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Reload this Page Greetings, I am Muhammad.
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My God Can Beat the Shit Out of Your God For discussing any and all religious viewpoints. Intolerance will not be tolerated. Keeping your sense of humor is required. Posting messages about theological paradoxes is encouraged.

 
 
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  #1   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 17:38
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Greetings mortals, as you all know. I am Muhammad, prophet of the Muslim faith. Don't get the wrong impression of me, I'm a really nice guy. It's just that my believers are complete retards, so please excuse them.

Anyway, I'd decided to answer any religious question that you mortals may ask; like what it's like up in the clouds, how tight the 73 virgins are, and what the next lottery numbers are. And I will try to answer them as best as I can.

Fire away!
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  #2   Add Kykeon to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 17:59
Kykeon Kykeon is offline
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What's Gabriel like? Does he look like Christopher Walken? I bet he does.
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  #3   Add boozehound420 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 18:29
boozehound420 boozehound420 is offline
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Still fucking 9 year old girls?
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  #4   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 21:06
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Kykeon:

What's Gabriel like? Does he look like Christopher Walken? I bet he does.
You know those kind of vegetarian eco-dudes?

The ones who wear khaki shorts and have dreads?

He looks a lot like that.

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by boozehound420:

Still fucking 9 year old girls?
They're twelve for your information.
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  #5   Add socratic to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 22:08
socratic socratic is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

They're twelve for your information.
That's not much better.
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  #6   Add Jove to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 22:18
Jove Jove is offline
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Do suicide bombers really get 74 pieces of eternal poon?
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  #7   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-01, 22:31
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Jove:

Do suicide bombers really get 74 pieces of eternal poon?
Not at all, they're reserved for my buddies. The only people who hang out with me up here are Jesus, Buddha, Moses, and a couple of other guys. You should see Thor during happy hours.
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  #8   Add Lamabot to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-02, 04:25
Lamabot Lamabot is offline
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Do you wear a bomb on your head?
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  #9   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-02, 17:03
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Lamabot:

Do you wear a bomb on your head?
Every now and again.
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  #10   Add Levo75 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-02, 17:04
Levo75 Levo75 is offline
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What's the use for 72 virgins if you're going to spend an eternity in heaven?
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  #11   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-02, 18:20
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Levo75:

What's the use for 72 virgins if you're going to spend an eternity in heaven?
Would you rather use your hand?
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  #12   Add Levo75 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-02, 18:24
Levo75 Levo75 is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

Would you rather use your hand?
I would rather not be concious forever.
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  #13   Add shitty wok to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-03, 02:55
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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In my Kingdom Cold
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Did you really give Peter Griffin a salmon-helmet when he was wearing a toga?
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  #14   Add Korvkpt123 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-03, 14:41
Korvkpt123 Korvkpt123 is offline
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so how many of ur smelly mullahs actually made it to paradise?
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  #15   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-03, 14:42
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:

Did you really give Peter Griffin a salmon-helmet when he was wearing a toga?
Yes. But personally, I think Family Guy sucks major dong.
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  #16   Add Lord. Better Than You to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-03, 20:21
Lord. Better Than You Lord. Better Than You is offline
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Can I paint your portrait, please?
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  #17   Add Mellow_Fellow to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-03, 20:38
Mellow_Fellow Mellow_Fellow is offline
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A U.K spinning-chair! Send a message via AIM to Mellow_Fellow Send a message via MSN to Mellow_Fellow
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Does God get smegma?
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  #18   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-03, 23:32
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Lord. Better Than You:

Can I paint your portrait, please?
Sure! I don't mind at all.

Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Mellow_Fellow:

Does God get smegma?
No idea, but I guarantee that he is one hairy motherfucker.
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  #19   Add shitty wok to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 06:51
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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al-Qaeda, they're like, the rednecks of the Muslim world aren't they?
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  #20   Add Jove to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 08:08
Jove Jove is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

Not at all, they're reserved for my buddies. The only people who hang out with me up here are Jesus, Buddha, Moses, and a couple of other guys. You should see Thor during happy hours.
What about me... surely you've seen me...
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  #21   Add CrazyJ32 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 09:41
CrazyJ32 CrazyJ32 is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:

al-Qaeda, they're like, the rednecks of the Muslim world aren't they?


