Jesus vs. Hitler

Alright, so neither Hitler nor Jesus were Gods, but I'm just curious. When it comes to Hitler vs. Jesus in a death match, who'd win? I'd put everything I own on Jesus just cuz he's a carpenter and obviously more fit. However, would he have the morals to fight? Plus, 12 unarmed Nazis vs. the disciples, what's gonna happen?

Jesus would use his bitchin' gospel powers to unleash a holy smackdown on Hitler's jew-hating ass. Jesus was a Jew, and he doesn't take kindly to that. Or moustaches worn in bad fashion.

[kurdt318]

hmmm a buff carpenter vs. a man hopped up on amphetamines...we musn't forget that hitler was also a solider in ww1 so for my money its hitler. as for the second batttle we have some good ol' working boys who philosophise in their free time vs. trained soliders...im goin with the nazis fo sho

so i guess for me the nazis are a greater force than jesus and his apostles

Yeah the nazis were trained soldiers and the apostles were a bunch of hippie pansies. Nazis would beat apostles, but Jesus would still beat Hitler.

[Graemy]

jesus beats hitler and apostles get a smackdown for me.

The Disciples were pretty tough, maybe tougher than some Nazi Soldiers because some of the Disciples did hard work which required alot of strength.

They both believed they were doing gods work, but one actually thought he was god... Jesus.

Jesus,

He has more balls than Hitler.

[Graemy]

quote:Originally posted by Abrahim:

The Disciples were pretty tough, maybe tougher than some Nazi Soldiers because some of the Disciples did hard work which required alot of strength.

but nazis would have guns.

quote:Originally posted by kayjen:

12 unarmed Nazis vs. the disciples, what's gonna happen?

quote:Originally posted by Abrahim:

The Disciples were pretty tough, maybe tougher than some Nazi Soldiers because some of the Disciples did hard work which required alot of strength.

Nazi commandos would have gotten hand to hand training too, though. They would also be buffed up, because their training was harsh. They would destroy the disciples with a fleeting thought.

[Graemy]

Abrahim you know they would cheat and bring guns anyway.

quote:Originally posted by Raw_Power:

They both believed they were doing gods work, but one actually thought he was god... Jesus.

That could turn out badly in a fight. Thinking he could take a bullet to the head without flinching would give him a unwelcome surprise.

quote:Originally posted by Boblong:

That could turn out badly in a fight. Thinking he could take a bullet to the head without flinching would give him a unwelcome surprise.

He'd definately whoop ass in the rematch 3 days later.

Hitler's jew hating ass would make fun of jesus' carpentering skills and ironicly nail him to a cross. oh and strength doesnt mean very much when you dont know how to use it. nazis FTW.

[Graemy]

quote:Originally posted by Abrahim:

He'd definately whoop ass in the rematch 3 days later.

tru dat.

In a striaght up deathmatch, I would go with Jesus. He could just turn Hilter into a blind lepered using his divine powers. Plus Jesus has a bigger posse.

quote:Originally posted by TJTay89:

In a striaght up deathmatch, I would go with Jesus. He could just turn Hilter into a blind lepered using his divine powers. Plus Jesus has a bigger posse.

quote:Originally posted by TJTay89:

Plus Jesus has a bigger posse.

Some people might consider the Axis powers to be a little bigger than groups of peasants following Jesus around...

[Source]

Jesus already got his ass kicked once, and it only took some nails and wood. What makes you think he would fair any better against nazi bullets?!

quote:Originally posted by Source:

Jesus already got his ass kicked once, and it only took some nails and wood. What makes you think he would fair any better against nazi bullets?!

Cause they are unarmed this time. Plus some of the Disciples were tough working men who needed alot of arm strength to do their jobs.

[Graemy]

they must be in good shape because the Apostles followed Jesus around barefoot for miles and miles.

Gods on jesus side.

and gods got guns.

and a bigger penis.

Well, I'd have to say Jesus in the first battle (Hitler would wuss out and suicide)

and Nazi's for the second, strong hand to hand combat is way better than prayer powers

jesus could resurect himself, i think the resurection puts him over the top.

[Source]

quote:Originally posted by Abrahim:

Cause they are unarmed this time. Plus some of the Disciples were tough working men who needed alot of arm strength to do their jobs.

But the Nazi's were military trained, the Disciples wern't.

jesus has no supernatural powers so his just moral, hitler will kick his ass coz 1:he was training with hand 2 hand combat 2: his got guns 3: his got so much speed running through his system he could probally catch a bullet.

I really think that Jesus would win because Hitler was a wimpy teetotaler vegetarian; Jesus would get fucked up on some wine and get all crunk and shit and bust some shit up like he did in that temple, plus Hitler only had one nut.

quote:Originally posted by Abrahim:

Cause they are unarmed this time. Plus some of the Disciples were tough working men who needed alot of arm strength to do their jobs.

No they were'nt. The night before Jesus told them all to arm themselves. Peter hacked off some guys ear with a sword when they came for Jesus.

[Shrike]

Stalin would own them all, singlehandedly.

quote:Originally posted by Shrike:

Stalin would own them all, singlehandedly.

Didn't know Stalin was a baddass, but Idi Amin would have made short work of all 13 at once. Olympic heavyweight boxer. Amin was huge, and it's been said he was one of the best boxing prospects ever to come out of Uganda (ther've been a few)... a Ugandan pro in the last few years generated a little controversy with his comments about what a total baddass Amin was in the boxing ring.

Of course, why bother fighting Ali or George Foreman when you can just otherwise become a brutal dictator and "own the whole country?"

Amin vs. the 13 of em'... one punch each. Lights out for all.

jesus, hitler, stalin, and the uganda dude all pale in comparison to the divine wrath of harry chalmers

[FunkyZombie]

Hitler would win because he was real.

jesus was real too and disputing the truth of his existance is ignorant, what you should be disputing is jesus's divinity, but again as i said before they would all be soundly defeated by harry chalmers

[AntlerBoy]

Depends. Is this fight on water?

quote:Originally posted by kayjen:

Some people might consider the Axis powers to be a little bigger than groups of peasants following Jesus around...

Posse =/= Disciples

Posse = Christians

Jesus was a strong man helped by God. Hitler was small, weak and imponent. The question don't go further.

[This message has been edited by madeinfrancia (edited 09-14-2006).]

[FunkyZombie]

quote:Originally posted by nametag:

jesus was real too and disputing the truth of his existance is ignorant, what you should be disputing is jesus's divinity, but again as i said before they would all be soundly defeated by harry chalmers

Pardon my drunken ignorance but who the fuck is Harry Chalmers again?

quote:Originally posted by kayjen:

I'd put everything I own on Jesus just cuz he's a carpenter and obviously more fit.

Untrue, Hitler ran 5 miles a day (whenever he was able to) and was a vegetarian... go figure.

But, yeah, Jesus is the son of the Christian God. My money goes on him.

MIRACLES FTW

quote:Originally posted by Source:

But the Nazi's were military trained, the Disciples wern't.

Weren't some of Jesus disciples Zealots?

Hitler vs. jesus: jesus all the way

12 apostles vs. 12 nazi soldiers: nazis all the way. those nazis were fuckin bad ass. the apostles would jsut through stones while nazis would through gernades