[Compressed version at bottom for those who are lazy]

jackketch your input would be apreciated since you're a father and are knowledgable about this stuff...

Where to start...

I'm 16 years old, turning 17 in 3 months.

I'm a good student (honor roll) and I'm active with the fire department and all that jazz.

I think most parents would be proud to have me as their son, and I know I'd be proud to have me as my son, but that's just me.

Anyways,

When I was younger, I could get away with a lot of stuff. And nothing would ever happen. And when I say younger, I mean like 14 and 15. I could stay out till 1 or 2 in the morning on a weeknight, and no one would care.

Recently, my dad (not my mom, she's pretty relaxed on things) has been starting to break my fucking balls.

I can't even explain it.

It's not like I'm doing serious stuff, like drugs, or B&E, or getting fucking wasted every friday night, comming home, and secksing the dog.

No, nothing like that.

For example, some people may have read my post on my snowman.

(Snowman seen here: http://tinyurl.com/2w7ha4 )

Now, my parents didn't care at first.

Then, the neighbors across the street got offended, called the cops etc etc.

Nothing happened. No one got in trouble. End of story.

However, a few nights later, my dad comes home yelling and screaming at me for no reason, saying how I'm making bad decisions lately.

One thing happens, one minor thing, and he's freaking out that his perfect son is turning to a life of hard crime and street drugs.

He kept yelling while drunk about some more stuff, but it's not that important, and doesn't have to do with the point of this story.

Tonight, my girlfriend was home alone.

She gets really scared when she's alone, so of course I had to go stay with her.

It was around 11 that I hear my parents car drive up. At first I was like, that can't be my parents.

Then I look out front, and sure enough.

My dad comes to the door and motions to me with this queer ass fingure jesture, tells me to get my coat. I tell him we were watching a movie, (which is true) and lost track of time.

In all actuality, we were watching a movie, and falling asleep. I see no problem there.

We get in the car, and my dad tells me he's "setting up ground rules. I want you in the house by 10:30 on weeknights and in bed by 11. And if I hear any computer or xbox I'm shuttin' the shit down."

He also demands to have my girlfriends contact information by tomorrow which if you ask me is a serious invasion of her privacy.

Don't get me wrong, but the last time I checked, most parents allow more freedom as their children age. Not take away more freedom.

And for those of you who say "why didn't you call" well, we were falling asleep, that's why. And if you're going to say why didn't your parents call you? Well I don't have a cell phone. It's their fucking fault for not getting me one.

Bottom line: I needed to get this off my chest. I need ideas to make my dad proud of me so he gets off my back about stupid shit.

And for those who are too lazy to read it all, a compressed format:

My dad is getting pissed at me over little un-important things. He's never done this before. I need ideas to make him proud so he'll stop breaking my balls.

Why would he come to your girlfriend's house? Were you allowed to be out at all?

He knew I was there. I told him before I left. I don't even know why, but he's been freaking out over the most retarded shit lately.

Pretend you're maturing. Say you'll pay for half of a mobile phone so you can keep tabs in exchange for your freedom.

I might just get a job, and pay for my own cell phone. Fuck it.

I need to come up with a comprehensive plan for moving out of here anyways. A job would be a good first step.

You look like a major fag.

quote:Originally posted by Bazzle:

You look like a major fag.

Pack your shit and go to SG you fucking douchebag.

A job would certainly be a very good first step.

Obviously for some strange reason your dad feels you are in danger of going off the rails.

Is there anything you've done that might cause him to think so or might have caused someone else (a teacher perhaps?) to think so and report such to him?

The fact he wants you in bed so early suggests to my mind that he is worried about you fucking up at school or getting your g/f pregnant.

However DO NOT go out to try and make your dad proud of you. It doesn't work like that.

Reading you post I'd say that any dad would be proud to have a kid like you but whether your dad is or not , ain't much you can do about that.

It's early, I haven't had enough coffee. I'll maybe post more later.

Paternal pride is a weird thing.

I guess its as individual and as fucked up as each father.

Me , personally I don't feel overly proud about a kid bringing home straight 'A's (although in the case of my sons it would be bloody amazing if they did!).

