Well I can't sleep and I'm feeling blue and wondering what the hell to do with myself. Now I'm not a really social person. I do like to spend time alone...but weeks and weeks on end with no meaningful social contact really begins to get at me.

I have a few friends around the place. Only two in this town though. The thing is...I just suck at socialising. I don't really like drinking or partying (not that I get invited to do either), I don't like big groups in general. What I like to do people consider boring and crap. Which is usually just to have meaningful convos, out somewhere nice at a park or beach or something...or play video games or go cycling or running...but who the hell wants to do that? people want to do stuff. go out drinking, chatup sluts, party...in big groups...things I don't enjoy or understand that make me go hella extraverted. Noone wants to hang out with the guy that does that. I just don't...enjoy things. I feel like I should be doing something. But it's all so empty.

I don't even know what I'm saying. People online always want me to move places. But they don't know how fucking boring I am in real life. Sure I am open and crap in real life as I am online, but I;m still fucking boring and can't socialise in big groups or with new people properly and don't find that much to be fun. I could move to another city (wellington) where I have a few more friends but I can't see it being much different, probably me in my room most weekends, trying to text people to do something and them generally being busy with other more exciting folk doing stuff they like. Not the boring crap I always end up doing. I don't fucking know what I'm saying. I suck at making new friends, I suck at being fun, and I generally suck at life.

Too long/didn't proofread

get over it and fucking stop crying maybe do some drugs i dont know...i dont even care actually...go kill yourself..their that will solve your problem

I'll be your friend

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

What I like to do people consider boring and crap. Which is usually just to have meaningful convos, out somewhere nice at a park or beach or something...or play video games or go cycling or running...but who the hell wants to do that?

Aside from the video game playing (boring), I would have so enjoyed dating a young man like that...and...well...I did. :P

I still think you need to make friends with people who are older and have grown out of that nonsense. But, I know that it is hard meeting new people who have similar interests.

Let me ask you this though. Do you really think you are boring?

Fuck, I wish you were my friend. I'm worse than you, all I do these days, is completely, no exaggeration home, school, sleep, and play on the computer.

Mainly because none of my friends do anything on the weekend besides.. Getting over their hang over, getting drunk, going to a party to have it out with some skanky girl.

All I want to do, is go out, hang around the city, and do most of the things that you have mentioned.

I know how you feel.

[This message has been edited by Zeekz (edited 03-11-2007).]

Are you in high school?

If you are, then just wait till you graduate, and you for example go to a univeristy with a much bigger student body. There will be 100 people that are like you. Girls too.

you're not alone

theres many people who feel the same way... it'll work out sooner or later, just be yourself

I'm the same way too. Just get comfortable with yourself, then everything else just kind of evens out.

Find someone who likes the same things you do. Girl or guy. Im sure your town isnt that small.

murder/suicide?

quote:Originally posted by xturnal:

I'll be your friend

Sounds like you are just in a rough patch in your life. Probably lacking self-confidence and all the things that come with socializing. There are times when I don't want to drink, but I still go out with people who are drinking. Care free is the way you should act, I think you are wanting people to come to you, but you should realize that you can be fun if you wanted to.

So, that means you are going to have to just start finding people to go out with and just talk. Talk to people, mingle, doesn't matter what it is about, just talk. Practice makes perfect, and sitting in the corner is no fun. Can't get what you want without taking risks.

You obviously haven't discovered a thing called 'linux' yet.

Install Fedora Core 6 and at once you will no longer ever need to worry about getting laid,social skills or how you look, ever again.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Install Fedora Core 6 and at once you will no longer ever need to worry about getting laid,social skills or how you look, ever again.

If you're installing a Linux distro, odds are you stopped worrying about those things a long time ago anyway.

How old are you and when will you be going to uni/college or whatever?

I'm generally in the same situation as you... not a lot to do on the weekends at all so feel sort of lonely (my family's alright though so I can usually manage) but the weekdays in school are good.

You could try moving to a new school which can give you a new opportunity to make a new start in a clique because there generally is a 'not as popular' social posse in every school that'll accept anyone and that may be your best opporunity to make friends.

