Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

Figured we could all use a good laugh, and I want to see the remarks of people who are chrisitian XD



Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian



10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.



9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.



8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.



7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!



6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.



5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.



4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."



3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.



2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.



1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.



Taken from "Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian"(http://www.evilbible.com/Top_Ten_List.htm)

good job

Top Sign You're a Fundamentalist Christian

Want to register?

your name is Sniper Piper

Ah, the ironies of life...

[Social Junker]

quote:Originally posted by NihilisticAinSophAur:

Top Sign You're a Fundamentalist Christian

Want to register?

your name is Sniper Piper

Exactly. Sniper Piper is going to have a stroke when he reads this. But the good thing is he will be dead! Hurray!

I like #10 the best.

Sign 11/

The world is flat(not round)

and anyone who dissagrees will be burned at the stake

If you believe the earth is only five-six thousand years old and all evidence to the contrary is just "bad science", you just might be a Fundamentalist Christian.

If you expect everyone else to listen to your beliefs while ignoring theirs, you might just be a Fundamentalist Christian.

If you hand out little "Jesus Will Save You" pamphlets instead of candy on Halloween, you may be a Fundamentalist Christian. I remember those bastards. That always pissed me off.

You think that adding up peoples age's in the Bible disproves Chemistry, Physic, Geology and Astronomy.



[This message has been edited by MasterPython (edited 07-26-2004).]

quote:Originally posted by UnknownVeritas:

If you hand out little "Jesus Will Save You" pamphlets instead of candy on Halloween, you may be a Fundamentalist Christian. I remember those bastards. That always pissed me off.

Shit, that reminds me. We need to go candy hunting this Halloween...who cares if we're far too old for it?

Anyways, yeah, fuck people who hand out the Jesus Saves shit for Halloween.

i find that list very offencive(sp???) take it off immediatly there is truth in the bible and christianity u must open ur heart to god read some jack chick comics they will show u the way and help save the lost

www.chick.com

If you have no sense of humor and take this crap way too seriously then you, yes you, well... It's all fun and games until somebody loses their soul.

quote:Originally posted by Mike Dogg:

i find that list very offencive(sp???) take it off immediatly there is truth in the bible and christianity u must open ur heart to god read some jack chick comics they will show u the way and help save the lost

Proves my point... won't listen to other people's arguments but expect people to listen to theirs. I don't see how you can think a comic proves your view, if I made an evolution comic, would you belive me then?

[sp0rkius]

quote:Originally posted by Mike Dogg:

i find that list very offencive(sp???) take it off immediatly there is truth in the bible and christianity u must open ur heart to god read some jack chick comics they will show u the way and help save the lost

www.chick.com

ROFL

I find it offensive (yes, I can spell!), that you'd think those dumb comics would convince us of anything.

http:../../www.chick.com/catalog/comics/0101.asp

"Men, will you take this microfilm to Bucharest"

"Dr. Koslov, let us have one week to pray about it"

I love how the bad guys are communists.

i hope you were kidding mike dogg - those comics are beyond stupid to anyone with half-a brain and a quarter testicle. you do realize that they are just formulaic propaganda meant to stir and exploit primal fears, right? different religions, cults, political movements, and commercial entities have been utilizing the same basic techniques for thousands of years to brainwash people who are easily confused. by succumbing, you're nothing more than a puppet - not a puppet of god's, but one of a religious movement.

and if you think i'm full o' shit, just dare me to post links.

[Social Junker]

Sofia: "Dear Lord, thank you for sending Timothy and Jim to tell me about your love and the beautiful future you have planned for me!"

Evil Communist: "Sofia, get back to your cell!"



Priceless.

One time as I was walking out of school, some guy was handing out John Chick comics, and I took one, glanced at it, laughed, and gave it back to him. He then, displaying, the trait of Christian compassion, yelled at me that I was going to burn in hell if I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my savior. Don't you love them?

[This message has been edited by Social Junker (edited 07-28-2004).]

[ArmsMerchant]

quote:Originally posted by Pow r T och:

If you have no sense of humor and take this crap way too seriously then you, yes you, well... It's all fun and games until somebody loses their soul.

Souls cannot be lost. Souls are immortal and impervious to harm. Hell is a myth.

quote:Originally posted by Mr.Happy:

Proves my point... won't listen to other people's arguments but expect people to listen to theirs. I don't see how you can think a comic proves your view, if I made an evolution comic, would you belive me then?

One of the first physic books i bought is called " The Cartoon Guide to Physics"..Gonick & Huffman, pretty good basic guide.

quote:Originally posted by Eil:

and if you think i'm full o' shit, just dare me to post links.

... Dont dare him, Madd Dog, he will post links and then tell you your feet stink.

Actually, unlike madd dog, i was not offended by this topic. I think it is/was/has some stereotypical truth, and in general i think most Christians should be able to laugh at this atleast a little bit.

[Digital_Savior]

I laughed wholeheartedly, and must agree with xtreem here.

There are always those that make everyone else look bad (i.e. Benny Hinn, the 'elite' of TBN, and Jim Baker, just to name a few), but that doesn't mean that God is an idiot, or doesn't exist at all, because these humans decided to use Him as their means for power, fame, and fortune.

You have to read the Bible for yourself.

[Dark_Magneto]

quote:Originally posted by ArmsMerchant:

Souls cannot be lost. Souls are immortal and impervious to harm. Hell is a myth.

Boy that would be the ideal scenario, wouldn't it?

The only christian that will ever earn my respect is one that can watch the movie Dogma and laugh at it rather then exploding in a fit of rage. Buddy Jesus! lol

[Digital_Savior]

That was actually a hilarious movie...and I wasn't at all influenced by my adoration for Kevin Smith and his tongue-in-cheek indie films. (Well, they USED to be indie)

I am a Christian, but know when to laugh at the ludicrous.