Sadly not. Bin Laden has a degree in engineering and most of his honchos also have similar college level educations.

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  #22   Add your enemy to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 15:04
your enemy your enemy is offline
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Can you get the Saudis to stop spreading hate literature like this around?

http://tinyurl.com/23porv
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  #23   Add shitty wok to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 17:33
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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In my Kingdom Cold
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by CrazyJ32:



Sadly not. Bin Laden has a degree in engineering and most of his honchos also have similar college level educations.
I wasn't refering to the leaders of that fell group, I meant their supporters. I mean, they have incredible power to deceive the masses since they are well educated and millions of Muslims in the Middle East are illiterate.
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  #24   Add shitty wok to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 17:52
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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In my Kingdom Cold
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Jove:

What about me... surely you've seen me...
man, your family was killed. You must really love Allah to put up with that bullshit.
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  #25   Add Jove to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-04, 19:14
Jove Jove is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:

man, your family was killed. You must really love Allah to put up with that bullshit.
Huh?!? [regains composure] Foolish mortal, a God never dies! we simply fade away....
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  #26   Add Florida Snow to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-05, 08:03
Florida Snow Florida Snow is offline
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I don't
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Levo75:

I would rather not be concious forever.
ask and ye shall recieve what thie heart diseries most depestly
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  #27   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-05, 13:23
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by your enemy:

Can you get the Saudis to stop spreading hate literature like this around?

http://tinyurl.com/23porv
I'll take care of that as soon as I sober up. Damn, vodka fuck you up.
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  #28   Add Lord. Better Than You to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-05, 19:38
Lord. Better Than You Lord. Better Than You is offline
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Ok, thanks.

Here's my picture of you:

http:../../www.skierpage.com/images/mohammed_cartoon.jpg
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  #29   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-05, 22:10
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Lord. Better Than You:

Here's my picture of you:

ht tp:../../www.skierpage.com/images/mohammed_cartoon.jpg
It's great! I like it!
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  #30   Add shitty wok to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-05, 22:17
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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In my Kingdom Cold
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Question: Which of your friends is better at shredding guitar? Jesus or Moses?
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  #31   Add CrazyJ32 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-06, 06:11
CrazyJ32 CrazyJ32 is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:

I wasn't refering to the leaders of that fell group, I meant their supporters. I mean, they have incredible power to deceive the masses since they are well educated and millions of Muslims in the Middle East are illiterate.


Well, hell, were they just in it for the money they could do pretty well making it seem peaceful, look at american pastors, evangelists, and scammers. These guys make millions with their "preaching," and Al-quaida is a non-prophet orginization.

Unless you think living in caves and desert sand-camps is somehow rewarding.

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  #32   Add Levo75 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-07, 09:24
Levo75 Levo75 is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Florida Snow:

ask and ye shall recieve what thie heart diseries most depestly
Yes, and i'll just simply run out of meaningfull things to do.
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  #33   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-07, 10:15
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:

Question: Which of your friends is better at shredding guitar? Jesus or Moses?
Moses. Hippies can't play guitar.
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  #34   Add Levo75 to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-07, 11:10
Levo75 Levo75 is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

Moses. Hippies can't play guitar.
You forgot Jimi Hendrix you fool.
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  #35   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-07, 12:30
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Levo75:

You forgot Jimi Hendrix you fool.
Moses > Jimi.
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  #36   Add Jove to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-07, 14:12
Jove Jove is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

Moses > Jimi.
Moses plays Yiddish tunes on an accordian... get real.
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  #37   Add shitty wok to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-07, 22:57
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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In my Kingdom Cold
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by CrazyJ32:



Well, hell, were they just in it for the money they could do pretty well making it seem peaceful, look at american pastors, evangelists, and scammers. These guys make millions with their "preaching," and Al-quaida is a non-prophet orginization.

