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| My God Can Beat the Shit Out of Your God For discussing any and all religious viewpoints. Intolerance will not be tolerated. Keeping your sense of humor is required. Posting messages about theological paradoxes is encouraged. |
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# 1
2006-08-14, 11:41
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All right. Heres the deal:
The Great Holy Peanut Tree of Life sprouted a society of peanuts. This tree was named Ndnd, and was worshipped as the great giver of life. This peanut society was a heavenly society, free of crime and poverty on the planet Nibiru, now known as Earth. The peanut society, known as the Nibirunians, had much power of controlling energy. This manipulation of energy allowed them to perform many magical feats. The world was full of magic and adventure.
One day, an intergalactic group of martians had left scriptures to the Nibirunians explaining that they could band together their magical energy to produce us humans in our form, to conquer over the land's massive animal population, which at that time dominated the world over the peanuts.
The Nibirunians gathered around Ndnd, the Great Holy Peanut Tree of Life, and banded together their spiritual energy using the sacred scriptures. This sprouted many men and women from the tree. However, the band of their power was so great, that the peanut society and the peanut tree had no power left to sustain themselves, and Ndnd exploded into many fragments. These fragments spread all around Nibiru and sprouted what is now known as the peanut shrubs.
These peanut shrubs are very sacred. The peanut society sacrificed themselves so we could dominate this land.
We have a small group of true believers. Clerics, ministers, priests, call them what you will. They are the leaders of this faith.
XiPPiLLi
kAtE-
Freakangel
Yossarian
Kai
I now ask you all to join the church of Peanutology to find joy and happiness in worshipping the peanuts that so courageously banded to create humans.
Open your hearts and allow the spirit of Ndnd to give you joy and happiness.
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# 2
2006-08-14, 11:43
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k
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# 3
2006-08-14, 11:44
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Look, the atheist changed her mind. lawl.
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# 4
2006-08-14, 11:44
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And if you don't like peaut butter GTFO.
Also, if you're allergic to peanuts your sins were not paid for and you should GTFO.
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# 5
2006-08-14, 11:44
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by XiPPiLLi:
All right. Heres the deal:
The Great Holy Peanut Tree of Life sprouted a society of peanuts. This tree was named Ndnd, and was worshipped as the great giver of life. This peanut society was a heavenly society, free of crime and poverty on the planet Nibiru, now known as Earth. The peanut society, known as the Nibirunians, had much power of controlling energy. This manipulation of energy allowed them to perform many magical feats. The world was full of magic and adventure.
One day, an intergalactic group of martians had left scriptures to the Nibirunians explaining that they could band together their magical energy to produce us humans in our form, to conquer over the land's massive animal population, which at that time dominated the world over the peanuts.
The Nibirunians gathered around Ndnd, the Great Holy Peanut Tree of Life, and banded together their spiritual energy using the sacred scriptures. This sprouted many men and women from the tree. However, the band of their power was so great, that the peanut society and the peanut tree had no power left to sustain themselves, and Ndnd exploded into many fragments. These fragments spread all around Nibiru and sprouted what is now known as the peanut shrubs.
These peanut shrubs are very sacred. The peanut society sacrificed themselves so we could dominate this land.
We have a small group of true believers. Clerics, ministers, priests, call them what you will. They are the leaders of this faith.
XiPPiLLi
kAtE-
Freakangel
Yossarian
Kai
I now ask you all to join the church of Peanutology to find joy and happiness in worshipping the peanuts that so courageously banded to create humans.
Open your hearts and allow the spirit of Ndnd to give you joy and happiness.
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I'm allergic to peanuts, I think Prizism was a little easier to buy into.
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# 6
2006-08-14, 11:46
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Those allergic to Peanuts are damned by Ndnd. The faith has cursed their soul.
I'm sorry, but they are truly one of the damned, and there is nothing that can help them.
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# 7
2006-08-14, 11:48
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Yes!
Let the energy of Ndnd flow through your body and It's wisdom course through your veins!
Open your hearts to it's wisdom and it will give you joy and happiness as I have found and as have my brethren!
[This message has been edited by Yossarian (edited 08-14-2006).]
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# 8
2006-08-14, 11:49
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Yossarian:
Yes!
Let the energy of Mndn flow through your body and It's wisdom course through your veins!
Open your hearts to it's wisdom and it will give you joy and happiness as I have found and as have my brethren!
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Dude you can't even spell the name of the holy tree. OUT!
