Amusing plays on Christian reality...

Ok, this is a thread in which we tell "alternative" versions of Christian reality. The idea arose when getting high last night with a friend, we discussed the possibility that heaven was like a themepark which has never opened, why i hear you ask...because God lost the key, and now he's got millions of people on his front doorstep...

...bbbbbbut wouln't he just make another?

Ouch, my head.

No, the starter pack which God used to make the world was a once in a lifetime find, even he doesn't know how it got there. He used up all the materials making The Universe, heaven and hell, and not he is totally fucked. Of course heaven not being a physical reality means the key is especially special (hehe) like a complex maths equation, and God has been pissed off since the begging of time that he has failed to crack it...

Unfortunatly this meant that God was forced to reside in the centre of Lyshpe, a field made by the random expulsion of energy during the creation of prime numbers. God is located in this place and spends his time with his buddies the Holy Spirit and Jesus trying to work out the meaning of life so he can finally get into heaven.

Last thing i heard he was pretty pissed off about it as well...all the sinnful souls have ruined the beatiful plants that Jesus planted and have eaten his favorite apples

Okay. The meaning of our lives is to be watched by God as the process he started continues (like that game, the Incredible Machine, or something). He should read the box the universe came in.

So wait. What is the key? Is it a KEY, that he dropped somewhere, or a magic word he'd have to say? Or does he need that !click! of understanding in his head... like

"the key's been inside you all along"

or some other bullshit, and the doors magically open...?