Unless you think living in caves and desert sand-camps is somehow rewarding.


Osama wants to do this because he's a megolamaniac who wants to restore his arcane interpretation of Islam.

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  #38   Add Muhammad to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-08, 00:00
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Jove:

Moses plays Yiddish tunes on an accordian... get real.
Obviously you haven't hung around with him as much as I have.
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  #39   Add specus_meretricis to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-08, 07:00
specus_meretricis specus_meretricis is offline
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I see Moses and Jesus doing "Beastie Boys" covers. Don't ask me why.
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  #40   Add flatplat to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-08, 23:36
flatplat flatplat is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

I'll take care of that as soon as I sober up. Damn, vodka fuck you up.


You can drink and other muslims can't? Why the double standard, Muhammad?
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  #41   Add Jove to your ignore list  
Old 2007-02-08, 23:58
Jove Jove is offline
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by flatplat:



You can drink and other muslims can't? Why the double standard, Muhammad?
It's do as I say not as I do... yeah that about covers it.
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 #42 
Old 2007-02-10, 07:06
Fascismo Fascismo is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
According to your book, you're a mortal too, dickhead.
 #43 
Old 2007-02-14, 12:02
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Wonderland motherfucker
Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
It's obvious Muhammad needs to get assraped and hung by piano wire.
 #44 
Old 2007-02-18, 15:26
Muhammad Muhammad is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
quote:Originally posted by flatplat:



You can drink and other muslims can't? Why the double standard, Muhammad?

Well, I never told them that they're not allowed to enjoy themselves.

quote:Originally posted by Fascismo:

According to your book, you're a mortal too, dickhead.

I might as well worship Harry Potter.
 #45 
Old 2007-02-28, 08:07
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Australia
Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
If I were to set up a fleet of fire trucks in the Middle East, fill them with pigs blood and go around spraying people to make them 'unclean', would you be pissed?

Oh and do u eat pork?
 #46 
Old 2007-02-28, 09:56
Pseud0nym Pseud0nym is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
who are you the prophet of?

[This message has been edited by Pseud0nym (edited 02-28-2007).]
 #47 
Old 2007-02-28, 16:59
Buff Chesthair Buff Chesthair is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
Greetings Muhammad!

Welcome to totse!

Just one question.

What the hell is the Loch Ness Monster?
 #48 
Old 2007-03-03, 17:54
dead_people_killer dead_people_killer is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
quote:Originally posted by Muhammad:

Greetings mortals, as you all know. I am Muhammad, prophet of the Muslim faith. Don't get the wrong impression of me, I'm a really nice guy. It's just that my believers are complete retards, so please excuse them.

Anyway, I'd decided to answer any religious question that you mortals may ask; like what it's like up in the clouds, how tight the 73 virgins are, and what the next lottery numbers are. And I will try to answer them as best as I can.

Fire away!

You do realize that you are now quite possibly a target for Islamic extremists, right?
 #49 
Old 2007-03-03, 19:39
your enemy your enemy is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
http://tinyurl.com/yq38v3
 #50 
Old 2007-03-03, 19:49
dead_people_killer dead_people_killer is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
quote:Originally posted by your enemy:

http://tinyurl.com/yq38v3



what in the BLUE PERFECT FUCK does that have to do with anything?
 #51 
Old 2007-03-03, 20:05
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
Can I see a picture of one of the virgins?

** Deuce Omen
 #52 
Old 2007-03-03, 20:06
Squibble Squibble is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
quote:Originally posted by shitty wok:

Did you really give Peter Griffin a salmon-helmet when he was wearing a toga?



Nicely done.
 #53 
Old 2007-03-03, 20:29
Source Source is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
72 virgins to kill yourselves, talk about whipped...
 #54 
Old 2007-03-03, 21:54
shitty wok shitty wok is offline
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Default Re: Greetings, I am Muhammad.
quote:Originally posted by Source:

72 virgins to kill yourselves, talk about whipped...

Lol yeah, especially since suicide is forbidden in Islam. They completely misconstrued the concept of martyrdom.
 

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