So i was talking to a good friend of mine the other day who had recently gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend, after a very long drawn out and hurtful breakup on both sides. Her opinion was that the issues that they had had were no longer issues. They would take it slower, and that HE HAD CHANGED. Previously he had a drinking/drug problem, and was a bit too into sleeping around, and it was hard for him to justify a long distance relationship (about 2 hour car drive).

I have always been of the opinion that people do not change. They may grow, learn, and be able to better control some aspects of their personality. But people will never change themselves, especially not if it is to be with some other person. So when she told me that they were back together i told her she was a fucking moron if she expected not to have the same problems they had before.

This thread isnt about the relationship, i just wanted to you to have a basic idea of the context in which i was putting this (though feel free to comment on anything i have said). But what are totse's thoughts on people changing?

people can change...

but ex-druggies cannot

you sir are an ignorant piece of shit

people do not change in the sense that i will always be me

but people change in the fact that everything is in flux

People can change.

They just dont.

quote:Originally posted by NORML_for_society:

you sir are an ignorant piece of shit

You sir are a fucking dipshit and probably didnt read the post. This isnt a "can people quit doing drugs?" post, its a discussion over whether people fundamentally change.

Aka if somebody is a womanizer or has an addictive personality, are they able to change those traits.

Now shut the fuck up and fuck off. If you want to be a douchebag then go back to SG or B&M, nobody wants your stupid shit here.

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

...

I am aware it had nothing to do with stopping drug use

ballin was implying that ex-druggies are not people and there fore not able to change. simply the fact that they are an EX- druggie states that they can change.

I don't believe people can change in the sense that her boyfriend Supposedly had either. but just because a person uses drugs doesn't mean he/she has any less ability to change than anyone else.

edit: clarified my reasoning

edit2: spelling



[This message has been edited by NORML_for_society (edited 03-09-2007).]

He won't change for her. If she can't figure that out then perhaps she deserves to be hurt again.

And 2 hours is a long distance relationship? Maybe if you're 14... which I'm assuming these people are not.

You sir/ma'am are very mistaken.

In the couse of under a year, I have made a massive change in my life.

When I graduated high school, I was very laid back and very undisciplined.

Right now, I am have a bit of Prussianism in me, and am a firm believer in discipline after seeing its benefits. I also care about education, and really dont give a flying shit about love. And somewhere between not liking smoking, I picked up that habit too.

Basically, I did a 180 and still am hellbent on achieving my goals.

This want about smoking, im sorry if you got the mistaken impression that this was about how you live your life. Im not saying people cant change their lives and where they are going. Im saying that if youre somebody who likes to sleep around- that tendancy will always be there, if your somebody who abuses substances- that tendency will always be there.

Im saying that if youre an asshole- you will always be an asshole, if youre a person who cares about other peoples emotions- you will not be able to become cold and uncaring.

This isnt about superficial shit like the music you listen to or whether you decide to sit on your ass all day. Its about the more fundamental aspects of you and whether you can change them or not.

Yes, people do change. Only for the worse though.

I am not being cynical either. It is just a truth I have observed for myself.

Sad but true.

My good friends Montgomery and Gentry have a song for this...

She was born with her mother's habit...

You could say: "It's in her blood."

She hates that she's gotta have it...

As she fills her glass up.

An she'd love to kill that bottle,

But all she can think about,

Is a, a better life, a second chance,

An' everyone she's letting down.

She throws that bottle down.

Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.

Don't give up hope... some people change.

Against all odds, against the grain,

Love finds a way... some people change.

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

This want about smoking, im sorry if you got the mistaken impression that this was about how you live your life. Im not saying people cant change their lives and where they are going. Im saying that if youre somebody who likes to sleep around- that tendancy will always be there, if your somebody who abuses substances- that tendency will always be there.

Im saying that if youre an asshole- you will always be an asshole, if youre a person who cares about other peoples emotions- you will not be able to become cold and uncaring.



You'd be suprised about the cold and uncaring. I am a ruthless asshole amongst my coworkers. Now, those same coworkers come talk to me about an issue unrelated to work (ie relationship problems), I instantly turn into this caring guy, cause thats what I am. I actually care about people, but you'd never know it by my ruthlessness.

So in a sense, I'm the caring ruthless asshole.

But people can change still, theres always room for change, sometimes it comes out of epiphanys and what not. But that will take lots of time, more than 2 months.

People can change. That's what "Reinvent yourself" is all about.

People can change things about themselves.

They can't change who they are.

If the drug abuse and sleeping around were things he did for some kind of psychological reason that he's figured out and got over, then that part of his behaviour may have changed for the better.

If he's a selfish, uncaring bastard (who may have some underlying causes of his behaviour but has no intention of improving himself) then he won't have changed.

People do grow up and wise up, but it's always best to be cynical.

Jx

People may change their habits, but they themselves won't change.

At least, 95 times out of a hundred they don't.

What do you mean, they can change things about themselves but can't change who they are? That's how you change who you are - by changing things about yourself, improving your character, etc. etc.

Most people just don't do it because they don't care enough.