Other ideas are taking up a new hobby to meet new people or do some charity work for some soul searching or whatever. If you can't enjoy your leisure time, turn it into something productive which will better your chances in your later life because once you get older social interaction should be a lot more easy and seem less nessesary.

And you're judging yourself as boring by the standards of the people you consider boring. There are other people who share your interests; it just so happens that as they most likely have lifestyles more similar to you, they're harder to find. It's tricky for me to find interesting people because I hate the whole party/large-group socialising thing, but they're out there and you can find 'em. Do it through the few people you have who are similar to you, that's always a great starting point.

You sound a LOT like me. Like, scarily like me. My problem is that I know a million people but I'm never invited to anything. It's so gay. I'm not in anyone's circle of close friends, so not only do I not get invited to go anywhere or do anything, but I can't have people do stuff with ME because I don't have a "group" to invite or anything! Fuck. it pisses me off.

Go hang out somewhere that catches your interest. You like biking, go hang out at a bike shop. Talk to people, find out what's going on and where is worth hanging out.

Enjoy yourself.

Sounds like me in high school. I went to a few parties and found that it's way better to just break out of your shell.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

You obviously haven't discovered a thing called 'linux' yet.

Install Fedora Core 6 and at once you will no longer ever need to worry about getting laid,social skills or how you look, ever again.



You mean Microsoft Windows XP, right? ;-)

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Well I can't sleep and I'm feeling blue and wondering what the hell to do with myself.



You don't need to party, you don't need to have a whole fucked bunch of drunk and druggie friends to feel happy.

you need a woman in your life my friend...

Look for someone that shares your personality and your way of thinking and behavior....

Girlfriends boost your self-esteem, confidence and hapiness and it's really great....

[This message has been edited by Maggotote (edited 03-11-2007).]

I did the whole partying thing in high school and ended up in community college. Realised a couple years back what a fuckin tool ive made of myself. The partying gets real old man, just like everything else. You wake up in the morning and realise all you've got to show for last night is a hangover, less money, and some memories of a whore you jerked off in only for instant gratification and living for the moment.

Then I moved. Got away from drugs and the same, tired social circles and my perceptions have all changed about how I want to live my life. Now I'm all about a career and making something meaningful out of my life and I've never felt more fulfilled.

So you're actually ahead of the game in realising how pointless the whole scene is. Therefore, be comofortable with your current situation.

quote:Originally posted by SlapinFoFun:

The partying gets real old man, just like everything else. Got away from drugs and the same, tired social circles. Now I'm all about a career and making something meaningful out of my life and I've never felt more fulfilled.



FUck !!!! Just listen to this wisdom. He speaks the truth....

Start smoking.

If you move back to welly then we can hang out for sure.

Although, you know what kinda things I do in my spare time (basically what you described as not liking).

r from auckland and if where?

Lul, if u live in Auk, i can be your friend, your <b>special</b> friend... Seriously though, I'm just like you, at times. I'm pretty sure that i wouldn't find a person like you boring. To be honest, there are way too many people who try to be part of the big 'partying group' thing, and I'm, in general, sick of them... You still go to school? If so, what one?

Just come here already.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Let me ask you this though. Do you really think you are boring?

Yeah...well to most people I am.

quote:Originally posted by Chinese Food52:

Are you in high school?

If you are, then just wait till you graduate, and you for example go to a univeristy with a much bigger student body. There will be 100 people that are like you. Girls too.

No, I'm 19, haven't been to high school since 2005. I went to uni for a bit (waste of time/money, for me at least). It was much the same situation. I talked to alot of people in my tutorials and what not, real friendly, but nothing past that.

quote:Originally posted by wisemaster:

r from auckland and if where?

I'm from the backwater provincial town of Wanganui. Auckland here is nothing more than a distant rumour mysterious travellers talk of in hushed tones. Many of wanganuis finest have set out on the perilous journey to find this magical city, but few have returned...

drugs are always the answer to all of life's big questions.

Something interesting I've noted...whenever I spend a long time without hanging around good friends I start to lose the plot.

Recently I've been having panic attacks, and being really jittery and on edge doing ultra social things like going to the supermarket or going to the kitchen when my flatmates are around...I've never been a shy person, (back in high school I was always the one to volunteer to go first on speech day, and last year I travelled 2600km and spent most of my money just to see a girl I'd never met for a few days)...but yeah recently I've noticed things getting alot worse, it's already cost me a couple of (albeit shitty) jobs.