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# 9
2006-08-14, 11:49
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RIGHT, HERES THE DEAL. NO1 CARES ABOUT PEANUTS, AND CONSIDERING THAT I AM ALLERGIC TO THEM, I FIND THIS OFFENSIVE. I WOULD LIKE AN APPOLOGY PLEASE, WRITTEN OUT TO FULLCIRCLE, AND TO CALL FULL CIRCLE A COCK
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# 10
2006-08-14, 11:50
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Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Meeee:
RIGHT, HERES THE DEAL. NO1 CARES ABOUT PEANUTS, AND CONSIDERING THAT I AM ALLERGIC TO THEM, I FIND THIS OFFENSIVE. I WOULD LIKE AN APPOLOGY PLEASE, WRITTEN OUT TO FULLCIRCLE, AND TO CALL FULL CIRCLE A COCK
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Those allergic to peanuts are truly the damned. I'm sorry, but theres nothing that can help you aside from a blessing from the church.
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#11
2006-08-14, 11:51 |
freakangel 
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
You will only obtain this blessing from the church of peanutology if you offer some sort gift to Ndnd in the form of MONEY.
[This message has been edited by freakangel (edited 08-14-2006).]
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#12
2006-08-14, 11:59 |
DrRabidNZ
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
I am a man of the faith
(seeking a female of the faith for long walks on the beach)
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#13
2006-08-14, 12:06 |
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Re: Peanutology
All you need is a spoon and faith  |
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#14
2006-08-14, 12:10 |
Meeee
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
ALL YOU NEED IS A SPOON TO EAT MY ARSE
AND I AINT OFFERING NO PEANUT STUFF, YOU CAN SUCK MY PEANUT ALLERGIC BALLS
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#15
2006-08-14, 12:12 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
You're just jaded because you have no faith, or spoons.
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#16
2006-08-14, 12:14 |
Meeee
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by freakangel:
You're just jaded because you have no faith, or spoons.
I DO HAVE SPOONS DARLING, BUT I DON'T HAVE FAITH IN PEANUTS. THYE BETRAYED ME BEFORE AND I CANNOT TRUST THEM AGAIN
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#17
2006-08-14, 12:15 |
SKUV
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Mmmmm.... peanut butter.....
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#18
2006-08-14, 12:17 |
Meeee
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
NO, IT CONTAINS PEANUTS STIL, OR TRACES OF, GOOD GUESS MY SON
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#19
2006-08-14, 12:39 |
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Re: Peanutology
What kind of peanuts?
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#20
2006-08-14, 12:43 |
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Euda:
What kind of peanuts?
Holy peanuts.
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#21
2006-08-14, 12:43 |
Meeee
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Re: Peanutology
EVERY KIND OF PEANUT, YOU SEE I CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE A BIT OF A PEANUT MYSELF
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#22
2006-08-14, 12:50 |
DrRabidNZ
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Meeee:
I DO HAVE SPOONS DARLING, BUT I DON'T HAVE FAITH IN PEANUTS. THYE BETRAYED ME BEFORE AND I CANNOT TRUST THEM AGAIN
Hey now, you were the one who came home with hazelnut breath.
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#23
2006-08-14, 12:53 |
Meeee
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
NO IT WASNT HAZELNUT.
UR MUMS PUSSY TASTES LIKE HASELNUT, BUT SMELLS LIKE A DOCK
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#24
2006-08-14, 16:58 |
Yossarian
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Meeee:
NO IT WASNT HAZELNUT.
UR MUMS PUSSY TASTES LIKE HASELNUT, BUT SMELLS LIKE A DOCK
The legal team of Peanutology asks you to cease and desist!
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#25
2006-08-14, 20:05 |
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Re: Peanutology
Sounds like scientology.
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#26
2006-08-14, 20:12 |
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Moderator
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Professional Bastard
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Re: Peanutology
As a whole, followers of the faith of Peanutology are called "nutters."
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#27
2006-08-14, 20:37 |
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Re: Peanutology
Just FYI, I mumbled that very phrase to myself before Fate typed it.
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#28
2006-08-14, 20:58 |
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Moderator
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Great Falls, MT
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Re: Peanutology
I'll join if I get beer with me nuts!
stay bad
~stormy
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#29
2006-08-14, 21:47 |
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Re: Peanutology
mmm peanuts, are they Honey Roasted Planters?
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#30
2006-08-14, 22:49 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by bushy:
mmm peanuts, are they Honey Roasted Planters?
Holy nuts not good enough for you? jeeeez
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#31
2006-08-15, 01:40 |
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Re: Peanutology
Sorry to spoil your fun folks, but peanuts don't grow on trees.
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#32
2006-08-15, 01:48 |
Abrahim
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by truckfixr:
Sorry to spoil your fun folks, but peanuts don't grow on trees.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HHAHAHH boom.
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#33
2006-08-15, 04:12 |
FaygoRa1n3
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
I'm not included....
I am hurt Xip...very very deeply hurt.
