So. The other month, I read a pseudo-fairy-tale. It was set about five years after the dashing prince rescued the beautiful princess. But something was wrong; after they married and lived together, they found themselves fighting. Sour. Tired of each other.

It was only a bitter "fairy tale", true, but I have noticed that this does seem prevalent. Look at the divorce rates! Look at how many unhappy marriages there are, that started out with whirlwind courtships! It scares the shit out of me every time I read something like "my fiance' dumped me after five years." How does that happen?!

What I'm looking for is advice on keeping everything going smoothly. I love my girlfriend and she loves me; we're moving in together as soon as we can, and I'd like to marry her one day. But I don't ever want the magic to go out of our relationship... I don't want us to end up some bitter couple who don't really enjoy each others' company any more. May that never happen!

So I guess what I'd like to know is... What can I do to ward this off? What are things to watch out for? What have you learned that has helped you, or would've if you had learned it in time? This forum has lots of good advice on catching someone's eye, but I haven't seen much on keeping them, on getting along with someone for the rest of your life.

Thanks in advance for any helpful replies

The lust will wear off in a cuple years. Remember that.

If you guys wtill like eacher and there's friendship than that's true love.

Dude, you can't even ask a girl out. Why should he listen to you?

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:



What I'm looking for is advice on keeping everything going smoothly. I love my girlfriend and she loves me; we're moving in together as soon as we can, and I'd like to marry her one day. But I don't ever want the magic to go out of our relationship... I don't want us to end up some bitter couple who don't really enjoy each others' company any more. May that never happen!



You're looking at this the wrong way. Marriage ain't about who you want to spend the rest of your life living in harmony with. Its about with whom you want to spend the rest of your life arguing with.

And you want to keep the magic/erotic in your relationship?

That's easy.

Don't ever have kids.

It's that simple.

quote:Originally posted by translation:

Dude, you can't even ask a girl out. Why should he listen to you?

HE'S WORKING ON IT, DAMN IT!

lolz0rs

but yeh... I'm too young to really bring anything useful to the table, but I would agree with what Jack said.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

And you want to keep the magic/erotic in your relationship?

That's easy.

Don't ever have kids.

It's that simple.

Do you have anything positive to say for having Kids?

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Do you have anything positive to say for having Kids?

Plenty.

But ask any of the parents here and they'll tell you the same thing.

Soon as you have kids then you can forget the whole 'OMG hon, my knickers are soaked ..fuck me NOW!!!!' thang .

That 3 minute quicky over the breakfast table that turns into a whole morning' sloooow loving (after you've both phoned in 'sick')? No chance.

The watching a film in the evening together on the couch and suddenly....? You wish!

Parents have to plan their sex lives with almost military precision and even then Murphy's Law always wins.

Children come with a built in ability to feel ill/vomit/burn down the house just at THAT moment.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 03-12-2007).]

Thanks jack, although I'd like to at least give a try at harmony! There will be children... eventually. But that's not what I'm worried about. Really, arguing is fine, just as long as it's not serious. No fighting or hurt feelings. I want us to be happy with each other, harmony or no.

I know there have to be some do's and don't's and so forth... I mean, for instance, for a long time I had to make a mental note to control my paranoia and jealousy. Now that's gone, and there have been no bumps for a while now. What will be our next challenge?

Maybe we're just a perfect match, eh?

@Atticus: Yeah, we were friends before we were lovers. I think it bodes well.

[This message has been edited by Twisted_Ferret (edited 03-13-2007).]

This is the best S&A topic in a while.

I also am interested in any tips/tricks to keep the fire going.

Don't let your significant other hang out with members of the opposite sex is probably a big one.

These days it isn't an assumed agreement in relationship to stop tempting the devil.

I think if you wanted to be serious, that's something you'd have to look into.

Aside from that, romance is always good. Force yourself to do soemthing romantic for your partner, encourage them to do the same.

Nothing gets the loins excited like a rose, hand written letter covered in perfume. e.t.c.

Great thread.

Unfortunately I don't have much to add yet, but I'd like to see what other people have to say.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

Don't let your significant other hang out with members of the opposite sex is probably a big one.