I'm seeing my dad for the first time in 3 years this weekend, as well as some relatives and cousins I haven't seen for a bout 10. I'm hoping I can start putting things back in perspective.

Alot of good replies in this thread, thanks.

[This message has been edited by rabbitweed (edited 03-12-2007).]

drugs...yes, drugs.

works every time

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

No, I'm 19, haven't been to high school since 2005. I went to uni for a bit (waste of time/money, for me at least). It was much the same situation. I talked to alot of people in my tutorials and what not, real friendly, but nothing past that.

Damn, but I'd swear you were older than 19 by some of your posts.

What do you mean by a waste of time/money?

By the way. About this time last year I had panic attacks during my class and I ended up dropping it. I went back in the fall taking a different class, one that really stretched me even though my hands would shake from being so nervous around people. I forced myself to finish it and it made me so happy that I got through it that I signed up for the next quarter and it has been the best time I have ever had.

Sometimes, you have to push yourself. I still get nervous, but it's so much better than it was that I registered for another quarter. But, it helps that I'm doing something I really love to do.

I don't know if that helps at all, but I totally understand the panic attacks.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Well I can't sleep and I'm feeling blue and wondering what the hell to do with myself. Now I'm not a really social person. I do like to spend time alone...but weeks and weeks on end with no meaningful social contact really begins to get at me.

I have a few friends around the place. Only two in this town though. The thing is...I just suck at socialising. I don't really like drinking or partying (not that I get invited to do either), I don't like big groups in general. What I like to do people consider boring and crap. Which is usually just to have meaningful convos, out somewhere nice at a park or beach or something...or play video games or go cycling or running...but who the hell wants to do that? people want to do stuff. go out drinking, chatup sluts, party...in big groups...things I don't enjoy or understand that make me go hella extraverted. Noone wants to hang out with the guy that does that. I just don't...enjoy things. I feel like I should be doing something. But it's all so empty.

I don't even know what I'm saying. People online always want me to move places. But they don't know how fucking boring I am in real life. Sure I am open and crap in real life as I am online, but I;m still fucking boring and can't socialise in big groups or with new people properly and don't find that much to be fun. I could move to another city (wellington) where I have a few more friends but I can't see it being much different, probably me in my room most weekends, trying to text people to do something and them generally being busy with other more exciting folk doing stuff they like. Not the boring crap I always end up doing. I don't fucking know what I'm saying. I suck at making new friends, I suck at being fun, and I generally suck at life.

Too long/didn't proofread



im in the same boat, but a little worse, im graduating in 2 months(high school)

when people even try to talk to me, i really dont know what to say, so if a girl was telling me about her life or whatever, id say "oh cool" or thats nice,

or sometimes i would say nothing at all

whenever i go to partys, i dont really talk at all or drink, i feel that drinking just got boring and im not interested , i only just smoke weed

everyday i get home from school, and do absolutly nothing, sometimes i ntry to find a job, but dont get one

all my friends live far from me

so im usually bored all the time and weekends, im 18 i would go to clubs, but i dont know how to interact with people

What do you think about seeing your Dad and family after so long?

Go out drinking at random partys. BYOB. Act like a complete asshole. Walk up to hot chicks and tell them to bend over.



It doesnt matter if you hate talking, just do it anyway. You get used to it. Yourself sucks right now. You must change, if you want change.

you want to do things that i want to do, move to birmingham :]

join a book club or something, have meaningful book orientated conversations. or join like a board game club- yes, they exist.

If you don't like that sort of thing go places where you could expect people to be like you, if you were serious about liking bike riding and shit meet a girl at the gym, not a guy, it would be weird trying to be friends with a random guy at the gym, if you like chating, seriously, try online dating, you will talk with her for a while before hand and when you meet yous will be at a restaurant talking for as long as you can keep the convo going. If you are looking for friends like you, do what the dude above me said and join a book club or something. Mabey take like a one day coarse in computers? You probably already know a fair bit about them since you are on here and you could help a bunch of people. People love "help".

- ♫.i.b.y.v.n.t.h.♫

Get off your fucking computer.

