The topic isn't meant literally. I had sex for the first time early this afternoon. I liked kissing the girl, and sucking on her breasts, but once it was time for intercourse, she guided me in, then she lay on her back and did not move. That's what I mean by dead fish. It sucked. I don't know how much sensation loss the condom was responsible for, but I only had her word that I was still within her. Very disappointing.

I didn't even come, although she did, from my fingers. In the middle of the intercourse, she jumped up, and ran to the bathroom, where, she said, she threw up. If she really did though, she's faster at throwing up than anyone I know. Then we didn't have sex anymore.

Also, blood was oozing from her vagina, as if she was menstruating. She left a half-dollar-coin-sized spot of blood on the sheets. I asked, but she didn't say what it was.

Anyway, aside from her breasts, I might as well have stayed at home and masturbated. So yeah, give me pity and stuff.

[This message has been edited by Starsword (edited 03-12-2007).]

owned. I thought you meant it smelled like dead fish...

I've never enjoyed sex with a condom.

But if she's not participating, whats the point?

thats the same as my first time. maybe she was on her period, or you broken her haymen.

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:

But if she's not participating, whats the point?

Precisely. Are you male or female?

if she doesnt put out then you dont need to put out for her

quote:Originally posted by ScaryDangerous:

thats the same as my first time. maybe she was on her period, or you broken her haymen.

If I broke her hymen, then I'm Captain James T. Kirk. This girl has been around.

Damn thats funny. She jumped up in the middle of sex to go vomit. Then came back to tell you its over.

At least one of you is broken and I think it's both.

Put half an Alka Seltzer in there while you're fucking her...She won't be laying still for long!

quote:Originally posted by psycho_8b:

Put half an Alka Seltzer in there while you're fucking her...She won't be laying still for long!

LMAO.

Mmm...reminds me of junkie sex, vomit included, but that never slowed things down.

quote:Originally posted by Starsword:

Originally posted by SilentMind:

But if she's not participating, whats the point?

Precisely. Are you male or female?



I'm a guy too. My ex was horrible like that. She didnt move at all for the first six months of our sex life. It's like she just wasnt interested in enjoying it.

Sex is a thing between two people

If it sucked, it wasn't just her fault, but yours too. You can't just blame it on her.

So stop whinin bout it, accept that you failed....and don't let yourself down next time

quote:Originally posted by dark-easterbunny:

Sex is a thing between two people

If it sucked, it wasn't just her fault, but yours too. You can't just blame it on her.

So stop whinin bout it, accept that you failed....and don't let yourself down next time

QF MOTHERFUCKING T!

NB.It isn't just a question of being an Ultimate Lover. You can have all the weird arsed '70 ways to bring a girl to orgasm' ninja-kung fu-turtle-karma sutra shit and still she'll lie there like a log.

Its what you do BEFORE the sex that really makes the difference.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

QF MOTHERFUCKING T!

NB.It isn't just a question of being an Ultimate Lover. You can have all the weird arsed '70 ways to bring a girl to orgasm' ninja-kung fu-turtle-karma sutra shit and still she'll lie there like a log.

Its what you do BEFORE the sex that really makes the difference.

ketchy tells himself this everynight before seeing mrs Ketch.

Ohhh burn?

Make her go on top. See what happens.

you were so bad that she had to go throw up???

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

QF MOTHERFUCKING T!

NB.It isn't just a question of being an Ultimate Lover. You can have all the weird arsed '70 ways to bring a girl to orgasm' ninja-kung fu-turtle-karma sutra shit and still she'll lie there like a log.

Its what you do BEFORE the sex that really makes the difference.

He's right you know. I have the manual dexterity of a drunken sea lion yet I've never had any trouble getting women to come.

just be glad u had sex? think about it, would you really have prefered sitting in ur room fapping? really. even though the bleeding/vommiting thing WAS kinda... gross.

Hah i thought this was going to be about some nasty necrobestiality shit. or thats what her pussy smelled like.

But seriously, about her bleeding, maybe she was on her period or maybe it was her first time too and you popped a fat cherry. Who knows. However it sounds like the sex was shit. I'm very sorry for you.

EDIT: Ooh, good idea: tittyfuck her.

[This message has been edited by -metalhead- (edited 03-13-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by BluePyro:

just be glad u had sex? think about it, would you really have prefered sitting in ur room fapping?

Yes. I think I would have. That would have taken fifteen minutes and not four hours, and I would have been able to do something useful with the day.

Man, you picked a winner there. Put it behind you and tell her friends. *ON SCREEN*

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Its what you do BEFORE the sex that really makes the difference.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

QF MOTHERFUCKING T!

That line right there could change alot of people's lives.

Women get turned on like volume nobs. You have to turn em on slowly. Dead fish normally only happens if you attempt to turn her on too quick.. and then just jump on it.

All you really did was get the nob to 1 or 2.. and then jumped her.. Why she didn't slow your ass down.. and step you back a few steps, I have no clue. No self-esteem?

Whatever though.. What you do before sex is really what makes sex good or not. It's all about getting her turned on. The more turned on she is.. the more fun your going to have.

OKay, thanks for all the pity. Probably would have helped if I had explained it better, but oh well. Anyway, the girl set the pace, not me.

quote:"If I broke her hymen, then I'm Captain James T. Kirk. This girl has been around."

I get so many laughs from you guys, I have to thank you. This was gold, man.

my girl likes to meet thrust as i thrust.

quote:Originally posted by yoda_me07:



my girl likes to meet thrust as i thrust.

my girl likes to thrust...FULL THRUST (http://tinyurl.com/32d4nb)

[This message has been edited by rabbitweed (edited 03-13-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

karma sutra.

Why the fuck do people spectacularly fail at spelling this?

PS It's not a curry.

[This message has been edited by DuckWarri0r (edited 03-13-2007).]

because karma is also a word that a lot of people know so when you hear "Kama sutra" you might think you heard karma since you've probably never heard the name Kama before.

quote:Originally posted by Starsword:

Yes. I think I would have. That would have taken fifteen minutes and not four hours, and I would have been able to do something useful with the day.

4 hours?! of THAT crap? damn, then i take back what i said. jeez, now i feel sorry for you.