These days it isn't an assumed agreement in relationship to stop tempting the devil.

I think if you wanted to be serious, that's something you'd have to look into.

Aside from that, romance is always good. Force yourself to do soemthing romantic for your partner, encourage them to do the same.

Nothing gets the loins excited like a rose, hand written letter covered in perfume. e.t.c.

If your significant other can't be trusted to mix with members of the opposite sex, the relationship will probably end up not working, regardless of what you 'let' them do. And something forced isn't romantic, nor something that requires encouragement to happen.

My view is just to get lucky. The majority of couples don't last, it's just a fact. Some last happily ever after, so hope it's you. There are lots of things you can do to keep a relationship happy but the biggest one I could think of is simply to be compatible, know each other and be good people.

Then again, what do I know? Ask me in ten years.

You know there's a mental disorder called "Prince Charming Complex"? People build their hopes up too high always hoping for something better, eventually their lives/relationships/breakups pass them by and they miss everything.

The point is, there's no reason to worry about 'keeping' someone because if you do then there's really no point of being in a relationship. There's only enjoyment and contempt at what's already achieved, not what could be.

Good thread chums.

I don't think I could ever have kids... Not that I dont like kids, I just cant imagine having them myself...

Don't stay around eachother every second of every day!

Don't move in as soon as possible. Really, having separate areas will REALLY help. My boyfriend and I moved in together on accident pretty much. We moved from a 2 bedroom to a one bedroom and we're feeling it.

It's very important to not meld things too quickly. Or you'll end up feeling like you don't have a second to think in your own head. Hang out with your friends, but let your SO know what's going on.

Don't use their stuff like it's yours, unless it's specifically talked about. Little things can get annoying really quick. For instance, my boyfriend didn't buy body wash for 2 weeks so he used my expensive shit and used more than half of it. Everytime I got in the shower I was like "WTF!?"

Talk about EVERYTHING that comes to your mind. Even negative shit, otherwise it can build up and break you. (This recently happened to me leading to a huge fall out with my b/f, who, thankyoujesus, has the understanding to deal with m craziness.)

Another HUGE thing: always be willing to "work on it". The second you get defensive with "Don't try to change who I am" is the second you doom your relationship. Relationship don't just happen, they are achieved. Just like jack said, there's arguing, but that's the only way you resolve things. Your partner is by no means a mirror image of yourself, you might get along ridiculously well, you might even say the same things at the same moments, and call each other at the same times, but that doesn't mean they know what you're thinking or 100% agree. Don't assume they have ESP, but that's more of a women's problem.

Try not to play the blame game. Take responsibility for your actions.

I gotta go to school. That's all I got for now.

Thanks for all the replies. Read and digested. Keep 'em coming, everyone!

Especially you, Mojo - that is exactly what I was looking for!

CatharticWeek, I think the romance idea is fine one; but I'm not sure it's quite right to tell her she can't have male friends. Although it does make me nervous, I trust her.

OK - I've been married almost 8 years now, and I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old.

Having said that - sex is great in the beginning, but remember you will be spending a lot of time with your partner. Friendship is much more important as time goes on.

Make sure you are open and honest with each other, make sure you have fun, make sure there is a high level of respect for each other. And I guess never stop having fun!

Bump. Thanks, chump(ion). Keep 'em coming!

Edit: This thread has already been useful... I had been keeping quiet about something that annoyed me, but I finally told her. And vice versa. Now I think we're both happier.

[This message has been edited by Twisted_Ferret (edited 03-15-2007).]

Take it slow.

Babump-a-dump.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

Babump-a-dump.

You ever heard the expression "flogging a dead horse"?

Stop bumping it dude - you got your answers. We've all moved on to corn holes, queefs and paedo's now....

quote:Originally posted by chumpion:

You ever heard the expression "flogging a dead horse"?

Stop bumping it dude - you got your answers. We've all moved on to corn holes, queefs and paedo's now....

Somewhere out there, there is a lurker who has pages to say on this subject. I bump this... for herhim.

Maybe I should make a topic about a pedophile who loves queefing cornholes.