So my ex's birthday is tonight at midnight, so really it's tommorow, anyway's tonight is my night to celebrate it with her, so it'll be me, her and some of my friends that she knew when we were together out on the town. But the thing is nobody is coming out, and if they are, they're only staying out for a little bit, then it'll be pretty much just me and her. She wants a big night, and so do it, but she said she'd be cool if it was just me and her drinking beers. I love this girl, and it sucks that we've broken up, but she told me that if it is just the two of us tonight, that if it gets "too intense" for her to handle she'll have to go home early and to not be dissapointed if that happens. Also, she called me last night in tears saying that I am the most important person in her life and that she means that from the bottom of her heart and she begged me to believe her. I told her I did, she told me she loved me and had to go, I asked her if I should come over to keep her company and she said the last thing she needs is company, and just wants to be alone, said she loved me again, then hung up.

So totse what does that mean? She's obviously confused about her feelings towards me, maybe she wants to get back, but thinks it's a stupid idea(most likely because she is moving). She told me that she wants me to take her dancing tonight, how should I play this situation tonight?

I've been with a girl who's said the exact same things. She has Indecisive Little Girl Syndrome. The type of girl who can fall in love with two people, never knows what she wants and likes to act like they're strong independent people, but in reality they're actually incredibly high maintainence and needy.

She's having conflicting emotions. You're easy. You want her back. So you're the guy who's guaranteed. There's most likely another guy, who's less into her than you, so she's keeping you around incase shit falls apart with that guy.

She does love you, it's real. But she obviously doesn't love you enough to be with you.

She knows you two can't work, but your love is real, that's why she's having trouble letting go. Go dancing with her, flirt with her like you used to, yet don't try anything on her. Act like it's innocent flirting.

I'm fucked so this might all make no sense.

Dude, it's an EX! Why do you have anything to do with her at all? Continuing to have any kind of relationship with an ex is practically begging to be manipulated.

Hmm, I hear what you're saying arq, and I agree to an extent. There might be somebody else, and I know who it is, but he's not an issue, and by the sounds of things he is making the moves on her alot, alot more than I am anyway. I just received a message from her saying "Cant write much because I'm at work- but I hope you know I'm really looking forward to hanging out tonight.x" A good thing?

But she is by no means needy nor can I see her going after another guy and just "keeping me on the backburner" for insurance. She's moving away to another city in about 5 weeks, so that's why I think she broke up and is now torn with what to do.

I too think that I'll just be real nice tonight, look real good, smell good, and just flirt with her a bit, maybe with some other girls, dance with her, have fun with her, catch a taxi home with her, and just let her out with a hug goodbye and keep on driving. Anything else I should do? I'm thinking if she tries to do anything I most definitely will succumb, but ah well, I'm a weak man, a man in love. Haha, fuck I'm a lame-o

Buck up. Call her on her game, and tell her that if she wants to be with you, she needs to make up her mind. She's going to string you along as long as she can. Give her some silence and see how she reacts. No phone, emails, anything.

quote:Originally posted by Affect:

Buck up. Call her on her game, and tell her that if she wants to be with you, she needs to make up her mind. She's going to string you along as long as she can. Give her some silence and see how she reacts. No phone, emails, anything.

I've been doing that, I stopped replying to her messages and answering her calls for 3 days, then she called me last night crying saying all that stuff. It definitely did something.

I'm afraid not. It showed her you'll cave when she turns on the tears. A completely noncommittal response to you. If she wanted to be with you, she would be right now. Not tomorrow, or next week, or next year. I know it's going to hurt, but would you rather be in control of the situation, or would you like her to be? The outcome is the same, but the level of pain can be controlled if it's primarily on your terms.

I've seen and experienced this myself. The first time I learned the hard way. The second, the relationship was over when it came to this point.

You are going to hurt one way or another. Let the end be your decision. You can tell her that you can see right through her, and that you don't want to be with someone that could so callously disregard you.

I'm obviously missing critical parts of this story. But what I've found 99% of the time, the outcome is not very good. Don't stretch it out on the hope that you can retain her one day.

I hadn't heard she was moving man. That may very well be the reason she ended it... though you haven't really told me too much about the lead up so I can't be too sure.

My advice to you is to go along and just be the person she fell for in the first place. Don't hit on her or bring up any times you were particularly intimate etc (if she brings them up fine).

One thing to consider is even if you get her back, is she still going to leave the city?

Oh yeah, and if you want me to break the mentioned potential rival's thumbs/knees etc let me know.