Top 10 signs you might be a christian

This is funny as hell.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian.

http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/Top10.htm

Not really funny, but it's so true. They are so hypocritical. They say that Muslims are evil. They must have forgotten about the Crusades where Christians burned thousands of Jews alive and slaughtered thousands of Muslims in the Al-Aqsa Mosque.

Don't forget that they killed millions more, and almost destroyed the Middle East.

[This message has been edited by Keltoiberserker (edited 06-20-2004).]

Yeah, if you can say yes to some of the above statements, you are most definately a christian. A very radical one at that.

man thats pretty funny. I dont know what to call my self I belive in Jesus and shit but not what they sya in churches ans stuff and I dont want to call myself christian for all that stuff you had that thing say. It was funny man

[sp0rkius]

Oh my Jesus! Take me from this mad place! Take me into your arms and quote me satirical articles from a geocities site! Amen!

I thought taking the piss out of christians was supposed to be funny? I seen two christian comedians do a much better job last friday night.

quote:Originally posted by Jesus:

This is funny as hell.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A CHRISTIAN

10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god.

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian.

http:../../www.godlessgeeks.com/links/top10.htm

these rules apply only to fundamentalist christians not to all christians.

[LostCause]

I found number 5 pretty funny, mostly because I've actually asked that question of many Christians...

Cheers,

Lost

MAN do i hate christians... if i say more than that, itll take 3 pages to fit my text...

Haha, that's really funny.

It reminded me of a a couple South Park episodes! Anyone seen the episodes were South Park is being attacked by a giant, and another giant rockstar or someone comes to save south park, and Jesus is on the street and says "Our savior is here!" LMFAO!

Another one is where Jesus was a mercenary and killed a lot of people with guns to save Santa Clause!

I remember when I was younger, I asked what blood type Jesus was during church. Haha! I bet if they knew, then many christians with his blood type (probably O), would start some kind of "We are the elite christian", kick the Pope out and claim his position, and start a new christian order where only O blood types are allowed, and then they would commit genocide against all other blood types.

Doesn't it sound like something Christians would do? Or have done before?

you thank god when your abducted child is found and the people you should thank go unacredited.

I love how people on this board can run any fucking religious stereotype they want because people who actually believe in anything on this board are few and far between...seriously, i do.

The horrible wrench of sarcasm. Don't worry though Bishop, if it makes you feel any better, I'm an atheist and I agree with you.

[Dark_Magneto]

The funny thing about stereotypes is that they're usually true.

quote:Originally posted by Aeon:

Haha, that's really funny.

It reminded me of a a couple South Park episodes! Anyone seen the episodes were South Park is being attacked by a giant, and another giant rockstar or someone comes to save south park, and Jesus is on the street and says "Our savior is here!" LMFAO!

Another one is where Jesus was a mercenary and killed a lot of people with guns to save Santa Clause!

I remember when I was younger, I asked what blood type Jesus was during church. Haha! I bet if they knew, then many christians with his blood type (probably O), would start some kind of "We are the elite christian", kick the Pope out and claim his position, and start a new christian order where only O blood types are allowed, and then they would commit genocide against all other blood types.

Doesn't it sound like something Christians would do? Or have done before?

Damn dude dont give them any ideas. I am christian but I dont like the church