First of all a large percentage of what you hear from people is bullshit. Everyone went to the party and drank like two twelve packs and then got on some chick who was a freak. Bullshit. The ones who got totally trashed woke up next to a light pole, not some gorgeous gal that is the love of their life and can eat her own pussy.

Bust your ass to get a job. And not a job that will support your reclusive habits, get a job at a store that has 50 or 60 employees (depending on the size of your town this might not exist). Get a job, stick with it, don't try to hard to be anyone's friend, everyone can go fuck themself, by the same token be friendly enough, etc. You will learn how to interact with a myriad of people (usually in retail some seriously weird fuckers) and will end up making a few friends.

Alcohol will make you care less, and in turn you can be more open, but for me amphetamine does it just as well and I'm not gonna get a DUI, etc. Drugs provide the ability for everyone to 'get deep' as I like to call it. Deep conversations, about serious issues, along with some stupid humor.

The fact that you don't drink or do drugs makes your situation more difficult, but I don't recommend you start if you have made it this long. If you do, weed will get you a close group of buddies but will eventually fuck with your mind, and may cause you to become more reclusive. Note to those about to flame: I know it doesn't fuck with everyone's mind, and that you think it is the greatest gift god gave to man. Cocaine or speed are the way to go if you want to be chatty and assertive and able to meet random people. Or take some ecstasy, and go somewhere public and start talking to people. You will either make some cool friends or have people think you are the creepiest dude on the planet.

Fuck with people. Go to starbucks or whatever you have, and tell them you want 12 large coffees. They'll go '12?' and then you say 'nah just messing with ya'. I do this, and get a kick out of it. Then again, I'm frequently told I'm an asshole. Go sit across from some stranger, look up like you hadn't noticed them, and ask if you can sit there. At taco bell all I got was a drink, and they asked me 'is it for here or to go' and I looked at the dude and said 'its a drink, hand it to me'. I get a kick out of stuff like this.

Anyway, do what you want and when you want, just so long as you do something. Sitting on totse complaining won't help.

Hang out with those two friends you have. Honestly, I don't find it boring to just sit around shooting the shit (talking) for a couple hours. Me and my friends do that most of the time anyway. I guess that's why we all do drugs, to make it a little more interesting, but if no one has anything we still just sit around talking. Go see a movie with them or something. Use the two friends you have to build a larger network of friends. They likely know at least two more people.

I know you can't help it, but living in a small town might have something to do with it. I live in a normal sized city, and theres enough people with like minded interests to do stuff with. Biking, running, whatever floats your boat.

Maybe try expanding what you like to do. Never know if you don't try. You seem to enjoy sports, find a group or team.

If you can't socialize in big groups, make a smaller tightly knit group, i.e. your two friends or a group of some sort, and then go around with them, like rappers with their entourage. If you want to go to a party but are nervous, get your group of buds and go, and chill with them until you start to realize that most of this shit doesn't matter and start meeting new people. Have a couple drinks, what can it hurt?

No one is doing anything really exciting. They just enjoy doing what they do, maybe it is their passion, likely it isn't. I know what I like to do, and when I tell stories of shit that happened, I tell it like it was the coolest thing ever, because that's how it felt.

My last piece of advice: The only people who aren't crazy are the people you don't know that well. What I mean by this is that once you get to know someone, you find out they are different or fucked up or as crazy as you are. I have not met someone yet that I couldn't go 'goddam thats one strange fucker, but its cool cause Im strange too'. So stop thinking you are so different.

Edit: I guess I fail at life, I've installed various distributions of linux over the years

[This message has been edited by graphite (edited 03-13-2007).]

Cheer up emo kid.

http://www.succeedsocially.com/

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Damn, but I'd swear you were older than 19 by some of your posts.

What do you mean by a waste of time/money?



Hmm, I think I'm still young enough that sounding older is still a compliment

I now know the career I want doesn't require a university to degree. If I fail that though I suppose I will return to university.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

What do you think about seeing your Dad and family after so long?

I'm a little apprehensive. My dad and myself have friction sometime. The last time I saw him I was 16..I am more assertive now and he may take offense.

I will be glad to see him though, I just hope he can see I am now a man and should be treated as such.