I feel proud of my sons when they act like men I guess. When they walk a girl home after dark without being told, when they help someone in need, when they take decisive and if necessary violent action when the situation requires it.When they take a decision and then work their butts off to make it the right decision.



DO I feel proud because my youngest(16) wants to join the armed forces(he has an interview with the Navy tomorrow)? Nope...but alot of dads would. I AM proud when some crying teenage girl turns up here late at night looking for him because she knows that he'll 1.listen to her and 2. keep her safe.

I think you did the one thing that always riles parents up.. forgetting to call.

And I know, you fell asleep which is a reasonable excuse.

I think you're best trying to really sit down with your dad and assure him that you are still working hard at all your responsibilities.

You sound like a good kid.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Paternal pride is a weird thing.

I guess its as individual and as fucked up as each father.

Me , personally I don't feel overly proud about a kid bringing home straight 'A's (although in the case of my sons it would be bloody amazing if they did!).

I feel proud of my sons when they act like men I guess. When they walk a girl home after dark without being told, when they help someone in need, when they take decisive and if necessary violent action when the situation requires it.When they take a decision and then work their butts off to make it the right decision.



DO I feel proud because my youngest(16) wants to join the armed forces(he has an interview with the Navy tomorrow)? Nope...but alot of dads would. I AM proud when some crying teenage girl turns up here late at night looking for him because she knows that he'll 1.listen to her and 2. keep her safe.

We need more fathers like you.

And to the op, no, dont give your dad your girlfriends contact details. Thats too far. Asf or the rest o fit, yes, I think hes being irrational, yes, I think hes in the wrong, no, I dont think complaining to him will fix this. You will need to think of something good.

God bless jackketch

Walk into your house at 4am. Walk up to your dad with a blunt in your mouth and a 40 in your other hand. Blow smoke into his face and tell him to fuck off.

quote:Originally posted by Bazzle:

You look like a major fag.

That's not me in that pic. I was the one taking the pictures.

Winter: I like your suggestion, and you wouldn't be the first to suggest such measures. As for that helping me out at all, chances are between slim to slimmer.

Jack, thanks for your advice, I mean, at least you didn't call me immature or irrational. I was expecting at least a few people to say as much about me.

I thought about it some more today, I can see his side, and my side.

However, I do think there is something wrong with my dad. He's told me before that he wants to see a psychologist, why he doesn't I'm not sure.

My dad does have a bit of anger issues, so today he may very well appolgize for over-reacting, but I haven't spoken to him yet today.

Who knows.

Will update should conditions warent.

SO your dad is having a period? he'll get over it, just behave and keep your head down for a while.

hmm, i'm rarely even allowed out at all on weeknights. i doubt you can make him proud or get in his good books if he's as twatty as you make out. friday night i tried to do something nice for my dad by pouring the water in his tea when the kettle boiled just after he left the room. he came back five minutes later to find his tea, then stormed into my room and screamed bloody murder at me that i was the thickest person he knew and how could anyone be so dumb as not to remove the tea bag. that lead on to a yell about how i was crap at wiping the work surfaces down in the kitchen and how i needed to hurry up and register my bank account online- yesss, my dad yells and bugs me about my own bank account which has twat all to do with him.



i think this post was just an excuse for me to rant :]

This sounds like something I went through when I was 12-13. My dad was going through his mid-life crises and was tooting his horn at everyone in the house.

Possibly your dad is having the same problem and having problems coping.

If so, cut him some slack, it will get better soon.

Do NOT give him her contact details, that's too far. It's none of his fucking business and he should know that. Full stop.

Otherwise, ask him straight to his face why he's acting so differently, getting so worked up about things that he used to be OK with.

Keep calm through all of it an don't loose your temper, think before you say each line to make sure it makes sense and actually means something.

He'll either come round or completely flip. If he come's round, all is good and fine and you should sit down and eat something together.

If he flips, simply tell him he's wrong and walk away to do homework or some other task that he can't complain at you doing, such as washing up/loading the dishwasher or cleaning the floors or something.

If you can show him upto his own face what an asshole he's being without having to say it yourself then he will realise it, feel like a prat, probably lash out and then things will get back to normal. Just make sure your doing fine in school, get an A on 2 or 3 pieces of work, stick it on the fridge with a magnet randomly just before you sit down to dinner so that he notices, that way your not in the wrong.

