No, this is NOT some kiddiot’s rant about how they forgot to tell their twelve-year-old sweetheart regarding how they felt about them since the second grade. (though I guess it could apply there as well) I thought long and hard before posting this in S&A, but if this does not fall into the category of Affection (or lack thereof), nothing does.

I buried my father yesterday morning. He was 86 and yes, after suffering from Alzheimer’s for the past eight or so years, passing on from acute renal failure was in many ways a blessing for both him and his wife (my mother) of 64 years. He is now at peace, and my mother is relieved of the daily bed and diaper changing of a man who has been in no way any form of company or comfort to her during that time. They live(d) just a few miles from me, so I had the ‘opportunity’ to fill in for my mother’s chores when she was unable to do everything that was needed to be done.

But my having to drop whatever I was doing at any hour of the day or night to go over there to wipe his ass, feed him, or to pick him up off of the floor is not what this thread is about.

I come from a relatively large family; six kids (two sisters and three brothers) and I was at the bottom-middle. One sister comes to visit about twice a year, and talked to my mother on the phone almost every day. The oldest sister has been to see them once since they moved to Florida, and has not spoken to them in nearly 15 years. She is the only sibling who chose to not come to the funeral. So then, she also is not who this thread is about.

My two younger brothers have been here to visit a few times, and call on ‘special’ occasions: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and sometimes (rarely) on birthdays or anniversary. My older brother, like his twin sister, had not spoken to my parents in almost 15 years. Until my father passed and then he called for the first time in many years.

As far as communication between the various siblings, I am not sure, but some of them had not had a civil conversation in better than two decades.

Yesterday, much of that changed… for the better! The siblings from the Midwest (1000 miles) and them from the (other) west coast (2000 miles) got along fabulously with the rest of us. Much crying, much drinking, much revelry and much reconciliation along with reminiscing.

The point of this thread is that much of the sibling rivalry and confrontation that we all endured was the result of relatively miniscule missteps and misunderstandings that became the decades-old source of festering hostility that should have been put to bed long ago by some simple words of sympathy, compassion or understanding.

It is now too late for any of them, or for all of us, to try to make amends to my father. Depending upon your religious beliefs, it may or not be too late for him to hear our apologies, but for all of us, it is too late for him to respond to us.

Please… DO NOT wait until it is too late to make amends with your friends or your family.

The expiration date may be closer than you think.

*chews cud*

*wanders off*

I love and value my little sister more than anything else in the world.

And I appreciate and respect my mother alot more than I let her know.

Thank you for the advice, it's decidedly apt.

You have my condolences for your loss, for the little they're worth.

I don't think my family will ever make up. Even whhen my great gran diedthe other year, something which we expected would bring everyone back together, the o'boile side of her family still weren't invited to the funeral, and when my uncle trevor turned up, only me and my aunty pauline would talk to him :/

you're lucky your family made up, even if it was a little too late.

you make some really good points.

its encouraged me to do things differently around here...

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Thank you for the advice, it's decidedly apt.

You have my condolences for your loss, for the little they're worth.

Thank you... worth more than you will ever know.

Ill make peace with them in 5-10 years when they stop being so fucking retarded. Its hard to tell people that you love them, when they piss you off everyday.

quote:Originally posted by Winter:

Ill make peace with them in 5-10 years when they stop being so fucking retarded. Its hard to tell people that you love them, when they piss you off everyday.

That is really a pretty good plan... as long as you know the exact date (5-10 years from now) that you will be standing around their grave wishing you had done something last week to make it all better... not so much for them, but for you as well.

Edit: My father went from being able to get around the house by himself (yeah, with a walker) like he had been for many years,to dead in less than a week.

[This message has been edited by phmeworp (edited 03-15-2007).]