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#34
2006-08-15, 04:58 |
Zinkovich
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
The peanut isn't even TECHNICALLY(as in the biological sense) a fucking nut, people.
"Although a nut in the culinary sense, in the botanical sense the fruit of the peanut is a woody, indehiscent legume or pod and not technically a nut."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanut
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#35
2006-08-15, 06:45 |
Kai
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Zinkovich:
The peanut isn't even TECHNICALLY(as in the biological sense) a fucking nut, people.
"Although a nut in the culinary sense, in the botanical sense the fruit of the peanut is a woody, indehiscent legume or pod and not technically a nut."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanut
Blasphemer!
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#36
2006-08-15, 07:19 |
Zinkovich
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Great, don't think I haven't noticed your almost instantaneous attempt to bring "Nomenclature Inference" thoeries into science classrooms. Quite frankly I find the reasoning quite lacking. We should start classifying things based off of the words in their names, just because these "nomenclative coincidences" couldn't have possibly been mistakenly added? Ridiculous!
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#37
2006-08-15, 08:16 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Zinkovich:
The peanut isn't even TECHNICALLY(as in the biological sense) a fucking nut, people.
"Although a nut in the culinary sense, in the botanical sense the fruit of the peanut is a woody, indehiscent legume or pod and not technically a nut."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peanut
Like wikipedia is some sacred, infallible website that descended from the heavens. Fuck wikipedia.
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#38
2006-08-15, 08:26 |
niggersexual
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
The actual peanuts on a plant grow underground and the plant could hardly be described as a shrub.
Edit: INB4LOKLOL!
[This message has been edited by niggersexual (edited 08-15-2006).]
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#39
2006-08-15, 10:22 |
Cash
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Peanuts bless us all. For we are not worthy.
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#40
2006-08-15, 14:40 |
UnforgiVen3
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
*nails 52 essays to the door of the nearest Peanutology church*
I hereby consummate the closely related-but different, religion of Cashewism!!!!
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#41
2006-08-15, 17:19 |
Zinkovich
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Hey freakangel:
"Before discussing peanut cultivars, it is important to know how peanuts are classified. Peanuts are a legume; in other words, they have a symbiotic relationship with specific Rhizobium bacteria that help them fix, or produce, their own nitrogen. The scientific name of peanut is Arachis hypogaea L., and it is a self-pollinated plant species."
http://tinyurl.com/nmwnv
Happy now? Peanuts are a legume, and not a nut. Get over it.
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#42
2006-08-15, 17:42 |
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Re: Peanutology
Maybe this is a valid basis for a new religion... It is already causing people to argue.
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#43
2006-08-15, 20:24 |
Source
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Strange my nickname in school was peanut, I found it rather offencive at the time. However now that I have discovered my true heritage as a "holy one", I will allow you to bow down before me and worship me.
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#44
2006-08-15, 23:47 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Zinkovich:
Hey freakangel:
"Before discussing peanut cultivars, it is important to know how peanuts are classified. Peanuts are a legume; in other words, they have a symbiotic relationship with specific Rhizobium bacteria that help them fix, or produce, their own nitrogen. The scientific name of peanut is Arachis hypogaea L., and it is a self-pollinated plant species."
http://tinyurl.com/nmwnv
Happy now? Peanuts are a legume, and not a nut. Get over it.
Yeah it's on the internet there for it must be true. *rolls eyes*
you're a nut.
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#45
2006-08-16, 00:24 |
Zinkovich
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Yeah, everyone knows that agriculturally reknowned colleges are full of bullshit when it comes to crops and just will post any old shmuck's paper on thier offilicial website without checking for accuracy 
Also: "therefore", dumbass. "There for" is used to state something is someplace for a purpose rather than a conclusion to a logical progression. Haven't you ever taken a fucking fourth grade grammar class?
[This message has been edited by Zinkovich (edited 08-16-2006).] |
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#46
2006-08-16, 00:39 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by Zinkovich:
Also: "therefore", dumbass. "There for" is used to state something is someplace for a purpose rather than a conclusion to a logical progression. Haven't you ever taken a fucking fourth grade grammar class?
Hey jackass, guess what? English isn't even my first language.
I'd like to see you do as well as i do with English, German, Spanish and Dutch.
Without getting 3 of the 4 taught to you in school.
I wanted to type 'therefore' but i wasn't sure.
So cut me some fucking slack, ok faggot?
Oh, and for fuck's sake google 'sarcasm' you humorless dolt.
[This message has been edited by freakangel (edited 08-16-2006).]
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#47
2006-08-16, 01:03 |
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Re: Peanutology
Zinkovich, does the idea of Peanutology offend you or something? Gosh, we're trying to have a good time here and you come by and start spitting shit at everyone.