I think you need to reorder your life. You need to get a job and then put your family and health before that. Before i got a job (1 month ago) i was a fucked up kid, now working in a fast food resturant, i find myself doing much more things.

Id say chill out, smoke some pot, write down everything yuor thinking, then come back to it a month later, if your thinking the same post again about this problem, if not then congratulations.

all the post here are wrong

this is the true answer as simple as possible

your parents allowed you to stay out late an do what you wanted because they wanted you to hopefully learn from the real world.

make your own decisions a stuff. they were hoping you would do the right things in life like not stay our past 12 an not make snowmen with big dicks. they wanted you to mature on your own without them having to guide or do it for you.

now they your old enough an should know self discipline, an apparently you dont....they are cracking down on you. they see with your slight lack in self control you could end up messing your life up. him yelling at you is suppose to be a wake up call to say. its time to become a "real adult"

You think you have it rough?

I'm 18 and i graduate with honor roll in 2 months, I'm going to a good college with scholarship.

My father sent me to a catholic school my whole life and he said I must go to a catholic college.

I'm not allowed to go anywhere without my father unless its school or to my churchs youth group.

I haven't really been interested in a guy till about several months ago and now my father refuses to let me date him.

I must be in bed by 10 or 11 if i have alot of homework but I can't use the computer for that homework for that last hour.

Computer can be on till 9:30 but the tv has to be off by 9 and I can only watch shows that are approved by him, and its normally just news or political stuff and like law shows like Law and order.

I'm not allowed to hang with friends and no one can come to my house.

I haven't had a door to my room since i went to high school.

My father MUST have the passwords to my email accounts or any other accounts that i might have. ( I get around this one real easily)

He must check all of my homework and papers and if he thinks its not good enough he rips it up and i have to do it again.

I'm allowed to talk on the phone an hour and a half a week.

he only allows me to listen to classical music (this one is easy to get around too)

He allows me to go see a movie with him about once every 2 weeks.

Life sucks when I'm grounded...and he grounds me for alot of stupid stuff that i can't even control, like if he takes my dog for a walk and she poops twice in one walk, I'll get grounded.

^^^Dude, for fuck sakes, MOVE OUT. That is some fucked up, crazy, freaky, weird, freaky shit. Goddamn. Psycho. Jesus. GAH.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

^^^Dude, for fuck sakes, MOVE OUT. That is some fucked up, crazy, freaky, weird, freaky shit. Goddamn. Psycho. Jesus. GAH.

quote:Originally posted by Saphi:

You think you have it rough?

insert said stuff here

Christ, and you haven't hung yourself yet?

I would have done so.

Anyways...

I talked to my dad today because he started bitching at me again.

I asked him straight up what was wrong, because at this point I know there's something wrong with him.

A lot was said, and basically what I got from it was he's "mad at the world right now."

Even though he stopped bitching at me, and started talking/yelling about how his life sucks, it still felt pretty heavy, and almost abusive.

I didn't really want to hear it. And it made me feel like I had done something wrong, even though I hadden't.

He told me again he wants to get help for his problems/see a shrink, and now I'm starting to get worried about him.

He told me the only reason he hasn't offed himself is because of me, which really puts a lot of weight on me.

Thinking back on it, I never had too good of a childhood. I was always serious about everything. I never cut up in class, or got suspended, or got detention for doing stupid stuff.

In a way, I wish I would have done so.

I never really did any stupid childish stuff period.

I realize that yes, I have to bunker down, and become an adult, but I also realize that my last chance to have any fun as a kid, will be next year as a senior in high school, then I have to really tighten down, and have a grown up life, and grown up bills, and grown up responsibility.

I've taken the fact that I really don't have much responsibility weighted on me for granted. Honestly, I'm 16 years old, I shouldn't be thinking about bills or cars, or where I'm going to live.

But I am thinking about it, and it sucks.

Honestly, I'm trying to just have fun while I can, and with my dad saying he's "going to rely on me more and more" it really makes me feel bad about wanting to have fun.

And that's where I stand as of now.

I can't, my father refuses to let me get a job, so i have no money that way, and most of the money that i got for birthdays and christmas he took and put in some bank account that i can't get to.



