Or something just as good?

quote:Originally posted by SafeAsMilk:

Why are drugs a no-no for you? I believe that in a situation like this they could really help you. Just don't drink too much, it does nothing except prolong your phases of self-pity.

Try not to worry so much about things.

Smoking pot doesn't have the desired effect anymore. It just makes me paranoid and sleepy, instead of happy and hungry... and sleepy. I take valium for sleeping/anxiety, and don't really feel like abusing it. And taking any hallucinogenics in my state would surely cause a bad trip, so fuck that. And I can't drink right now because it triggers my migraines. Sooo I'm shit outta luck. I just meditate now.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

We're still together. For some reason he always forgives me when I fuck up, even when he shouldn't. Very strange.

Very strange my ass. He loves you. Forgiveness is an important aspect of love. Humans are just that, humans. People fuck up. Always. He realizes it. It's good he has realistic expectations from you. Some people aren't as forgiving. Please don't take that for granted.

It's good to hear you're both better now. You're unstable and he's still at your side. That should mean a lot.

But when it comes to him, your 'psychoness' (stress, mental issues, being a teen, what ever it is) should be a little more calculated. Every dog has it's breaking point, kick it too many times and it will bite back. If you keep going crazy at him for nothing, the day will come where he will EAT YOUR FACE!

Just behave.