----

Thanks for all the replies (except you Zoe, yours smelt like AIDS). I am usually not this whiney , I was having a bad time, but this thread has given me alot to think about.

Yeah, exactly like me. I don't like doing anything but reading, chatting, and playing games. You should get CS, man. We can waste our lives together.

My social anxiety is getting worse, too. I hate going near anyone. I just want to be alone, in the cool and quiet. (Well, heat and quiet in my Texan case. )

Take up heavy drinking and drugs for a while and youll love it. What I like to do with or without friends is heavy drinking and roaming the streets or causing trouble in bars and clubs. Taking stimulants like speed and wandering around downtown all night or somewhere else not too dodgy with things to do.

I love taking shrooms and psychedelics and hanging around in parks or other places of interest. Any form of parties house parties or outdoors provided I have booze and drugs. Otherwise i dont have that much fun because im not that social without drugs.

Playing any sort of sports preferably drunk or on mushrooms. Cycling bicycles on mushrooms. Trying to pick up women on mushrooms. Basically doing anything on mushrooms. If I could do anything i wanted you can be sure id do it on mushrooms.

Youd be surprised how much fun you can get out of stupid and childish things when your on shrooms. One day me and a friend were walking up to road tripping like mad and we found an office chair. Since the street was on a huge hill which went down for about 5 kilometers we knew this was meant to be.

I swear to god I havent had that much fun since I was a little kid. Wed take turns rolling down the hill on an office chair and making chicken noises when a car approached. It was a 1 way street with the cars going up hill so wed be facing on coming traffic and when we got close enough to the car wed dive off the chair onto the sidewalk.

We could have gone all night doing that if it wasnt for the police coming along and ruining our fun. Funnily enough it was a woman cop and she was alone. We could see she was trying to be serious but couldnt hold in the laughter. We were clearly tripping balls and insanely all she did was take the chair off us and drove off.

My point is take some mushrooms and youll find a million ways to have fun with ordinary stupid things.

Yes, im the same way. Recently (I'm 17) I realized that for my whole life I have only had a few friends.

My mom told me that from age ~5 to age ~12 I sat at home by myself (Dad sleeping--night shift, mom usually working too). So, I watched T.V. and read and explored my imagination--which wasn't at all bad.

Eh, sometimes I think that it might be better his way, but maybe it's becuase I'm used to it.

I didnt have much friends up until I was 14. From then on I had shitloads of friends. Now since I moved to a different country i dont have half as many friends but I seem to make friends with everyone i meet. I seem to be likable person. Its unfair because some of my friends are way cooler than me in alot of ways and they take the initiative to find new friends and try harder than me but i seem to gain more initial respect just because i have a likable personality.

I think what people like about me is im naturally modest about everything and am the opposite of people who always brag and try to make themselves look bigger.

Gotta work on your pride, man. I know where you are. The roller-coaster, and you're nearing the bottom rung. Remember that it's just the roller-coaster, and as such is just temporary.

Don't play the victim.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Just come here already.

Agreed.

I am the same way, though I stopped bitching about it both to others and to myself... well, about a year ago really.

It's still lonely, but it's not a huge problem so long as you talk to some people at least every once in a while.

quote:Originally posted by SlapinFoFun:

I did the whole partying thing in high school and ended up in community college. Realised a couple years back what a fuckin tool ive made of myself. The partying gets real old man, just like everything else. You wake up in the morning and realise all you've got to show for last night is a hangover, less money, and some memories of a whore you jerked off in only for instant gratification and living for the moment.

Then I moved. Got away from drugs and the same, tired social circles and my perceptions have all changed about how I want to live my life. Now I'm all about a career and making something meaningful out of my life and I've never felt more fulfilled.

So you're actually ahead of the game in realising how pointless the whole scene is. Therefore, be comofortable with your current situation.



QFT

the people who are out partying might even be envious of a guy who doesn't need alcohol and large amounts of money to enjoy himself.

quote:Originally posted by fishtea:

I love taking shrooms... preferably drunk or on mushrooms... on mushrooms... mushrooms... on mushrooms... on mushrooms.

...on shrooms... take some mushrooms.

Wow dude, you must really like 'shrooms. Tell me more about these magical fungi.