Edit: Oh but don't worry..only 2 more months of this, I picked my college to be a thousand miles away from him.



[This message has been edited by Saphi (edited 03-12-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Saphi:

I can't, my father refuses to let me get a job, so i have no money that way, and most of the money that i got for birthdays and christmas he took and put in some bank account that i can't get to.



Edit: Oh but don't worry..only 2 more months of this, I picked my college to be a thousand miles away from him.







That is actually kind of scary...

quote:Originally posted by Saphi:

You think you have it rough?

I'm 18 and i graduate with honor roll in 2 months, I'm going to a good college with scholarship.

My father sent me to a catholic school my whole life and he said I must go to a catholic college.

I'm not allowed to go anywhere without my father unless its school or to my churchs youth group.

I haven't really been interested in a guy till about several months ago and now my father refuses to let me date him.

I must be in bed by 10 or 11 if i have alot of homework but I can't use the computer for that homework for that last hour.

Computer can be on till 9:30 but the tv has to be off by 9 and I can only watch shows that are approved by him, and its normally just news or political stuff and like law shows like Law and order.

I'm not allowed to hang with friends and no one can come to my house.

I haven't had a door to my room since i went to high school.

My father MUST have the passwords to my email accounts or any other accounts that i might have. ( I get around this one real easily)

He must check all of my homework and papers and if he thinks its not good enough he rips it up and i have to do it again.

I'm allowed to talk on the phone an hour and a half a week.

he only allows me to listen to classical music (this one is easy to get around too)

He allows me to go see a movie with him about once every 2 weeks.

Life sucks when I'm grounded...and he grounds me for alot of stupid stuff that i can't even control, like if he takes my dog for a walk and she poops twice in one walk, I'll get grounded.

Truth be told I'd be the same way if i had a daughter.

Too many men like me out there.

Daughters are God's punishment for being male.



HOWEVER depending on where you live you pretty much have a legal and certainly a moral right to a bedroom door that locks.

Just out of interest what is your background (culturally/racially)?

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Truth be told I'd be the same way if i had a daughter.

Too many men like me out there.

Daughters are God's punishment for being male.



HOWEVER depending on where you live you pretty much have a legal and certainly a moral right to a bedroom door that locks.

Just out of interest what is your background (culturally/racially)?

I'm curious about this too. And good choice on college being being far, far away. Don't come back either. That's like prison. If I were you I would have been outta there years ago.

Your dad is smart.

This is the time where if you fuck up, even just a little bit, and get unlucky your life is ruined.

Another way to look at it is if you don't make honor roll once, your dad has to pay at least 10k more in tuition, and you'll make thousands less, and that's less money that will support him later in his own life. (which if you ask me is fucking acceptable since parents usually support you through college)

Oh, as for suggestions - just try to reason; be like "yeah I understand it all, just let me blah blah blah if I work harder on weekends or this day, ect"

Havoc, take a stand. Don't let him be a fuckhead like this. Just lay down the law with him.

†Jesus†

It really does sound to me as if he's having control issues in his life, and sees you as something he can and must control.

I think your dad has some ego issues and that you have to talk to him, not with caution, but with frank honesty as to ground him in reality.

My father is white and his culture is italian. I was adopted when i was little.

quote:Originally posted by Saphi:

My father is white and his culture is italian. I was adopted when i was little.

Sicilian?

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Sicilian?

That's my background...

Anyways...

Spoke with my father again today. He was in a much better mood, and agreed to get me a phone (motorola Q) I'm very happy about this.

Taking matters into my own hands just in case I get dicked again, I applyed for a job today.

However, while applying for a job, my bike got stolen. I wasn't in the place but five minutes, I come out, my bikes gone, a shitty one's in it's place.

Great. Just great.

Nigga stole my bike...

now you and 50-cent have something in common...

but uh, just be nice to your parents, i find it helps

Tell him to shut the fuck up. The reason he's pushing you around is because he wants to gain control over you which he feels he needs. Show him who the man in the house is.

Maybe he's just been drunk a lot. Talk to him while he's sober.

It's possible it's some psychobabble case of him feeling the need to "set you right" before you go off in the world. Separation anxiety......