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#48
2006-08-16, 01:05 |
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Re: Peanutology
Meh, condradicting religions are normal.
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#49
2006-08-16, 01:13 |
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Re: Peanutology
George Washington Carver is a prophet/saint for having revealed the majesty of the aforementioned sacred legume.
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#50
2006-08-16, 01:35 |
Zinkovich
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Peanutology pisses me off because it contradicts all the known facts of agricultural science.
(I was kidding around too. I guess my satirization of the vehemence of the usual religious flamewar became too realistic for you guy's taste. You know, petty ad homs and all that jazz. Seriously, though, you thought I was serious with my "Nomenclative Inference" post?
Sorry if I offended you freakangel. Next time I will try to be less convincing in character and fanatical vehemence  )
[This message has been edited by Zinkovich (edited 08-16-2006).] |
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#51
2006-08-16, 03:34 |
niggersexual
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
You guys should declare Argentina to be your holy land and try fighting over the country IMO.
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#52
2006-08-16, 08:49 |
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Re: Peanutology
"Anybody want a peanut?"
-Fezzik (Princess Bride, 1987)
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#53
2006-08-16, 09:47 |
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Regular
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Tea and Crumpets country
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Re: Peanutology
Why is this thread still here?
Oh wait, xippilli is a mod. That explains it.
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#54
2006-08-16, 23:29 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by ---Beany---:
Why is this thread still here?
Oh wait, xippilli is a mod. That explains it.
Why is there still a bible in every motel?
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#55
2006-08-16, 23:30 |
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by freakangel:
Why is there still a bible in every motel?
They give peanuts on just about all major airliners.
It shows the influence of Peanutology.
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#56
2006-08-16, 23:31 |
freakangel
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Don't forget the bars.
peanutology is slowly taking over.
you don't see bibles in bars.
peanutology 1 - * 0
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#57
2006-08-16, 23:35 |
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Re: Peanutology
Also dont forget, LostCause is a faithful Peanutologist.  |
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#58
2006-08-17, 08:04 |
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Regular
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Tea and Crumpets country
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Re: Peanutology
Peanuts are an instrument of evil. Watch superman 3 :P
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#59
2006-08-18, 05:42 |
AtomicZagnut
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
So is Mr. Peanut the anti-christ? Because he seems legit at first, what with his monocle and everything, but many peanuts have been slaughtered in his name. Instead of going to grow new peanut plants, they were roasted, salted, and gobbled up by humans. Damn this instigator of the Peanut Holocaust!
Or is eating peanuts a good thing in your religion?
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#60
2006-08-18, 06:09 |
Inti
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
I'll join if I can be an Archbishop.
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#61
2006-08-18, 09:31 |
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Re: Peanutology
Eating peanuts is good. A natural source of life energy is what has become of them in sacrifice to bringing us.
Its what they wanted.
For those allergic, their bodies do not accept the life energy. They are truly the damned.
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#62
2006-08-19, 04:45 |
AtomicZagnut
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Alright, thanks for clearing that up XiPPiLLi.
So is Mr. Peanut a holy figure of some sort? Also, what is the history behind the split between the Crunchy Peanut Butter Sect and the Order of the Creamy Peanut Butter?
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#63
2006-08-19, 05:23 |
jca2006
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Mod or not she's retarded, and she's a troll.
[This message has been edited by jca2006 (edited 08-19-2006).]
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#64
2006-08-19, 05:31 |
SykoRob2005
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Lol I read the first 3 lines and made no since of it. Your bout the dumbest bitch I Have ever seen
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#65
2006-08-19, 05:34 |
jca2006
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
quote:Originally posted by SykoRob2005:
Lol I read the first 3 lines and made no since of it. Your bout the dumbest bitch I Have ever seen
FTW!
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#66
2006-08-19, 05:56 |
psuedogunslinger
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Sorry but the flying spaghetti monster is funnier and makes more sense: http://www.venganza.org/
You will all bow down and praise his noodly appendages.
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#67
2006-09-01, 15:55 |
Kai
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
The flying spaghetti monster is a false deity. Don't be fooled by his noodly appendage.
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#68
2006-09-01, 16:37 |
Nightshade
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
Where is your holy city?
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#69
2006-09-04, 22:23 |
Sioux-Reborn
Regular
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Re: Peanutology
I thought I was alone in the world, then I come to discover this thread with others like myself.
All my life I've loved peanuts and everything associated of them. I went through a phase during childhood where I'd dress up like the Planter's Peanut for days at a time. Many psychiatrists evaluated me and told my parents it was a phase I'd soon grow out of, but they were wrong...
Praise Ndnd and the Nibirunians for giving us the priceless gift of life!
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